What is the best thing to do???

[hir0 49]

Hi Ranajuatense,

you have gotten real good answers!

I just wanted to say that your English is really good! I understood everything you wrote!!

You are a good mother for seeing the abuse and wanting to protect you and your child.

I look forward to hearing good news from you and your daughter

If you ever need anyone to talk to I know you will find plenty and I will be one of those!

[Ranajuatense 8]

Thank you so much Chicago Sarah, it will be a big drama he turn so violent every time I mention that I want to leave. He is so smart, he has the money to pay a good lawyer. I think I really need to talk to a divorce lawyer about this, I wish it could be easy but I know it won't be. But at least my daughter is going to see her mom smile again, if weren't because I practice yoga I would be if weren't because I practice yoga I think I would be in a madhouse already, I look way older than when we start dating... so much sorrow in my heart.

[Ranajuatense 8]

Oh guys, your support is making me feel worth it... I know no one has time to waste and I appreciate every second you guys putting in my case. I am sending good vibes to each of you! <3

[Ning 619]

I will try to explain the best I can, since my English is not the best. I have been married to a USC for 4 years, I became permanent resident (10 years) in January. The problem here is that he drinks a lot and when he drinks he is so abusive plus his ex left to another state and left her kid with us (my husband has full custody), she careless about her kids each of them (3) are living with their dads. I Take care of my husband 9 year old kid, I feel like babysitter (no appreciation)... between me and my daughter babysit him, he has the ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) sickness so it makes harder to take care of him, when the kid misbehaves my husband never, ever discipline him, other way around if I tell my husband something that the kid did wrong he starts screaming to me and when I told him that between his alcohol problems and his kid are tearing us apart. When I ask him that I want to separate from him he always threatens me to talk to immigration, ever even from the beginning. I love him, but I give him 4 years of my life, and nothing has changed. I am always sad and crying and my teenager see me bad all the time, I don't want her to think that that abuse is normal, she is going to college next year to be a immigration lawyer to help others. I am lost, I don't know what to do, I come to VJ every single day and I feel like you guys are my family, since I don't have family in USA. I am sorry for my English, I came to U.S when I was 27 and it has been a challenging to me. My question here is, is that truth that he can make a call and take my green card from me? I want to be close to my daughter, I am a good person, I work hard everyday to provide in our home also, plus I need to clean, cook, babysit and please him so he doesn't get mad at me. For the first time in my life, I am so scare... what should I do?

Thank you so much for your time and patience,

Ranajuatense

You are not lost. People here will do what they can to help.

Its too bad that the guy turned out to be alcoholic . I am sure he meant well & so did you but when the booze took over again it all changed; the illusion was gone. He cant control his problem until he admits he has one. For now he uses you as the person to be responsible for what he will not. The whole thing is dependent on you being the gatekeeper, mother, maid, cook & nanny. Four years is enough. Nothing will change unless it begins with you. I hope you began when you wrote this post.

Now its time to use the freedoms this great country affords us. You are a legal permanent resident. Permanent means you are staying. Simple. Don't allow anyone to attempt to indicate anything different because they are wrong.

Plan your way out of the situation step by step.

Figure out where you will live including a budget.

Look into restraining order.

Seek advise about divorce. Its not that difficult to get a basic divorce.

Plan out a calendar of events that you need to do or get help with.

College? Fantastic. Seek Pell grant for her. Send her to talk to the college about this. Look into FAFSA on line.

Your English is fine really.

Do not enter into arguments about any of this. Don't discuss it at all.

[PCV 9]

In some parts of the country, you can call 2-1-1. It is like 9-1-1, but for social services. If it is available where you live, they can locate agencies that can help you. In my area. 2-1-1 can help find agencies that provide shelters from abusive partners, low cost legal advice, immigration centers, and much more.

Not sure if it will work where you live, but worth a try.

Best of Luck!!!

[Cathi 5,755]

When you go to court to file for divorce ask if they can recommend a lawyer who will help you pro bono(for free), most courts offer this to people like you who are in need. I wish you the best and keep us updated.

[Shauneg 762]

Oh guys, your support is making me feel worth it... I know no one has time to waste and I appreciate every second you guys putting in my case. I am sending good vibes to each of you! <3

Good Luck and God Bless.

