Wife ran off, got pregnant, blackmailing me into "helping" her get green card

[nyk349 9]

I would contact immigration and let them know whats happening. To protect you from any wrong doing. let them know you feel she fraudulently married you and split once she got here. They will put that in the system and she will have to face up to it regardless. You are her sponsor I take it?

Yes, I am her sponsor but I don't believe that. For what it's worth, I'm the only one. Even if I did believe it, how would I prove it.

Right now at least I have the consolation of believing she truly did love me once and that's the last thing I have left. I'd like to keep it.

Edited April 20, 2015 by nyk349

[Boiler 45,769]

Immigration would not be interested anyway without a boatload of proof.

[Triple 1]

Welcome to the wonderful world of divorce law, that can only be found in the U.S. Slowly changes are being made to fix the system. As a divorced father, I'll share what I can.

First, like others have stated, seek good and competent legal consuel. In your situation, you're looking at a total cost of about ten thousand dollars. You're case is fairly straight forward.

You still have the original documents she sent to you the second time, unopened, returned to you because she either wasn't living there, at home, or chose to say she wasn't her. It'll show proof you were separated at the time she became pregnant and also allow your attorney to ask for DNA to prove paternity of the child.

If you can prove adultery or that you were separated at the time she became pregnant, married or not, the courts will stop your name from going onto the birth certificate. What ends up happening is they wait until the child is born and between 3-6 weeks of age, they'll order genetic testing. The only way to do so prior to birth is thru an aminiocentesis test. The courts will not order this test done due to the risks involved to the unborn child. If however, her OB determines the test needs to be done because there may be something wrong with the child, you can get an order to use some of the fluid for genetic testing.

The federal courts have ruled, just because a man is married, he cannot automatically be adjudicated the father of an unborn child if he claims the child isn't his and can then back up that claim with strong reasons as to why he is not.

My honest opinion, legal consultations are worthless. What you need to do is find an attorney who has dealt with these issues before and this area is their field of expertise. You'd be shocked, but there are attorneys who only deal with certain aspects of divorce cases and they bring in other attorneys who deal with other aspects.

[Triple 1]

In the United States (all 50 states and territories), if you are married to a woman and she has a child while still married to you, legally, that is YOUR CHILD. The law assumes you are the father, regardless of any other situation you have going on. Whether you sign a birth certificate or not, you will be financially responsible for the child.

You need a lawyer - ASAP.

This is not true anymore. However, you must be able to prove to the courts verifiable information showing why you are most likely not the father. After that's been accepted by the court, genetic testing will be ordered. Slowly the laws are changing.

[Mountain Climber 186]

Yeah, well, maybe it was my own stupid fault. Maybe I just refused to accept her for who she was and kept making excuses for her behaviour. "She's just immature, she's just spoiled, she's just young but she'll grow up; she's a good person at heart and that's what matters; she says stupid, ridiculous, hurtful things but she doesn't mean them; she knows not what she does."

I read a quote recently, don't remember the source:

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

I didn't want to believe.

Jetzt egal.

Don't beat yourself up too badly. I think a lot of people who have fallen in love with the wrong person

can be accused of rationalizing in much the same manner. Love causes us to do crazy things.

Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. Been there, done that. Hope everything works out for you.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Mountain Climber

[MJ84 0]

Sorry to disappoint you but that baby may be yours. If she left in November then found out one month after(December) that she is pregnant, it could mean the baby was conceived at least 6 weeks prior to her realize that she was indeed pregnant.

I would recommend a DNA test and to try to resolve this matter in a professional way with no hasty decisions.

Good Luck!

[Unshakable Faith 493]

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to record a conversation on a smartphone. Every single app is worthless.

This is probably the least of your worries... but make sure that it is LEGAL to record a phone conversation without her consent in your state before you do that.

I know in my state (NC) it is legal if at least one person (yourself included) are aware that the conversation is being recorded... other states have different laws.

On the flip side, what I do to record conversations is I use the recording feature on my laptop with my phone on speaker lol, anyway...

I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you find the peace you need to keep it moving and to trust and love again.

[raven52 233]

Thank goodness the child is not yours. Run to your lawyer, glad you kept a copy of the divorce papers she sent you.

I would do nothing for her, you owe her nothing!

Hope you get out of this mess.

[jyaku 138]

Hope you have a prenup!

Hope you have a prenup!

[BaronB 42]

She doesn't need to come back into your life to remain in the US. Take that a sign of bad things to come. Don't assume she is ignorant or believe everything she tells you. You must work on getting proof whether that child is yours or not. That's decades of financial obligations staring you in the face.

[nyk349 9]

Sorry to disappoint you but that baby may be yours. If she left in November then found out one month after(December) that she is pregnant, it could mean the baby was conceived at least 6 weeks prior to her realize that she was indeed pregnant.

I would recommend a DNA test and to try to resolve this matter in a professional way with no hasty decisions.

