Wife ran off, got pregnant, blackmailing me into "helping" her get green card

[madtownguy 164]

Call cousin Vinnie to take out the garbage. I don't know what you're worried about, if you have tons of money you would have already contacted a lawyer. It's not your kid and you weren't married for very long. She isn't going to get much if anything at all. I personally would just block her number and ignore her, wait for a sheriff to serve you.

[Cathi 5,771]

I wouldn't say that. She left because we were both unhappy with each other and argued constantly. I failed to mention that and, I guess, made it sound like everything was fine and one day she disappeared.

Difficult to provide every detail a forum post. heh

It may be true that she left because you were both unhappy, but now she is trying to screw you to the wall. Not cool. Let an attorney help you and whatever you do, do not meet up with her, you do not want an unwarranted VAWA claim, and she seems crazy enough to attempt anything at this point.

Edited April 20, 2015 by mimolicious

[Sunnyland 639]

Like others posters said, DONT be alone with her. Keep ALL your proofs (letters, voice messages etc). Do back up of your proofs too. DONT tell her what you are gonna do next. Use a good lawyer ASAP.

[nyk349 9]

if you have tons of money you would have already contacted a lawyer. It's not your kid and you weren't married for very long. She isn't going to get much if anything at all. I personally would just block her number and ignore her, wait for a sheriff to serve you.

I will have tons of money as far as salaried work goes but not just yet. A sheriff won't serve me because she won't put in the divorce papers as long as she believes it's to her disadvantage.

It may be true that she left because you were both unhappy, but now she is trying to screw you to the wall. Not cool. Let an attorney help you and whatever you do, do not meet up with her, you do not want an unwarranted VAWA claim, and she seems crazy enough to attempt anything at this point.

I know, you're right. No, under no circumstances will I see her face to face. I wish I could tell you how heartbreaking it is to me that a sweet little girl I protected and nurtured for four years could suddenly turn into a completely different person. But, as my mother said, she was this person all along. I just refused to see it.

Like others posters said, DONT be alone with her. Keep ALL your proofs (letters, voice messages etc). Do back up of your proofs too. DONT tell her what you are gonna do next. Use a good lawyer ASAP.

Yep. Right now, she thinks I have given her a week to consult with her immigration lawyer, probably some pro bono thing she found considering how tragically misinformed she is about her situation, and told her to get back to me by Sunday. She thinks I'm temporarily going along. But I have a lawyer consultation Thursday and will drop the bomb as soon as I get the green light.

This is why it is so difficult for all of us with legitimate marriages

Not necessarily. She did not scam me to come here and get a green card. I will never believe that. We were together four years. Green card scammers don't devote nearly half a decade of their life. They are in a hurry to find someone, "fall in love," make it move fast. They put out feelers via internet dating sites and other avenues through which they can meet foreigners. When I met her, she was just a simple, naive girl living her life. The thought of marrying some guy and leaving everything she'd ever known was not a thought in her mind.

No. She came here under honest intentions. It wasn't until after things went sour that she decided to stick it out for the green card. Her actions have arisen out of opportunity, not premeditation. And her little bundle has completely changed her perspective: if it were merely advantageous to have citizenship before, now she absolutely wants it "for the child."

Edited April 20, 2015 by nyk349

[toribae1031 3]

Wow

... this is so dramatic. And....... idk why she thinks she can win this figjt. And what makes her acting like that for. Wow... just wow lol. Hope u will figure out everything well

[nyk349 9]

newtothelift & mimolicious:

I am the drama queen here. Thanks.

[novedsac 355]

So, it seems like you've been married for less than two years, perhaps a year if you can demonstrate that you've been separated since she moved out and filled out the divorce paperwork. In either case, unless you have a complete moron for an attorney, she's not getting half of anything. In many states, adultery is grounds for an at-fault divorce which would take alimony out of the equation as well.

The baby could be an issue. In some jurisdictions, there is a legal presumption that the husband is the legal father even if he is not the biological father and this would require the Court to disestablish the husband as the father. It can be a real pain in the a$$.

You need to seek competent legal counsel (family/divorce specialist; you don't have any immigration issues - they are hers and hers alone) and likely will need to file divorce on your own accord right away. You can still get a divorce if she doesn't sign, cooperate, etc., it just takes a little longer. You'll need to establish paternity as well and this can also be done through the Court. She is well enough along now for a DNA test to be conducted. Once you establish (through the Court) that you are not the father ... this will do two things for you ... 1) relieve you child support responsibilities and 2) provide irrefutable proof of adultery. Determining who is the actual father is not important, but it may help your case if he's willing to cooperate with you ... worth a chat in my opinion.

[nyk349 9]

Thanks very much, novedsac, for that information. I've made a note and will bring it up to the lawyer Thursday.

P.S. We've been married 16 months now; 11 when she left.

Edited April 20, 2015 by nyk349

[Marco&Bettina 502]

mimo, I didn't save a copy of the FIRST divorce papers she sent. Those showed up on USPS tracking as accepted by this friend of hers at the address she'd put on it. She says he never gave anything to her.

I do have the original papers she sent the second time with the early January date, though, since these were returned to me as undeliverable.

That's a lovely house. She was pissed I didn't buy her a house and we lived in a small New York apartment. But she couldn't even keep a small refrigerator clean and she thought I'd get her a big house and a maid. Cracked eggs sitting in the fridge for days, mouldy yoghurt, rotting vegetable particles on the bottom. "How are we going to buy a house and have children when we can't even manage a tiny apartment in New York City?" I said. Her response? "When we get a house we'll have a maid."

You picked the wrong woman. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[nyk349 9]

You picked the wrong woman. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Yeah, well, maybe it was my own stupid fault. Maybe I just refused to accept her for who she was and kept making excuses for her behaviour. "She's just immature, she's just spoiled, she's just young but she'll grow up; she's a good person at heart and that's what matters; she says stupid, ridiculous, hurtful things but she doesn't mean them; she knows not what she does."

I read a quote recently, don't remember the source:

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

I didn't want to believe.

Jetzt egal.

Edited April 20, 2015 by nyk349

[TBoneTX 45,663]

Several nonresponsive and bickering posts have been removed. Anyone who again posts in like fashion will be thread-banned. Contribute responsibly or don't contribute.

TBoneTX

VJ Moderation

[Marco&Bettina 502]

Yeah, well, maybe it was my own stupid fault. Maybe I just refused to accept her for who she was and kept making excuses for her behaviour. "She's just immature, she's just spoiled, she's just young but she'll grow up; she's a good person at heart and that's what matters; she says stupid, ridiculous, hurtful things but she doesn't mean them; she knows not what she does."

I read a quote recently, don't remember the source:

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

I didn't want to believe.

Jetzt egal.

I know the feeling completely. Ich bin also Deutsche. Entschuldigung.

[mallafri76 1,012]

I'm sorry this happened. Hopefully the lawyer can help you get out of this nightmare. Below is a link you divorce laws of New York State, hopefully that can help a little too:

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/new_york/nyfaq04

When one spouse has considerably more assets than the other, a prenup is always a good idea.

[curt19 2]

First impressions... She has the anchor baby! She can apply for AOS as mother of the the child. Whatever that takes.

You still have obligations under I-864. What that will be with her giving birth to another mans child is interesting? Yeah what responsibility the father of the child will take? DNA and paternity would be good to establish.

Her ability to get education career and make a living are diminished now she will be caring for a new child.

I'll join the chorus seek legal counsel. I think divorce ASAP is best course.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

If her due date is Aug then she got pregnant in Nov. Somewhere mid November, were you having sex close to the time she left ( could it be yours ? )