Fiance decides 2 days before the interview that she has a cold and doesn't want to attend interview

[Lee&Ana 88]

No argument Hank. I was just inquiring as to why you felt i wasn't committed. Perhaps i came across in my original post as being all about the money. It's cool.

[Hank_ 9,174]

No argument Hank. I was just inquiring as to why you felt i wasn't committed. Perhaps i came across in my original post as being all about the money. It's cool.

Because you don't mention anything about commitment... emotional, caring.... COMMITMENT. Taking care of obligations is not commitment. Hopefully you are not selling "monthly obligation" to your fiancee.

"I almost wish i never got started dating internationally. Too much risk and a questionable reward. " " I will show you how much this has cost me in visa fees. I was at kinkos so much putting together both packages that they were about to ask me to pay rent there. "

[Karmalious 50]

No moderators? this post got off topic quick.

[Hank_ 9,174]

No moderators? this post got off topic quick.

It isn't off topic, it is right on topic. OP is trying to sort things out, open to all comments....

[Karmalious 50]

Your not addressing his concerns , neither directly or in a remotely helpful way. And yet here you are still continuing to post on his thread...

[Lee&Ana 88]

So i wonder how the foreign beneficiary demonstrates committment, love etc?

[apple21 953]

"Umaarte" is the right term, I think. Lol.

I'm like that too whenever my hubby wants to go somewhere and I don't. I make up excuses because I don't want to hurt his feelings. We've been together a loooooooong time so he's cool with it. He knows already. Hahahaha.

Anyway, don't cancel or postpone the interview. Let her decide, to go or not.

[Karmalious 50]

So i wonder how the foreign beneficiary demonstrates committment, love etc?

I hope that was asked with a bit of sarcasm.

If not, there may be more hidden issues in your relationship than you let on?

--I believe that commitment ; is best demonstrated by an un-waivering faith... To be committed to something no matter what. Commitment can be proven in more ways than just marriage...Usually it is first proven with smaller steps........... LIKE: being there for your spouse on a bad day, telling you "i love you" even if you are having an argument, Being available for talking on a consistent basis

--Love? Well everyone defines this a bit differently. AND only you know what makes YOU feel loved. Every couple/relationship has difficult periods, and it can be especially "trying" during stressful times... But you still have to remember those overwhelming feelings of love, if you even had them to begin with.....

Same goes for her..........

Edited May 2, 2015 by Karmalious

[Lee&Ana 88]

It was asked with complete sarcasm lol

[Illiria 980]

Wow, I mean I get what you mean Hank_ about being scared about moving to another continent as I have done so 3 times myself due to my (now) husbands job (UK->Canada->UK->USA) but telling him 2 days before the interview and on his birthday is pretty low. She could have told him earlier as these feelings tend not to be sudden.

This process is hard on all those immigrating be it on a K1 or any other visa, not just on fillipinas. I think lack of empathy shown in how and when you tell someone something so monumental as this smacks of immaturity on her side. Having cold feet is understandable, telling him on his birthday which is only two days before the interview is not.

Personally I would call the embassy to say that you are pulling the petition, send the letters explaining this also to the embassy and NVC. It will cost more in the long run to petition again for another K1 rather than rescheduling the interview but this will allow you to work on the basics of the relationship now such as communication etc. rather than once she is in the US and also having to deal with the home sickness/wedding prep/AOS paperwork.

Then save up and go and spend more time with her, maybe do things to alleviate her worry about moving over such as finding stores where she can get food that reminds her of home, look into groups and churches near you that have Filipino communities, record a video guide to the place you will be living so she can become familiar with it before she gets there.

(Caveat - Unless this is all an elaborate ruse on her part of saying she is not going and then she actually does, gets the visa and moves over not realising that she cant adjust without the K1 petitioner - didn't that happen recently from another country? In which case run and have no contact with her when she realises it won't work.)

[biaobiao 40]

OP question. Have you been sending her more money?

Was it you who had problems with your fiancee demanding a lot of money from you to expedite things?

I mean if you have not been sending her money and she does not want to attend her interview. There must be something wrong.

As too having cold feet 2 days before the inteview. It is possible.

However. A lot of us (fiancee or spouse), most of us, would do anything to attend the interview. To pass medical is a big step. To even reach the point of scheduling the interview. If its true ad genuine relationship, she will find all means to attend to that interview. Its just my thought.

Better sort it while she is still here rather than be your liability when she gets there. Goodluck OP.

[rlogan 2,036]

. The worst and hardest part of this whole process has been her. Not the nvc, embassy, forms or cost but her.

Please ignore the troll who is blaming the victim (blaming you).

This was the key statement, and it is pretty incredible. How can the fiancé be worse than this wretched process? They are supposed to be the one thing you can count on, the entire source of motivation and strength.

