Another cautionary tale regarding typical Filipna-American relationships.

[EdwardSnowden 13]

Obviously everyone should be extremely cautious when choosing their partner, regardless of country or age, etc, but here are a few of my observations after having been around dozens of Fil-Am relationships and “couples groups” across several years. There are always exceptions, but logic dictates that you WILL be part of the rule, and not the exception. ZERO offense is meant to anybody. I only hope to inform and setup reasonable expectations for new couples and soon to be newly weds.

I met my wife while I was living in the Philippines. I was in Asia for business for a few years. I had an extreme luxury compared to many other guys that I’ve met because I had the chance to really get to know her before marrying her and bringing her to the USA. She had a very good family with a conservative upbringing and influence from her parents and other elder relatives. She’d never had a drink or been in a club until my corruption of her began. She was 21 and I was 31 when we met.

When we moved to the USA we quickly got caught up in the Fil-Am couples culture. And let me tell you, it is quite a culture. There are many great benefits and serious flaws with these groups. Here is some insight into these groups.

There are large, elaborate parties planned every week. If your “home group” doesn’t have one, then another group nearby will have one. At these parties the guys are usually sitting around, drinking beer, and watching some rather boring TV. The guy’s average age is probably around 55 years. The girls, average age of 24, will be in another room speaking whichever Filipino dialect that they speak. They’ll be doing shots, playing bizzare sexually themed party games, and screaming louder every 30 second than you’ve ever heard before. The food will be Filipino every time. The guys and girls equally have nothing and everything in common at the same time.

That’s where your ability to observe their social life ends. After these parties, everything goes into the underground world of Facebook, Instagram, FB messenger, Wechat, etc. Your wife will LIVE on her smartphone. She will live for private messages, selfies, group chats, and Facebook statuses.

You’ll want to give privacy to her, and if you do that, you’ll have no clue whatsoever what she’s up to. If you try to translate it you’ll fail because of their shorthand, it incomprehensible to any automated translation system. And that’s if it’s Tagalog. If it’s Visaya or Ilocana, etc, you’re just screwed. You will be able to, however, see that a lot of the people she is speaking to are 20 year old Filipino guys.

Is it starting to sound like I’m bitter? I’m not, because my wife does not do any of this. What I do have though is a front row, insiders seat to what all her “friends” are up to. And what they are up to is no good. No good at all.

They are very sophisticated phone users. If she doesn’t want you to find her secrets, you won’t. They have ridiculous “sleep overs” very frequently where they head to the local club or bar and stumble home at 5am. They sleep with all kinds of guys, here in the USA, or ex boyfriends when they go home for a visit. They’ll give their night shift manager at their minimum wage job sexual favors just to spice things up.

Often times because of pride and the desire to“one-up” each other, they’ll sleep with / mess around with the other guys in the group. (their “friend’s” hubands) They’ll start flirting, messaging, coming onto the younger guys in these groups. They’re more of a “prize” and the younger guys tend to use these tech tools with more familiarity than their older counterparts.

Last night at 2am I was invited by two of the four girls having an impromptu pool party. They didn’t invite my wife because she’s fallen out of favor with them this month. I think they were already drunk enough to imagine that I’d go there without her. They would have likely wanted a threesome, hoping to get a pic or two for future bragging rights or leverage, whatever is needed at the time.

Countless times I’ve been the direct target of many, many, many of these different girls revenge plots, thrill seeking, or boredom solving schemes. I think I have unsolicited topless/naked selfies of around half of the girls that we associate with.

Because I actually go to the clubs and bars with my wife and often times her “friends”, I get to hear their drunken rants about how much they miss home. How controlling their husbands are. How they’ll just stay until they have citizenship. After that they’ll get a decent job, save up, and then move “home”.

They really do love and care about their husbands. Sometimes enough to cry about their horrible behavior, but not enough to actually quit all of this fun.

I also get to hear all the stories about the affairs that they had while engaged but not able to come to the USA until the K1’s are approved.

