Stress of the Visa Process Wrecking Our Relationship

[twin810s 23]

The struggles of waiting is worth it. My husband has been here for a year now (as of last week) and we couldn't be happier. We still think back about how crazy and stressful the wait was (about a year) and never regret going through that process. At least you have your NOA2, you're almost there

Edited June 17, 2015 by twin810s

[_Paul&Jesica_ 70]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

Communication is fundamental. The Immigration process is just one "speed bump" of many that you will encounter as a couple. You need to keep the conversation freely flowing.

My suggestion is to skype... Skype skype skype. Timezones make it difficult sometimes, but during our K-1 process I skyped with my wife a minimun of 3 hours each day. Sometimes we didn't have a whole lot to say but we just stayed on skype to grow our connection.

My wife skypes with her family many times a week. In the morning and in the evening. It will work out if there is the desire for it...

[CowBoE 429]

Yes, I don't think too many would disagree that US immigration processing is frustrating.

But...

- many countries do not even allow such open immigration policy.

- there is no country like US where (nearly) everyone wants to immigrate to

- there are a lot immigration fraud they have to consider

Also...

- there are so many people that are dying to be in your (NOA2) situation,

and they will gladly take that immigration spot that you want to abandoned

- did you really think that love is talking hours and hours every single day forever?

are you expecting this to continue into the marriage for years and years as well?

If you are doubting your marriage just due to this processing time...

then I think certain level of maturity, patience, and understanding is lacking

and you may not be ready for immigration to US and marriage.

My fiancee and I were separate almost 10 months, and we used that time to

really get to know each other and proved to each other that we are worthy of long wait.

Yes, we were frustrated here and there with lengthy time, but that never became the focus

nor strained in our relationship. We are matured adults and we accepted that they are not

discriminating us, and that it's the normal process that everyone goes through.

Therefore, we focused more on what she can do when she comes to US, and what I can do to help her.

In the end, the waiting time, really made our relationship stronger...because we worked at it.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Me and my fiance went through a similar period were it felt like the only thing we talked about was the visa and the amount of messages got fewer and fewer. The most important advice I can give you is: take a break from the visa, don't talk about visa or marriage. Focus on talking about the things that brought you together in the first place. Talk about the things you love doing together and look forward to doing ones she's with you!

[Cathi 5,784]

I have been there and done that. Time to withdraw the petition and return to Philippines and look for someone more compatible.......

seriously?????

[Shauneg 762]

You have your Noa 2!!? That's 90% of the battle. She could be here in less than two months. Sooner even if things work in your favor.

[Sarahnick 19]

I've seen my fiancé twice the last year and when I move over in August it's been 7months since last time.

Patience and understanding, and talking is the "key" to this process. This isn't an easy process.....

[Unidentified 2,930]

I have been there and done that. Time to withdraw the petition and return to Philippines and look for someone more compatible.......

Wow, this is once again showing proof that I was right about what I said in a different thread to you about you and mail order brides...

[suzannepecak 15]

You have your Noa 2!!? That's 90% of the battle. She could be here in less than two months. Sooner even if things work in your favor.

I don't want to be a party pooper, but also at the nvc it can take months and months.? I'm at the nvc for 3 months now and looking at at least another 3. A few lucky ones are done within a month but a lot of time lines I follow are 5,6,7 and sometimes 10 months at nvc! Nvc is dealing with an overwhelming amount of approved petitions from uscis and their website isn't working correctly.? Just saying, don't get your hopes up?

I know it is shocking to hear, but after a little simmer, try and find back the positive attitude to get you thru, confused999.

[Kastrs 723]

I don't want to be a party pooper, but also at the nvc it can take months and months.? I'm at the nvc for 3 months now and looking at at least another 3. A few lucky ones are done within a month but a lot of time lines I follow are 5,6,7 and sometimes 10 months at nvc! Nvc is dealing with an overwhelming amount of approved petitions from uscis and their website isn't working correctly.? Just saying, don't get your hopes up?

I know it is shocking to hear, but after a little simmer, try and find back the positive attitude to get you thru, confused999.

For K1s the petition is basically at the NVC long enough to get a case number and when applicable interview scheduled. It is MUCH faster compared to the CR1/IR1 process because they do not have any documents to send in or anything. For K1s I would say a month is about the usual NVC time.

[Shauneg 762]

I don't want to be a party pooper, but also at the nvc it can take months and months.? I'm at the nvc for 3 months now and looking at at least another 3. A few lucky ones are done within a month but a lot of time lines I follow are 5,6,7 and sometimes 10 months at nvc! Nvc is dealing with an overwhelming amount of approved petitions from uscis and their website isn't working correctly.? Just saying, don't get your hopes up?

