Totally frustrated

[patiently_waiting 0]

So here I am starting to plan a wedding. Going to the venue this coming weekend, getting things going so we can set a date as soon as we know we can. Only to find out that family and closest friends are not ok with this. My g-ma even had the nerve to suggest that the only reason I am with this man and going to marry him is because I am pregnant. In addition, a friend says that the rumor is that I "got knocked up while I was there in November." This is not even close to being true. Everyone says, "What if he leaves you in a year? How well do you know him?" I can marry someone here and that doesn't mean they won't leave in a year. It seems like there is no logic to their reasons. So, I got at this alone. I hope I can get through this. I know I will. Just wish he were here already to be with me. I of course called him and told him all this and now he is upset that I am hurt by the people who are supposed to love me. It seems to me that it is more ignorance than anything else. Some people are so darn judgemental without even knowing everything. Just had to vent. Thanks for reading.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

It's amazing how cruel family can be in times like this when they should be happily helping you to make your dreams come true. I read stories like this and I'm glad I have the family I have, but you know, there are other people going through the same frustrations you are, and they are willing to be supportive of you!

[noura 0]

You are not alone in this... many others have experienced this same thing w/ family & friends. You just have to be strong and hope that they will "come around" when they meet him and they will understand your love for each other. Meanwhile, stay strong and come here to vent anytime you need to.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

It comes from them not knowing, stay strong, and continue on to show them this is what you really want.

[patiently_waiting 0]

Thanks everyone. I know I have to be strong, but sometimes it gets tiring. I know today has worn me out. I just look forward to him being here and starting our life together.

[amal 4]

i was basically disowned by my g-parents because i married an ay-rab but after they met him in person and saw how great he was with me, they have invited us to come over on more than one occasion. They just had to gain a trust for him and know that he had a good head on his shoulders before they could give him a chance. I hope it works out as well for you as itdid for me. It is hard to get through and hard to be patient while waiting for them to get their heads outta their rumps. Just keep breathing. In the nose and out the mouth.....

[doodlebug 3]

My mom asked me if I was going to blow them up now.

I said, "not if you play your cards right!" :energetic:

[Henia 11]

I am sorry. My family is the same way. Be be realy happy if I married my own kind and swtiched back to their religion. In any case, we here on VJ and this MENA forum are here for you.

[gonewiththewind 0]

So here I am starting to plan a wedding. Going to the venue this coming weekend, getting things going so we can set a date as soon as we know we can. Only to find out that family and closest friends are not ok with this. My g-ma even had the nerve to suggest that the only reason I am with this man and going to marry him is because I am pregnant. In addition, a friend says that the rumor is that I "got knocked up while I was there in November." This is not even close to being true. Everyone says, "What if he leaves you in a year? How well do you know him?" I can marry someone here and that doesn't mean they won't leave in a year. It seems like there is no logic to their reasons. So, I got at this alone. I hope I can get through this. I know I will. Just wish he were here already to be with me. I of course called him and told him all this and now he is upset that I am hurt by the people who are supposed to love me. It seems to me that it is more ignorance than anything else. Some people are so darn judgemental without even knowing everything. Just had to vent. Thanks for reading.

HI patiently waiting... first i would say that im sorry for what you are going through second dont let it get the best of you . im on the same road as you are my family thinks that my fiance is not a good person and to let you know they have never met him or spoke to him and my mom already told me that he is not welcomed in the house so if there is any birthday's or any hoilday if i want to attend i will be alone . i know its very hard and tuff but hang in there and maybe one day it will be better

joulie

[U.S. Wendy 0]

Ditto over here. I am really ashamed of the behavior of SOME of my family. It's incredible....I really thought of my family as 'forward-thinking' only to find that they, too, buy into the mass media BS about other cultures/ethnicities. I went to visit my fiance and my mother thought I'd get kidnapped over there and sold into slavery/prostitution. I'm sure it happens and there are some pretty savvy and evil people out there perpetuating just that type of thing, but I had to wonder....do my family members think I'm a total idiot? Give me a little credit!! I basically had to tell anyone who made negative comments that they won't be welcome in our lives (friends and family alike). I'm sure once my fiance gets here they will feel differently, having met him (because he is wonderful, caring, proud and doesn't want a single thing from me, other than my love and hand in marriage).....however, why should I just forgive them for all their negative statements and lack of support throughout this process? I pray a lot about it. The bottom line is, it's YOUR life. Do what makes you happy. If your family comes around, great....if not, don't allow them to infect your relationship. Good luck!! P>S>-Babies are GREAT; congrats!!! I want one soon!!!

[JODO 2]

Patiently Waiting I'm sorry that your family's not as supportive as you'd like them to be. I think you should concentrate on your baby and your fiance and keep going off the positive energy from that. Like another poster said, I guess I take for granted that my family supports my decision in this,but then I guess who would really fathom that his/her family would turn against them at a very stressful time already and add to the tough process.Hopefully they will all come around once they meet your fiance and give him a chance and that goes for everyone with unsupportive family here.

[patiently_waiting 0]

Just to clarify, I am NOT pregnant. I don't even know how people came up with that. Maybe it how they rationalized it in their mind. My friends and family know that they won't keep me from marrying him. We love each other and they can't change that. It's great to have a group of people who get it. You all are great!

[Caladan 19]

I'm sorry, pw. That sucks. I hope your family comes around; they probably will eventually when they realize they'd lose you completely.

[U.S. Wendy 0]

Yikes!! Sorry about the pregnancy statement. I guess when you said, "My g-ma even had the nerve to suggest that the only reason I am with this man and going to marry him is because I am pregnant. In addition, a friend says that the rumor is that I "got knocked up while I was there in November." This is not even close to being true.".....didn't pay close enough attention to the blue part, sorry.

Anyhoo, keep your head up!!!

[Nasturtium 500]

So here I am starting to plan a wedding. Going to the venue this coming weekend, getting things going so we can set a date as soon as we know we can. Only to find out that family and closest friends are not ok with this. My g-ma even had the nerve to suggest that the only reason I am with this man and going to marry him is because I am pregnant. In addition, a friend says that the rumor is that I "got knocked up while I was there in November." This is not even close to being true. Everyone says, "What if he leaves you in a year? How well do you know him?" I can marry someone here and that doesn't mean they won't leave in a year. It seems like there is no logic to their reasons. So, I got at this alone. I hope I can get through this. I know I will. Just wish he were here already to be with me. I of course called him and told him all this and now he is upset that I am hurt by the people who are supposed to love me. It seems to me that it is more ignorance than anything else. Some people are so darn judgemental without even knowing everything. Just had to vent. Thanks for reading.

Oh, yeah I got all of this stuff minus the PG part, but.. still the same. People were always talking about how he was going to leave me, beat me, whatever. And you know they would be SHOCKED if you started to say things like this about their husbands Anyway my solution was to finally give up and cut ties or threaten that if it continued. I cut ties with friends who couldn;t get past his ethnicity or religion, and I threatened with ym family. Finally, they began to calm down. Every once in a while there is a flare-up, but it gets less and less. Just be strong and stick with those who do support you.

PS--things got better for me once I got married, like it was really hot when we were engaged. I think afterwards they realized I was not getting scared off and had to back off some.. I wonder if it is the same for other couples.

Edited February 19, 2007 by julianna