Experiences of Discrimination Against Immigrants

[MouadsWife 161]

Yeah..when I visited him for the first time we couldn't get a hotel. He rented an apartment that we stayed in and we had to be careful of our comings and goings from it. We had heard of some people being jailed doing what we did. When we stayed with his family they didn't have a problem with us being in the same room, but they quickly had a private engagement ceremony with an Iman and a family they know to announce me so the neighborhood would know... basically so their reputation wouldn't go to pot. When I kissed Moe the police quickly ran up demanding our marriage papers. They were offended and highly pissed and we were in deep poo. But Moe eventually got us out of it.

[Cathi 5,748]

In his culture/religion. "I share the same religion", a wife does not just waltz into a mosque asking about employment or otherwise for her husband. Yes, she can find out, or as you say, 'map out' where the local mosque is... but a wife never oversteps her bounds by taking up that role and stepping on her husband's (cough).... especially in that religion. There will be plenty enough time for that when he gets here. When he gets acclimated, adjusted, meets the other members of the mosque, he can introduce himself to the Iman in due time when he feels comfortable. He has plenty enough time. But saying she should have already dont this is presumptuous and not knowing enough about that culture and religion. And its not a big deal.

I called the local mosque long before my husband arrived to do exactly what Darnell suggested and no one had an issue with it. Not the Imam, not my husband, as a matter of fact the Imam was very helpful, and my husband was very thankful. It is a very good idea, in my opinion, to contact the local mosque before his arrival.

FYI I am Catholic

Edited June 1, 2015 by mimolicious

[Boiler 45,498]

I called the local mosque long before my husband arrived to do exactly what Darnell suggested and no one had an issue with it. Not the Imam, not my husband, as a matter of fact the Imam was very helpful, and my husband was very thankful. It is a very good idea, in my opinion, to contact the local mosque before his arrival.

FYI I am Catholic

That makes much more sense.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Boiler

[Cathi 5,748]

Well yes she's just helping him and I see it the same way too. But my husbands culture is very conservative. He only likes my nose in half way. Certain things you help with and certain things you dont. And if you help, you help very privately. Employment in my husbands eyes/culture is a mans business. A woman does no ask another for employment for her husband. He feels it takes away his own respect. For the mosque example. In Islam, the wife is all respect and honor of the husband. She is also the reputation of the family. An out if bound step will cause dishonor to the family that you will never get back. When you stain yourself you stain your husband. Asking for a job for your husband takes away his own honor as a man. Most proud muslim men feel this way. I know about 25 muslim men here (husbands soccer team)... and they all pretty much feel the same. I also know muslim men from Saudi and they are assuridly the same. Women can find out where and what kind of local jobs there are...news paper sources, adds, etc... but to ask in his name, I would let him. When he gets here, being new he wouldn't want to jump right in the first week. A person would want to get acclimated and be comfortable with their surroundings. Get comfortable with their new home and marriage. Like I said, they have plenty of time before they hurry off to work. And my statement above arent ment as 100% facts of all muslims. They are just my experiences of my time staying with my family in Morocco, being around the mosque here, and our many muslims friends that we know. There are mixed couples over here, american with morocans who experience the same things. Nose only half way in.

Sorry for my book and weird typos... I'm on my phone... lol.

This is your husband and his family, and does not represent the majority of Muslim men in this generation. I can tell you for a fact that my husband was VERY thankful that I called the local mosque and spoke to the Imam before he arrived. I agree with the others here in saying that most Muslim men have no problem with their wives reaching out for help on behalf of their husbands here in the US. You make it sound like Muslim men are these scary tyrants whose wives live in fear of doing something wrong all of the time, this is so NOT true. My husband treats me as an equal in every aspect of our marriage and life and if that were not the case, we wouldn't be married. Period.

