Wife abandoned in foreign country, need serious help please!

[uniquelyJo 34]

If the woman that your Husband is now involved with, is as bad as you are saying she is, then by coming here to confront him is just going to put your life in danger. The last thing you need is to end up hurt or even arrested, all that would do is add more salt to the wound. Your Husband obviously hasn't worried one bit about what he is doing to you, he may have his own issues but that doesn't excuse him from treating his wife the way he is. So you really have to dig deep within yourself and ask if the whole getting back to the US is about living here and building your life, or is it just the emotional side of wanting him to see you face to face, with the hope that will make him change his mind and come running back to you.

You say you have your own home in Spain, why not try to rebuild your life in Spain, put your Husband and all that he has done to you on the back burner. The best revenge against someone that has done something so horrid to you is happiness, success and the ability to say, you know what? I don't need you either.

Instead of using your energy fighting a system that you have very little chance of winning against, use that energy to say "look at me now"!

I wish you luck with your future and I truly hope that you start thinking about yourself instead of him and what he is doing and whom he is with, all that kind of thought pattern does is bring you down.

[Boiler 45,486]

If the woman that your Husband is now involved with, is as bad as you are saying she is, then by coming here to confront him is just going to put your life in danger. The last thing you need is to end up hurt or even arrested, all that would do is add more salt to the wound. Your Husband obviously hasn't worried one bit about what he is doing to you, he may have his own issues but that doesn't excuse him from treating his wife the way he is. So you really have to dig deep within yourself and ask if the whole getting back to the US is about living here and building your life, or is it just the emotional side of wanting him to see you face to face, with the hope that will make him change his mind and come running back to you.

You say you have your own home in Spain, why not try to rebuild your life in Spain, put your Husband and all that he has done to you on the back burner. The best revenge against someone that has done something so horrid to you is happiness, success and the ability to say, you know what? I don't need you either.

Instead of using your energy fighting a system that you have very little chance of winning against, use that energy to say "look at me now"!

I wish you luck with your future and I truly hope that you start thinking about yourself instead of him and what he is doing and whom he is with, all that kind of thought pattern does is bring you down.

Seconded

[Rebuilt 9]

Jo, I really appreciate your advice, and it might be the best to date, there´s no point on denying it. While I can objectively see it, on the other hand that´d make me feel as throwing the towel, as if I hadn´t fight for my marriage to my very last breath. Since the very day we met I made a promise to him that I have maintained to the present day, I´ve held my marriage as the basic pillar of my life, and my commitment to my vows was and is the most sacred and pure thing I ever had.

You are absolutely right about me wanting to see him face to face, he would not be able to even look at me in the eyes, this much I know. But you know what they say, in love and war everything is valid. However I also know that it will hurt me deeply to do so, and therefore I wouldn´t do it. And yes, this woman truly is that dangerous and evil.

I´m not seeking revenge by any means, I do positively know that karma is on its way, and that he´ll regret forever what he´s doing. Not even for me, but for himself. And I will hurt for him, despite all that he´s done.

But I also know for a fact that I will never be able to find any closure if I don´t get to see him ever again.

[Jawaree 717]

OP sadly your husband seem to have moved on, stop blaming the

mistress, when a person is with a person in another place & not

speaking to you in anyway ...put a cap in it..its over...can you ask

for help from one of his family member? It can be a midlife crisis

but if he has his right mind & wants to move on its nothing you can

do....if this woman is this evil then who knows he may have divorced

you or plan to (simple) there's no kids or property involved , he can

have the notice sent to an old address you lived then post it in the

local papers to gain a divorce, because he may claim you are a

foreigner & don't know your where-abouts...Cant you travel on vwp

[Rebuilt 9]

Jawaree, his family members will not help me, they have never been helpful to us when we were struggling and my parents were coming up with the money to support us.

And if he does claim that he doesn´t know my address, so to not serve me divorce documentation, wouldn´t he be committing perjury? And wouldn´t said divorce be considered invalid? Being he was living here for over 4 years and I´m still listed as his family member in the bank, I highly doubt he would do something like that, for his own good.

