wife cheated on me at last moment

[kkk1 42]

If you are positive that it is a IR-1 visa and not a CR-1 visa then you do not have to worry about anything as you already have a job in the USA. Your wife won't be able to revoke your visa without proving fraud. Proving fraud at the inception of marriage is a hard thing to do if you have evidence of religious or civil marriage taking place between you two and have court documents to prove that marriage indeed took place. You should come and join your new job in the USA but, you must stay away from your wife and never contact her without an attorney. Never meet her alone, take her phone calls - simply cut her out of your life. If you do not pay heed to this little advice from me, you may end up repenting your visit to the USA for the rest of your mortal life. U.S. Justice system will destroy you if your wife merely decides to lie in front of a district court judge. Nothing that you say or do will matter. You will suffer.

If you have a CR-1 visa, you are in murky waters. Legally you can't enter the United states on CR-1 visa knowingly that your wife had requested your visa to be withdrawn. You can play the game w/ customs and claim you did not know it was for real or for that matter you never knew but, end of the day, you will never be able to adjust the status if your wife had already sent in the notarized letter to USCIS or signed the letter in front of a USCIS Officer before you got legally admitted in the U.S.A. So, you will be here for the max period of two years and then your CR-1 visa will expire. It doubtful, as a man, you will be able to succeed in your claaim during deferred inspection hearing with customs. Yes, gender plays a HUGE role in US Justice system - love it or hate it, it does. So, be careful.

If you managed to get admitted on CR-1 visa for two years in the USA, you will also have one surefire option to be a US citizen, if you are under the age of 35, by serving in U.S. Military. Many people have done this and it's an honorable thing to do.

Good Luck in whatever you choose to do but, stay the hell away from your soon-to-be-ex wife. Better yet once you are here, sue her for breach of contract to recoup 80-90k that you claimed to have spent on her. However, be prepared to shell dough on US's finest, attorneys, to receive justice.

Thanks for your valuable advice. I would really like to appreciate it. I am on IR-1 visa. I entered US, 22nd of May. I did change my address at both the places at SSN and for green card but unfortunately it went to my wife's address. I am figuring that out. Some of the people suggested me things too.

I met my wife twice, once I went to her door step and guy was inside, intentionally I switched on my phone camera and kept in my shirt front pocket, she didn't ask me to enter house and took me to road side to talk. I didn't see a guy and she told me that he is inside and they are thinking of breaking up.

She asked me to see her in some mall called galleria on following Monday. We had lunch and she gave me back divorce papers and I asked her to give me back all bands she had. Divorce papers are uncontested . We don't have any property or kids together. I kept receipt of everything I spend on her.

Attorney I contacted to, told me that she can't claim anything from me, since she has to live with me for 10 years as Texas is community state, so if spouse reside for at least 10 years she has to stay with me. In this state she can't claim alimony. Attorney told me that she can claim her debits if I am absent in a court.

After cheating also she is not talking to me properly, treating me very badly. I really wanted to complaint about her and take her to court but this will make divorce procedure more complicated and long. I thought of suing her but she is not capable of paying any money to me.

[Ryan H 3,812]

***Post violating the TOS (sexist language) removed. Administrative Action taken.***

[Villanelle 4,122]

bah- Im sorry to see you are still having so many difficulties! I think its like Boiler said welcome to America- the land of red tape!!

so since I am a page or so behind--

For the divorce and the 10 yr thing- I really didnt see any mention of that in any of the links I looked through, but hey Im not a local divorce attny in that area. lol. I would trust them. The links did mention that while it is 50/50 blah blah it also stated fair distribution so perhaps from their experience they KNOW if it goes to the judge it will and has been ruled when people are married for less then 10 years that whats yours stays yours and hers stays hers. This is why it pays to get local advice and help,

Drivers license. sure you can use your foreign one. Most places do have a time limit on how long you can drive with it but to be honest its hard for them to enforce because if you are stopped they really dont know how long youve been here using it. SO its sort of the honor system, But since you dont have a car this really isnt about you driving per say but you being able to get a DL to be able to purchase and register a car for use.

So why didnt they take your stamp? Well DMVs have identity document lists. You can probably pull it up online or the woman shouldve showed you one. You need to have like one thing from column A and one or two things in column B or some nonsense. This was all done in response to terrorism laws to make sure IDs were given to the 'right people'. Stamps dont seem to be on the list but SS cards are. They are secondary forms I believe (column B). Now you could get the list and see what else you could assemble to meet the qualifications but honestly you need to resolve the issue of not having your SS physically in your hand- so my vote is to kill two birds with one stone. Get the card and solve both problems.

For the SS card- It seems like you have since went back to SS (on the 8th) and they told you its being mailed out to your new address? Yes. If so then wait for it. If not then go back and ask for another card. Cards are free and they can mail you a replacement any time you like or need. If you do not get the card from your ex, you do need to fill out a police report for your protection in case of ID theft in the future. With out one you can hum dixie if you have any issues, no one will believe you or take any actions to resolve issues. BUT with a new SS number there is very little that one can do in regards to obtaining credit or running up bad credit- which you will see. Your credit is basically non-existent, like a zero not a perfect score. You start at nothing and have to build it, not start at perfect and have to ruin it--- again welcome to America where you start at scratch. lol. Your credit may also be tied to hers since she is your spouse. We can talk about getting and monitoring credit reports later on if you would like.