Edited June 1, 2015 by mimolicious

[Cathi 5,748]

My parents are the same way. Being defensive and corrective. But they still try daily to change him, to convert him, and always shoving pork in his face which makes me livid. They keep saying one day they will americanize him. But they still dont get you can be muslim and American at the same time. And the definition of being American isnt eating pork. I guess you've figured out 'pork' is the weak spot in our family. Rotfl

This is just screwed up. why would your parents do this,? If my parents, family or friends ever tried to convert my husband or "shove pork" in his face I would be livid. Seriously. That is just really effed up. Just as my husband would be pissed if his family every tried to convert me.

[Cathi 5,748]

A lot of what people are posting here is the extreme. My husband has not had one single incidence of discrimination since he as set foot in this country. Everyone has welcomed him with opens arms, friends and family. He didn't have any problem with culture shock, he adjusted well right from the beginning. The only thing that was difficult was the separation from his family, but with Skype and whatsapp he is in constant contact with them. My husband had no problem getting his drivers license right away, he had no problem finding employment or making friends. My husband doesn't tell me what I can or cannot wear, he doesn't make me or expect me to wait on him hand and foot, in fact he takes better care of me a lot of the time, especially now that I am undergoing chemotherapy. I am reading these stories of families not accepting their new sons in law and it just seems really cruel and immature to me and I cannot even imagine my family being like that, they just wouldn't. I can also speak for many other couples who I know personally whose husbands have immigrated where the husband is Muslim and the wife may or may not be, not one couple has had any issues with pork "being pushed in their faces" by family members, in fact my family ALWAYS makes sure there is pork free food at get togethers, and none of the couples have had any family members try to convert anyone. It's all about acceptance and tolerance and it's sad and even scary to read such stories. Please don't be scared off by these people, call the local mosque, reach out and ask for help, research where you can buy halal food(my husband eats meat from the supermarket), the more you know and the better informed you are the easier his transition will be. Good luck!

[IslAmy 122]

You make it sound like Muslim men are these scary tyrants whose wives live in fear of doing something wrong all of the time, this is so NOT true.

I would also like to add that if you do meet one of those types, best thing to do is run, not walk, in the opposite direction.

[KMR&MHAH 11]

Thank you so much for your story. I know there isn't anything I can do about it, but I guess I worry he will hate it here and want to go back to Egypt. We pretty much already decided that we'd like to spend our life between both countries but settle here. You are right though, we are not in the Bible Belt--we're in Virginia. Some pockets seem worse than others. I'm glad you all were able to find a niche in your community and educate others about his culture and religion

That was a great story and I do not envy her trying to make it work in Alabama! My husband and I are in the DC area. I am a transplant from Texas. I made the conscious decision a year before my husband moved here to relocate to this area for the exact reasons you stated. My family in particular had a very hard time adjusting to the idea of me marrying someone so different from what they imagined for me. My sweet husband is Egyptian too and Muslim too. I will say that he has not had any discrimination type experiences here in this area. In many neighborhoods there are more like him than not. I would certainly echo the comment that for my Texas crew, it was night and day after they spent time with him. I can say that although I'm sure they are praying for him to have a conversion experience, which he will not ever, my evangelical family/friends love him and see him as a part of the family now. Just give it time. Our country is in a VERY odd state of mind these days with so very much anti-Muslim sentiment. It is hard to watch, and hard to think about my husband suffering directly from this, but yeah, you can't protect him.

Everything will be fine. And if you ever come to the DC area, you have friends here!!!

[ghostusa 6]

Everything will be fine. And if you ever come to the DC area, you have friends here!!!

I will echo that too, that if you come to Maryland you will have friends here too!

