For white men married to African women

[Moonie 0]

That is weird he would be like that. Do you get your hair done? Maybe you should just get a good stylist therefore he won't ask you to wear a wig. Because nothing wrong with wearing natural hair but if it looks a mess and unkept then that might explain why he wants you to wear a wig and nothing with your hair being kinky.

[Opheliacy 0]

That is weird he would be like that. Do you get your hair done? Maybe you should just get a good stylist therefore he won't ask you to wear a wig. Because nothing wrong with wearing natural hair but if it looks a mess and unkept then that might explain why he wants you to wear a wig and nothing with your hair being kinky.

I have a good stylist. If she can sew a $1000 Indian weave into my head, I'm confident she can put a relaxer in my hair. My husband doesn't want to see my hair, relaxed, twisted, kinky, or curly.

I have recieved some good advice. I think I'll put the wig on him. I'm beginning to see him very differently.

[Ta Ta 1]

would love to see a pic of that ....him and the wig! Hang in there !

[spiritee 0]

How does your husband make you put on a wig to cover your natural hair? This sounds like a control issue as opposed to a race issue to me and I feel that you need to get in control of this situation now because your hair will not be the only thing he will have a problem with.

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

[NkemEmeka 0]

Spiritee is 100% correct about the ladies husband. As I was trying to say earlier in one of my other posts that these same American men marry girls from these third world countries so they can be able to have control over them. They think American women are too independent and would not take such. Obviously he will try to change her in other ways. For example, he might tell her not to wear low cut shirts or tell her not to wear long pants or dresses. Some men try to tell women that they cannot wear any make up or they might want her to stay fat (insecure reasons) or tell her to lose weight. This has nothing to do with race as you had said, this is a control issue (which most men possess). There are different varieties of control in a mans behaviour. This type of control is the control more likely an American man will have.

How does your husband make you put on a wig to cover your natural hair? This sounds like a control issue as opposed to a race issue to me and I feel that you need to get in control of this situation now because your hair will not be the only thing he will have a problem with.

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

[mmarlo 1]

I can't get my gal to wear her hair with a natural style! She says it's too much of a headache to maintain properly, but I loved her little afro when she was between styles. Just after I left Kenya she said she got it fixed with a new more natural style--dread locks. Short ones for now, but they'll grow out. I haven't seen her in almost two months, so I can't wait to see the new look. Anyway, guys have their own preferences, and those preferences can change, but he shouldn't force you to do anything. Although, I should say, I'm not a big fan of relaxed hair on African women, but if Jacinta were dead set on that style, I'd let her have it.

[Dan J 277]

It's ok for a guy for wanting his woman to have a new look. I think it could freshen up the relationship. BUT he makes you to put on a wig to cover your natural hair.... it's just.... My fiance better not telling me that.

[Moonie 0]

That is weird he would be like that. Do you get your hair done? Maybe you should just get a good stylist therefore he won't ask you to wear a wig. Because nothing wrong with wearing natural hair but if it looks a mess and unkept then that might explain why he wants you to wear a wig and nothing with your hair being kinky.

I have a good stylist. If she can sew a $1000 Indian weave into my head, I'm confident she can put a relaxer in my hair. My husband doesn't want to see my hair, relaxed, twisted, kinky, or curly.

I have recieved some good advice. I think I'll put the wig on him. I'm beginning to see him very differently.

That is just weird that he would behave that way. I wish my SO would tell me some mess like that. Good luck with that

[SoL. 0]

Opheliacy,

I am sorry that you have to go through this.

Did he behave like this when you were engaged? Did he care about your hair this much? I wonder why this change of mind after the marriage...

Please be yourself and wear what makes you comfortable. Don't let him dictate what to wear if you don't like it. We do things to please our SO's and to look nice for them, but this seems more like an obligation than a suggestion...

Good luck!

[mmarlo 1]

Spiritee is 100% correct about the ladies husband. As I was trying to say earlier in one of my other posts that these same American men marry girls from these third world countries so they can be able to have control over them. They think American women are too independent and would not take such. Obviously he will try to change her in other ways. For example, he might tell her not to wear low cut shirts or tell her not to wear long pants or dresses. Some men try to tell women that they cannot wear any make up or they might want her to stay fat (insecure reasons) or tell her to lose weight. This has nothing to do with race as you had said, this is a control issue (which most men possess). There are different varieties of control in a mans behaviour. This type of control is the control more likely an American man will have.