Right now you just want to get a physical card either from her or SS, obtain your license and if she hasnt returned your card- file a police report. (you can let her know youre going to file the police report and give her the opportunity to return it before you do- but again not to be a broken record she must bring it to a public place or mail it certified to you or to the divorce attnys. Do not be alone with her)

Best wishes for the coming week.

[kkk1 42]

bah- Im sorry to see you are still having so many difficulties! I think its like Boiler said welcome to America- the land of red tape!!

so since I am a page or so behind--

For the divorce and the 10 yr thing- I really didnt see any mention of that in any of the links I looked through, but hey Im not a local divorce attny in that area. lol. I would trust them. The links did mention that while it is 50/50 blah blah it also stated fair distribution so perhaps from their experience they KNOW if it goes to the judge it will and has been ruled when people are married for less then 10 years that whats yours stays yours and hers stays hers. This is why it pays to get local advice and help,

Drivers license. sure you can use your foreign one. Most places do have a time limit on how long you can drive with it but to be honest its hard for them to enforce because if you are stopped they really dont know how long youve been here using it. SO its sort of the honor system, But since you dont have a car this really isnt about you driving per say but you being able to get a DL to be able to purchase and register a car for use.

So why didnt they take your stamp? Well DMVs have identity document lists. You can probably pull it up online or the woman shouldve showed you one. You need to have like one thing from column A and one or two things in column B or some nonsense. This was all done in response to terrorism laws to make sure IDs were given to the 'right people'. Stamps dont seem to be on the list but SS cards are. They are secondary forms I believe (column B). Now you could get the list and see what else you could assemble to meet the qualifications but honestly you need to resolve the issue of not having your SS physically in your hand- so my vote is to kill two birds with one stone. Get the card and solve both problems.

For the SS card- It seems like you have since went back to SS (on the 8th) and they told you its being mailed out to your new address? Yes. If so then wait for it. If not then go back and ask for another card. Cards are free and they can mail you a replacement any time you like or need. If you do not get the card from your ex, you do need to fill out a police report for your protection in case of ID theft in the future. With out one you can hum dixie if you have any issues, no one will believe you or take any actions to resolve issues. BUT with a new SS number there is very little that one can do in regards to obtaining credit or running up bad credit- which you will see. Your credit is basically non-existent, like a zero not a perfect score. You start at nothing and have to build it, not start at perfect and have to ruin it--- again welcome to America where you start at scratch. lol. Your credit may also be tied to hers since she is your spouse. We can talk about getting and monitoring credit reports later on if you would like.

Right now you just want to get a physical card either from her or SS, obtain your license and if she hasnt returned your card- file a police report. (you can let her know youre going to file the police report and give her the opportunity to return it before you do- but again not to be a broken record she must bring it to a public place or mail it certified to you or to the divorce attnys. Do not be alone with her)

Best wishes for the coming week.

I am stuck. In a mail I didn't find any card yet. I need to again waste cab money and go to social security office. That is so awful of my wife of harassing me after I have done so much for her. I don't for what she is taking revenge of. I have asked her nicely to give me ssn personally and she refused on the top of that she told me that she will tear it if I shown at her place. That so much terrible of her. I wanted to buy a car may be couple of thousand for at least a year. I postpone my joining too. I can't do anything. She is behaving irrational. She also warned me not to message her. She said that "our relationship is over.she is stupid to even think that she had done wrong by choosing a new guy."

I am so surprised that she still think that I would like to patch up. I mean come on it is good that this time I had savings and a job. Imagine if I had nothing; she didn't left any stone to make me homeless person. I would be stupid to take a risk of going back. Honestly speaking I am tired of everything. I do not have energy to fight with her. She do not understand that why she is making my life terrible.

[blahblahblog 36]

Ok, we get it. Your wife destroyed your plans and dreams with her and in the process, got away with a lot of your money and is being a pain in the butt right now by holding your documentation. And you're tired of dealing with all this ####### right now. We get it. It sucks.

Now think about where you'll be a year from now. You are working in a decent career. The divorce and all the paperwork will have been sorted out and you'll be free to find a new wife, or become Hugh Hefner, or go celibate. You'll be fine and probably happy. Your memories of the current misery will be a funny joke with your friends.

So what you need to do is bridge this gap between now and next year. And this will suck. But there are ways of making the "suck" worse. One of them is obsessing about how much your wife is doing you harm. If you want the "suck" to be less, limit your interactions with her to the essential: getting the SS card and the divorce proceedings. And work on your new life in the US.

For the social security card, just wait for it. While you're waiting you can (and should) start working. You have a job lined up, so make some money. You're already separated so what you make now won't matter for divorce (check with your lawyer). You can also rent a car for two weeks (much cheaper than using cabs). I also think you can buy a car with a foreign license in texas, ask a dealer about it (insurance will probably expensive though). Keep going to the gym. Make friends in your favorite environment (gym, bar, church, work, meetups, whatever).

