Help! My fiance is not ready to get married after 8 months of waiting for K1 to be approve

[MinCharlie 7]

Break up through text after 14 years ? Lies (about being single) ? And you want to spend life with him ? Seriously ???? Run. Unless your goal is just to come to US, you should run...

No, my intention is never to be in the US. There were many times I told him to move to Malaysia with me. I dont even really like USA but I did that for him because he needs to be close to his kids.

I want to spend time with him because I love him dearly

[Ontarkie 14,226]

His love didn't stop all of a sudden you said it yourself that you had to convince him he still loved you more then once!

I'm sorry but you are not seeing the writing on the wall.

So instead of moving on you're going to have him take as much time as he needs to string you along even more. He will send you money to keep you around for when he is feeling a little lonely and he has a fallback girl.

You were his distraction when his marriage was going through things, now he is divorced he doesn't need you anymore.

Edited June 16, 2015 by Ontarkie

[Chowking 20]

I want share this to you because I feel it will help a lot to make you feel better. I have a friend, she met someone, they fell inlove with each other. He is divorce with a kid who is 7 year old. my friend is single. They are like love birds, very sweet and always happy. Nevertheless all of a sudden, the guy told her that she needs someone who will love her and be with her at all times, that she needs to find someone better than him. Then finally he said, " This is the hardest decision I made that was not for me, its for your own good. Its unfair that you are putting your life on hold because of me." The guy wants her only daughter to have better education and it will take him 5 years to accomplish it, he doesn't want her to wait because she can have a better life from someone. My friend love him so much, she did not give up, she emailed him, sent letters, call him but the guy just treat her like a friend. For 5 years she keep on convincing him that they are meant for each other. She always update him about her life, like he knows everything but still the man is just focused his time on work and daughter and stay friends to her. then my friend met someone and fell in love again but the first guy still single and all of sudden he emailed her like that he is ready now, he has good job and his daughter is in good school. Im telling you my friend was sad because he loves him so much but she is about to get married now, She ended up marrying the second guy and she is super happy now. the first guy is a wonderful man he is not selfish, if he did not leave her he will never meet her husband now.

I know its hard, but always remember there is reason for everything, you dont have to understand everything between the lines, just trust that in the end you are the winner.

[j-zealous 13]

@OP

As I mentioned this morning, please use the receipt number to check on the status of your application. If it's still in process, then you'll see if he's just going through a phase. If for some reasons it's not there, then you'll have to drop him like hot potatoes because he'd mean u no good. Do not let him use a green card is an albatross around your neck neither give him the idea that you wanna just come to America. Did he ever petition for the wife he now divorced? I'm not asking for you to plaster your business on a public forum, but I see more questions

[templeton 120]

You find so many amazing people on this board. Without ever having met or spent significant time with anyone involved, they know exactly what's happening, why, and what you should do. Incredible!

All I can tell you is this; from my own experiences, the harder you try to hold on, the more he will try to get away. Obviously something has changed in his mind and he has hesitations now. Why, after all this time? I can only speculate on his motivations.

You've said he can have some time and space to work things through. That's good. Make sure you give him that time alone to do that. He'll either come around and realize that he misses you and needs to get the relationship back on track, or continue to feel that the relationship isn't what he wants. But you can't make that decision for him.

All you can do is what's best for you. Don't let his issues control you, or put your life on hold, hoping and waiting for him to come around for too long. He may have already decided and just doesn't want to hurt you too much. Talk is cheap, it's actions that speak louder. I'm not saying cut bait right away, but at some point you may have to come to terms with the reality that it may not work out. At that point, do what needs to be done and get on with your life. It's not going to be easy or painless. You can't get back the time that's already gone by. All you can do is make the most of the time you have going forward.