And yes, I guess I can travel with a vwp, the thing is, should I surrender my current GC first, to avoid problems in the future?

[Shauna&Wael 211]

Very helpful advice. Do you have a time machine she can borrow?

it was helpful because whoever is deciding on whether to let her back into the country will take that fact into consideration. they will question why she didn't apply for citizenship when she was eligible. and also why she was ignorant to all the rules (being dependent on your husband can't be an excuse...)

[Lukus 6]

I entered America in 2004 and we got married. Then we left to go to Spain in 2010 and had to be there until now (my husband went back last May 2014 to solve his paperwork and get thing settled, it was a mutual agreement and basically he´s been lying to me the whole year until I had to find out through his mistress that he was cheating on me)

I had no idea about all these proceedings, and my husband always told me that everything was ok with my green card. As a matter of fact, he opened the joint bank account and put my name on it based on my GC and SSN

That´s what I thought, about the immigration judge. I just want to be heard and have some right to justice. I have been supporting a veteran soldier for almost the entire duration of my marriage, and I have been lied to.

As far as the taxes, I´m not sure why would he want my SSN, but he asked me for it before I found out about the whole ordeal. He also listed me on his past year insurance policy for his card (I guess also for tax purposes) and I´m almost certain he had also claimed me as a dependent at the VA.

I am in the Military and was injured overseas. I currently get VA Disability and yes if he claims you on his VA he will receive more money. All Tax FREE

Ddo you know what is his Rating from the VA? Because, the amount you stated sounds about 70% with a wife. Now if he had kids this will go up from there.

[Rebuilt 9]

it was helpful because whoever is deciding on whether to let her back into the country will take that fact into consideration. they will question why she didn't apply for citizenship when she was eligible. and also why she was ignorant to all the rules (being dependent on your husband can't be an excuse...)

In all honesty, I didn´t apply because of two main reasons: 1) Plain ignorance, as I already stated; always thought the GC was like a passport for foreigners. 2) Confusion about the times, I actually never been into the USCIS website and thought that I have to be a resident for 5 years AFTER the removal of conditions; don´t ask me why I got that idea into my head, but that´s the way it was.

And the fact that my husband was in the military at the time, all the paperwork got solved so easily and fast, he always told me that everything was ok, and besides I was a newlywed living in a dream with my husband didn´t help me either. After he got out of the Army, I had enough concerns about working in whatever job I could find so he wouldn´t have to and could take his sabbatical period of transition that honestly I completely forgot about my status.

Plus I tell you more. My 2 daughters (who were minor at the time) were also issued their military ID´s; the other day going through old paperwork I found their whole packages for their GCs. Since they came to the States for only a year to study and after that they went back to Spain with my parents, I decided that it wasn´t necessary to spend almost $2.000 in getting their GCs. I didn´t want my husband to spend his hard earned money. Such was the extent of my trust and willing to protect him and care for him. I feel more of an imbecile by the minute. He completely broke my innocence, and it´s not like I´m a young girl or anything like that.

If my case ain´t proof of a bona fide marriage I honestly don´t know what it is. If you knew about the nasty messages his new "girlfriend" is sending me through Facebook and the lies he´s telling about me to save face you´d be in shock.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Juani

[Rebuilt 9]

I am in the Military and was injured overseas. I currently get VA Disability and yes if he claims you on his VA he will receive more money. All Tax FREE

Ddo you know what is his Rating from the VA? Because, the amount you stated sounds about 70% with a wife. Now if he had kids this will go up from there.

Yes Sir, he is indeed rated at 70% as far as I know, he has been diagnosed with TBI. We do not have dependent children, but his paramour has three minor girls (from different fathers, if I may add so).

I also sent an e-mail explaining the whole situation to somebody working at the VA in St. Pete (I was given her contact information by our mutual friend, my husband´s roomate who was the one helping him at getting settled). I didn´t get any answer. When I ask our friend about what this lady said and why she hadn´t contacted me back he told me that she just said I should get a lawyer. As if it was that easy.

