Anybody else get tired of people not taking their relationship serious.

[jamyestrella 8]

Actually, no - I do quite a bit of study on this as a personal hobby, stemming from my interest in personality/character disorders. It is the psychology of empathy.

It is our duty as parents to inculcate empathy, and it has a great deal to do with how people act later as adults. Our culture also has quite a bit to do with it too. It isn't strictly "nurture" of course, as sociopaths also come from backgrounds where these things were nurtured. There are lots of articles on this, most of which I read in the peer reviewed literature because I have access through the University.

But lots in the popular literature too, like this:

http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html

Children learn empathy. That's how easy it is. The statement about the "average thinking about the average" is circular. But I couldn't agree more that we use similar experiences to develop empathy for others. Understanding love between gays does not require that you be gay. I don't have to like onions to understand that other people do.

The OP is concerned people cannot apparently empathize with the fact she has a relationship. It does not require having a long distance relationship yourself in order to empathize with her having a relationship. The people she is concerned about have relationships themselves. So it is an utterly trivial thing to understand.

What is very common though is that people try to invalidate our relationship for very different reasons than not understanding it. Guys who want to get into jamyestrellas pants. She expressed the most disdain for that, and it is pretty easy to understand that their motivation is in their trousers, not that they are incapable of understanding. But it is also snooty people who just want to put her down. Bigotry. Jealousy. Envy. Spite. These are very different matters from not having empathy. They actually do understand, and dislike her relationship for selfish reasons.

And that is why this comes down the vast majority of the time to character. People with character do not try to seduce married women. They do not take cheap shots at people out of jealousy, envy, or spite. They are not bigoted. Etc.

And that is why it is worthless trying to convince a horny male that is trying to get down your pants that your relationship is real. He already knows. He just has no qualms about bedding married women and would be happy to bed a married woman in a domestic relationship too if he thought he could get away with it. He is a man with bad character, and what you do is avoid him instead of meeting for coffee or a beer to try proving your relationship is real.

Understanding others, empathy towards others, and thinking about the world other than how it relates to yourself, are three different things in my opinion. Doesn't mean they're not related and can intermingle, but they are different things.

I do agree that people can invalidate relationships while understanding them. The men who think she's free game... Well many people will do exactly that simply because they don't see a person standing beside you. Women will think you're after their spouse, when you're not. Men will think well he isn't here to defend himself so who cares?

Women will flirt with married men and men will flirt with married women. Sometimes they flirt because you are unobtainable, so it makes the chase more appetizing to them, or less painful since they already know the answer is no. Whatever the motivation on their part is really none of your concern but how you react is. Don't give them the time of day or waste the breath. Ignoring, in my experience, works infinitely better. No one likes to be ignored so it's the greatest put down with the least effort (other than keeping yer trap shut... which can be difficult at times for some of us!) Speaking of which.... Own advice taken!

Interesting conversation brought on by my post. I do agree that a lot of it sums of to lack of character. Then they are the people who don't understand and therefore treat it as less valid. As for people who think that a spouse being away means they have a chance they have no respect. They assume that I want it or something. I don't

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

I might rant a bit here, but this is one of the few places with people who actually understand what I go through. I get so annoyed by people undermining my relationship. Its always someone making it seem like it is less significant because we are living apart at the moment. My favorite are the guys that think I'm free game because my spouse is away .

I have been with my husband for years. We have endured things that people who live in the same house could've of never stayed married through. Unfortunately, because life happened we had to postpone the immigration process for while. But we have stayed together through it all. I get so tired of people not taking my marriage seriously because we met online and he isn't here right now. Anybody else get similar treatment from family and friends? Its annoying. I can guarantee, the we probably talk more, respect and value each other more than a lot of married couples who are blessed with not having to go through a difficult immigration process to be with each other. I'm just ranting and wondering if I'm the only one who gets treated this way .

I use to suffer from anxiety. Then I stopped giving a flyING Florida what others think of me. I lead a very very happy life.

Concentrate in true friends and your loved one. Everybody else can KYA