unhappy fiance

[Girl from Celebes 588]

He can just go back with his passport...but on "LA is boring" reason???

There is probably more to the story that he's not sharing.

I suspect he's just not in love and certain not ready for a marriage.

I have never been in L.A. But what I have seen on TV, I would questioned the reason though. What kind of boring he is talking about? Try live in Key West, a small island, everything comes to silence after 09:00 PM. The island goes sleep around that time. Send him here and how he would think about that.

I live in Key West more than a year now and it never across in my mind word of "boring". But again to each their own. As long as I am with my husband, places don't matter anymore.

[curiousgeorgina 52]

pasadena and glendale? My aunt lives close there. My first time to go there I expected I could just go anywhere, but commuting is much harder. I had to wait for my aunt or uncle to drive me to go out..

The vibe was different, everytime I visit I still didn't like the area, (no offense meant) it just was something my personality wouldn't exactly fit in.. when I went to the East Coast area, I felt more at home, easier to walk to places and I find the trains easier to get to.. probably because my sister and my husband is just a few minutes walk away from the stations..

I am so sorry about your situation because not liking the place is not enough to leave your loved one.. like the other posters said, there must be a reason.. especially he is a guy, he must feel a bit emasculated since he can't work, do anything he normally does back at home. Have you really talked it out? Is he being a baby?

I admire you for being strong, if I was in your situation I wouldn't even have the guts to do what you did.. I hope he suddenly realizes you are more important than his "boredom" or that you find a partner who deserves you.

[nousername83 0]

Oh, boy! It takes time to adjust. There's a LOT of filipinos in LA. Tell him to join filipino community or just go to Catholic Church and get new friends.

[madtownguy 164]

i dont think my plan xiang magTNT kc ayaw nia dito tlga.. i book him a flight already for nextweek i dont know if gagamitin nia.. sabi ko sa knya "here's your ticket... use it if you wanna leave!!!!

If your attitude is like that in a relationship I suggest you meet people already here in the US. If I had a dime for every time my wife wanted to move back to the Philippines it could pay for the trip. When she goes back to visit she wants to come back to Florida after a day. I would guess their are men too that are irrational and don't put a lot of thought into what they say and do, you may have found one. A week isn't long enough to get even remotely adjusted. Marriage/Relationship is work!

[CowBoE 429]

it's really frustrating guys because it cost me money.. i moved out from my parents and get an apartment just for him to be comfortable. we live at eagle rock by the way..its between pasadena and glendale.. I can't tour him around because i work graveyard as a nurse... but my point is if he really came here for me then he shouldnt be struggling.. prolly he just come here because he thinks america is paradise... prior o coming here, he work in singapore as an architech.... i'll just let him go, better than be stressed about it... thank you guys for all the replies

I've seen countless foreign spouse marriage situations, and by far,

I think women adjust to moving to US a lot better than men.

I think it's because men desires to take the leading role in family.

But, in first few years of immigrant's life, the man must rely so much on USC wife

who is likely to have better marketable job skills, earning power,

and speak English and knows the society better.

This can be an "ego-wrecking" emotional situation for some (prideful but ignorant) man.

I'm sure his emotions are up and down right from moving to US and

now thinking of returning. So he could also be saying things out of frustration

and it may not be his real long term feelings.

Other than his struggle for adjustment to US, if your relationship has some good foundation remaining,

it might be worth seeking some counseling and/or arranging your husband to have deep

conversation with perhaps veteran immigrants with good wisdom in life in attempt to

salvage your long term relationship.

But if he really wants to go back no matter what...then I think you have a good attitude

in just releasing him to not wreck your emotions.

Best of luck.

[kate havoc 2]

I'd do anything to be in his shoes. To be with my fiance right now. It's just so sad that you guys went through a lot of trouble seemingly for nothing. It is a long and stressful process, the visa application and all that, he's very lucky he got approved and had the chance to be with you while here are some of us, still patiently waiting for the approval of the application. Just as any marriage, or relationship for that matter, it requires sacrifice and hard work for it to be a success. But people adapt and adjust differently.. Wish he'd change his mind and work things out with you. It's not too late, i hope he doesn't take those plane tickets home and fly back and chicken out that easily. A lot of people would kill for where he is right now.... Nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

Also, you deserve someone better. Someone willing to accept change and has the conscious knowledge of being lucky they get to be with the person they love.

Ps. We do not know the other side of this story, we are not judging your fiance for his actions, but really, you deserve someone better than him.