[mallafri76 1,012]

So sorry to hear what you're going through. You have tried to save your marriage for four years but your husband don't seem to care, he only seem to want it his way. He sounds like a user and you and your daughter will be better off without him.

Divorce in Illinois don't seem too difficult but since your husband will probably try and cause problems, it's probably best to get a lawyer. Found this link on the basics of getting a divorce in Illinois:

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/illinois/ilart_01

Financially, if you're able to move out on your own, I would do that as soon as possible. If not, there are many women shelters and organisations that can help. Just google for shelters and organisations in your area. Wish you the best and hope things work out for you and your daughter.

By the way, your English is just fine.

[madtownguy 164]

If you've done anything illegal that your husband knows about there might be reason to worry, otherwise you are probably safe. In my opinion a lot of your complaints with your relationship are normal. There would be almost nobody staying married if every wife who felt unappreciated left their husband, or vice versa. If he is physically abusive that is one thing, but the rest to me sounds like normal stuff you probably have to work on fixing your own feelings. Unfortunately I don't believe someone who is physically abused would worry about losing a green card if they wanted to leave the person, they either make excuses for the person and want to stay or leave quick.

If you've done anything illegal that your husband knows about there might be reason to worry, otherwise you are probably safe. In my opinion a lot of your complaints with your relationship are normal. There would be almost nobody staying married if every wife who felt unappreciated left their husband, or vice versa. If he is physically abusive that is one thing, but the rest to me sounds like normal stuff you probably have to work on fixing your own feelings. Unfortunately I don't believe someone who is physically abused would worry about losing a green card if they wanted to leave the person, they either make excuses for the person and want to stay or leave quick.

[Ranajuatense 8]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your help, I have been researching and I found a place named "Mujeres Latinas en Accion" so I called them and they said they will help me with counseling about my case. I will meet with them next week, thank you again

[Ning 619]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your help, I have been researching and I found a place named "Mujeres Latinas en Accion" so I called them and they said they will help me with counseling about my case. I will meet with them next week, thank you again

Excellent.

Don't worry about lawyers because when it that times comes there will be help for you. He can get a really expensive one but the law is what matters so you can hope his lawyer is really good which should make your case better & quicker. In fact tell his lawyer you think hes working too cheap.

You are moving forward now. Do not allow yourself to back up. In the end you will be free of all of this & have your daughter in her school.

[Hollyday 122]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your help, I have been researching and I found a place named "Mujeres Latinas en Accion" so I called them and they said they will help me with counseling about my case. I will meet with them next week, thank you again

Hey, i don't think i've seen anyone say it in this thread but: if you've been a permanent resident for over 3 years and been married to the same USC for over 3 years and not left the US for over a year (and some other conditions listed here), you may qualify for already applying for citizenship. Spouses of UCSs don't need to wait the whole 5 years, they can do it after 3. Hope it helps and good luck! You should do what's best for you!

[Darnell 8,478]

I am from Mexico

Even if I fill out for divorce??? or If I leave the marital house? he won't hurt us no more?

You have a 10 year card, so you not need his participation in the 'marriage' anymore for immigration purposes.

With that said, there is nothing he can do with 'immigration office' to deport you.

You can move out this week, file for divorce, and there's nothing he can do to hurt you, legally. There's a lot of dirty tricks and illegal things he can attempt to hurt you, but most divorce courts allow for 'no contact' orders to be filed with the initial divorce petition to circumvent these things, or at least make him arrestable if he does do something.

Divorce laws vary by state, spend some time this week to learn about them at your county courthouse. You could move out this week, suggest you get a no-contract cell phone with a new number and disappear if you are serious to divorce.

Hey, i don't think i've seen anyone say it in this thread but: if you've been a permanent resident for over 3 years and been married to the same USC for over 3 years and not left the US for over a year (and some other conditions listed here), you may qualify for already applying for citizenship. Spouses of UCSs don't need to wait the whole 5 years, they can do it after 3. Hope it helps and good luck! You should do what's best for you!

ya, it's possible, but it goes solely on the issuance date of the first green card.