Cold Feet and Second Thoughts

[Unidentified 2,930]

Over the last 5 years we have over 10,000 hours of Skype logs. 3hrs a week? That's for an acquaintances. LoL

Me and my fiance has been together for 3 years and we talk about 1-3 hours a week. Might be because we actually got to live together for a year, we have been able to visit every 3 months and we chat on google hangout. I think 3 hours a week is fine if you have other ways of communicating. Plus time difference is a pain.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Okay, I am sorry. I brought this off topic.

My point is: If you have other means of communication 3 hours a week is not a red flag.

Let's try and get back on track and help the OP out.

[mlh 93]

I think the 3 hours a week was teaching English to the mother-in-law "to be".

[Unidentified 2,930]

I think the 3 hours a week was teaching English to the mother-in-law "to be".

Oh yeah, I remember reading something about this.

OP, do you and your fiance communicate one-on-one at all? Skype? Emails? Chats? Letters? Anything? Or do you communicate through others?

[Boiler 45,532]

I think the 3 hours a week was teaching English to the mother-in-law "to be".

Good time to ask about the 5 year old.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

We talked for hours and hours daily on skype also and left the cams run when we cooked, ate, slept sometimes and doing stuff around the house.

We always felt closer to each other and getting to know each other much better.

How else are you supposed to get to know someone halfway across the world when you can't visit often ?!

[Sandra G. 5,048]

You posted " He told me that he is now caring for and acting as father to his niece". Are you sure this child is his niece and not his daughter?.

To make sure he is with you for the right reason, tell him you will live with him in his Country,and wait to see his reaction.I have a feeling he will vanish after that.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

You posted " He told me that he is now caring for and acting as father to his niece". Are you sure this child is his niece and not his daughter?.

To make sure he is with you for the right reason, tell him you will live with him in his Country,and wait to see his reaction.I have a feeling he will vanish after that.

She was not allowed to see him face to face on the same floor level when she came to visit him and only saw him briefly so

there wouldn't be any "living with him together" unless she will rent a place near him. I agree, he would vanish.

[El_killer47 22]

Be patient and be positive. Long distance is always hard. Doubts arise and you tend to hear things that weren't really said. I say get to know him in person. Maybe go visit or wait til he gets here and get to know him then decide what you want to do. Good luck.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Be patient and be positive. Long distance is always hard. Doubts arise and you tend to hear things that weren't really said. I say get to know him in person. Maybe go visit or wait til he gets here and get to know him then decide what you want to do. Good luck.

When he is in the states it will be too late... Unless he comes for a visit which I doubt he can.

[wbeem 568]

Yes, pretty much the same for us. We speak on the phone around 4 hours a night on work nights and more over weekends. We also use speaker phone so that my daughter is part of our family time together. William has all but given up his free waking ours and I survive on four hours sleep a night with the time differences. There is no question about our ability to communicate and how much we enjoy our time together.

Relationships are built and investment should be placed in them from the outset and built over time before you even think of committing to permanent life together. I can't imagine marrying a man I didn't know. We have no secrets. We share everything. There has never been any doubt in this relationship. I believe that's the way a marriage should be.

[wbeem 568]

Not sure if you said in the other thread that you only skype 3 hours a week with him but if you do then that is a red flag also.

There seems to be no solid communication at all. Make him EARN your trust, don't give it away so freely.

If I recall correctly, some of that time was teaching English to family members (and friends? I forget).

Yes, you have to talk to each other to get to know each other and build trust. I would be so bold as to suggest that with cultural and language barriers, you need even more time for this than the 'average' couple devotes to it.

[cdneh 3,112]

Be patient and be positive. Long distance is always hard. Doubts arise and you tend to hear things that weren't really said. I say get to know him in person. Maybe go visit or wait til he gets here and get to know him then decide what you want to do. Good luck.

The K1 visa, which she has already applied for in spite of having never met her 'fiance' face to face, is not for getting to know him. It's for coming to America and getting married within 90 days.

[wbeem 568]

The K1 visa, which she has already applied for in spite of having never met her 'fiance' face to face, is not for getting to know him. It's for coming to America and getting married within 90 days.

[terri_blake 10]

thank you everyone for the kind words of advice and all of the meaningful experiences that you have decided to share with me and others. this has been a rough stage in my life and I cannot tell you how many hours I have spent crying about this trying to figure out what I should do and how I should go about doing it. Today, I decided to speak with him about how I was feeling and my cold feet issues. It was not a healthy conversation. before I get into what was talked about in the outcome, I want to make sure that I am following the rules of this forum because I do not want to be kicked off the site again as I was last week. I guess the best thing for me to do is to keep this as short and sweet as possible. I told my fiance that I was having second thoughts about being with him and going further with this entire visa process. I feel so horrible for doing this to him and his family. he is absolutely right that I am a selfish person and that I only think about my own life and how things affect me and not him. I have been told my entire life that I am selfish so it must be true.