Dumped by fiance?

[Psalm51 1]

Now that I have your attention.... maybe some of you experts can advise me.....

We got the I-797 approved and were just starting the process of getting a date for the interview when my fiance suddenly got cold feet.

She said she has some doubts and needed me to assure her that she would be “happy and satisfied with no doubts”. She wants to be “assured that I could take care her”.

I tried to ask for specifics but she just advised me to find a Filpina married to an American and ask them.

I actually have a good relationship with her and she says she wants the engagement to continue.

So ...can this be translated for me...is this just cold feet or am I missing a cultural cue.

[Boiler 45,564]

Sounds like she wants to make sure you have the financial resources to ensure she can live the American Dream.

[Shauneg 762]

Sounds like she wants to make sure you have the financial resources to ensure she can live the American Dream.

This. She don't want no broke man. Seriously why do you have to reasearch what her mind is thinking. In my experience the culture is very open and honest she isn't being that.

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Moved from Phil. Regional Forum To Effects of Major Family Changes on US Immigration Forum~

~Similar topics are often discussed at this forum~

[Expat1 971]

I don't think she dumped you dude. I think she's looking for reassurance from you as to what is going to happen and how you are going to take care of her after she leaves her whole life behind.

Can't really blame her for that. You might want to consider discussing future life together and maybe even adding finances to that discussion to clear up her concerns.

LOL @ Boiler

[Illiria 980]

I think boiler is spot on, seems like she wants reassurances that when she gets here she will be living in the conditions she thinks that America is. Finding out what she thinks will be the key.

does she expect that she won't work and you give her an allowance or does she talk about work and/or education once she is here? Does she expect a house of a certain size? Does she expect you will either send money to her family back home or sponsor them?

Edited June 21, 2015 by Illiria

[Hank_ 9,174]

Now that I have your attention.... maybe some of you experts can advise me.....

We got the I-797 approved and were just starting the process of getting a date for the interview when my fiance suddenly got cold feet.

She said she has some doubts and needed me to assure her that she would be “happy and satisfied with no doubts”. She wants to be “assured that I could take care her”.

I tried to ask for specifics but she just advised me to find a Filpina married to an American and ask them.

I actually have a good relationship with her and she says she wants the engagement to continue.

So ...can this be translated for me...is this just cold feet or am I missing a cultural cue.

Moving from the Phils to the USA (the ABYSS), it is hard to put into words what your fiancee is really looking to hear from you. It is not financial and she does know how you feel about her. Filipinas are tough gals but also fragile as spun glass. Not sure there are any words that work as this is all emotions ... and lots of it is fear of course. She is looking to you to be there when she is struggling with being "alone"

You will be working, leaving her home all day, she won't be able to do or go most anywhere without driving unless you live in the city. Make sure to have good internet with a computer setup with VIBER, SKYPE, VSEE and such... as family is HUGE with Filipinas. And then there are the comfort foods.. sadly the stuff at the Asian stores can only get close, just not the same... so I was told many times.

Is your fiancee is province girl or city girl? That makes a huge difference also.

You really need for some Pinay to reply to this, and you won't find them easily now that your topic has been moved.

I think boiler is spot on, seems like she wants reassurances that when she gets here she will be living in the conditions she thinks that America is. Finding out what she thinks will be the key.

does she expect that she won't work and you give her an allowance or does she talk about work and/or education once she is here? Does she expect a house of a certain size? Does she expect you will either send money to her family back home or sponsor them?

Nope, Boiler is not spot on... not for a Filipina

[Boiler 45,564]

Lots of long relevant posts over the years.

[General Buhari 46]

Is there a culture that family is not a bigee with?

OP, can you reach out to family friends who know her well?

Edited June 21, 2015 by General Buhari

[coa24 69]

I don't think she dumped you dude. I think she's looking for reassurance from you as to what is going to happen and how you are going to take care of her after she leaves her whole life behind.

Can't really blame her for that. You might want to consider discussing future life together and maybe even adding finances to that discussion to clear up her concerns.