I know it is shocking to hear, but after a little simmer, try and find back the positive attitude to get you thru, confused999.

K1s? No way....at most a month...at most. They literally assign it a number and send it on. They do nothing to the petition.

Mine was there 6 days.

Edited June 17, 2015 by Shauneg

[confused999 4]

Thanks again for all the replies (yes I read each one of them J ) and kind words it is very much appreciated and comforting to know others have been through something similar.

@suzannepecak We received our NOA2 very end of May but the case is not at the NVC yet. I heard the CR1 wait at NVC is much longer then the K1 … Wish you the best.

@Twin810s Congratulations!

@James and Leslie We were planning on a trip before the interview however the NOA2 came faster than we expected so we are now assuming the interview will be in late July or early August. She rather I wait and go for the interview and stay in manila until she receives her visa and we fly back to the states together. That makes taking 2 trips difficult in getting the time off of work and not to mention the cost of flight, hotels and stuff.

@DualityOneess I agree with your points in your posts. I have been thinking about this a lot and there is a lot of stuff that happens after receiving the NOA2 that affects her now more so then in the early stages of this process, namely the NBI, CENOMAR, CFO, MEDICAL the “possible” delays in getting a VISA due the system problems or hacks. The other thing that happens after the NOA2 is the financial cost exponentially increase as in our case because we started making plans regarding leaving her province and staying in manila and how to handle her job, apartment, leaving family and friends and living arrangement in manila to complete the rest of this journey. That is a major dose of reality that her and I probably were naïve about to some extent and underestimated the impact. But then again not sure how can you really know how someone is going to react to a situation like that until you are in it I suppose? Further I think JV is great as a support forum (as evidenced by this thread) and a wealth of information but JV is also a double edge sword because she reads this site as well and some people have issues that cause serious delays and creates a scare factor if everything is going to go ok.

@Maria&Seve Thank you for sharing.

@ Shauneg I thought the NVC runs a background check also ?

And thanks again to everyone for taking the time to comment and reply

Edited June 17, 2015 by confused999

[MouadsWife 161]

I have been there and done that. Time to withdraw the petition and return to Philippines and look for someone more compatible.......

Don't go into marriage counseling....

[Shauneg 762]

Thanks again for all the replies (yes I read each one of them J ) and kind words it is very much appreciated and comforting to know others have been through something similar.

@suzannepecak We received our NOA2 very end of May but the case is not at the NVC yet. I heard the CR1 wait at NVC is much longer then the K1 Wish you the best.

@Twin810s Congratulations!

@James and Leslie We were planning on a trip before the interview however the NOA2 came faster than we expected so we are now assuming the interview will be in late July or early August. She rather I wait and go for the interview and stay in manila until she receives her visa and we fly back to the states together. That makes taking 2 trips difficult in getting the time off of work and not to mention the cost of flight, hotels and stuff.

@DualityOneess I agree with your points in your posts. I have been thinking about this a lot and there is a lot of stuff that happens after receiving the NOA2 that affects her now more so then in the early stages of this process, namely the NBI, CENOMAR, CFO, MEDICAL the possible delays in getting a VISA due the system problems or hacks. The other thing that happens after the NOA2 is the financial cost exponentially increase as in our case because we started making plans regarding leaving her province and staying in manila and how to handle her job, apartment, leaving family and friends and living arrangement in manila to complete the rest of this journey. That is a major dose of reality that her and I probably were naïve about to some extent and underestimated the impact. But then again not sure how can you really know how someone is going to react to a situation like that until you are in it I suppose? Further I think JV is great as a support forum (as evidenced by this thread) and a wealth of information but JV is also a double edge sword because she reads this site as well and some people have issues that cause serious delays and creates a scare factor if everything is going to go ok.

@Maria&Seve Thank you for sharing.

@ Shauneg I thought the NVC runs a background check also ?

And thanks again to everyone for taking the time to comment and reply

CSC normally takes about a month to get the petition to NVC. Call NVC and see if they received it...uscis isnt updated many times for those at csc. NVC for k1 is roughly a week to assign a case number and it took ours a few days to get to manila. She could have been here about 3 weeks after that but timing didn't work for us. Check my timeline. NVC does nothing for K1 but assign embassy number and send it to them. No background checks...

Don't go into marriage counseling....

Lol. Edited June 17, 2015 by Shauneg

[Shauneg 762]

Did I read right that you say the Noa 2 cane much sooner than expected but the stress of the wait is taking a toll? I would think this hero's your situation and you two should be elated it came fast. Texas people are having to wait 6 7 or 8 months sonetimes. There might be underlying issues between you two that haven't presented theirselves.