Edited June 16, 2015 by templeton

[MinCharlie 7]

I want share this to you because I feel it will help a lot to make you feel better. I have a friend, she met someone, they fell inlove with each other. He is divorce with a kid who is 7 year old. my friend is single. They are like love birds, very sweet and always happy. Nevertheless all of a sudden, the guy told her that she needs someone who will love her and be with her at all times, that she needs to find someone better than him. Then finally he said, " This is the hardest decision I made that was not for me, its for your own good. Its unfair that you are putting your life on hold because of me." The guy wants her only daughter to have better education and it will take him 5 years to accomplish it, he doesn't want her to wait because she can have a better life from someone. My friend love him so much, she did not give up, she emailed him, sent letters, call him but the guy just treat her like a friend. For 5 years she keep on convincing him that they are meant for each other. She always update him about her life, like he knows everything but still the man is just focused his time on work and daughter and stay friends to her. then my friend met someone and fell in love again but the first guy still single and all of sudden he emailed her like that he is ready now, he has good job and his daughter is in good school. Im telling you my friend was sad because he loves him so much but she is about to get married now, She ended up marrying the second guy and she is super happy now. the first guy is a wonderful man he is not selfish, if he did not leave her he will never meet her husband now.

I know its hard, but always remember there is reason for everything, you dont have to understand everything between the lines, just trust that in the end you are the winner.

Thanks for sharing and yes is too bad this happened, but I am also happy for her to found a new love

I will definitely not wait for 5 years. Once I see he cancel the K1 application. I will never want anything to do with this man anymore.

I do too, believe things happens for a reason

[MinCharlie 7]

@OP

As I mentioned this morning, please use the receipt number to check on the status of your application. If it's still in process, then you'll see if he's just going through a phase. If for some reasons it's not there, then you'll have to drop him like hot potatoes because he'd mean u no good. Do not let him use a green card is an albatross around your neck neither give him the idea that you wanna just come to America. Did he ever petition for the wife he now divorced? I'm not asking for you to plaster your business on a public forum, but I see more questions

Yes, I did check the status and is still " Case was received" and Yes, If I found out he ever cancel this application I will never want to have anything to do with him. I know I deserve a real man with true love.

No, I never really want to go to America. Green card means nothing tome but just a paper for me to be with him. I love my own country so much and I have been telling him to move to Malaysia with me.

He ex wife is American.

[uniquelyJo 34]

Turned out to be a false alarm

Don't know why you think it was a false alarm Bill hasn't even made landfall yet and Matagorda Bay is underwater with the storm surge. We are in Matagorda County and the rain from the outlaying bands is just starting to hit us now.

OP: I would step back and give him a lot of space, time to collect his thoughts and most of all, time to miss you!

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

It's obvious he wants a lot of space right now. From a visa/immigration standpoint, here are my suggestions for giving him that space:

1. Keep the K1 active and follow through to approval.

2. Tell him right now that after the K1 is approved, that you will wait 6 months before entry into the US - which is allowed.

He might be thinking that things are moving too fast. If you can assure him that you will give him 6+ months to think things through, perhaps it will be sufficient time and space for him.

If I were you, I would also use these next 6+ months for yourself. To examine what you want in life. Try not to think about him, so much, but about what you might want in the future. And, about other options that don't include him. Give yourself some separation from him. Don't text, don't email, don't phone. Take 1-2 months to sort out things for yourself.

Edited June 16, 2015 by Russ&Caro

[hanniel 41]

He might be thinking that things are moving too fast.

After dating someone for 14 years the excuse "things are moving too fast" doesn't fly.

It is game over. Too much analyzing over the obvious.

[Ortolan 381]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but this is the end of the road for this particular K-1. He might have already withdrawn the application. As far as the visa goes, if he doesn't want to bring you to him in the US using the K-1 visa, you're not coming.

Please think of yourself, be kind to yourself, and give advice to yourself as if you were advising your best friend: this is not the man for you.

[Unidentified 2,930]

It's obvious he wants a lot of space right now. From a visa/immigration standpoint, here are my suggestions for giving him that space:

1. Keep the K1 active and follow through to approval.

2. Tell him right now that after the K1 is approved, that you will wait 6 months before entry into the US - which is allowed.

He might be thinking that things are moving too fast. If you can assure him that you will give him 6+ months to think things through, perhaps it will be sufficient time and space for him.

If I were you, I would also use these next 6+ months for yourself. To examine what you want in life. Try not to think about him, so much, but about what you might want in the future. And, about other options that don't include him. Give yourself some separation from him. Don't text, don't email, don't phone. Take 1-2 months to sort out things for yourself.

He has told her multiple times he doesn't want to get married, coming on the K1 would not be fair as long as he says he doesn't want to get married. Things are not moving too fast, they've been together 14 years.

