Help! My fiance is not ready to get married after 8 months of waiting for K1 to be approve

[MinCharlie 7]

The divorce took 7 years to finalized. We dated for 6 years before he started the divorce. He told me he was single when we started dating. He only tell me the truth 3 years after we dated. So I waited 3 years for his kids to grow older then he initiated the divorce. It was finalized last year sept. And we started the k1 Oct2014.

Edited June 16, 2015 by MinCharlie

[j-zealous 13]

Poor lady. Have you kept abreast of the status on USCIS? Because you should have at least had NOA2 by now, having filed since October. A divorce can be a damaging thing as maybe he had to give up too much as part of the divorce order. Maybe he fears going down that road again. All I can say is continue speaking to him and give him some reassurance, let him know it's also very difficult on you and you need to know what is happening so you can make more decisive decisions for your life

[simoncini03 22]

Honey you are asking the wrong question. Why would you want to convince him?

You waited on him long enough, you have to love yourself first and know you are worth having a man who truly wants to be with you.

[MinCharlie 7]

Poor lady. Have you kept abreast of the status on USCIS? Because you should have at least had NOA2 by now, having filed since October. A divorce can be a damaging thing as maybe he had to give up too much as part of the divorce order. Maybe he fears going down that road again. All I can say is continue speaking to him and give him some reassurance, let him know it's also very difficult on you and you need to know what is happening so you can make more decisive decisions for your life

Actually this is what I was thinking. He is afraid to get married and divorce again. I told him the prenup will protect his wealth and I will never divorce him.

The check USCIS status everyday and is still "case was received"

The reason I am so in love with this man because he is my first man and I told him he will be the last one too.

I know is crazy the way I hang on to him but I just cannot imagine myself in another man's bed

Edited June 16, 2015 by MinCharlie

[rmg-fg 32]

Hi- I had to add to this; there is a lot of really spot on advice here about your emotional aspect in this. I am so sorry to hear your story. There needs to be a lot of trust in this kind of relationship but also needs to be a balance; especially when so far away and so long. There was no balance in what was given, sacrificed or honesty. These are key in every relationship but extreme in long distance.

From the logics and systematic view here, this process is not a sure bet even on a smooth case. If there are these complications it will make it more difficult without some flags being seen during the process and even at the interview. You have not received the NOA2 so there is still a chance for this to go on and more months waiting regardless. Plenty of time for his decision to be final and yours. Just remember that most of us have a larger problem in being apprehensive for everything to be approved in each step even without any complications; there is a lot here for both of you to consider should he even change his mind and you both decide to still go for the visa.

My last two bits would be to back out of any further communications as well and leave things as they are. After the NOA2 comes in then see if he has tried to respond and go to a great length to try for some balance with the relationship. If not, request he withdraw the application and you go on with your life there.

Best of wishes to you, sincerely.

[MinCharlie 7]

Hi- I had to add to this; there is a lot of really spot on advice here about your emotional aspect in this. I am so sorry to hear your story. There needs to be a lot of trust in this kind of relationship but also needs to be a balance; especially when so far away and so long. There was no balance in what was given, sacrificed or honesty. These are key in every relationship but extreme in long distance.

From the logics and systematic view here, this process is not a sure bet even on a smooth case. If there are these complications it will make it more difficult without some flags being seen during the process and even at the interview. You have not received the NOA2 so there is still a chance for this to go on and more months waiting regardless. Plenty of time for his decision to be final and yours. Just remember that most of us have a larger problem in being apprehensive for everything to be approved in each step even without any complications; there is a lot here for both of you to consider should he even change his mind and you both decide to still go for the visa.

My last two bits would be to back out of any further communications as well and leave things as they are. After the NOA2 comes in then see if he has tried to respond and go to a great length to try for some balance with the relationship. If not, request he withdraw the application and you go on with your life there.

Best of wishes to you, sincerely.

Yes. I think I am just going to leave him alone for awhile. He may have major issue his ends that making him confused. I will see what will happen if the NOA2 comes

Mean time I am looking for some options to go on with my life of things doesn't work out. I am done convincing him to be back.

[PhilLuv 43]

This is just my 2 cents opinion. First it appears that you guys did things back to front - the 'wedding' and 'honeymoon'. That said, it could be that during your time together during the 'wedding' and 'honeymoon' you unwittingly did/said something that he then felt that he can't go through another divorce again. It could also well be that he got cold feet after deep thoughts. Who knows what went on in his first marriage. Who knows why it took him 7 years to get divorce.

What I would say is that I doubt your 14 years with him is for nought. He may come round not wanting to lose you too. It is unfortunate that it is at a crucial time when you are applying for the K1.

Good luck

[Lauren and Kevin 55]

I must agree with Phil on this, and not with all the 'dump him' people. Having actually been through a divorce late in life, I certainly found that the period afterwards and for quite some time did involve an awful lot of involuntary going back over decisions and the life and a lot of deep thinking that does physically take time.

You do feel very different after the divorce and a lot of that is unexpected. This is very hard to suggest, but I do agree with stopping trying to persuade him, as that may be part of the 'fog' he's in right now.

