To my African sisters

[Opheliacy 0]

I am new here. I never thought I would ask for advice about my American husband, but I am very sad. I am from Ghana and my husband is a white man from Minnesota. No need to go into details, I just want to get to the issue.

It's my hair! He hates my hair. I am mad today, because he keeps asking me if I went and got my hair done before we are to go to dinner tonight. It's not just going to get my hair relaxed or washed. He wants me to wear a wig EVERY DAY! Many East African women live in Minneapolis (Ethiopian and Somali) and have long silky hair. He knows that I don't have that type of hair, as my hair is short and thick. He makes me get a long front laced wig to cover my entire head to make it seem as if I have long hair. It's real hair and real expensive. He gets mad if I take it off, even at home. I did wear wigs sometimes when I met him, but he knows what my hair really is. I feel he is ashamed of me.

At first, he didn't say anything, but now it's become his obsession. I think he is trying to hide my African looks. I am angry! I am sick of this wig!

Help me before I strangle him with this wig!

[sercontigo 1]

I am so sorry this is happening. It can in interracial relationships I think because it happened to me once. I would be OK with the wig if he appreciated your natural hair. I think a person should be loved for who they are inside. I would like to think he fell in love with the person you are and not your looks. True, I believe its important to look your best and to keep yourself up nice for yourself as well as your husband. But you are sacrificing your happiness and your comfort to appease him. I think you should go all natural and ditch the wig...get some twisties or a straw set and be yourself! He should be in love with you not your hair.

[southernchic 0]

Your experience sounds like a black woman's worse nightmare. I am an African-American woman who wears her hair naturally (i.e. short afro). I can't imagine dealing with a man -- esp my own husband -- being fixated hair to the point where wigs would be mandatory. I wish you the best of luck but I can't imagine that the solution will be easy. Perhaps you should go to some counseling. I say this bc his issues sound very deep to me.

Also I can't help but wonder why this man would try to force this kind of aesthetic on you. Hang in there. Be strong. You're beautiful, sister.

Sonya

I am new here. I never thought I would ask for advice about my American husband, but I am very sad. I am from Ghana and my husband is a white man from Minnesota. No need to go into details, I just want to get to the issue.

It's my hair! He hates my hair. I am mad today, because he keeps asking me if I went and got my hair done before we are to go to dinner tonight. It's not just going to get my hair relaxed or washed. He wants me to wear a wig EVERY DAY! Many East African women live in Minneapolis (Ethiopian and Somali) and have long silky hair. He knows that I don't have that type of hair, as my hair is short and thick. He makes me get a long front laced wig to cover my entire head to make it seem as if I have long hair. It's real hair and real expensive. He gets mad if I take it off, even at home. I did wear wigs sometimes when I met him, but he knows what my hair really is. I feel he is ashamed of me.

At first, he didn't say anything, but now it's become his obsession. I think he is trying to hide my African looks. I am angry! I am sick of this wig!

Help me before I strangle him with this wig!

[Ta Ta 1]

My feelings would be seriously hurt if that happened to me ! I don't blame you

for being upset. I suggest you have a long talk with him and tell him how his insisting

you wear the wig makes you feel.

It is cool to wear the wig sometimes but not always and especially if he has this attitude.

Communication is needed.

Nice to meet you by the way

[Kelechi 0]

I am new here. I never thought I would ask for advice about my American husband, but I am very sad. I am from Ghana and my husband is a white man from Minnesota. No need to go into details, I just want to get to the issue.

It's my hair! He hates my hair. I am mad today, because he keeps asking me if I went and got my hair done before we are to go to dinner tonight. It's not just going to get my hair relaxed or washed. He wants me to wear a wig EVERY DAY! Many East African women live in Minneapolis (Ethiopian and Somali) and have long silky hair. He knows that I don't have that type of hair, as my hair is short and thick. He makes me get a long front laced wig to cover my entire head to make it seem as if I have long hair. It's real hair and real expensive. He gets mad if I take it off, even at home. I did wear wigs sometimes when I met him, but he knows what my hair really is. I feel he is ashamed of me.

