Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!!!!!

[azcactus 0]

What some of you do not understand is MY TRIP is already booked as of 1/19/2007. It is a non refundable thru cheapoair and asiaroooms. Total cost to go see her this time $1100 air $500 USD hotel suite. I am not just pissing that off. I will go and have already talked to two ladies who said they will show me around the sites. I particularly want to see the American vets cemetary there and the old 1500's churches, Rizal Park and the Philippine Cultural Center. The ladies I have talked to said they know where all these things are and would like to show me the area. Last time I was in manila I barely got out of hotel as it was connected to amall and plus we went to Bohol for three days to see her family.

So if you agree or disagree it is ur choice. But I am starting anew and will look for adventure as it presents itself.

K

I think what some people are trying to tell you is it seems very strange that you would end a 4 year relationship that is so close to finally finishing the visa process so nonchalantly. Maybe you left some important parts out but your OP sounds as though you didn't even discuss the how's and why's with your fiancee. You just turned the page and (curiously quickly) moved on to these other women you only know from online chat. Maybe your fiancee was dishonest and this was a convenient excuse to back out without further explanation. If so, I'm very sorry for you because that's a terrible thing to do. However, maybe there's a valid reason and things could have been worked out. Seems like you'll never know now.

I refuse to BEG someone to Love me. We have been planning this a long time and all of a sudden she syas I do not want this. SAs far as meeting other ladies I wpould much rather see Manila w/ a lady than some filipino guy showing me the sites. I was actually soooo excited about seeing the things with her and getting her medical and paying for interview and all that, but she crashed that idea. I am not about making or bribing someone to love me.

Life is to be lived.

There is a difference between "begging" or "bribing" someone to love you and having an actual discussion about her fears and concerns when your fiance shares her feelings. I would like to think that, when posting, you left out a whole bunch of details of the conversation you had with your fiance. Otherwise, if you can't handle her sharing her feelings, even if they are not what you want to hear, how will you handle any adversity in your marriage?

I agree 100%

[esojrd 0]

Hi Thanks for you kind words. For the record Nerissa and I hads been chatting since 12/2002 and I went there in 10/2005 and sent K1 in 9/2006. I did everything just the way you are supposed to...slow and steady. Didn't rush anything. I wanted it to work for us MORE than anything...but I am not a begger. You and I both know that someplace in this world is the person who also WANTS to spend the resy of their life with you!!!!!!! I thought, incorrectly that I had found mine. Surprise surprise wrong again. I always land on my feet though and learn from my mistakes.

So broken up about it, you're heading off to pick the best of the next two women. Sounds like you're really broken hearted.

May I remind you. Your aspect, twice stated. One chapter ends, another starts.

[esojrd 0]

Not sure why so many people are giving azcactus such a hard time without really knowing the details, as if there's an expected way to grief. The man is emoting in his own special way. Give the man some respect and let him grief the way he wants to. If it makes him feel better to trash his ex-fiancee, let him be. Instead of speaking ill of a man in grief (whichever way that's to be defined) give the guy condolences or don't say anything at all. We're all different, that's just the way it is. You and azcactus will not grief the same way.

As for going back to the Phillipines in search of women, that's his prerogative. Just remember, azcactus, that you probably won't find your "true love" in a matter of days or even weeks. If you think you found it you're only fooling yourself. Finding the right person takes time.

[Dean/Gra 0]

Hi Kevin, Sorry to hear about you and your lady. Since you posted this I've thought about it and read all the replies. My Sweetie and I have had a long discussion about this, and tried to put ourselves in your position. It is difficult and painful to even think about this situation happening to us. You see I cannot live without my Sweetie. If she would not move here, and that was the only reason, then I would move there but living without her is not an option.

There are a few rules I try to live by. One is to pick your fights carefully, don't be hasty to engage in any and every battle that comes along. When you do enter a fight, make damn sure you are willing to pay any price to win. Count the cost BEFORE you go into it, but also count what it would be like to live without the victory.

Another rule is: if it is worth living for, it is worth dying for. Three things, God, Family, Country, in that order of priority are worth livng and dying for to me. If my Sweetie told me the same news you have just received, and the only reason was she was scared to come the USA, then I would be on her doorstep as soon as possible. I would stay there until we worked it out or they killed me. As I said, I can't live without her, and don't plan to live without her. I would beg if that would do any good, I would beg her father, her brothers, or anyone else that I thought might make a difference. Because love is not love until it you give it away. Every day I want to make my Sweetie feel like the most wonderful, most beautiful, most fantastic lady in the whole world, because to me she is. Every day I want to make her the happiest lady in the world, those are my goals. I am not ashamed to say these things to you and the rest of the world, because I want everyone to know how much I love this lady, and will do whatever is necessary to be with her the rest of our lives.