There have apparently been other hardships she has caused. Enough to make you regret having started with her. That is not the feeling you should have from someone you intend to marry. Go back to the beginning of your relationship and put down these things on paper as features in a potential bride:

Hi, my name is Ana. I'm going to make you so miserable during the immigration process that you'll wish you never met me. I'll drag my feet and make you figure out how to deal with all the troubles I cause and on the most critical day of all I will say I have a cold and am going to skip the interview. You would cross this person off the list. But she didn't say that now did she? Think about what that means my friend. You did not know what this person was like, and it is no accident.

Think about what the troll is telling you: instead of the intrepid, brave adventurer who meets any challenge with gusto we can all admire, you should instead expect a little baby girl who can't be away from her mommy, boo hoo. You don't marry a foreigner that is such a child they need to be coddled like sobbing infants. An adult needs understanding, sure - but you pick the adult who is excited enough about her fiancé and the new life she is going to share with him that she will crawl on top of broken glass through a burning building to get there.

There are PLENTY of wonderful Filipinas who will gladly replace her. I'm not a fan of dating sites or introduction services. I met mine in person after a number of years traveling to six different islands, and I lived with her family for four months before sending in the I-129F. They can't hide who they are when you see all the extended family, friends, schoolmates, work associates, etc. on a daily basis.

[kittens_0117 5]

I don't know the full story between you two, but if she has a track record of flaking out on the most coincidental of moments, I think you two need a talk. Admit that you're feeling a little bit "led on", that it seems like everything is a bit one-sided. She also needs to be more open to you and tell you what has been going on with her life - don't blame each other on anything, just grab the opportunity to listen to each other. Hopefully after that you guys can decide how you can help each other get to your goal.

Filipinos are very family-oriented, so she may be a bit hesitant to leave her family to live in a foreign place for practically the rest of her life. It's pretty much a completely new life to begin with, so I don't blame her for being scared to uproot herself and leave for the unknown. But I do think you guys need to find a common ground if you really want to accomplish your goal. Marriage is about two people working together.

Before my work assigned me to go to the US I also had sessions of cold feet, not sure if I can handle it (and the visa interview was nerve-wracking because I had to be there in the most ungodly hour to make sure I get in on time -- ugh, but I digress). But I sucked it up and went through it. I learned I didn't want to live a life full of "what ifs". When I met my now husband while I was deciding on whether I should marry him -- I thought about what my future will be when I get back (single) or if I stayed (married to the best guy in my world) -- I was like "f*** it" and stayed. I hated the paperwork involved and went under a lot of stress and anxiety of how USCIS now holds my fate, but heck if I don't suck it up and face it head-on. I made sure my husband and I have a fair share of the tasks at hand -- he wanted me with him, and I vice-versa -- so we knew we had to work together. I love my family back home, but I don't want them to be the reason for being stuck and not being able to move on to my future.

I guess in my case I didn't care if I didn't meet any fellow Filipino where I live -- I have my husband. I make my own friends, Filipino or not, I don't see why I have to surround myself with the familiar. It's a new place, a new adventure. I guess my introversion also helped because I really just prefer to be alone

[Karmalious 50]

Alot of good advice given about love. And especially true to consider the cultural aspect of all this as many filipinos have already mentioned.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Please ignore the troll who is blaming the victim (blaming you).

This was the key statement, and it is pretty incredible. How can the fiancé be worse than this wretched process? They are supposed to be the one thing you can count on, the entire source of motivation and strength.

There have apparently been other hardships she has caused. Enough to make you regret having started with her. That is not the feeling you should have from someone you intend to marry. Go back to the beginning of your relationship and put down these things on paper as features in a potential bride:

Hi, my name is Ana. I'm going to make you so miserable during the immigration process that you'll wish you never met me. I'll drag my feet and make you figure out how to deal with all the troubles I cause and on the most critical day of all I will say I have a cold and am going to skip the interview. You would cross this person off the list. But she didn't say that now did she? Think about what that means my friend. You did not know what this person was like, and it is no accident.

Think about what the troll is telling you: instead of the intrepid, brave adventurer who meets any challenge with gusto we can all admire, you should instead expect a little baby girl who can't be away from her mommy, boo hoo. You don't marry a foreigner that is such a child they need to be coddled like sobbing infants. An adult needs understanding, sure - but you pick the adult who is excited enough about her fiancé and the new life she is going to share with him that she will crawl on top of broken glass through a burning building to get there.

There are PLENTY of wonderful Filipinas who will gladly replace her. I'm not a fan of dating sites or introduction services. I met mine in person after a number of years traveling to six different islands, and I lived with her family for four months before sending in the I-129F. They can't hide who they are when you see all the extended family, friends, schoolmates, work associates, etc. on a daily basis.

^^^ This!

Well put, Robert.