[Villanelle 4,122]

Yes I agree. It is always dark before the light. Hang in there! We are all rooting for you!

[kkk1 42]

Ok, we get it. Your wife destroyed your plans and dreams with her and in the process, got away with a lot of your money and is being a pain in the butt right now by holding your documentation. And you're tired of dealing with all this ####### right now. We get it. It sucks.

Now think about where you'll be a year from now. You are working in a decent career. The divorce and all the paperwork will have been sorted out and you'll be free to find a new wife, or become Hugh Hefner, or go celibate. You'll be fine and probably happy. Your memories of the current misery will be a funny joke with your friends.

So what you need to do is bridge this gap between now and next year. And this will suck. But there are ways of making the "suck" worse. One of them is obsessing about how much your wife is doing you harm. If you want the "suck" to be less, limit your interactions with her to the essential: getting the SS card and the divorce proceedings. And work on your new life in the US.

For the social security card, just wait for it. While you're waiting you can (and should) start working. You have a job lined up, so make some money. You're already separated so what you make now won't matter for divorce (check with your lawyer). You can also rent a car for two weeks (much cheaper than using cabs). I also think you can buy a car with a foreign license in texas, ask a dealer about it (insurance will probably expensive though). Keep going to the gym. Make friends in your favorite environment (gym, bar, church, work, meetups, whatever).

Thanks for positive words. I am feeling better. Well I will figure out something. Tomorrow I am going to go to social security office.

[TBoneTX 45,365]

I will figure out something.

You have done this very well so far, and we're confident that you will keep it up.

[marriedguy 34]

Your wife is not controlling your life, SSN go to office and tell them you did not get and send to new address.

Why are you fretting over your wife, just do not even talk to her.

let the lawyer do the talk for you.

[kkk1 42]

I have been to social security office and they reapplied it and told me it will take another 15 days.

[TBoneTX 45,365]

It might be sooner. Keep the faith.

[usmsbow 801]

I have been to social security office and they reapplied it and told me it will take another 15 days.

It might be sooner. Keep the faith.

Yes. That's the standard answer I believe. It took less than a week for my wife to get her card in the mail last month (although it probably helped that SS cards are mailed from Baltimore and we're in DC).

[evapaula 230]

OP, I don't have practical advice, and you have a few good advisers here anyway, but I have to say I admire you for how well you're handling everything, given your situation. The stress of immigration, paperwork and bureaucracy takes a toll even on people with great support systems, and you're braving it alone.

But you'll soon be done with the main documents, and you'll be a stronger person for starting a new life like this.

Just keep your cool a little longer, this season won't last forever!

[kkk1 42]

Thanks to everyone I have received my social security card today. Thanks to everyone. I am keeping my self strong but I am not focused at all. Sometimes I don't know what I am doing. If somebody say something I just say okay and after sometimes I don't remember what that person told me. I don't know how I can bring back my attention. Hope everything work good with my mind. Thanks to everyone again

[kkk1 42]

Last week I have been investigating who is this guy and I found his details, his address, he is student here who at most would be allowed for couple of more months, if he doesn't find job he has to leave this country in another 60 days. I found out his address, his parents telephone number, email, everything. He was in Phoenix earlier, that's where he met my wife and they started dating since from last year behind my back. When My wife moved to Houston, he came and stayed here in December too. I have been paying for both of them. What a moron was I? His father doesn't even know that what his son doing, that he is breaking someone else marriage. My wife took him to Florida trip with my money ( she and I plan our trip to Florida before she even break the news). I gave her money on her request to buy I phone 6 plus for me and that too she gave it to this guy. I don't know what to say what a big scam happened to me. Now this guy ran away because my wife and him fought. Next day they were trying to patch up again and his father called and started scolding him, because I called his father and told him that he broke my marriage and this is just disgusting thing he had done. My wife came to know this and she started bombarding messages on my phone, yelling at me and screaming at me that I ruin her relationship. She also accused me for many other things, which I have not done and was justifying her cheating because I have done wrong in relationship. I never cheated her at all, but she did and she don't want to accept that she did was extremely wrong. I told her that he ran away because now he knows that he has to pay for your expenses , your rent and bills. He was not responsible at all, why are you pushing blame on me that he ran away because of me. She stated telling me he is scared of you, I told her that oh oh now he is scared of me when he steal someone's wife he isn't scared at all. We had numerous fight I never ran away, whereas this guy ran away as soon as source of money was closed. She went to work and he was missing. She said now his father tells that if he go with her, his father will disown him. I told her that Your mother told you that she will disown you if you go with this guy, I told you that I will disown you and there will be no back door, & you are disown by your family , my family . Still you stayed by his side and he ran away. What a coward? Shoe fits where it is. So I asked her stop blaming me. He has an excuse not to be with you. He used you , he used my money and he betrayed you. She told me this guy and her crying on phone and he doesn't wants to come. I said not my problem. You made me homeless. I gave you everything all better life but what you gave me??

If she is not filing for divorce, may be next month I am going to file. I am so surprise that she blames me for her cheating and now also she has guts to yell at me and scream at me.