LOL @ Boiler

This...sounds like she wants reassurance. It is a big deal to leave everything behind, everything you have ever known, your life, your job (if you have one), your family, everything to be with someone who lives in a completely different country, different culture, doesn't know anyone but you and soon maybe your family. The cultures are different, the people are different. How much would it scare you to move to her country? To find a job there, to adjust to her culture, and as a foreigner find a job to provide for her? Like already stated, this is a big deal....It is understandable to be afraid and scared of the unknown...all she knows is you.

Hank is right.....when the excitement runs out and she starts to get homesick because she doesn't have family around..will you be there to comfort her, to have compassion on her, to lead her, and to love her, and so much more?

Edited June 21, 2015 by coa24

[CowBoE 429]

It appears she likes you, but you've not earned a deep trust from her.

Remember, guys get it "logically" and girls get it "emotionally".

She just needs some emotional assurance from you.

You have to make her feel special and that you will always take care of her.

[Shauneg 762]

I think boiler is spot on, seems like she wants reassurances that when she gets here she will be living in the conditions she thinks that America is. Finding out what she thinks will be the key.

does she expect that she won't work and you give her an allowance or does she talk about work and/or education once she is here? Does she expect a house of a certain size? Does she expect you will either send money to her family back home or sponsor them?

Important things to talk about because many expect that you take care of the family, it's a huge deal to them. This discussion needs to be had before the petition ever gets filed. Some girls expect you to do this some don't. Some guys don't mind doing it, some would leave in a heartbeat if they were expected to do it.

Moving from the Phils to the USA (the ABYSS), it is hard to put into words what your fiancee is really looking to hear from you. It is not financial and she does know how you feel about her. Filipinas are tough gals but also fragile as spun glass. Not sure there are any words that work as this is all emotions ... and lots of it is fear of course. She is looking to you to be there when she is struggling with being "alone"

You will be working, leaving her home all day, she won't be able to do or go most anywhere without driving unless you live in the city. Make sure to have good internet with a computer setup with VIBER, SKYPE, VSEE and such... as family is HUGE with Filipinas. And then there are the comfort foods.. sadly the stuff at the Asian stores can only get close, just not the same... so I was told many times.

Is your fiancee is province girl or city girl? That makes a huge difference also.

Province or city would make a huge difference too. My fiancee is a province girl girl but has lived overseas in a few huge citites in varying countries the past few years (singer in a band...but hey aren't they all?) She could just want to know you aren't going to give up things easily and won't throw her away if things get tough. She is picking up her life and most likely leaving everything but her clothes....she needs to know from you that she's going to be ok.

[raven52 233]

My wife is Filipino. We talked for hours, I showed her many pictures of where we would live, I told her of who other Filipinos would we living close to us. I showed her the car she would learn to dive.

These are easy things to do.

I hope for your sake OP, that is all there is to it. I would not like to see what happened to my best friend, he got a "bad apple" left him back to Philippines, and gone to Germany with some dude, in a few months. This happens every few days here, with mostly the city gals from the Phils. But, my wife is s city gal, and we have a great marriage.

Just giver her what she asks, times ""2"".,.,.,.and more. Then see if it changes. If it does not, then suspect the worst.

I spent two years in the Phils., so I know a little about what goes on there. Assure her 1000% with facts, pictures, then see what she has to say, then YOU will know!

[Jawaree 717]

Can you care for her & family in the old country, will you treat her well once she gets here

do you love her enough to never forsake because she wants a good life here,

[CaeselynRonald 6]

Iam a Filipina to but still not married with my fiance .. where still waiting for NOA2 .. I think she just want to make sure eeverything will be fine when u 2 get married .. Im looking for that assurance to with my fiance but when he come hir I feel that I will have a happy life with him. He donto say anything in words but he makes me feel so special .. my fiance and I already discuss about different culture .. we learning how to accept our differences .. just prove her how much u love her how u care and how much u wanted to spend ur life with her .. maybe she thinking too much sometimes .. making her feel comfortable and ssecured will help ..