Most of these girls actually hate each other. It’s a lot of what we all saw in Jr High School. It is full on Mean Girls. They are extremely cliquish and will banish, shame, ignore, and embarrass a girl if she doesn’t uphold their needs for popularity and beauty.

These groups work hard to have the largest most popular group possible. The smaller the group, the less powerful and cool they feel. When the invitations stop coming your way, you’ve been fazed out. We’ve been through so many groups, iterations of the same groups with the key players revolving around, alliances shifting, and grudges spring up.

Husbands, who usually desire a peaceful relationship that is free from drama will try their best to be supportive of these new immigrants. They know their wives don’t have family or friends, so you want to help them enjoy a social life and give them the privacy and respect that anybody seeks.

At some point a lot of these women will realize you don’t have half as much money as they had fanaticized about when they met you. They realize that you really are 10,20,30,40 years older than them. They realize that they get a sh*t ton of attention when they all go to the club together, and these are young foreigners, just like their friends in PH are seeing in the movies. Their friend’s opinion is everything.

A lot of these ideas/issues don’t even exist when you first meet. People change A LOT in their 20’s. They figure out who they are, what they want, what their strengths and weakness are. Before coming to the USA their options are so limited, that you are likely their very best option. Once they naturally mature and experience more of life they see how many options they really have. They further recognize the power of their beauty and sexuality. If they can get some spousal or child support from you, then they’re really getting setup. Especially if paring that with a blue USA passport.

This statistic with be complete BS, but I’ll throw my guess out there anyway. I’d expect that these bad relationship account for around 60% of the whole. Probably 20% are quite good, and the other 20% are somewhere in between. One common link in these statistics? The larger the age gap, the worse the loyalty is. The really big trouble seems to start when the girls are in their 20’s and the guys are 60+. Oh, and the plainer looking girls seem to just really want a stable husband and family… The one wearing the $500+ Versace dress that you bought her isn’t too worried about impressing you anymore.

If you fall into one of the above trouble groups, please just use caution. You might be lucky, but you are probably not.

[Maria4Garrett 5]

Whew! I love reading this! I did share to my husband ! Thank you for sharing

[VOL 425]

Good Post and a lot of truth in what you posted.

I have seen so called "good girls" go bad once they get to USA, It tends to be the younger girls who hang around the wrong friends.

But overall you hit the nail on the head....

[the_poledancer_RN 12]

Excellent post! Tell you what, I'm 27 and Im with a 29-yr old american. I was bashed a few times for being with a "young" american because they said they didn't have money while their nasty old farts have pension and whatnot (thehelldoIcare?) ridiculous, right? I always try to say i'm an independent girl who doesn't need to be with somebody to support my needs and my wants. It just happened that he's american and I'm filipino, no big deal. Those ignorant girls think that their way out of poverty is marrying "old foreigners" - the older the better because they say "it's closer to being dead, therefore it's sooner that they can get out of the relationship after getting what they really want." It is horrifying. To be quite honest, ever since I've been in the US, I never acquainted myself with my fellow filipinos just to stay away from trouble. This is America, speak in a language where everybody can understand you. I am not saying that all of the Filipinos are like that but I just really think there's no room for self-improvement if you surround yourself with Filipino friends, eat filipino food all the time, talk in your language... This is America and I am privileged to get to experience their culture and I am embracing it. I have not eaten any Filipino food since I got here. I weaned myself out of rice pretty easily.

So generally, as a filipino myself, i dont like hanging out with filipinos here since most of them are just really nosy about what's happening in your life. And I'm not like that. In actuality, i dont give a sht. Lol

Bravo though for this heads up.