I think he needs to work through this on his own without distractions, and to realise that yes, now he is free, he does want to make a firm commitment, and he has now realised how much he loves and misses you.

Or....he just drifts away into some sort of bachelor life and never goes anywhere..

I'd suggest you let him know you think kindly of him, and are happy to be just a friend if he needs to talk, and keep him in your thoughts, but start building your life without him.

[hanniel 41]

Houston? I suggest you wait at least another week, as we're due for a mother of a tropical storm circa 4:00 AM on Tuesday Morning.

Turned out to be a false alarm

[kzielu 1,149]

Break up through text after 14 years ? Lies (about being single) ? And you want to spend life with him ? Seriously ???? Run. Unless your goal is just to come to US, you should run...

[Cathi 5,748]

You had an affair with a married man for 14 years, that should show you right there what his character is. Why would you ever want to marry someone who did this to his family, and what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you? I can tell you right now he never intended to marry you, he was lying to you as much as he was lying to his wife and children. You need to accept the reality of the situation and move on. Now that he is divorced he is enjoying being single and doesn't want to commit to anyone. At least he was honest(for once), Move on, you cannot force someone to want to marry you. He is a jerk for stringing you along for 14 years and for lying to and cheating on his wife. This man is dirt.

[OLee 64]

Stop judging them, people. Don't put more oil in a fire! All we know is some facts, but we don't know them in person.

To OP: 14 years long love doesn't fade away this simple. Leave him alone for a while, you are hurt, you have feelings too. Give him some time, wait till he reaches out for you. God knows what is in his mind right now. He will come back to you, I am sure. Or he is an absolute fool. Be strong, Girl. I was in a similar boat, I am with you.

Edited June 16, 2015 by OLee

[General Buhari 46]

I must agree with Phil on this, and not with all the 'dump him' people. Having actually been through a divorce late in life, I certainly found that the period afterwards and for quite some time did involve an awful lot of involuntary going back over decisions and the life and a lot of deep thinking that does physically take time.

You do feel very different after the divorce and a lot of that is unexpected. This is very hard to suggest, but I do agree with stopping trying to persuade him, as that may be part of the 'fog' he's in right now.

I think he needs to work through this on his own without distractions, and to realise that yes, now he is free, he does want to make a firm commitment, and he has now realised how much he loves and misses you.

Or....he just drifts away into some sort of bachelor life and never goes anywhere..

I'd suggest you let him know you think kindly of him, and are happy to be just a friend if he needs to talk, and keep him in your thoughts, but start building your life without him.

Excellent response.

[MinCharlie 7]

I must agree with Phil on this, and not with all the 'dump him' people. Having actually been through a divorce late in life, I certainly found that the period afterwards and for quite some time did involve an awful lot of involuntary going back over decisions and the life and a lot of deep thinking that does physically take time.

You do feel very different after the divorce and a lot of that is unexpected. This is very hard to suggest, but I do agree with stopping trying to persuade him, as that may be part of the 'fog' he's in right now.

I think he needs to work through this on his own without distractions, and to realise that yes, now he is free, he does want to make a firm commitment, and he has now realised how much he loves and misses you.

Or....he just drifts away into some sort of bachelor life and never goes anywhere..

I'd suggest you let him know you think kindly of him, and are happy to be just a friend if he needs to talk, and keep him in your thoughts, but start building your life without him.

Actually this is what I think he is going through, he needs time to think especially he just done with a divorce. He may be afraid to go through this whole marriage thing again. I am not sure but this is what my guts feeling telling me.

In my text I told him he can take as long time as he needs but do let me know from time to time if he is ok.

He told me he is convinced he doesnt want to get married to anyone else but he will let me know from time to time if he is doing ok. He is also will send me money every month. Sounded like he felt bad but he is not ready to commit yet.

at first he said "unsure' about having me over, then the next text was " I am convince I dont want to get married"

From this, I think he is very lost and confuse now.

He said he still loves me, when I asked then why and what make him doesnt want to be with me, he said he is not sure he can explain how he feels right now and maybe one day he will be able to!

He is been single since Sept and I know I am his only girl. I have never doubt about this.

I do like one of the suggestion about just not doing anything with the visa now, if the NOA2 comes, he definitely have to make a decision.

I still have some hope because he is not cancelling the visa right now, perhaps he is still thinking. I know if he is 100% convince, he would have cancelled the visa by now,

of course I am also looking at some options as what I want to do with my life.

[MinCharlie 7]

Stop judging them, people. Don't put more oil in a fire! All we know is some facts, but we don't know them in person.

To OP: 14 years long love doesn't fade away this simple. Leave him alone for a while, you are hurt, you have feelings too. Give him some time, wait till he reaches out for you. God knows what is in his mind right now. He will come back to you, I am sure. Or he is an absolute fool. Be strong, Girl. I was in a similar boat, I am with you.

Your words are so comforting. You had the similar situation? and it worked out good I assume?

I agree 14 years of love wont go again in a few days. We both put a lot of effort in this relationship. He was in so much pain when he went through his divorce because of his 3 teenager kids. I stood by him and told him to be with the kids every nights after his work and only come home to me at midnight.