wife cheated on me at last moment

[kkk1 42]

I am in 3rd country right now and working here. My wife is USC. I received IR-1 visa in month of feb 2015. She was stopping to come to US since then by different reasons. Today morning she told me she has someone in life since from 6 months and now she don't want me to come and she wants divorce. I was very responsible towards here and in our relationship I have spent 80 to 90 k in 2 and half year period.

Also Next week is my flight ( which my company booked for me as well fair) and I also have job in USA. I am worried about my image now and what people will think of me. I become like a joke. She said if I come they she will call cops on me and she said she the other guy is moving in her house soon. She is going to send me divorce. Honestly speaking I am making more than enough here. I only wants to go US to hid my face. I am feeling so shameful. Everyone at my work knows about my marriage and my migration process which took 18 months. Finally when I get visa, she said she wants to leave me. She also admits that she is doing wrong but she is doing this because she was not happy with me. I never left a stone to provide her needs. We are of same age(in our 30s) and first time married. We don't have any kids.

She also told me that she already sent application to revoke my visa.

I need to know,

Can I still go ( our divorce process is not yet started, but will start soon).

I also decided that I am not going to keep with her.

What should I tell at CBS officer while entering USA and where my green card and social security card will come.

What exactly Should do? Because I don't have any option to survive here. My company already have my replacement. Anyway I am going to loose my job, they might keep me but what should I tell that my wife run away with someone else?? It is so distinguishing to tell this to anyone. Please help Please help.

[Boiler 45,411]

I would have a word with your Employer and see if you can keep your job.

[mallafri76 1,012]

Wow, I am so sorry to hear how your wife is treating you, that is horrible after you've already given up your life in your home country for her.

Since you haven't filled out your timeline, I don't know how long you've been married, do you have a CR-1 or IR-1 visa? I know that once you're in the US, you can adjust status on your own if you can show that you entered the marriage in good faith. Unfortunately, I don't know how it works when you haven't entered the US yet. It seems very vindictive of her to just leave you like this and cancel your visa.

I think you should contact an immigration lawyer to see if you can still enter the US on the green card you have. Also speak to your wife to see if there is something the two of you can do, since there obviously must have been love between you two at some point.

Edited May 9, 2015 by mallafri76

[Villanelle 4,122]

^He said he has the IR1, so its the 10 yr, no ROC

He also said he got it in Feb 2015,- you have 6 months to travel once its issued.

Other factors-

-Wife seems to have advised him he is not welcome at her address if or when he arrives in the US and will call cops on him if he does arrive

-Wife also advised has called and told them to "cancel" visa

-Wife will be filing for divorce soon

OP then says various conflicting things like I make enough money here but I cant survive my job is gone. He has a job waiting in the US (but how practical is it with no housing?) Inquiring about what he will tell CBP and where he tells them to mail his GC.

He is realistic and honest in saying he is not seeking to reconcile with the spouse, and very honest in saying he does not want to remain where he is due to the extreme shame of his situation.

-----------

Unfortunately this extreme shame drives people to do things based in emotion and not reason. (like ahem many topics on here file abuse claims against their spouses for benefits rather then return home in shame). It really is a terribly powerful emotion with no simple answer of how to overcome.

You cant just say well buck up young man- get over it, deal with it- it can be crippling. It drives some to suicide.

The OP needs to find a calm space and take some deep breaths and find a balance between his emotions and the facts.

Now legally from the immigration standpoint- Im honestly not sure. His visa was issued. Its a IR1. The wife can withdraw the aff of support prior to the card being issued. Not sure if thats what she did. As we all know that can take some time, some have difficulty getting their requests submitted and processed. The OP may arrive and be stopped and told you have a problem. They may let him through to fix it, they may send him back. If he does get through with the situation he described there is no way the spouse is going to resubmit the paperwork for him. The relationship is over, divorce is on the horizon, a new man is already in play. If he gets sent back because she did successfully cancel it- then he just traveled for naught. There is the chance that she did not submit a withdrawal or it hasnt been processed and he makes it through and receives his card. In that situation he arrives with no where to go. Like nowhere. No one to pick him up. No car, no ride, nowhere to sleep, no food, no address, nothing. Not very appealing.