[musique 16]

Excellent post! Tell you what, I'm 27 and Im with a 29-yr old american. I was bashed a few times for being with a "young" american because they said they didn't have money while their nasty old farts have pension and whatnot (thehelldoIcare?) ridiculous, right? I always try to say i'm an independent girl who doesn't need to be with somebody to support my needs and my wants. It just happened that he's american and I'm filipino, no big deal. Those ignorant girls think that their way out of poverty is marrying "old foreigners" - the older the better because they say "it's closer to being dead, therefore it's sooner that they can get out of the relationship after getting what they really want." It is horrifying. To be quite honest, ever since I've been in the US, I never acquainted myself with my fellow filipinos just to stay away from trouble. This is America, speak in a language where everybody can understand you. I am not saying that all of the Filipinos are like that but I just really think there's no room for self-improvement if you surround yourself with Filipino friends, eat filipino food all the time, talk in your language... This is America and I am privileged to get to experience their culture and I am embracing it. I have not eaten any Filipino food since I got here. I weaned myself out of rice pretty easily.

So generally, as a filipino myself, i dont like hanging out with filipinos here since most of them are just really nosy about what's happening in your life. And I'm not like that. In actuality, i dont give a sht. Lol

Bravo though for this heads up.

I too am a young woman, 24 and my husband is an american, 28. And i agree to everything you have said. Back when I was still in the Philippines, there are a lot of Filipina women who were only focused on how much money these old foreigners (american, non-american) have and how much it would be of benefit to them. No emotional or love aspect contributing to these 60+ foreign men and 20 y/o women. A lot of factors may play in this situation. They might be poor when they grew up, did not have parents who raised them properly, or maybe they did not get good education. It's sad to see but they believe they are powerful, attractive etc when everybody around them (even if its just their filipino friends) praises and looks up to them.

I too, have chosen not to be acquainted with fellow filipinos as well and I am trying to contribute to the american society and embracing its culture. I've chosen to stay away from them and not be involved with people who talks about each other and tries to always bring fellow filipinos down like everything's a competition.

[kareelina 42]

That's due to the culture differences , many of the immigrants from all over the world got caught up in the American culture and that false so called freedom . Those differences are my fears from relocating.

[Shauneg 762]

The party description is easily what happens in the PI....you forgot the karaoke though.

[Boiler 45,348]

Needs to be a stickie.

[Hank_ 9,174]

The 4 M's !! Every Pinay knows what those are, so if you are curious, just ask your wife.

And yes, marrying too young of a Filipina is an issue. I know of lots of age gap marriages that work and the couple is very happy, but the Filipina is old enough to have "life experience"

Edited July 29, 2015 by Hank_

[Hank_ 9,174]

Matandang Mayaman Madaling Mamatay

[thespoons 33]

I need to share this post to my fiance since he has been encouraging me to join these groups. Thank you for the info

[Shauneg 762]

I need to share this post to my fiance since he has been encouraging me to join these groups. Thank you for the info

My fiancee wouldn't believe this if I showed her, she's clueless about some of the women that come out of here country. I, like OP, was lucky enough that we lived together overseas for a year and half, have been together 5 years now, and only have 3 years difference in age. I have zero hesitations with her, but who knows maybe in a few years I'll be on here telling my tale.

[thespoons 33]

My fiancee wouldn't believe this if I showed her, she's clueless about some of the women that come out of here country. I, like OP, was lucky enough that we lived together overseas for a year and half, have been together 5 years now, and only have 3 years difference in age. I have zero hesitations with her, but who knows maybe in a few years I'll be on here telling my tale.

Yeah it seems like taboo but i guess it really happens. Maybe us here in vj can have our own group instead hehe just a thought

[GreenGem 58]

Tragic. Will surely be cautious on the "friends" that I will have when I get there.

[TJMax 0]

Wow! Just wow for your post OP. Thank God, my fellow Pinay friend already quit the same group and i hope they will read this post. My friend met them here on VJ when she was still on K1. she always invites me to go with her when they have get together parties but i never say yes because i never liked parties eversince and i dont understand their dialect too ? (P.I. has 70 plus dialects ? )

Been here for 9 years and i only have 4 pinay friends the other 3 are on their 60s, 30 years my senior ?