At first, he didn't say anything, but now it's become his obsession. I think he is trying to hide my African looks. I am angry! I am sick of this wig!

Help me before I strangle him with this wig!

I am an African American woman who has always worn my hair with a relaxer. When I went to Nigeria in December to meet my sweetie it was totally the opposite in a way. He looked at my hair and said would you not like to try braids. I told him sure why not. I tried them and love them. And I have not wore my hair without them since. I do understand what you are saying and how you feel. But I would also like to tell you that many women do things they do not want to do to make their man happy. Now dont get me wrong I am not saying to roll over but I am saying that issues like this have to be well thought out. Weigh your options. Sit down and talk to him quietly and nicely. Tell him how you feel and try to compromise. Maybe even try some braids. I don't do the relaxer thing anymore. Not because my Nigerian sweetie wants it but because I have found it is better for my hair. And I found my hair getting more healthy and growing more. So just maybe try to find something that you both can live with. Especially being in the situation as we are in. We go through a long drawn out process to get to our loved ones and then we allow simple things to tear us apart. Well not me because we are going through too much to bow out.

[blah0323 0]

The first thing that came to me, when I read this was.....

I AM NOT MY HAIR!!!!

I'm speaking as and African American natural sister as well. He shouldn't insist that you wear that wig. You choose not to be of the European expectation and he needs to accept that. I'm really surprised to hear that of a "white" man, they normally are the ones who will embrace our natural hair, when our own won't. Maybe someone is saying something to him and he is getting conscious about it as well, but that is not a good enough excuse. Just my 2 cents.

Glad to know there are several natural women hear!!!

[Queen Jenn 0]

I am not african or african-american. But I agree that your husband needs to love you for who you are - not for what your hair looks like. This is a difficult issue to deal with. I agree that communication is the key. And I wonder if his issues go deeper-I mean that maybe it's something inside of him that is manifesting in his obsession with your hair.

Be strong because you are beautiful just as you are.

[Savanphil 3]

I am a Napptural African American; I never really knew how much men focused on hair until now. Since this is your husband this is a delicate situation, talking about the problem always helps, and maybe you can ask him if there are any other styles he would like to see you wear. This would open up the dialogue and you would not come off as being "defensive", it would also show that his opinion does matter.** and you could slip in the part about hating the wig** And reiterate the fact that you love him exactly the way he is and accept him for that...and it makes you feel bad that you don't think he feels the same.

I hope he can understand that this really bothers you, and he'll come around to being more accepting...to eventually loving your hair in its natural state....Good Luck and blessings

[Kanyiri 0]

I don't know of any advice as to what to do. All I know is that I would be furious if my husband made me hide my natural hair every day. I would feel very hurt. My husband has certain ways that he likes to see me style my hair, but if I don't there is not any issue about it. All I can say is that you should tell him that it hurts when he wants you to hide your natural hair.

I'm so sorry that he is like that.

[Opheliacy 0]

Thank you for all of your support. This is a very troubling issue for me. He is a good man, but like many of you said, I feel that is ashamed of my hair. I have yelled at him and said "I am not Spanish, I'm African!" It will go away, but the end result is also "go get your wig re-done."

Perhaps I will make a new topic and ask the men of African women if they have a problem with our hair.

Thank you and nice to meet you all.

[southernchic 0]

I don't know of any advice as to what to do. All I know is that I would be furious if my husband made me hide my natural hair every day. I would feel very hurt. My husband has certain ways that he likes to see me style my hair, but if I don't there is not any issue about it. All I can say is that you should tell him that it hurts when he wants you to hide your natural hair.

I'm so sorry that he is like that.

I'd be furious, too. Being patient and polite about it is very nice. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those sistas. Best of luck!!!

S