To be forced into hiding- and thats what was said (I want to hide my face) I mean I dont know- to willingly force yourself into hiding in an unpleasant and miserable situation because dealing with something like saying my wife committed adultery so I am refusing to go? Thats very sad.

You did no wrong. Why are you painting it that you are the failure here?

[Boiler 45,411]

My wife is an us citizen. Earlier we had great relationship. Our I130 has been approved and is with NVC. Since from 20 days. We recieved an email from nvc (invoice). Since four months my wife become alcoholic and i tried hard to stop her from alcohol. I love my wife a lot but she is not ready to listen. I have sent her visa fees of 318 usd . And she used this in drinking. She rarely talking to me and she even dont want to visit my place. I dont know what to do and how to stop her. Is there any way i can pay the fees because there is clear instruction that fees can be paid by us financial institute only. I really want her to stop or else i would have taken divorce for this irresponsible behaivour but i dont want to go to that point. Please give me some advice what should i do now.

OP's earlier post for reference from last year.

He does not have a GC, he has an immigrant visa. I read it that she is not in the US, well that is the way it reads.

[KayDeeCee 4,893]

~ Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Progress Reports to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits ~

[kkk1 42]

^He said he has the IR1, so its the 10 yr, no ROC

He also said he got it in Feb 2015,- you have 6 months to travel once its issued.

Other factors-

-Wife seems to have advised him he is not welcome at her address if or when he arrives in the US and will call cops on him if he does arrive

-Wife also advised has called and told them to "cancel" visa

-Wife will be filing for divorce soon

OP then says various conflicting things like I make enough money here but I cant survive my job is gone. He has a job waiting in the US (but how practical is it with no housing?) Inquiring about what he will tell CBP and where he tells them to mail his GC.

He is realistic and honest in saying he is not seeking to reconcile with the spouse, and very honest in saying he does not want to remain where he is due to the extreme shame of his situation.

-----------

Unfortunately this extreme shame drives people to do things based in emotion and not reason. (like ahem many topics on here file abuse claims against their spouses for benefits rather then return home in shame). It really is a terribly powerful emotion with no simple answer of how to overcome.

You cant just say well buck up young man- get over it, deal with it- it can be crippling. It drives some to suicide.

The OP needs to find a calm space and take some deep breaths and find a balance between his emotions and the facts.

Now legally from the immigration standpoint- Im honestly not sure. His visa was issued. Its a IR1. The wife can withdraw the aff of support prior to the card being issued. Not sure if thats what she did. As we all know that can take some time, some have difficulty getting their requests submitted and processed. The OP may arrive and be stopped and told you have a problem. They may let him through to fix it, they may send him back. If he does get through with the situation he described there is no way the spouse is going to resubmit the paperwork for him. The relationship is over, divorce is on the horizon, a new man is already in play. If he gets sent back because she did successfully cancel it- then he just traveled for naught. There is the chance that she did not submit a withdrawal or it hasnt been processed and he makes it through and receives his card. In that situation he arrives with no where to go. Like nowhere. No one to pick him up. No car, no ride, nowhere to sleep, no food, no address, nothing. Not very appealing.

To be forced into hiding- and thats what was said (I want to hide my face) I mean I dont know- to willingly force yourself into hiding in an unpleasant and miserable situation because dealing with something like saying my wife committed adultery so I am refusing to go? Thats very sad.

You did no wrong. Why are you painting it that you are the failure here?

I am always travelling internationally and have been working since from 8 years. I have developed many contacts. Using best USA contact they arranged my interview and assured me of providing job. I have done lots of work for this company and they gave me joining date as soon as I arrives. So because of my good relation my job is sure. And also i am well known in my field. But this shame is killing me. How one can take this bad advantage. Her parents are also crying because she did wrong. She has choosen some other guy over me and funny thing is she was asking me for paying her all the stuffs rent food phone bill. Everything.

[Done--Really 331]

Shame is a big deal in many Asian cultures, so let's not minimize it. However, here in the US it is mostly not an overpowering emotion. In fact, you might be surprised about how many men have been in equal or worse situations, and would be happy to talk about them over a beer or two, and you would probably find that others have had much worse problems with their partners.

