To proceed or not? More questions than answers, more confusion than clarity. (Cultural knowledge of Uganda helpful)

[General Buhari 46]

I guess I'm just so emotional over this whole ordeal. I feel like if I do what's best for me an innocent child has no chance at a healthy good life. She's gotten to know me as daddy nick and comes running when she hears I'm talking to her mom on the phone. I also feel like invested over a year into this and don't want to hurt anyone. I can only imagine what my fiancé would feel havig to be questioned by her church family and friends. I feel like a horrible person just because I want to do what's best for me. I feel like a selfish #######

Send the child a care package every birthday.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I guess I'm just so emotional over this whole ordeal. I feel like if I do what's best for me an innocent child has no chance at a healthy good life. She's gotten to know me as daddy nick and comes running when she hears I'm talking to her mom on the phone. I also feel like invested over a year into this and don't want to hurt anyone. I can only imagine what my fiancé would feel havig to be questioned by her church family and friends. I feel like a horrible person just because I want to do what's best for me. I feel like a selfish #######

You aren't being selfish at all, you are looking for a wife, a life partner that is mature, honest and loving

and someone you can trust. She doesn't sound like she meets the criteria,

Do you realize how many people break up with someone because they realize they were with the wrong person ?

There would be a lot of selfish people on this planet if it were so.

Sometimes it's God's way of getting you out of a potential disaster, giving you a red light and saying stop, this isn't the one.

Go, if you must and talk to her face to face. List your expectations and needs, what you need from her,

not just what she and the clan wants. Make it clear that you are done 'donating' money to everyone, don't be a push over.

If you decide to go through with it but don't take charge of these situations you find yourself in, it won't end well.

If you want to continue sending her money then make it $100 or so a month and that's it. Period.

No matter if she claims to be robbed or sick or whatever.

Tell her and her family to deal with it just like they all did before you came along. The little girl will be fine with and without you, kids are resilient.

You are a Christian and that is why I am speaking to you as one myself, you can't 'save' someone from the life they live now by marrying them

out of pity or because you don't want to hurt anyone. Falling in love brings vulnerability and sometimes love ends, that's life......for most of us at one

time or another.

Talk it over with your spiritual mentor or pastor. Get some clarity.

[mal73 3]

I'm pretty new to this page and I love everything about it. This particular topic caught my attention for two reasons:-

1. I'm Kenyan so mostly our cultures are not very different with those of Ugandans.

2. I believe in true love. Yes, I'm that old fashioned.

Anyways, here's what I can tell you. First off the church elder is ripping you off your money and I think he is doing this with cahoots with your fiance, who, by the way, doesn't mean well. The Ugandan and Kenyan cultures call for civil marriage, atleast for traditionalists like my parents. But your fiance, if she honestly loved you, would negotiate on your behalf since she knows you better than the rest of them. That's what I did with my fiance. Cos I not only love and care for him, but I protect him, too. He protects me. The least your fiance could do is protect you from scammers, too bad, she is in the clique.

So you pick Kampala Serena and she opts for some village hotel? Who doesn't love anything Serena? I know I do. So....here's the pill. She is cheating on you. She is running away from someone she is seeing behind your back. She wants to have her cake and eat it.

You are better off running away now or as has been told earlier, give her an impromptu visit.

All the best, all the same.

[LoveinUganda 20]

I'm pretty new to this page and I love everything about it. This particular topic caught my attention for two reasons:-

1. I'm Kenyan so mostly our cultures are not very different with those of Ugandans.

2. I believe in true love. Yes, I'm that old fashioned.

Anyways, here's what I can tell you. First off the church elder is ripping you off your money and I think he is doing this with cahoots with your fiance, who, by the way, doesn't mean well. The Ugandan and Kenyan cultures call for civil marriage, atleast for traditionalists like my parents. But your fiance, if she honestly loved you, would negotiate on your behalf since she knows you better than the rest of them. That's what I did with my fiance. Cos I not only love and care for him, but I protect him, too. He protects me. The least your fiance could do is protect you from scammers, too bad, she is in the clique.