He might not even know that he can cancel the application at this stage.

Edited June 16, 2015 by Maria&Seve

[MinCharlie 7]

You find so many amazing people on this board. Without ever having met or spent significant time with anyone involved, they know exactly what's happening, why, and what you should do. Incredible!

All I can tell you is this; from my own experiences, the harder you try to hold on, the more he will try to get away. Obviously something has changed in his mind and he has hesitations now. Why, after all this time? I can only speculate on his motivations.

You've said he can have some time and space to work things through. That's good. Make sure you give him that time alone to do that. He'll either come around and realize that he misses you and needs to get the relationship back on track, or continue to feel that the relationship isn't what he wants. But you can't make that decision for him.

All you can do is what's best for you. Don't let his issues control you, or put your life on hold, hoping and waiting for him to come around for too long. He may have already decided and just doesn't want to hurt you too much. Talk is cheap, it's actions that speak louder. I'm not saying cut bait right away, but at some point you may have to come to terms with the reality that it may not work out. At that point, do what needs to be done and get on with your life. It's not going to be easy or painless. You can't get back the time that's already gone by. All you can do is make the most of the time you have going forward.

I agree with you.

Yes, I am going to give him time to sort his feeling out but not forever.

My " cut off" time will be until the NOA2 or when I found out if he cancel the K1 application

I am working on what I am going to do after that.

I do feel better now

OP: I would step back and give him a lot of space, time to collect his thoughts and most of all, time to miss you!

I like this a lot

but I wont wait forever

[MinCharlie 7]

It's obvious he wants a lot of space right now. From a visa/immigration standpoint, here are my suggestions for giving him that space:

1. Keep the K1 active and follow through to approval.

2. Tell him right now that after the K1 is approved, that you will wait 6 months before entry into the US - which is allowed.

He might be thinking that things are moving too fast. If you can assure him that you will give him 6+ months to think things through, perhaps it will be sufficient time and space for him.

If I were you, I would also use these next 6+ months for yourself. To examine what you want in life. Try not to think about him, so much, but about what you might want in the future. And, about other options that don't include him. Give yourself some separation from him. Don't text, don't email, don't phone. Take 1-2 months to sort out things for yourself.

I didnt know about the 6 months!

I like your idea a lot

Yes, I am actually planning my life without him right now. ( less then 24 hours after his hurtful text1 )

[CowBoE 429]

Few comments...

1) Even if it wasn't legally documented, to have sort of wedding ceremony and honeymoon

and to file fiancee visa is treading on fraud, and should you make it to the interview,

if they uncover this, you could be denied.

2) Also since you guys were dating you while he was married, just realize that, if you guys get married,

this sort of behavior could repeat...by him or by you. That's a bit of warning sign to consider.

3) Putting you out of the picture for the moment, he had a long divorce proceeding,

which means it probably wasn't a smooth one. Therefore, he is probably traumatized right now,

and he is quite fearful of marriage falling apart and having to go through this again.

4) What you like is your choice, and what he likes is his choice.

You don't have to like what he likes, and he doesn't have to like what you like.

Both of you are simply exercising your right to declare what each of you like.

So realize that it will be hard to convince someone to like something (marriage) that he doesn't like.

5) Lastly, just because he has a change of heart now, I don't necessarily agree with some posters

calling him a bad man that just used you. I do believe that he still loves you, but he just can't

deal with another marriage and possible divorce again.

If you want to win his heart, here is my suggestion...

6) Don't press him for marriage or fiancee visa and let him recover naturally from his last divorce over time.

7) Carefully listen to things he tells you, and figure out what his needs are

and try to provide that to him.

8) At this point, I'm assuming that he needs someone that is not making any demands from him

(probably like his ex-wife), but rather be his strong companion.

9) Just like you were calculating pros and cons, he's doing the same thing without telling you all the details.

If you just focus on comforting him vs. making any demands (marriage, visa, etc.),

then you may increase the chance that he really want to be with you.

10) Finally, you should (emotionally) step away from this relationship, and really think about

do I really want to be with someone that doesn't want to marry me?
Shouldn't I find someone that really want to marry me?

Best of luck!!!

Edited June 16, 2015 by DualityOneness