Good Luck!

She swears it isn't, most likely because she indeed got knocked up during her last few weeks with me, before she left and she knows it. We hadn't had sex for at least a few weeks prior to her leaving.

I'll discuss it with the lawyer on Thursday.

Sorry, but two years doestn'a make it sound like a cut-and-dry fraudulent marriage. Had this happened two weeks after getting the green card then by all means. But you'll have a hard time proving fraud since it took two years. Look at things this way, marriage still ends in divorce 60% of the time and more than often in less than two years - you went longer - and when looking at inter-racial/inter-country marriages, its' more. You're not special or unique. I would still go after a divorce and file papers to show fraud, but you'll lose.

FACT IS, you signed the I-864 papers and it doesn't matter. YOU ARE STILL RESPONSIBLE for her green card. YOU ARE STILL her sponsor, despite ending the marriage.

I don't buy it when people say they didn't see it coming in a situation like this.

Your situation is HARDLY unique at all and you're not going to get special attention or expediting from Immigration. These things happen all the time. If she is not in the country, you're not going to get court ordered enforcement of DNA, let alone before birth/delivery of a baby. YOU are responsible, just as she stated, until you can prove otherwise in a US jurisdiction ordered and enforced DNA test. If she is in China, China will not enforce or require her to undergo forced DNA. The situation is what it is. You are responsible until proven otherwise. But, if she is not in the US and you are, you can't be forced to send her anything.

I would do anything possible to revoke her green card or submit things to cause levels of concern, However, I would not create false evidence. Get face-to-face with an Immigration officer, show them your e-mails with her ONLINE - don't print and show copies - use their computers to see them directly from the e-mail servers so no accusation of offline manipulation and so on. Maybe you'll get sympathetic ears.

However, the situation is what it is, you are in this boat. I am American, my wife is Chinese, we have had our issues and I always am on edge when she bitches about something, that's part of an inter-cultural marriage and you should have been and be prepared for such things.

You won't make it disappear.

Find all the evidence you can, try to present it face to face at an immigration office. File a complaint with the Chinese embassy in your area that your wife has cheated on you, gotten pregnant out of your wedlock and so on. China is being firm with such political black-eyes.

I can't say that the real thing I want to say because people here will cry and complain and blunt honesty

You are apparently unaware of the legal ramifications of recording voice calls.

You apparently didn't really read what I said and are in a rush to wag your finger from a podium. You're also presumptuous. I do not have "emails" to show them. She wasn't some mail-order bride and these issues extended past "cultural barriers." No, I am not somehow to blame because I did not foresee her getting pregnant while M.I.A. and reappearing half a year later to blackmail me into helping her lie to immigration and financially support her illegitimate spawn. Of course I foresaw her leaving, the relationship wasn't going well--who could foresee the rest? Nostradamus?

My only mistake post-separation was receiving signed papers from her and not taking them to court myself when I could have.

Thanks for the suggestion to file a complaint with the Chinese embassy. It's hardly a priority right now but I've definitely made a note of it.

Hope you have a prenup!

Hope you have a prenup!

There was no prenup. I don't have anything for her to take except my future income, presumably.

She texted me last night saying she's going into town tomorrow and I want this sauce I used to like.

Hilarious.

Edited April 21, 2015 by nyk349

[nyk349 9]

"She texted me last night saying she's going into town tomorrow and do I want this sauce I used to like."

[BaronB 42]

"She texted me last night saying she's going into town tomorrow and do I want this sauce I used to like."

Under no circustances should you enter into any communication at this time before speaking to a lawyer. She is up to something.

[nyk349 9]

I did not reply.

Sure, she's up to something but, as usual, she is naive and, therefore, transparent. In this case, she truly believes this gesture somehow makes up for the fact that she's trying to ruin my life. Because in her mind, she's not ruining my life. She's just asking for "help." This is a person who went to bed with a stranger within a few weeks of leaving a relationship of four years (earlier, if you believe some estimates above) and then asks me if I want to see a picture of the sonogram without the slightest trace of shame.

She's dangerous not because she's malicious, but because she's ignorant and thoughtless.

Anyway. I can't concentrate on any of the things I have to do. I wish these bloody lawyers didn't have to make me wait till Thursday. I'm going out to walk for a few hours and try not to think of doomsday scenarios.

Edited April 21, 2015 by nyk349

[madtownguy 164]

I think you are way too worried and paranoid. Like I said before, block her number, change the locks on the house. Pretend she doesn't exist and let her battle with lawyers. These stupid recorded meetings sound like people watch too much TV. And recording a phone conversation is illegal in most states.

She is living on her own and fending for herself, let her keep doing that. Let the court order the paternity test if she doesn't want to do one when the baby is born. She still could lose the baby, get hit by a bus, get back together with whoever the Dad is. Why don't you focus on your life instead of the life you have no control over.