Wow. That's a pretty sweeping generalization about American men. Kinda like me saying that American women use (lack of) sex as a means of controlling men. It's probably not just men that try to exert control in a relationship or manipulate their partner to act in a way they want, and it can be very unfair in both directions. Anyway, wear what you want, dress sexy, but then give it to your man! :-)

[AfricanQueen 0]

I think this is totally ridiculous. Like someone previously stated this issue goes much farther than the hair. If he wanted a woman with a particular type of hair..then that is what he should have married. Obviously you are African is he trying to "erase that fact". I think this guy is a little twisted on his way of thinking. He met you that way, he should not try to change it now. I just hope he does not move from the hair to something else that he wants to complain about. Being abused mentally is just as bad as someone abusing you physically. This is something that should not be overlooked or taken lightly! You should not have to alter yourself for anyone.........

You are from Ghana, you should be proud of that. If someone does not know where it is explain to them; it is in West Africa and perhaps near Nigeria. But you should in no way state that you are Nigerian if you are not. I really hope that you get your self-esteem up and don't let anyone take away from who you are. When you change your hair or tell people you are from some where that you are not...you are losing yourself. You cannot change what you look like or where you were born. You should not have to change anything about yourself for someone to like you....this man really really has issues.

Please do not let the ignorance of others make you feel less than a person or feel the need to represent something else. Everything about you is beautiful because that is way God created you. All I can say is best of luck and stay alert....but these kind of issues can led to bigger problems. I been around VJ a long time and individuals often meet there spouses from different places to try to mold them into there "dream man/woman". When there expectations are not met, then problems start arising. Stay confident in yourself and be who you are....because at the end of the day all you have is you and your family. Look out for Number 1 and damn Number 2.

AQ

[AfricanQueen 0]

Spiritee is 100% correct about the ladies husband. As I was trying to say earlier in one of my other posts that these same American men marry girls from these third world countries so they can be able to have control over them. They think American women are too independent and would not take such. Obviously he will try to change her in other ways. For example, he might tell her not to wear low cut shirts or tell her not to wear long pants or dresses. Some men try to tell women that they cannot wear any make up or they might want her to stay fat (insecure reasons) or tell her to lose weight. This has nothing to do with race as you had said, this is a control issue (which most men possess). There are different varieties of control in a mans behaviour. This type of control is the control more likely an American man will have.

How does your husband make you put on a wig to cover your natural hair? This sounds like a control issue as opposed to a race issue to me and I feel that you need to get in control of this situation now because your hair will not be the only thing he will have a problem with.

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

I agree totally.....this is what I see coming..........

[Queen Jenn 0]

You should not have to alter yourself for anyone.........

You are from Ghana, you should be proud of that.

Everything about you is beautiful because that is way God created you.

I completely agree with everything AfricanQueen said, but most of all with the three statements above.

You are who you are and you are BEAUTIFUL because that is the way God created you. God created us to be diverse and have a variety of beauty. What a boring world we would live in if we were all the same.

Be proud of being from Ghana because it is part of who you have become. Be proud of being YOU and do not let anyone tell you what you "should" look like.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this situation. I hope that you are able to resolve things so that you can wear your hair naturally and your husband can learn to curb his controlling tendencies.

[Uzume 0]

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

Goodness me!!! What century is he living in? WHY did he marry you? More importantly, what can you make HIM wear to cover up his appalling attitude?

It's up to you what you do, obviously, however, this attack on your self-esteem is cruel and demeaning. Mental cruelty IS abuse and you would be wise to sort this out before he picks the next fault to make you paranoid about. Whether he "prefers" long silky hair is irrelevant. I prefer long hair on a man, however, the man I LOVE (not just lust after) is completely BALD!!! I wouldn't expect him to wear a wig because 1) it's not hair I fall in love with and 2) IT'S INSANE!!!!!!!

Think about what you get from your marriage. If you can cope with it, fine - but believe me, there are plenty of men out there who would love you and your hair if you decide he's not worth it. I suppose he must be the most hansome man in the world to be making such judgements and demands ... yes???

I hope all goes well with you and PLEASE don't let this destroy your self-esteem. This problem is all about HIM and not you.

Your story made me very angry, I am glad to hear it makes you feel the same and hope you NEVER LISTEN TO HIS IGNORANT #######!!

JD

x

[caybee 21]

I remember watching a blonde, three-year-old girl rubbing her cheek against the black, natural hair of her friend as both smiled and hugged each other. Children know. I don't understand what happens to some adults. As so many others have said, you are beautiful exactly as God made you, and you deserve to be treated with love and respect, especially by the one who has promised to be by your side as you both go through whatever life brings you.