Don't know what to do...

[Myrie 7]

That sounds so horrible. Please make sure you're okay. You don't need to put up with this. As others posted above already: Call 911, gather your stuff and leave immediately. Hearing all this, I truly believe that things would get out of hand pretty quick.

[Shauna&Wael 211]

Shinebright join the thread VAWA part 6 .There are hundreds of victims of DV there.

If you did not call the cops,go NOW to the police station to file a police report,go to the Court get a restraining order against him,but before going to the Court ask the cops to take you to a shelter for victims of domestic violence,pack one suitcase,all your documents, get a copy of his passport, take a picture if you don't have time to get a copy,get all bills you have in your name and his name,all documents you can and leave. DO NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS.ANYMORE, do not talk to his family or friends. You will have a good support with the shelter staff.

Please listen to this advice. Gather all documents and evidence while you still can, before he knows you're leaving. Please keep your mind strong now, you don't want to be in an even worse situation later. Call the police first before anything and see which resources they can provide you with.

[AverysMom 76]

Yes, it makes sense what you said. Makes me feel a little better.

Now, with the shelter being so close to the house he is going to see me walking to school or walking anywhere!! I would feel so paranoid. And what if he sees me and gets in a rage and tries to hurt me? I understand that a restraining order is needed but I feel like just leaving far away from him.

Maybe going to a shelter in a different city.

Please just go to the shelter closest to you that handles DV. Once you are safe inside explain to them the close proximity to your husband's house and ask them to find another shelter in there network to move you to. They have the resources to find you a safe place further away.

Just get out and go to the shelter. You will be safer there than you are spending another second in that home.

Edited June 23, 2015 by AverysMom

[Jawaree 717]

Classic abuser profess to being wrong but also blame the victim..that's

not love...the sooner victims get out is the sooner their lives change for

the better..It will happen again and I don't think you would be placed in

a shelter that close to home if 911 is called

[tayurshu 37]

Do NOT let him guilt you or trick you into not pressing charges. This is all too familiar "I respect your decision to do what you want" - acting subservient in a final hope you will stay.

There is NO excuse for physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse. Press charges and find some help through the shelter.

[shinebright 5]

The dog is ok, thank God. But I feel terrible for her that she had to experience all of this. Poor thing she is only 5 months old and was running all over not knowing what to do. I'm just glad it was a dog and not a child.

Do they even accept dogs at the shelter? I don't want to have to give her away :'(

Husband kept messaging me today telling me he's sorry but he's mostly sorry for "letting you get to me" good thing I now can see through all his bs.

[Bogi&Nick 6]

My heart goes out to you miss, I'm so very sorry, not only for your present situation - but for your recent personal loss too. I'll have to say I agree with the good advice these people are giving you. Get out now, before you become a statistic. Do things legally, and seek the necessary legal advice, but do not telegraph your moves (warn him of what you will do).

Warning abusers is especially dangerous because they will view these things as a threat, and worst case, if he is bipolar, the rage will come bubbling up to the surface unexpectedly (as you are already aware). Please excuse me for saying this, but do not forgive. Too many sad stories in the news include such a detail. I can only wish you luck, and again, I'm so very sorry this is happening in what should be a wonderful story. Get yourself back on track as best you can, and you'll be stronger for enduring this experience.

[Ortolan 381]

If you're going to stay with him, you're going to get hit again, because it sounds like this is escalating. First he throws things at you for no reason, then he knocks you around and kicks you? KICKS YOU!? What kind of man does this stuff?

Go make a police report, and ask them to take you to a woman's shelter. Ask your church for help. Don't tell him, and don't let him make excuses for his behavior toward you or apologise: it's classic abuser behavior. He's not going to get any better. My sincere sympathies to you.

[blahblahblog 36]

Since you're new to this church, I guess you don't have a lot of friends there that aren't his friends. Can you join a different church or attend one in a different denomination for the time being?

During the heat of the moment, rumours will arise in the shared community and people will take sides and a lot of these conversations will prevent you from doing the only thing that you should be doing: keeping yourself safe. DV is one of these things that everyone believes it's "other people's problems" and it takes time for the friends of the couple to understand how bad it was. Some will be very dismissive ("you're being sensitive", "it was just a few times, he's not like that", etc...) and encourage you to try to save the marriage now. You don't need that.

Get yourself safe first. Then you'll have time to get back to your preferred denomination church, and even in the future try to fix this marriage (after he takes the steps sandranj mentioned above).