So you pick Kampala Serena and she opts for some village hotel? Who doesn't love anything Serena? I know I do. So....here's the pill. She is cheating on you. She is running away from someone she is seeing behind your back. She wants to have her cake and eat it.

You are better off running away now or as has been told earlier, give her an impromptu visit.

All the best, all the same.

no not a village hotel...we were going to stay at lake Victoria Serena instead of Kampala Serena...she saying the bible says do not go to the prophet empty handed which is supposedly why we brought money to bishop? according to her everyone else is lying to me because they aren't langi pr acholi tribe????? im more and more confused by whats lies and whats not.

no not a village hotel...we were going to stay at lake Victoria Serena instead of Kampala Serena...she saying the bible says do not go to the prophet empty handed which is supposedly why we brought money to bishop? according to her everyone else is lying to me because they aren't langi pr acholi tribe????? im more and more confused by whats lies and whats not.

[knakintu 0]

am just speechless.everythg seem to be too match for me nickie.

[tessa&simon 0]

Hello this is Simon, a Ugandan fellow from Northern Uganda. The words to describe your situation if i am to use would be as "sad, hurtful, disappointing and disrespectful" This doesn't sound like a relationship but rather scam or some business sort of things that we are talking about herein this discussion. I will write as short as i can and i hope i am not yet too late to give in my perspective as a Ugandan from the North.

She dreads talking to you, she doesn't like you. Oh my God network is so bad but the network is full bars when asking for moneygrams. She doesn't care about when you are sick she takes you as money bag. May be she even saved your name in her phone as "money", some would save as "stupid", some as "trouble" or lunch but now that you cited tv you must be called "TV" or "dollar" just kidding.

I would love to firstly appreciate you and your family for being so generous in giving out a lot of support to those orphans in Lira, God bless you abundantly. It would be absurd for me to talk about your relationship objectively since i don't know it but i will bring my ideas from the general context basing on my cultural knowledge and personal experiences. I am not surprised! many parents in Northern Uganda have often times been accused of using their daughters as money bags to give them better lives (Facts). There is no way in this culture or in any culture in Northern Uganda that i a man should propose to a lady on the lady's parents/relatives demand. It is insinuative to here that this happened to you. I call it DISAPPOINTING!!. If both of you had agreed, your finance's parents should write a letter addressing it to your parents about the plan for your marriage, in the letter her family would do what they call the "Marriage assessment" the assessment also bases on a number of factors like the level of education of the girl. These factors would inform the girl's family what the dowery price should looks like, the more educated the lady is, the more expensive her dowery would be but this $150 earner if was to be married by a Ugandan would not probably get an equivalent of 5million Ugandan shillings. Who knows why the father of the girl disappeared? Maybe there was too much burden in terms of money that is why he decided to leave the lady. I don't see this woman as a church woman, for us fellows like that are nicknamed as "Church dwellers" they uses church to cover up for bad things they do. What she is doing is not normal and not socially accepted in this society. Those who are supporting are do what she is doing are also in the same clicks, may be they are all getting small shares of the money you sends. Three thousand five hundred dollars is a lot more than what she makes in a year. If you want to know whether she loves you or not become so assertive, don't give even a penny not even a drop of coin, let her starts taking care of her own bill, let her be the one to call you and makes her love you even without money but from your post i don't see it happening. "Money can't buy love" but money can hurt love.

I don't know what else to tell you but only to say quit if you can because you will regret heavily and you will never be happy. Her family and her are after you money and it is a clear sign, PERIOD. It is not the first time i am hearing about this kind of thing. I know you must be loving her for real but love is never one sided. It takes two people to be in love. Acholi says "didididi otucu i min bul" and also "Ogek ma odugu gang awobi ma kome yot pe donyo ieye". I wish you good luck with your decision.