[MouadsWife 161]

A lot of what people are posting here is the extreme. My husband has not had one single incidence of discrimination since he as set foot in this country. Everyone has welcomed him with opens arms, friends and family. He didn't have any problem with culture shock, he adjusted well right from the beginning. The only thing that was difficult was the separation from his family, but with Skype and whatsapp he is in constant contact with them. My husband had no problem getting his drivers license right away, he had no problem finding employment or making friends. My husband doesn't tell me what I can or cannot wear, he doesn't make me or expect me to wait on him hand and foot, in fact he takes better care of me a lot of the time, especially now that I am undergoing chemotherapy. I am reading these stories of families not accepting their new sons in law and it just seems really cruel and immature to me and I cannot even imagine my family being like that, they just wouldn't. I can also speak for many other couples who I know personally whose husbands have immigrated where the husband is Muslim and the wife may or may not be, not one couple has had any issues with pork "being pushed in their faces" by family members, in fact my family ALWAYS makes sure there is pork free food at get togethers, and none of the couples have had any family members try to convert anyone. It's all about acceptance and tolerance and it's sad and even scary to read such stories. Please don't be scared off by these people, call the local mosque, reach out and ask for help, research where you can buy halal food(my husband eats meat from the supermarket), the more you know and the better informed you are the easier his transition will be. Good luck!

These people... as you say, meaning I, are being misunderstood. You interjected more into what we said.We never said much of what you said in your posts. You have quite an imaginary mind. I never said I was controlled. I said I wear the clothing that I do because I love myself, my husband and I respect him. My husband takes very good care of me. I don't wait on him hand and foot. Lol he doesn't expect me too. He cooks for me just about every night. Gives me everything that I need and more... actually I couldn't be more happy and more spoiled. So if you want to make this out to be something bad.. go right on ahead. :-)

[TBoneTX 45,288]

I am undergoing chemotherapy.

Didn't know, Mimo. Prayers and good thoughts.

[Cathi 5,748]

Didn't know, Mimo. Prayers and good thoughts.

thanks TBone! I'm doing pretty well

[Cathi 5,748]

These people... as you say, meaning I, are being misunderstood. You interjected more into what we said.We never said much of what you said in your posts. You have quite an imaginary mind. I never said I was controlled. I said I wear the clothing that I do because I love myself, my husband and I respect him. My husband takes very good care of me. I don't wait on him hand and foot. Lol he doesn't expect me too. He cooks for me just about every night. Gives me everything that I need and more... actually I couldn't be more happy and more spoiled. So if you want to make this out to be something bad.. go right on ahead. :-)

you stated your family tried to convert him and shoves pork in his face. This is not normal and it's troubling. You should tell your family to cut the ####### and not put your husband in that position, it's disturbing. And you also stated that he tells you what you should or should not wear. I am well aware of of the vow of modesty Muslim women take, and I have no issue with it whatsoever, your body, your choice. But if you have taken that vow of modesty and you are aware of what you should/shouldn't, can/cannot wear there is no reason for hubby to step in and tell you.

[MouadsWife 161]

you stated your family tried to convert him and shoves pork in his face. This is not normal and it's troubling. You should tell your family to cut the ####### and not put your husband in that position, it's disturbing. And you also stated that he tells you what you should or should not wear. I am well aware of of the vow of modesty Muslim women take, and I have no issue with it whatsoever, your body, your choice. But if you have taken that vow of modesty and you are aware of what you should/shouldn't, can/cannot wear there is no reason for hubby to step in and tell you.

I am sorry that my family disturbs you. Actually, no, I'm not. Yes, my family would like for him to be a Christian, but they love him all the same. They dont have pork waiting on platters every time he walks in the door. Rotfl. He prefers for me not to wear shorts.. and quite frankly as a modest person I have no desire to wear shorts or other imodest clothing. As I stated, which you continuously ignore, I do this because I love myself and my husband and is nothing about control. I dont care to have strangers oggle my body. I feel its disrespectful. Now you can twist all this all you want and make him the bad guy all you want. But my husband is the best person I know. And he would take his shirt off his back for anyone. You seem to be the only person getting judgemental and bent out of shape in this thread. You should do some rereading of the posts. Read with a more open mind and not interject hate in the posts. Your not seeing the bigger picture.