Dumped by fiance?

[Shauneg 762]

I'm starting to think maybe she's tried explain and it's not coming across they way wants so invited him to explore others stories and expectations. Or maybe she wants you to see that the expectations (whatever they are for her) are quite normal for Filipinas coming here. At first I thought something was up, but nah.

In my experience, here are her most likely priorities:

1. Family

2. Religion

3. Family

4. You

5. Karaoke (I kid, but seriously)

6. Herself

7. Family

If you're good with that, then no problems. She is going to be willing to suffer and do without many things if her family will need money for something. She wants to know you will to, and like I said before, you won't throw her out if things become inconvenient or hard.

I don't mind sending money if a need arises, but I won't be a bank, every person (man or woman) has their limits. As long as you see eye to eye on it then no one can tell you the appropriate level of support you give.

Edited June 21, 2015 by Shauneg

[Avery Cates 1,141]

She wants a rich American, or she'll use you for the green card and then get here to sex up a rich American.

[usmsbow 801]

She wants a rich American, or she'll use you for the green card and then get here to sex up a rich American.

That type of woman is usually either more subtle or more direct than the OP's fiancée was with him. Thanks for your cynicism though.

[rjsantos 2]

Now that I have your attention.... maybe some of you experts can advise me.....

We got the I-797 approved and were just starting the process of getting a date for the interview when my fiance suddenly got cold feet.

She said she has some doubts and needed me to assure her that she would be “happy and satisfied with no doubts”. She wants to be “assured that I could take care her”.

I tried to ask for specifics but she just advised me to find a Filpina married to an American and ask them.

I actually have a good relationship with her and she says she wants the engagement to continue.

So ...can this be translated for me...is this just cold feet or am I missing a cultural cue.

LOLOLOL ALL I CAN SAY!!!! OBVIOUSLY WHAT SHE WANTS IS SECURITY. IF YOU'RE AN OLD AMERICAN THAT DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO SUPPORT HER WITH ALL HER NEEDS MOSTLY PLEASURES, YOUR BEST BET IS SHE'S GONNA LEAVE YOU. I'M A FILIPINO AND MOST FILIPINA THAT MARRIES AN OLD AMERICAN WAS FOR THEIR MONEY. THAT'S IT.

Edited June 21, 2015 by rjsantos

[Greenbaum 12,259]

LOLOLOL ALL I CAN SAY!!!! OBVIOUSLY WHAT SHE WANTS IS SECURITY. IF YOU'RE AN OLD AMERICAN THAT DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO SUPPORT HER WITH ALL HER NEEDS MOSTLY PLEASURES, YOUR BEST BET IS SHE'S GONNA LEAVE YOU. I'M A FILIPINO AND MOST FILIPINA THAT MARRIES AN OLD AMERICAN WAS FOR THEIR MONEY. THAT'S IT.

Typing in all caps is Internet code for shouting, and it is rude.

[sweet01 39]

Now that I have your attention.... maybe some of you experts can advise me.....

We got the I-797 approved and were just starting the process of getting a date for the interview when my fiance suddenly got cold feet.

She said she has some doubts and needed me to assure her that she would be “happy and satisfied with no doubts”. She wants to be “assured that I could take care her”.

I tried to ask for specifics but she just advised me to find a Filpina married to an American and ask them.

I actually have a good relationship with her and she says she wants the engagement to continue.

So ...can this be translated for me...is this just cold feet or am I missing a cultural cue.

Hi Psalm51

I think your Fiance just needs reassurance that you'll be there for her no matter what happen whether in good or bad times. That's what we need to know most especially we'll be leaving our family, close friends and the life that we have known in the Philippines. It's really scary when I came here in a foreign country just to be with my fiance now husband. You have to assure her that and everything will be fine no matter what the circumstances is. it's really about trust and faith to each other and not just money most especially if you know that your relationship is real One tip, try to talk to her parents or closest friend even via phone or viber or skype and tell them how much you love their daughter, that will keep your fiance at ease Regards

[Sandra G. 5,048]

She didn't bother to tell what she wants,because it's about money. Prepare your wallet. Probably she will be home all day and expect you support financially her family back home. If she is living a GREAT job/ career behind then her concern is justified,family everyone left when moving to the U.S

[onye uwaoma 131]

Now that I have your attention.... maybe some of you experts can advise me.....

We got the I-797 approved and were just starting the process of getting a date for the interview when my fiance suddenly got cold feet.

She said she has some doubts and needed me to assure her that she would be happy and satisfied with no doubts. She wants to be assured that I could take care her.

I tried to ask for specifics but she just advised me to find a Filpina married to an American and ask them.

I actually have a good relationship with her and she says she wants the engagement to continue.

So ...can this be translated for me...is this just cold feet or am I missing a cultural cue.

If she can't find happiness within herself nothing will guarantee happiness. I bet you're in for some emotional roller coaster. Hope you see the handwriting on the wall...

