Family Approval

[keepinitreal 0]

Sorry i think I typed this in twice. I am not sure how to use this site but i would like to know from those of you who are from particularly african countries feel about getting parental approval first. My fiance and I feel it is very important to us to have our family supports us. We are 30 and 33. Does anyone else here think it is important and at what stage should it be given. I have already filed for the K-1 we have the Noa1 but not the Noa2 yet. We sent it on Feb. 1st

[KingMedusa 0]

Sorry i think I typed this in twice. I am not sure how to use this site but i would like to know from those of you who are from particularly african countries feel about getting parental approval first. My fiance and I feel it is very important to us to have our family supports us. We are 30 and 33. Does anyone else here think it is important and at what stage should it be given. I have already filed for the K-1 we have the Noa1 but not the Noa2 yet. We sent it on Feb. 1st

Your post is not that clear. Approval on what? Marriage or the visa process?

[keepinitreal 0]

Sorry i think I typed this in twice. I am not sure how to use this site but i would like to know from those of you who are from particularly african countries feel about getting parental approval first. My fiance and I feel it is very important to us to have our family supports us. We are 30 and 33. Does anyone else here think it is important and at what stage should it be given. I have already filed for the K-1 we have the Noa1 but not the Noa2 yet. We sent it on Feb. 1st

Your post is not that clear. Approval on what? Marriage or the visa process?

THE MARRIAGE OF COURSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WOULD THEY HAVE TO DO IN THE VISA PROCESS ???

[African Queen 0]

Every person wants their family to approve of their spouse. I believe that families are generally supportive if they can see genuine and true love. Wishing you the best.

April 23, 2007 THE BIG INTERVIEW DAY!

[Kelechi 0]

Sorry i think I typed this in twice. I am not sure how to use this site but i would like to know from those of you who are from particularly african countries feel about getting parental approval first. My fiance and I feel it is very important to us to have our family supports us. We are 30 and 33. Does anyone else here think it is important and at what stage should it be given. I have already filed for the K-1 we have the Noa1 but not the Noa2 yet. We sent it on Feb. 1st

It is very important that the family approves. Not saying that you can get married without it but most people want to have a meaningful relationship with their in-laws. As far as what stage I dont know this answer. I am sure you will do just fine. I was very nervous when I went to Nigeria to meet my fiances family. But when I went I just let them see me as I am. And they were more laid back than I was. Everything will be okay. I found that my Nigerian family just wanted me to be happy.

[ReggaeDancer2 0]

Sorry, but my family has NOTHING to do with my choice in my life partner (and I come from a very close knit family). Yes it would NICE to have their approval, but not necessary. I know from dating African men all these years that family approval is very important to them. One African man I dated for three years wouldn't marry me because he knew my father disapproved. I finally found a man who knew it was more important to love and respect your partner and make a life together whether or not your family is included. I knew eventually my father would come around.

My father doesn't believe in interracial marriages, he believes they only lead to heartache and pain and that any children produced have a hard life. Now he likes my husband, but when I first told him of my marriage, he was furious and wouldn't talk to me for six months. Said we were not allowed in his house, but my mother set him straight on that.

[Kanyiri 0]

How much you want your family to approve is completely up to your and your fiance. My family did not approve at all. I also had fights with them and didn't speak with them for long periods of time - mostly because of the interracial thing. Now that they have gotten to know him, they love him and are back to calling me almost daily just to talk about any little thing.

When you are looking for your family's approval, just remember that even if you were marrying someone who should potentially fit into the mold of what your parents want, doesn't mean they would actually like that person. Most parents operate under the "no man is good enough for my child" rule. I know alot of people who married within the US to the seemingly perfect person and still the parents did not approve. Also remember, that you have to spend the rest of your life with the man you marry. Your parents will only be there for a fraction of that time.

Good luck!