I feel completely helpless and abandoned like an old dog.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Juani

[Lukus 6]

Yes Sir, he is indeed rated at 70% as far as I know, he has been diagnosed with TBI. We do not have dependent children, but his paramour has three minor girls (from different fathers, if I may add so).

I also sent an e-mail explaining the whole situation to somebody working at the VA in St. Pete (I was given her contact information by our mutual friend, my husband´s roomate who was the one helping him at getting settled). I didn´t get any answer. When I ask our friend about what this lady said and why she hadn´t contacted me back he told me that she just said I should get a lawyer. As if it was that easy.

I feel completely helpless and abandoned like an old dog.

his rating will only go up with marriage and his biological children only.

regarding a lawyer if you get a lawyer most states demand the husband to pay the cost of the attorney.

and you can call the VA yourself and advise them what is going on but you will need proof of marriage, and his SSN.

[Rebuilt 9]

his rating will only go up with marriage and his biological children only.

regarding a lawyer if you get a lawyer most states demand the husband to pay the cost of the attorney.

and you can call the VA yourself and advise them what is going on but you will need proof of marriage, and his SSN.

Who should I address exactly? The only VA number I have is the general one, and it keeps just going on a loop with those automated answers. I want them to know about the whole situation.

He´s going to try to pull the "abused" husband´s card. I know that. I know I have my typical Spanish temper (which he used to love, btw), and the moment I found out about his cheating I said some ugly things to him, but on the other hand, and considering the circumstances in which he did what he did, I honestly shouldn´t be sorry, though I am.

He´s been lying to me pretty much the whole time since he went to FL, with the sole intention of manipulating me. He knew very well how to play me and also the extent of my trust towards him.

As far as the attorney, I also have no idea how to do that from Spain, aside from phone or e-mail. And as far as making him pay for the attorney, how can that be done?

Thanks for your answers, btw.

[belinda63 3,038]

I don't know that contacting the VA will do any good. As long as he is legally married he is entitled to the additional benefits. She could sue, I guess, to get her share of what the additional money is. To check on the usage of your social security number you could order, online, a free credit report and see what it shows. You should also write to the IRS and inform them you do not wish to jointly file taxes nor have you given him permission for X number of years to jointly file taxes with you.

I don't understand what you mean about pulling the abused husband card, he can file for divorce with no reason. To divorce you all he has to do is file the paperwork and send you notice or make a notice by publication if he doesn't know where you are. In the US you don't have to have a reason to divorce. If you want to fight the divorce the best you could hope for would be half of the joint assets (things earned or bought during the marriage) and it sounds like there are none to be split. But you cannot stop the divorce if he files.

[Boiler 45,486]

You can file for Divorce in Spain.

[Jawaree 717]

Being outside the US , no help from his family who never chose to help you B4,

no kids or property, I see not much hope in you getting back.

travel VWP and your are in the syatem with an abandoned GC the CBP agent

wont let you in even though you could prob see IJ.thats not guaranteed U

may be wasring a plane fare, Its been 5 yrs so continue to live your life &

improve it at home in Spain

File for a divorce IF he has not yet divorced tou

[Rebuilt 9]

I am willing to fight until my last breath Jawaree. I´m still a veteran´s spouse and dependent who has supported her husband with everything she has then some more. I don´t know if that can hold any weight, but I feel that I shouldn´t just give up like that.

At the US Embassy in Spain they treated me like #######, my last hope is to be heard by an IJ.

I mean, what´s the worse that can happen to me? The thing I´ve held in most high esteem, i.e. my marriage, is gone. Just like I never existed. I don´t have anything left to lose. If there´s still any use to my GC, it´ll be only up to a judge to decide.

But I have to be strong and courageous. This is the fight of my life. If I win, there will be nothing left in this world that can put me down. If I lose, at least I know that I´d tried with all I have.

Giving up my GC just like that and abandoning status voluntarily (which honest to God, it´s something I never intended to do), would probably mean I will never be able to return to the States again, right?

America is the land of second chances, I must have faith in God and myself. Now more than ever.

Edited July 27, 2015 by Juani