Don't know what to do...

[shinebright 5]

Just now my husband threw me his food in my face. There's food all over the living room. Then he proceeded to kick me around and push me several times all this because I was "making faces". I was just eating staring at the tv, before I only asked him if he wanted the last piece, he said no that I was being annoying with so many questions. This has happened before, at least 2 other occasions where he threw a hamburger and another a yougurt at me. I'm tired. He's very violent. He's beat me before but because of our religion we don't believe in divorce. Plus I'm worried if I call the cops on him he won't ever get custody of his kids in Mexico. I don't want that to be my fault. I'm a good person and this is the man I love (loved)...

I think he is bipolar or something, seems like his out of his episode now. But I don't think I deserve this. I left my job and my scholarship in Mexico to be with him. He doesn't even appreciate it.

I'm currently mourning the loss of my uncle that passed away during the weekend.

I'm sad cause I can't be with my family (my passport expired) and my husband not even once said "I'm sorry for your loss" or even give me a hug or as much as acknowledged my loss. When I was talking about memories I have of him, he just told me to shut up cause he was watching tv plus Fathers day weekend was all about him and not my dead uncle.

This was the last straw for me, but I don't have any friends or family around. Only his family and people from church that I don't trust that much. I don't even know where to start. I don't want to go back to Mexico cause I lost my apartment, everything. I even have a lawsuit cause I left my bank account open (didn't know I was going to stay and marry this guy).

I'm so overwhelmed right now. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

[jyaku 138]

Call 911. Say you're a victim of domestic abuse.

[Jawaree 717]

Don't stay with a man that beat you or treat you like he hates U call 911, they will put you in a shelter

so you can move on , once an abuser, always an abuser, you cant sit around & wait for his kids to

come or him beat you to death, there is no laws that says you cannot divorce an abuser. No

he is not bipolar he is an abuser. Just be sure to have these things recorded by the cops or a

hospital, so after his abuse go to the doctor & have pictures of bruises taken

[kkk1 42]

Do not tolerate any abuse in relationship otherwise after years of relationship you will look back and you will all have bad memories. You might not have what you have to loose. Whatever you lost now, you may regain any sooner if you accept the truth that you can't be with someone like this. Relationship needs respect. If he or she can't respect that person doesn't deserve you at all. Try to talk to him warn him. If next time it happens you are smart enough to figure out (911). Fortunately you are not alone there are people like you. Do not feel so. Keep yourself strong. In hard time do not remember your weakness, remember about your strength and power. Co- dependency is bad for relationship.

Also he must not be violent with you. You guys needs to talk what he doesn't like ( may be making faces). Tell him your expectation. But remember your respect. You can't change a person if he doesn't wants too.

[shinebright 5]

I wasn't making faces. Was just trying to finish my food. That's why I think he has mental issues, I wasn't even looking at him. And even if I was in fact, "making faces" that does not give him the right to abuse me. He says that throwing food at my face is not abuse and that the cops would laugh at me. He came back like nothing had happened. I told him he is insane. He left and came back later saying he is going to kill our dog and destroy my stuff, cancel my cellphone (which is the only way of contact with my family) and since I have no job or no credit I won't be able to get a replacement. He tried hurting the dog, I tried to stop him and then he choked me.

He left again, threw my clothes out of the room and now says I can have the bedroom cause he will be moving soon.

I will consult with a lawyer tomorrow.

[shinebright 5]

Oh and that he is going to cancel my debit card from our joint bank account. So tomorrow I guess I'll be walking first thing in the morning like a maniac to the atm and get half of what's in there.

He said he will do things according to the law but that I will be broke in the meantime while things get sorted.

I'm scared for my safety since there's no locks on any of the doors in this house.

He's calm now but for how long?

[novedsac 355]

Oh and that he is going to cancel my debit card from our joint bank account. So tomorrow I guess I'll be walking first thing in the morning like a maniac to the atm and get half of what's in there.

He said he will do things according to the law but that I will be broke in the meantime while things get sorted.

I'm scared for my safety since there's no locks on any of the doors in this house.

He's calm now but for how long?

A restraining order would be a good idea. A temporary restraining order is not too difficult to obtain, but you'll need to appear in Court fairly quickly to present your evidence for making it permanent.

Short of a restraining order or a court order, there is little you can do to keep him out of the home if it is his home as well. Even if you add/change locks to the home, he has a legal right to enter, including bypassing/removing the new locks, and reside there until the Court says otherwise. It is usually better for you to leave and go to a safe place, preferably a place unknown to him.