I was looking forward to meeting your fiance as our interviews are on the same day as you know. Keep in touch, and hang in there. If you really love this girl, then fight for her.

Dean

[David-and-Mae 15]

I was grief-stricken when I first read this and was one of those who first replied on this post. I forwarded this thread to my fiancee (the USC) and this morning we had a long discussion about this. In my fiancee's honest opinion, he thought azcactus as a quitter.

Edited February 23, 2007 by David-Mae Forever

[SamAndJulie 0]

What a guy.

Already got other girls, make sure you don't ask them to marry you all at once, you made waste your percious money again.

I feel sorry for the fiancee and those girls who are hooked. What a "nice" man to keep.

[DA BOMB 1]

Think about it - I had to revoke a petition two weeks before the interview date because "he was not ready" - WHY THE HECK DIDNT HE TELL ME THIS A FRICKEN YEAR AGO!!!????? I think his actions are justified. Whether she's scared or not you dont just go about wasting people's time and putting them through the stress of a visa just to get cold feet. She KNEW he had a ticket and would be there soon. Why the heck would he want to fight for that? His intentions of meeting these other women probably stem from a pattern of this gal's wishy washy behavior! He should go live it up - and she'll be sorry she did this to him in the end. As for the child - cactus you should NEVER use a child as a tool which is what you did. Let it go - Let her go - you've already moved on in your posts.

[DA BOMB 1]

"Seems like a knee jerk reaction now. I sure hope you can get a good reason from her in the coming days and weeks and that the trip to the PI goes well. I do hope you can talk to her and find out what is going on. I'm so sorry, especially for your children. Maybe a little less talk about the money though "

I agree with less talk about her child but the money involved is SO relevent! Does she think these things are free? The cost of the petition? The paper, staples, passport photots? The medical? The phone calls? (Dare I mention Lawyer?) And yes his PURCHASED TICKET! You're talking hundreds of dollars when this is said and done - she wants to pretend this relationship means nothing yet wastes his money at the same time. I would be BITTER just as he is. Im surprised the majority or the people on this thread are so personally abused by his words - GIVE ME A BREAK! Yes it takes TWO - its a TEAM effort! So why the heck should he go groveling at her doorstep because she cancels????? Im shocked not more people are in his corner.

[J&D_anon 0]

I salute those here who are apparently more kind-hearted than I am about to be - your kind of grace is in short supply.

I cannot, however, forgive this guy for his words - even if they were hasty and served only to cover his true hurt (which if they were, I'd have expected follow up posts to be of the "well, I really meant" variety, not an emphatic relisting of his awesome financial expenditures and pre-selected dates).

The OP gives a bad name to all of us going through international marriage because his words and callous attitude toward marriage supports those who taunt us with "oooh, green card marriage/mail order bride/blah blah blah." One foreign girl, another foreign girl, whatever, just a pity he'll have to start over and will lose the filing fee, right?

Of course, on some levels, this reinforces the basic truth that marriage is a contractual arrangement. Any other import you place on the commitment comes from your personal, religious, or cultural upbringing and beliefs. But - as sort-of emphasized by the government's gracious 90 window to have a wedding to celebrate the love you had to prove on paper was a bona fide relationship - this is a transaction and as such, can fail, be renegotiated, or entered into with basically any available party anywhere.

Someone in another area of the board posted about frustrations with "mail order bride" services and was promptly jumped all over. I won't get into that post - but the thought of people like this man, who lets a fiance go (dude, whether he meant it or not, he posted it, all we have to go off of are his words, and he seems unrepentent) without much of a fight and consoles himself with the thought of finding a new date, make me ill. Mainly because he might take up more time in the queue from a deserving, loving, pair-bonded couple with an actual intention of marrying no matter what the cost or the challenges.

That guy is making all of us look bad and I, for one, don't appreciate it.

THANK YOU!!!!! You found the right words for it and i don't appreciate it either!

I wanted to come up with something like: 'I would love to say something, but I just can't!'...

because i wouldn't have found the right words!! So therefore thanks again, for putting into words, what my mind/soul tried to SCREAM!!!

Diana

[DA BOMB 1]

I salute those here who are apparently more kind-hearted than I am about to be - your kind of grace is in short supply.