[Nikita2Charles 32]

We are in a mixed marriage. When I met my wife while I was working on a project in India, I knew about all the hurddle we would face, even though I like her, so we end up just being friends, then later on we knew what we felt was more than friendship, in India there are a lot of arranged marriages, and when a couple meet their own partner, dating and decide to get married it's called Love marriage, the later one is the one with the most struggle as both the partners have to get their respective parents to agree to the marriage. My wife dad was a little bit reluctant, so we decided to give it a chance, give it some time, so I went there to spend some time with the family, so they get to know me as a person, so by the time I proprosed and got engaged there was objections from my wife family, I wasn't a stranger to them. All parents are concerned how their child will be treated by their partners, but over time the more confident they get, the more at ease they get.

[Queen Jenn 0]

While I think it is important to have approval from your family, I believe that the decision of whom you want to be with is COMPLETELY your decision. It makes things easier if you have family approval because there is not tension/stress/anger between you and your family. It makes it so that you can ask help from them in times of need. I am blessed because my family approves of Gbenga 100% (though many are not so lucky as to have parental approval of an interracial relationship). And Gbenga's family seems to approve of me (I've spoken with his mom and three of his sisters and felt nothing but love and acceptance). He tells me that they love me and are happy with our choice.

However, if you truly believe that the person you have chosen is the one for you, then disapproval from your family should not stop your relationship. The most important thing is your happiness.

[NkemEmeka 0]

I think most of us on this thread and on sub-saharan africa visa forum are in interracial marriages, not saying all. I guess some parents will dissaprove the daughter marrying a foreigner especially if he comes from a country where the men have final say so. That was the ONLY negative remarks I had from my family, not parents, but by other family members. They would say in Nigeria the woman have no say so just like in the rest of Africa, Middle-East, & in Asia as Russia is included.

Anyhow, my husbands family did not have any problem in him marrying me. They had attended our traditional wedding & church wedding. We first wedded at a local church in Nigeria then we had a traditional Igbo wedding (his tribe) in his home town with the local wine, drums, & some money. Too me, is little money due to I am an American lol. We did the traditional wedding in his home town. We found out last moment that we needed a marriage certificate so we had to bribe the officials to give us a marriage certificate at the court since the church that we wedded at did not have it at that time.

This is my very first time in hearing how some ladies families do not want their daughter to marry a black. If that is true, I know its for the reasons of the man is in control of everything.

As for Nigerian (I am sure Ghanaian culture is similar) culture, most of them do believe that they have to have atleast one person in the family has to approve of their marriage before they can marry. This is not the 1950's any more where men were more likely to ask a womans hand in marriage and were proud about it, even telling his friends about it. Things had changed. So right now I do not see why should a whole family agree to a woman getting married to a man especially where women and men are decreasing marriage rates and increasing divorce rates. It does not make any sense to me. Would parents find a daughter a suitable husband like in the 1950's??? I do not think so. Therefore, American parents should not have much say so in the daughters choice of marriage because of the lack of culture America is offering as in decreasing the marriage rate. When the marriage rate is dramatically increasing and the divorce rate is decreasing then the parents can have a little say so. We marry who we fall in love with.

[forchika 4]

In my situation, it was very important to get the approval from his family more so than mine. Because he is very close to his family in Nigeria. He was the one who was going to pick up and move thousand miles away from his close knit family. I knew he was close to family so, I told him it would be only right to come and meet them and seek their approval. I was never worried about that because I knew they would love me once they met me. Maybe not an easy task as he has five sisters( I met them all except one). I was floored by his interaction of family in Nigeria and the way they do things (like his mom coming to greet me the morning of my arrival to his sister's house in his home town) it was the one thing that I admired the most. I can say my family did not approve of me making that trip to Nigeria but, I did not let that stop me. I did not seek my moms approval after my visit, I just told her I was getting married and showed her the ring and all the photos that I took with his family. As far as her accepting him she said" she will have to have more person to person interaction with him" and that time will be here soon........

Edited February 24, 2007 by forchika