[onye uwaoma 131]

LOLOLOL ALL I CAN SAY!!!! OBVIOUSLY WHAT SHE WANTS IS SECURITY. IF YOU'RE AN OLD AMERICAN THAT DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO SUPPORT HER WITH ALL HER NEEDS MOSTLY PLEASURES, YOUR BEST BET IS SHE'S GONNA LEAVE YOU. I'M A FILIPINO AND MOST FILIPINA THAT MARRIES AN OLD AMERICAN WAS FOR THEIR MONEY. THAT'S IT.

But they will pretend to be in love just to scam... That's gross to say the least!

[onye uwaoma 131]

I'm starting to think maybe she's tried explain and it's not coming across they way wants so invited him to explore others stories and expectations. Or maybe she wants you to see that the expectations (whatever they are for her) are quite normal for Filipinas coming here. At first I thought something was up, but nah.

In my experience, here are her most likely priorities:

1. Family

2. Religion

3. Family

4. You

5. Karaoke (I kid, but seriously)

6. Herself

7. Family

If you're good with that, then no problems. She is going to be willing to suffer and do without many things if her family will need money for something. She wants to know you will to, and like I said before, you won't throw her out if things become inconvenient or hard.

I don't mind sending money if a need arises, but I won't be a bank, every person (man or woman) has their limits. As long as you see eye to eye on it then no one can tell you the appropriate level of support you give.

Anything that takes priority over your marriage will destroy your marriage... Go figure... It happened in my case and you can't fix none sense... Edited June 22, 2015 by onye uwaoma

[onye uwaoma 131]

Hi Psalm51

I think your Fiance just needs reassurance that you'll be there for her no matter what happen whether in good or bad times. That's what we need to know most especially we'll be leaving our family, close friends and the life that we have known in the Philippines. It's really scary when I came here in a foreign country just to be with my fiance now husband. You have to assure her that and everything will be fine no matter what the circumstances is. it's really about trust and faith to each other and not just money most especially if you know that your relationship is real One tip, try to talk to her parents or closest friend even via phone or viber or skype and tell them how much you love their daughter, that will keep your fiance at ease Regards

Bla bla bla...sounds as if you were being forced to enter into the relationship. Why not stay in Phillippines where your so-called "happiness" is only assured? Edited June 22, 2015 by onye uwaoma

[onye uwaoma 131]

One more thing .. moving and adjusting in other country is hard .. u dont know how is life in there .. how will people treat u .. I feel that way too but my fiance keep telling me how he will take good care of me and also my daughter .. but something wrong with her is why she asked u to asked other Filipina ?? She cant tell u what she feels inside ?? I think u have to talk to her .. u can't do anything if u dont ask her .. tell her u both need to talk about future life together how u 2 will live in there .. life in there is different like what my fiance telling me .. just enjoy life together ! Always remember this .. We do this for love ! We do this for happiness ! And for the life together ! Hope she will get what she needs to know before the interview ..Filipina is fragile .. even words is important .. its just a culture issue I think ..

Hmm if Filipina is fragile...even word is important...how about Americans? You think they're more or less humans that aren't fragile and words aren't important them? People will always find an excuse for their insensitivity and selfishness regardless...

[onye uwaoma 131]

While I can't speak to the cultural aspects of the Philippines, I can certainly relate to your wife's cold feet. Like others have said, it is a HUGE step to give up your friends, your family, your home, your job and move half way around the world.... And the US is very different from other countries in a lot of ways. I mean it's a scary place to move to and this comes from a woman who's lived in quite a few places around the world.

It seems that your wife is not the kind of person that will tell you straight out, so why don't you just ask her what she's worried about? Then you can talk about it or find solutions for it. That's what I do with my husband and my friend and it really works. E.g. one of my major fears was the ridiculously expensive medical system that exists in the US, that you need all these insurances and money to get good treatment. I was really freaking out about it, in my head I was thinking I'd be in a car accident and when the ambulance come, they'll leave you dying on the street if your insurance is not good enough. But my husband and my friend (both USC) explained how it all works and even though I will never understand that system, at least I feel better about it and reassured. So just go through every worry she has, step by step, explain how it works, make a plan for the things that you can't just "explain away"...

If you're planning on her working when she moves over, help her with her CV, explain how job hunting works in the US etc. If you're planning on her being a housewife, then tell her about the good internet connection you have for her to stay in contact with her family back home, talk about some leisure activities available to her where you live, stores near by, is there a pool in the garden/apartment complex.... For a move this big, planning and preparation is key.

Effective communication means telling the fiance what she feels and want while listening to his wants and feeling also. Ineffective relationship is based on what other people says and do. There is basically no sense in asking him to go about asking others how they are dealing with their own relationship...

[onye uwaoma 131]

She needs to tell you, her fiance, directly what she means and needs. Asking you to speculate based on conversations with another couple is asking for disaster. If she is going to have a meaningful relationship with you, she needs to communicate her specific needs to you.

If she can't discuss her fears, needs, and desires with your directly, this specific issue is the least of the problems in store for you.

So plain to see...

[Mike-eeh and Odie 193]

She is leaving all that she knows behind. She wants assurance that she wont be marrying some broke deadbeat living his mom's house.

In my personal opinion, any petitioner that needs a sponsor should be a clear red flag to a fiance of what to expect, if they are in fact expecting a life of non-poverty.