I cannot, however, forgive this guy for his words - even if they were hasty and served only to cover his true hurt (which if they were, I'd have expected follow up posts to be of the "well, I really meant" variety, not an emphatic relisting of his awesome financial expenditures and pre-selected dates).

The OP gives a bad name to all of us going through international marriage because his words and callous attitude toward marriage supports those who taunt us with "oooh, green card marriage/mail order bride/blah blah blah." One foreign girl, another foreign girl, whatever, just a pity he'll have to start over and will lose the filing fee, right?

Of course, on some levels, this reinforces the basic truth that marriage is a contractual arrangement. Any other import you place on the commitment comes from your personal, religious, or cultural upbringing and beliefs. But - as sort-of emphasized by the government's gracious 90 window to have a wedding to celebrate the love you had to prove on paper was a bona fide relationship - this is a transaction and as such, can fail, be renegotiated, or entered into with basically any available party anywhere.

Someone in another area of the board posted about frustrations with "mail order bride" services and was promptly jumped all over. I won't get into that post - but the thought of people like this man, who lets a fiance go (dude, whether he meant it or not, he posted it, all we have to go off of are his words, and he seems unrepentent) without much of a fight and consoles himself with the thought of finding a new date, make me ill. Mainly because he might take up more time in the queue from a deserving, loving, pair-bonded couple with an actual intention of marrying no matter what the cost or the challenges.

That guy is making all of us look bad and I, for one, don't appreciate it.

THANK YOU!!!!! You found the right words for it and i don't appreciate it either!

I wanted to come up with something like: 'I would love to say something, but I just can't!'...

because i wouldn't have found the right words!! So therefore thanks again, for putting into words, what my mind/soul tried to SCREAM!!!

Diana

I have to disagree...why does this guy have to "repent" to any of us? He's not making ME look bad...he's simply getting his aggressions out on this forum over a woman who led him on! Suddenly she's afraid? If there was a true bond there from the beginning SHE wouldnt be afraid of that commitment she made when they went into this TOGETHER. Its a long haul and yeah there's people taking up time and space at the service centers but rarely do two people enter into marriage knowing the outcome will be that they are a divorce statistic. I think she's wrong for false commitment and I think he's probably going to end up in the service center line with another international bride who will do the same thing. Its just the way things go but its not raining on my parade. When your "mind and soul are screaming" for the justice of love I think its time to log off for awhile. Try to chill out people.

[TimsDaisy 0]

He chose to make the first post. He has to deal with the opinions that follow. I think it's pretty clear he's batting clean-up. I'd be just as happy to see this thread get burried far down the list so we can leave the whole discussion behind (though I realize by posting a reply, I'm working against that - my bad).

We can't really know if this dude is heartbroken or heartless. And if, as he said in one response, with the fiance it was all about the money and what he could do for her family - well, hell, what can we do to help you if you went ahead and entered into negotiations over a marital contract based more on finances than on love. That's certainly your prerogative - but you can't really be surprised when others here who have relationships based on something else take umbrage at your assertions. I think the OP comes off looking bad, the fiance looks bad, and the whole thing casts a yucky glow over international marriages generally.

[JenT 0]

If you really love this girl, then fight for her.

Dean

Clearly, he does not.

[aiwntrmute 0]

Azcactus, you suck. People who support and interpret his words as venting suck even more.

Talked to my fiancee tonite after trying to get a hold of her for three days. I called her at work and was able to talk. She said go to YM and I will tell you what is bothering me.

We meet in Ym and she tells me. " I have had a change of heart and do not want to move to USA." She says, " I am scared and do not want to follow through with it." Now bear in mind I have made plans, purchased tickets, got hotel room suite and am going to the Philippines in 25

days to see "my fiancee."

Needless to say as you can see by our timeline the ####### was totally knocked out of me. Have you ever tried to cancel internet flite and hotel tickets bought thru a broker of said things?

I am just floored. I simply wrote her an email and said I hope you can look your 5 y/o daughter in the eyes when she is 12-15 and tell her you did what you thought was best. Nerissa and I have been talking about this for 4 years and now she does this.

I have no idea how she could do this to me.

I am still going to PI in March. I saw for myself that there are millions of beautiful ladies there and who knows. End of chapter, start a new one. My life is definetly a chapter book.

Kevin

[DA BOMB 1]

"Azcactus, you suck. People who support and interpret his words as venting suck even more."

So sayeth Dr Phil Jr.

[JenT 0]

Azcactus, you suck. People who support and interpret his words as venting suck even more.

Comments about his behavior are warranted as he opened himself up to them by posting here. Personal attacks are against TOS and really aren't necessary.