I wouldn't post on here to save my life

[Villanelle 4,122]

I wouldnt post on here to save my life-

Thats what a member wrote today in the forum. For those that didnt catch it, they were speaking in disgust about the general climate in this section of the forum.

I find that horrifying. And honestly its a bit embarrassing as I constantly refer people here for immigration help, but how can one do that anymore when we are saying this about ourselves.

I am hoping for a discussion here- rather then mixed in between others thread containing their issues- a civilized discussion that doesnt violate the TOS (ie remains respectful) where those that perhaps have grievances with others posting styles or are generally unhappy with the direction or tone of the forum can be heard.

Perhaps a consensus can be made or just everyone will feel better for having their voices heard?

Disclaimers-

1- I know this belongs more in the site discussion section but Id like to keep it here for a bit as its for the users that frequent here and Id like to get input from them specifically before its moved if thats possible.

2- Im making a thread and will not be online for a few hours due to circumstances. I am hoping it will still be around later...

[Boiler 45,467]

I did not see the comment and would be interested in the context.

Certainly this section of the site specialises in drama and attracts comments that are not central to the issue at hand.

But them many posters bring it upon themselves by going into unnecessary detail, perhaps they think it is cathartic?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I did not see the comment and would be interested in the context.

Certainly this section of the site specialises in drama and attracts comments that are not central to the issue at hand.

But them many posters bring it upon themselves by going into unnecessary detail, perhaps they think it is cathartic?

Boiler, this thread

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/550261-k1-aos-filed-divorceannulment-what-a-nightmare/?p=7643485

[Boiler 45,467]

That poster does have her own complicated situation.

I was sort of right about the issues.

[Boiler 45,467]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/550363-fiancee-i-29f-k-1-need-help-with-abusive-immigrant/#entry7643821

Here is another one, probably get moved here, but nothing to do with VJ.

[Boiler 45,467]

And it was moved because that is what we do here.

[TBoneTX 45,267]

People are free to post or not post as they choose. Avoid insulting each other's replies -- there are more diplomatic ways to disagree with someone's comments or proposed solutions. Report any violations of the VJ Terms of Service (review those first, before reporting). Read the OP's words and topic accurately, interpret them literally, and respond on-topic.

TBoneTX

VJ Moderation

[Boiler 45,467]

Drama is not a violation I think.

[Morningmist 76]

My husband hates this site. he is the US Citizen. Thinks it's too negative and drama filled. Hates it when he sees me on it. I like reading this board because it's like watching daytime television. Also tells me what not to do.

[madtownguy 164]

It's also way too monitored, a forum should be open for discussion. This is a communistic forum, anyone coming online for information has to be aware of the source. Anyone that has done anything with the government or law knows there are a whole lot of grey areas. This site deals too much in black and white and because of that a lot of people will suffer.

[Saffer 27]

I think this site is an excellent resource, I have learnt alot here. That being said, any online community is going to attract some "fighting" amongst some members. I only formally joined recently but I was coming here now and again to look up topics. I do think that spending too much time here can drive one a little bit crazy, especially because everyone's case is different and people get upset when comparing timelines and so on.

[Ketsuban 1,034]

I've seen good things and bad things on this site. People do become harsh and I have done it myself, but I don't think any of us claim to be perfect. Sometimes you just see things that are so shocking or ridiculous that you've never experienced yourself that your composure breaks and you're just like "what even is this?!". It's how we are able to survive, by making snap judgements of situations and unfortunately it crosses over into helping people online.

On the whole, I would definitely post here with my problems and have done before. If people judge me then that's fine because it's what people do.

I've probably opened my mouth and proven myself a fool with my on-the-fence opinion, but that is up to other people to judge

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

As others have said this section of the forum attracts drama and that draws people in like moths to a flame.

Some people definitely overshare, we've all seen the train wreck threads that are like a chat show and reached for the

Sometimes people want to jump in and judge people when all they are asking for is a bit of help with their situation, for example the one earlier where advice was wanted for a divorce and people unnecessarily berated the poster without managing to offer her the advice she wanted. That is the internet, its not going to stop and all the mods can do is delete posts with bickering in and where people breach the TOS.

It would be nicer if people were less judgmental in this section, especially where someone is in a bad situation and just needs fast and accurate advice but if you are going to post in here you are going to get people going through your personal life with a fine tooth comb and people should be aware of that before posting. If I have ever any issues with my relationship I will not be asking for advice in this section, that's for sure

[templeton 120]

My case is pretty straightforward, so I can't deny I sometimes come here just to read others' drama and be thankful. There definitely is a "Jerry Springer" aspect to some of posts. Those are the most interesting, and also the ones that seem to draw out the most passionate and opinionated. But some people forget that whatever the story is, we're usually only getting one side of it, and even then likely only a small view of the entire picture. Regardless, instead of just answering the questions, the foolish responders among us start applying their own assumptions, jumping to emotional conclusions, going off on tangents, or offering judgmental advice that hasn't been solicited...all based on nothing but speculation.

But that's the nature of forums (and the internet in general), for better or for worse. There is a lot of good information here, and I just think like everything else online, you have to learn to take the good with the bad, filter what you need, and disregard the rest.

[Romet 28]

When my fiance and I first got on here.... my fiance (beneficiary) asked what WE thought was a legitimate question about our red flags and how do deal with them (MENA countries are notorious for being very difficult consulates) and were put THROUGH THE RINGER.... I was IN SHOCK reading the assumptions of replies even telling him they thought he was "suspicious" for even asking the question(s).... We were new to the entire process and literally were looking for some help/guidance as we had NO IDEA what to expect. We thought this WOULD be the perfect place to inquire about those types of questions.

In the end, we WERE approved and ultimately only followed a very "general" advice of "tell our story" in the interview.

What we learned is to expect anything here...