But you have to be here to start understanding that this culture is unique and very different (and I would suggest better) than the culture you are leaving behind.

Let's think about some of the issues:

1) Is it worth the risk to just show up and maybe CBP let's you in and maybe not.

2) We don't know what official action your wife has taken with USCIS -- maybe she has withdrawn her I-864 which would be a problem.

3) How much cash do you have -- enough to live on for awhile while you get settled here, assuming you can get in.

4) What will your salary be here -- it might be enough along with your available cash to get a fresh start in a new culture.

What I would do is meaningless, but honestly if I had enough cash, I'd go for it and VERY SOON, so that if your wife has started to withdraw the I-864, maybe you can get here under the wire.

In my opinion, this is the time to be brave and not to hide, but rather to take you new life into your hands immediately. What is the worse case -- a few thousand dollars down the drain and you return to wherever you are currently living -- it's only money that you are risking, with the possibility of an extremely positive outcome in the US -- it really is the land of opportunity.

[Boiler 45,411]

If he needs to visit the US probably would not be happening.

[marriedguy 34]

I would say go to US and deal with it there, because you are not divorced legally she cannot do anything at this point.

you have a IR1 not a conditional.

There is no reason to feel ashamed. Believe me she cannot do anything, once you enter US, you can change address of where to receive SSN and other things.

Any ways take advice from a attorney and no need to be scared.

[Villanelle 4,122]

I did not read his earlier posts.

I am going to assume he has settled the issues with the payment and is or was in fact ready to travel to the US when this latest development happened.

So working with the assumption that he was in fact ready to travel to the US-

as Boiler stated : He has an immigrant visa, his wife can technically revoke it at any point up until he steps foot in the US. None of us have anyway of knowing if this actually occurred- nor does he.

The safe assumption is to assume it did, however he can take the chance of traveling to find out if it did or did not, if the paperwork was slow, if she did it wrong etc.

Everyone is going to have a different opinion of this. Someone above said it a brave adventure to do so, while I suggested its a bad idea because its being motivated by shame not by the spirit of adventure.

[Done--Really 331]

And I forgot to mention that assuming you get into the US alright, you can immediately return to where you currently live to wrap things up there -- assuming you have enough cash to travel. It seems to me that that time is of the essence here -- if you want to get to the US and on the road to citizenship, you are dealing with a window that is closing -- might already be closed, so don't wait -- do it now or you may find that delaying even a few days makes the difference between a US opportunity and not having it ever again.

What's the downside -- a few bucks. What's the upside -- a life that is probably only available here. You are young, and the decision you make in the next days will undoubtedly change your life -- possibly forever.

Keep your airline reservation, and get on that plane next week -- remember what Confucius wrote many, many years ago -- you never know when you are having good luck. I suspect that good luck is waiting for you in the US. Do it !!

Edited May 9, 2015 by Done--Really

[Shenzhen 34]

I would take the risk come here and book a hotel room some where cheap where you can stay a few weeks if that's possible until you get everything together. The documents he needs to start work should arrive in those few weeks. Once he get's documents he can start working and go find a place to rent. Use his work address for his mailing address in the mean time.

[Done--Really 331]

All he needs to work is the stamp in his passport and SSN -- while not 100% of the time, you can usually go to the SSA office even the same day you arrive and get the ball rolling -- in our case in NJ at the time, we did the paperwork the day after arrival, and the card came a few days after that. Sometimes you have to ask for a manager if the agent isn't cooperative, but the fact is that he can probably start to work in no more than a couple of weeks, and probably sooner.

By the way OP -- where will you be arriving in the US -- some places are very economical to live while others can be expensive.

[Jawaree 717]

I say come in get you a motel room for a week

maybe you can eventually use & stay with one of the

friends you have made address, try to talk to your

wife...if its over move on. I would also try to do

some damage control job-wise at home...like asking

the employer if I don't like the US would he be willing

to re-hire me. I dont think she has contacted USCIS yet

but will, especially if the new man is not legal...so step

on action dude