Edited June 26, 2015 by Katreine Cenide

[clairegie 265]

I can remember my wife telling me that during the first 6 months here, the transition is difficult because like in the PI you can just jump on a trike and you are somewhere where you can explore even if it is the mall. She got bored with staying at home while I worked. When I got home, I tried to do things to bring her day back to being whole again.

No one approach is going to be the magic key to unlock his fulfillment here. He and you are going to need to find your way. Get him busy and make sure he has a lifeline back to PI to talk with his friends like Skype.

This is pretty much exactly what I felt when I first got here. In the Philippines, you can go anywhere even if you didn't own a car. New place, no job, no friends (yet) and no money of your own = boring. It took at least a year for the US to feel like home to me. He needs to not make rash decisions (which costs a lot of money) and wait till the emotions die down a little. It is a HUGE adjustment coming here and he needs to give it time and patience.

And I know I might get crucified for this, but I find California to be boring too compared to where I was from in the Philippines so I sort of understand where he's coming from. However, now that I'm in North Carolina, I'm 1000% sure I will see Cali in a different light when I go back in September.

To the OP,

Good luck, stay strong and I hope things work out for the best. Like Apple said, sana wag sya magTNT at sana di kalang nya ginamit para makarating dito.

[tolitzpogi 37]

Any place in the United States is boring if you compare it to Manila or Cebu or any bustling metropolis in the Philippines (well, except maybe Vegas). It's just a different culture, different environment, and a different way of living.

20 years ago when I moved here in Los Angeles I was homesick, bored and depressed for almost two years, but after considerable adjustment and making a lot of friends throughout the years, I wouldn't want to go back to the Philippines for any reason unless I was on a short vacation or retiring

[zuluweta 250]

it's really frustrating guys because it cost me money.. i moved out from my parents and get an apartment just for him to be comfortable. we live at eagle rock by the way..its between pasadena and glendale.. I can't tour him around because i work graveyard as a nurse... but my point is if he really came here for me then he shouldnt be struggling.. prolly he just come here because he thinks america is paradise... prior o coming here, he work in singapore as an architech.... i'll just let him go, better than be stressed about it... thank you guys for all the replies

It's partly culture shock and partly that his expectations about life in the USA were not met. In his mind, he's always comparing everything between LA and Singapore. I haven't lived in Singapore but I've been there many, many times, and it's a highly developed asian city with a functional public transport system, very clean streets and access to merchandise and food from around the world. The version of the first world he got exposed to in Singapore does not match what he saw in LA.

When I first arrived in the U.S. many years ago, my POE was Chicago. As my sister drove us from O'Hare to her house in the suburbs, I was shocked and disappointed at how bad the roads were (potholes and cracks on the streets) and how backwards the phone booths and trains were compared to Japan (where I had lived and worked for several years in a government institution). I have a feeling your fiancé is experiencing similar reactions to mine from the past.

He will have to lower his expectations about life here in the US if he wants to move on. And if he truly cared about you, he would try to adjust. If he won't, it might be time for you to let go, unless you're willing to go where he wants to be. I hope things work out in whatever way possible.

[jaze15 6]

thank you guys for all the advices... after we had a talk about it we finally settle down everything.. and we got married today. thank you all

[zuluweta 250]

thank you guys for all the advices... after we had a talk about it we finally settle down everything.. and we got married today. thank you all

Congrats! Tell him things will get better the longer he stays in the US. This is true for most immigrants. Sign him up at the closest public library. Get him a gym membership. Make sure he can communicate easily with friends and family in the Philippines. Try to get him to volunteer to keep him busy. There are so many things he can do while waiting for his papers. Good luck!

[VOL 425]

thank you guys for all the advices... after we had a talk about it we finally settle down everything.. and we got married today. thank you all

Good.

Remember you should have almost a year to pull your I-485 sponsorship AOS if things don' work out in the future. Once the greencard is issued then you are stuck as sponsor

[Greenbaum 12,259]

thank you guys for all the advices... after we had a talk about it we finally settle down everything.. and we got married today. thank you all

Congrats!!

[apple21 953]

thank you guys for all the advices... after we had a talk about it we finally settle down everything.. and we got married today. thank you all

Buti naman. Nagiinarte lang pala. Congrats teh!

[hardrockangel 21]

thank you guys for all the advices... after we had a talk about it we finally settle down everything.. and we got married today. thank you all

Congrats,ganyan din ako dati ?,he will be fine and goodluck sa inyo