Adjusting to life

[hanniel 41]

I struggled for a few months as a CR1 (it took me 3 months to find a job and I wasnt used to not working). I found going to the library and doing job research, improving my resume etc more healthy than being at home while my wife was at work.

The idea about practice job applications another poster quoted is very good. Also are there any local courses he can take to learn new skills and meet new people? Might give him a sense of purpose while he is unable to work.

I never understood what was so great about the "practice job application" ideas.

[NikLR 13,227]

Negative, Please remember this is a international forum.

Poster is from Philippines, and traditional roles is for the female to cook and take care of house, I have never seen a husband do the cooking or cleaning and nor is it normal for a male to do those roles in Philippines. When I am there the men eat first and the woman serve them, just the way it works there.........

Well the way it works here may be different and that is part of adapting. He and his wife have already chosen the USA, so maybe they should give it a go.

If someone does not want to do any housework, then a different visa type should be sought-after. If a man, any man, finds household chores to be degrading, maybe it's a good learning experience to do them. Perhaps they could find a new appreciation for their spouses.

My husband is traditional as well, however when I worked and he didn't after leaving the AF, he did the dishes and cooked. When I have not worked and he has, then I did it all. We both work, and I do the lions share, but we both do household chores.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

That is why I suggested moving back to Philippines.

It's would be harder for a man to adjust versus a female from Philippines, from what I know about the culture..

I find the idea that moving back to the Philippines because of some dishes silly.

I am sure he has better adapting skills than you give him credit for and he sees that he is being helpful and contributing to the flow of the household.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I never understood what was so great about the "practice job application" ideas.

You would be surprised how different 'applying for job's can be in different countries.

From the important body language skills to presenting yourself as a potential asset to the company to the resume and interview itself.

It gives confidence.

[Jacque67 7,328]

Well the way it works here may be different and that is part of adapting. He and his wife have already chosen the USA, so maybe they should give it a go.

If someone does not want to do any housework, then a different visa type should be sought-after. If a man, any man, finds household chores to be degrading, maybe it's a good learning experience to do them. Perhaps they could find a new appreciation for their spouses.

My husband is traditional as well, however when I worked and he didn't after leaving the AF, he did the dishes and cooked. When I have not worked and he has, then I did it all. We both work, and I do the lions share, but we both do household chores.

But in the AF a male is taught self-reliance eg cooking, polishing shoes etc.

A male from the Philippines , would not be raised nor expected to do such things.

[hanniel 41]

But in the AF a male is taught self-reliance eg cooking, polishing shoes etc.

A male from the Philippines , would not be raised nor expected to do such things.

to be fair, every person coming to the US will experience some form of culture shock or another -- even those coming from English-speaking countries. The ones that do best here are the ones that adapt, and change their perspective while retaining aspects of the culture they left behind.

[Jacque67 7,328]

to be fair, every person coming to the US will experience some form of culture shock or another -- even those coming from English-speaking countries. The ones that do best here are the ones that adapt, and change their perspective while retaining aspects of the culture they left behind.

Less easy in countries which haven't experienced women's lib.

Even more difficult if children or food (lol) are concerned esp with aging.

[NikLR 13,227]

But in the AF a male is taught self-reliance eg cooking, polishing shoes etc.

A male from the Philippines , would not be raised nor expected to do such things.

Lol hubs can cook eggs... not much else. His mother did him the disservice of not requiring him to do chores as a child. My mother, on the other hand, made sure I could change my oil and mow the lawn, and that my brother could clean a toilet and cook. She made sure we were well rounded adults who can look after themselves. Obviously in many countries this doesnt happen, but it's never too late to learn!

to be fair, every person coming to the US will experience some form of culture shock or another -- even those coming from English-speaking countries. The ones that do best here are the ones that adapt, and change their perspective while retaining aspects of the culture they left behind.

Agreed. Even from Canada it's different and has at times been difficult.

[Darnell 8,478]

But in the AF a male is taught self-reliance eg cooking, polishing shoes etc.

A male from the Philippines , would not be raised nor expected to do such things.

I feel sad for the OP, that she has to ask on an immigration forum, really.

To me, it smells of lack of research and planning, and who can handle the outcome afterwards?

[Jacque67 7,328]

I feel sad for the OP, that she has to ask on an immigration forum, really.

To me, it smells of lack of research and planning, and who can handle the outcome afterwards?

Have you never been young and in love???

[Jacque67 7,328]

Lol hubs can cook eggs... not much else. His mother did him the disservice of not requiring him to do chores as a child. My mother, on the other hand, made sure I could change my oil and mow the lawn, and that my brother could clean a toilet and cook. She made sure we were well rounded adults who can look after themselves. Obviously in many countries this doesnt happen, but it's never too late to learn!

Agreed. Even from Canada it's different and has at times been difficult.

Don't want to argumentative, but he would have been raised in a culture where he is aware that women of his generation expect more.

This wouldn't necessarily be so in countries such as the Philippines and Korea for example. Doubt your husband's mother ate after all the males (family and or guests ) did. This happens in Japan too.

[Darnell 8,478]

Have you never been young and in love???

Sure ! and I have the scars to prove it !

I think the OP's husband has restricted her internet access since posting this, she's not been online since post #1.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

to be fair, every person coming to the US will experience some form of culture shock or another -- even those coming from English-speaking countries. The ones that do best here are the ones that adapt, and change their perspective while retaining aspects of the culture they left behind.

^^ This.

One can remain rigid in their upbringing and culture or choose to adapt, integrate and try things differently if they want to live in another country.

Ideally this is all discussed beforehand so it won't come as a surprise. The clue word is choice and decision 'before' filing a petition.

I don't think OP has issues at all with hubby doing household chores but is just asking for creative input on how others are dealing with waiting

for work permit. There is nothing wrong with that and we are all here to give ideas and support to each other. This isn't the first post I have come across

asking for feedback and it won't be the last.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Sure ! and I have the scars to prove it !

I think the OP's husband has restricted her internet access since posting this, she's not been online since post #1.

With that I suddenly have visions of men in aprons shouting " no you won't honey ! "

Thank you men for helping out with the 'degrading' woman's work.

We will buy you an extra tie for Father's Day. With polka dots.

[me2014 2]

Thank you for the ideas! He has actually been working on his resume...

I suppose some people have misinterpreted what I wrote. He is far from finding the work degrading! He is more than happy to be doing something of help! In fact, he has been a great help and takes initiatives in the household chores. I work nearby so sometimes he is able to bring me lunch--a fact that sometimes brings on some thoughtless remarks or looks from people who don't understand the situation and can't understand why I am working and he is at home and bringing me lunch. He has never once complained about doing the work around the house (and he is a great cook!)....yet, he is a man and while he knows it is out of his hands, he know it is his position as head of the house to be the breadwinner. It makes it a bit more difficult since we are still waiting for our apartment to be finished and don't have our own place yet. Plus, he can't drive since they won't give him a license and we live in a more rural area where driving is necassary to get to just about anywhere. Some days there isn't a lot to be done....

Please don't misjudge my husband. He hasn't once complained about doing the household work. I just know how he feels to be the "man of the house" and not able to work. Its tough. Yes he knew that coming and he hasn't regretted coming. But it can still be rough. You don't have to like it, even if you know it going in.

Please don't judge on matters you don't know.