will i petition her

[proudate 0]

so i was planning to petition my mom so that in return she can petition my half siblings. i was never closed to her. she physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids. i used to think and feel she never loved us and the only reason she let us lived with her is for my dad's money. he sends us monthly allowance. she manipulated us to tell our father we need this and that and spends the money to her kids (my half siblings) and step father. she never worked. i gave her small businesses multiple times and couldn't keep up and so they were all unsuccessful. she asks money from me every week (every week there is new expenses - sibling got sick, she got sick, she needs meds, etc. she always have reason for me to send money) . i work 2-3 jobs to keep up with my bills, mortgage and her allowance. her husband expected her to contribute to there household's expenses. but how could she do that when she doesn't work? i told her to find a job but she said nobody accepted here because she said she is too old, btw she is only on her early 40's.. she got pregnant at a very early age. every week she asked at least 200$, i send at least 800$ a month. i told her that i also have bills to pay but she wouldn't understand. i helped her with my siblings tuition fee, school supplies, there utilities and monthly rent my fiancee suggested not to petition her since she will be a burden to me and can cause disagreements between the 2 of us (which sometimes happen). we were planning to have a baby since he is getting old. i cannot support her and my siblings and have a family. i cannot work 6 days a week to keep up with all the expenses and trying to have a family. i am starting to think not to petition her, if only i didn't love my siblings and want them to have a better future getting her wouldn't even cross my mind. but if i start sibling petition, i would wait 30 yrs..

[Boiler 45,520]

Sounds like PI?

Send the money you are sending to her to your siblings?

[Greenbaum 12,259]

so i was planning to petition my mom so that in return she can petition my half siblings. i was never closed to her. she physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids. i used to think and feel she never loved us and the only reason she let us lived with her is for my dad's money. he sends us monthly allowance. she manipulated us to tell our father we need this and that and spends the money to her kids (my half siblings) and step father. she never worked. i gave her small businesses multiple times and couldn't keep up and so they were all unsuccessful. she asks money from me every week (every week there is new expenses - sibling got sick, she got sick, she needs meds, etc. she always have reason for me to send money) . i work 2-3 jobs to keep up with my bills, mortgage and her allowance. her husband expected her to contribute to there household's expenses. but how could she do that when she doesn't work? i told her to find a job but she said nobody accepted here because she said she is too old, btw she is only on her early 40's.. she got pregnant at a very early age. every week she asked at least 200$, i send at least 800$ a month. i told her that i also have bills to pay but she wouldn't understand. i helped her with my siblings tuition fee, school supplies, there utilities and monthly rent my fiancee suggested not to petition her since she will be a burden to me and can cause disagreements between the 2 of us (which sometimes happen). we were planning to have a baby since he is getting old. i cannot support her and my siblings and have a family. i cannot work 6 days a week to keep up with all the expenses and trying to have a family. i am starting to think not to petition her, if only i didn't love my siblings and want them to have a better future getting her wouldn't even cross my mind. but if i start sibling petition, i would wait 30 yrs..

You have been abused, manipulated, disrespected and scammed by your mother. When are you going to tell her Enough is Enough?? As I see it you owe her nothing. You bring her to the states and she will batter you every waking moment she is here. Your fiancée deserves better and you do to. Stop the merry-go-round and get off NOW!!

The bible says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” It's the same for a woman.

Boiler makes a good point. Find a way that the money you send, and I think it should be reasonable (nothing that causes you to have to work 3 jobs) to the siblings you want to support. Pay for a good school and they will surely grow up to be good citizens to which you will be proud.

I wish you luck and I will prayer that you find the right decision. God is good.

[Jawaree 717]

Sounds like PI?

Send the money you are sending to her to your siblings?

I concur.....and if you have that much resentment do not bring her into your world

however always treat her kind from afar, she did go through birthing you...love

yourself hon. she sounds selfish & may have been mistreated herself

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Family will take you for granted and it is your responsibility to define your boundaries and draw the line that says up to here and no further

with the money tree in your back yard. No one else will do it for you.

If you want it to stop then stop it. Send what you "comfortably" can to the siblings for their school fees.

If you think you can keep 3 jobs up with eventually becoming pregnant and then having a baby then you are very wrong.

You are not Superwoman ! I advice not to sponsor her here as it will greatly increase the friction between you and your husband.

Who knows she may not even petition your siblings once she is here.

Your first responsibility is towards your own family, hubby and future baby.

Don't be intimidated to say a clear no to her. She sounds like she is sucking the life out of you like a tick on a dog.

[aurpol 17]

How about petitioning her on a condition that you will stop giving her anything anymore, that she would support her kids, and that you she will leave you alone. Get her if she has a place to live, miles away from you. But if this is not doable, then they are right, send the money to your siblings period! ;-)

[Boiler 45,520]

How about petitioning her on a condition that you will stop giving her anything anymore, that she would support her kids, and that you she will leave you alone. Get her if she has a place to live, miles away from you. But if this is not doable, then they are right, send the money to your siblings period! ;-)

Ohh no, all that would happen is that the costs will go up, why or how would she change?

[Ontarkie 14,225]

If you petition her she will continue to abuse you and then your children.

If you want to pay for your sibling tuition and that doesn't cause you to work 3 jobs then pay the school directly so your mother can't get her hands on it.

If that is still too much on you and you have to put off having kids then you don't do it. It is time for your mother to get a job and also your siblings.

This is time for you to take care of yourself. If you get sick or hurt because you are taking on too much who will care for you? Not your mother that is for sure.

I'm sorry you can't do it all the stress will kill you!