If a divorce is filed, be sure to file a motion for temporary spousal support to provide you with living expenses while going through the process. The better you can substantiate your request, the higher the chance of getting what you need - so do a little research in terms of what it will cost you to live each month.

[Brewlin 52]

Please take care of yourself, here's a link where there are people trained to help you (if you still are located in Monterey) https://www.womenshelters.org/cit/ca-monterey

[shinebright 5]

Thank you guys. How sad going to a shelter a few blocks away. This month I was preparing to donate items to a kids shelter, ironically, I guess now it'll go to the women's shelter myself included.

Today my husband told me he would respect any decision I make (either press charges or file for divorce, whatever it may be) because he knows he did wrong but that I'm to blame too. All I can think of is how I lost everything for this worthless man and how my friends were right when they said I deserved better. Now I don't have any friends. I really don't know how I'm going to get myself out of this situation but I have faith in myself and the Lord and will pull through.

Thank you all for your comments.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

Kkk 1 as an advocate for victims of domestic violence over 20years I can tell your advise is so WRONG. Victims of DV should not talk and warn the abuser, they MUST call the cops,and not to wait to see if it will happen again.

Please please next time that you hear/read someone asking advice about DV,advice the person to call the cops immediately, and to leave immediately the abuser without ANY talk or warn,the person should seek some shelter in a safe place .

Advising a victim of DV to talk to the abuser is a wrong advice.Later on the couple may talk after he attends therapy for at least 6months,attend anger management classes,then yes she can talk to him. The victim safety is more important than saving her marriage.

Edited June 23, 2015 by sandranj

[Sandra G. 5,047]

Shinebright join the thread VAWA part 6 .There are hundreds of victims of DV there.

If you did not call the cops,go NOW to the police station to file a police report,go to the Court get a restraining order against him,but before going to the Court ask the cops to take you to a shelter for victims of domestic violence,pack one suitcase,all your documents, get a copy of his passport, take a picture if you don't have time to get a copy,get all bills you have in your name and his name,all documents you can and leave. DO NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS.ANYMORE, do not talk to his family or friends. You will have a good support with the shelter staff.

Edited June 23, 2015 by sandranj

[Ilovemyman 147]

You say that you dont belive in divorce because your religion?

I ask you: do you think that this man belive in God?

Do you think that God will be happy that you be with this person?

One thing is sure God doesnt like that people be suffering , so run way from this man.

You can find a better man.

You say that you dont want he losse the custody of his son from mexico, do you think that live with a violennt person is good for the kids?

The best thing that can happen it is that the kids dont grw up with this man.

So call the police and safe the kids and yourself

Just now my husband threw me his food in my face. There's food all over the living room. Then he proceeded to kick me around and push me several times all this because I was "making faces". I was just eating staring at the tv, before I only asked him if he wanted the last piece, he said no that I was being annoying with so many questions. This has happened before, at least 2 other occasions where he threw a hamburger and another a yougurt at me. I'm tired. He's very violent. He's beat me before but because of our religion we don't believe in divorce. Plus I'm worried if I call the cops on him he won't ever get custody of his kids in Mexico. I don't want that to be my fault. I'm a good person and this is the man I love (loved)...

I think he is bipolar or something, seems like his out of his episode now. But I don't think I deserve this. I left my job and my scholarship in Mexico to be with him. He doesn't even appreciate it.

I'm currently mourning the loss of my uncle that passed away during the weekend.

I'm sad cause I can't be with my family (my passport expired) and my husband not even once said "I'm sorry for your loss" or even give me a hug or as much as acknowledged my loss. When I was talking about memories I have of him, he just told me to shut up cause he was watching tv plus Fathers day weekend was all about him and not my dead uncle.

This was the last straw for me, but I don't have any friends or family around. Only his family and people from church that I don't trust that much. I don't even know where to start. I don't want to go back to Mexico cause I lost my apartment, everything. I even have a lawsuit cause I left my bank account open (didn't know I was going to stay and marry this guy).

I'm so overwhelmed right now. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

[shinebright 5]

Yes, it makes sense what you said. Makes me feel a little better.

Now, with the shelter being so close to the house he is going to see me walking to school or walking anywhere!! I would feel so paranoid. And what if he sees me and gets in a rage and tries to hurt me? I understand that a restraining order is needed but I feel like just leaving far away from him.

Maybe going to a shelter in a different city.

[thatangela 134]

Please make sure the dog is safe, too. Good luck.

[Cathi 5,748]

Whatever you do, do NOT tell you husband your plans. Get out now and go to the closest police department. If you tell him your plans you will only add fuel to the fire.