[proudate 0]

When i told her that i would like to petition her, she was excited about it. She even said she will find a job here so she could support her kids. But my dilemma is how could someone who never work there entire life be able to find and keep one? My fiancee said he could forsee us fighting over her. He has been supportive of me but he noticed how often i send her money and was upset about it. We only have one day off together since i work alot of hours. Maybe that is why im having fertility problems because of stress. I have told myself many times enough is enough but when she brings up the drama oh your siblings will live in the streets, oh they are sick, they dont have school supplies.. it breaks my heart. I once lived a rough life with my mother and i dont want them to go through it. Thanks to my dad who never gave up on us, sent us to school and brought us here, i wouldnt be in my position right now.

[proudate 0]

If you petition her she will continue to abuse you and then your children.

If you want to pay for your sibling tuition and that doesn't cause you to work 3 jobs then pay the school directly so your mother can't get her hands on it.

If that is still too much on you and you have to put off having kids then you don't do it. It is time for your mother to get a job and also your siblings.

This is time for you to take care of yourself. If you get sick or hurt because you are taking on too much who will care for you? Not your mother that is for sure.

I'm sorry you can't do it all the stress will kill you!

*****fiancee asked me, until when is she going to do these to me? he bet even if my siblings finish there school, she will still ask for more

Edited June 20, 2015 by proudate

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

When i told her that i would like to petition her, she was excited about it. She even said she will find a job here so she could support her kids. But my dilemma is how could someone who never work there entire life be able to find and keep one? My fiancee said he could forsee us fighting over her. He has been supportive of me but he noticed how often i send her money and was upset about it. We only have one day off together since i work alot of hours. Maybe that is why im having fertility problems because of stress. I have told myself many times enough is enough but when she brings up the drama oh your siblings will live in the streets, oh they are sick, they dont have school supplies.. it breaks my heart. I once lived a rough life with my mother and i dont want them to go through it. Thanks to my dad who never gave up on us, sent us to school and brought us here, i wouldnt be in my position right now.

Your husband is right, you are doing too much.

Stress can definitely result in fertility problems.

You have to differentiate between what is truth and what is drama and lies.

As was suggested, perhaps you can send the school fee directly to the school or siblings if they are old enough,

or an extended family member who may want to help you sift through the drama and be truthful about a real need for something.

As much as we all want to help our family, it comes down to spouse and children first and then you help out a little where you can.

That is why it is so important to agree with your spouse on a monthly amount to send home and stick to it from the very beginning

and tell her you believe she will find a way to manage the situations that seem to arise on a monthly basis.

You are enabling her laziness.

You are being manipulated and your health and marriage is suffering for it.

I would not be a happy camper if my husband would send that much a months because it's coming out of our budget.

3 jobs to pay $800 a months is way too much. I would cut that in half immediately and think of your future children's well being.

A good education is not cheap here.

You need to find a way to not fall into the guilt traps she sets for you.

40 is no age at all, she can clean someone's house or do something.

Answer the phone less while you make some adjustments or let your husband take the phone and tell your mother that you can no

longer work as hard as you do to support them and that a monthly sum of _____ is all he is agreeing to from now on.

I would have put my foot down a long time ago if I were him, it's not fair to him.

I hope you follow through with some suggestions here.

Quit the other job(s) and do some yoga and massages to get your peace and rest back and good luck for beautiful babies.

[VOL 425]

Your mother is a parasite.

The more money you feed her the bigger of a parasite she will become.

[proudate 0]

Thank you for all your advices. I will have to think it over again.. i love my half siblings since i took care of them since they were babies and only wants the best for them.

[madtownguy 164]

so i was planning to petition my mom so that in return she can petition my half siblings. i was never closed to her. she physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids. i used to think and feel she never loved us and the only reason she let us lived with her is for my dad's money. he sends us monthly allowance. she manipulated us to tell our father we need this and that and spends the money to her kids (my half siblings) and step father. she never worked. i gave her small businesses multiple times and couldn't keep up and so they were all unsuccessful. she asks money from me every week (every week there is new expenses - sibling got sick, she got sick, she needs meds, etc. she always have reason for me to send money) . i work 2-3 jobs to keep up with my bills, mortgage and her allowance. her husband expected her to contribute to there household's expenses. but how could she do that when she doesn't work? i told her to find a job but she said nobody accepted here because she said she is too old, btw she is only on her early 40's.. she got pregnant at a very early age. every week she asked at least 200$, i send at least 800$ a month. i told her that i also have bills to pay but she wouldn't understand. i helped her with my siblings tuition fee, school supplies, there utilities and monthly rent my fiancee suggested not to petition her since she will be a burden to me and can cause disagreements between the 2 of us (which sometimes happen). we were planning to have a baby since he is getting old. i cannot support her and my siblings and have a family. i cannot work 6 days a week to keep up with all the expenses and trying to have a family. i am starting to think not to petition her, if only i didn't love my siblings and want them to have a better future getting her wouldn't even cross my mind. but if i start sibling petition, i would wait 30 yrs..

I mean this in the best way possible, but you are nuts. Why would you want to stay in an abusive relationship, that is not your Mom. Mom's don't do that, pick a new Mom that treats you right. My wives family asks for exactly $0/month. We send Christmas presents and things like that but we don't want them getting addicted to support that might not be there someday. When she visits and distant relatives and friends ask what did you bring us? She responds with what money did you send so I could buy you something? By allowing people to act in ways that wouldn't be considered normal things will always just get worse. Please wake up and stop sending money that could be your own kids future to someone who you said you were never close to. Such a shame people like that exist, it's even worse when you reward them.

[Darnell 8,478]

Thank you for all your advices. I will have to think it over again.. i love my half siblings since i took care of them since they were babies and only wants the best for them.

query - why is your mother treating you like an overseas foreign worker?