Wife ran off, got pregnant, blackmailing me into "helping" her get green card

[kamw 93]

File for divorce NOW. If the baby is born while still married, it is yours legally.

[Jon and Krissy 452]

From your previous post, it sounds like the kid really isn't yours, which is good. However, the notion that because she is pregnant with some other guy's kid after over a year of being married to you in no way will invalidate her claim to having entered the marriage in good faith. Because AT THE TIME SHE MARRIED YOU, the marriage was ENTERED INTO in good faith. Her schtupping the entire football team a year later doesn't change that. In fact, you yourself repeatedly said up-thread that you didn't believe her intentions in marrying you were for the purpose of fraud. She isn't aware if it apparently, but she can remove conditions just fine on her own....

Because in her mind, getting this green card is the one single thing that will make all her "sacrifice" worth it. And she will have gotten it as a direct result of my having spent four years of my life, time, energy, resources, and love to give her a good life and the best chance at success that I could. Why would I want to see her get it now, at my expense?

As soon as I speak with the lawyer and see where I stand, I am going to USCIS immediately and relaying all the facts. Let her go back to her village with nothing to show for it than the new life-long reminder of her stupidity and heartlessness.

"Hello, ridiculously extended family spanning the three Chinese provinces. I had a great time in the United States. I took advantage of the opportunity to improve myself, master a new language, get work experience, go back to college for a degree in something I actually like, and just work on having a successful life in a better place.

"NAAAAH! HAHAHA Just kidding! I ran off on my husband, spread my legs for a stranger within a matter of weeks, threatened and tried to blackmail that husband dummy, and brought THIS with me!

"Yay?"

But enough of my pettiness.

If she truly believes it's not mine, why would I rush to prove it is? I mean... I guess she'd know when she looked at it, eh? But you never know. Then again, if it is mine...

Argh. I don't want to think about this. She swears it isn't mine to the point where she has another guy offering his life to her. A woman knows these things, surely. It's not a c-rap shoot.

Edited April 20, 2015 by Jon and Sol

[belinda63 3,041]

Any child born within 10 months of the divorce is presumed to be a child of the marriage. Only a DNA test will refute that and even then you might have problems. With my children the DNA test showed he could not be the biological father but he was still the legal father.

Immigration issues, not your problem but she can file to remove conditions without you.

Divorce issues: She might be able to get some short term support if she has a good attorney and sob story.

[kamw 93]

You really need to get a court order for a DNA test ASAP. If that child is born and you are still married it's automatically yours and it's hell to get the courts to agree to force her to do a DNA test and reverse the presumption of paternity. Then you only have until the kid is 3 to prove it's not yours, once you past that age it doesn't matter what a DNA test says- you're locked in with child support for the full 18 years. I have a friend that lives with her bf and has 2 kids with him both of whom legally are her husbands that she abandoned in another state. She went to try to get food assistance and they tried to convince her to put the husband on child support, AFTER she told them the situation about the kids not being his. Whoever is advising her now is an idiot but don't wait until someone smarter starts helping her. Ppl have sympathy for young pregnant women and right now you don't want anyone marking you as the bad guy in the situation. A good divorce lawyer will ruin you.

If you don't see what is wrong with that statement you may want to see a psychologist to talk about it. You should just move on, giving a ####### about what your ex does, has, becomes is something that can only provide your mental state problems. I get you're mad she left you and hooked up with another guy, but big friggin deal. It happens all the time and life goes on. There are millions of girls in the world!!! Men age well like wine, which as you get older you have a larger lot to pick from. Most likely you don't have a kid together so you can totally be done with her. Who cares if she becomes a citizen and wins the lottery, you didn't do that. She might have met someone better than you had she not met you, so you can't play the I made this persons life great thing it just sounds bad. You're obviously very mad, sad... whatever. The quicker you forget it the better. My ex broke many laws that I could have went to immigration and said this is bullshit she shouldn't be here legally, in fact the IRS contacted me about a criminal investigation and still I didn't give them a laundry list of things she did illegally because I was happy to not have that drama in my life anymore. Get rid of the drama man!!! Find a new lady that makes you happy and not want to throw furniture.

Let the guy live. This is a horrible situation- he gets to be petty at lest for a little while. To go through the entire process with falling in love, marrying and moving someone here and then had the person turn around and screw you over? I'm be writing whole novels ranting about the ####### I'm feeling. It's his sacrifice, money, time and effort that got her here. I'd get her deported on the next thing smoking back to which ever part of china she came from. Geezz.

[shippingforecast 126]

I can't offer you any more advice than other users have provided, I just wanted to chime in and say I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I wish you the very best of luck in this situation.

[nyk349 9]

I have divorce papers signed and notarized by her, signed 12/17/2014. They're copies, not the originals. Can I use these to file for divorce?

Why did this damn lawyer have to make me wait till Thursday. I'm freaking out now with what kamw said.

[nyk349 9]

From your previous post, it sounds like the kid really isn't yours, which is good. However, the notion that because she is pregnant with some other guy's kid after over a year of being married to you in no way will invalidate her claim to having entered the marriage in good faith.

Can you cite any sources for this? I told her this as well and she said she was actually aware of it. But it's because she has a kid that is NOT MINE, she said that is what will complicate her. And this is the reason she wants to twist my arm into staying married and pretending it's mine. To say NOTHING of the possibility she wants to saddle me with it for eighteen years.

[Jon and Krissy 452]

Can you cite any sources for this? I told her this as well and she said she was actually aware of it. But it's because she has a kid that is NOT MINE, she said that is what will complicate her. And this is the reason she wants to twist my arm into staying married and pretending it's mine. To say NOTHING of the possibility she wants to saddle me with it for eighteen years.

I don't have the cycles to do the research, but I can tell you VJ is full of stories of people who entered into a marriage in 'good faith,' split up after a few months, got a boyfriend, got pregnant, and still got conditions removed. Search this forum. Your ex is simply ignorant of the law, IMO.

[kamw 93]

I have divorce papers signed and notarized by her, signed 12/17/2014. They're copies, not the originals. Can I use these to file for divorce?

Why did this damn lawyer have to make me wait till Thursday. I'm freaking out now with what kamw said.

Call your nearest courthouse or stop in and ask.

Don't stress just reread every single post and formulate a list of questions for your lawyer. Email them before hand in case he needs to do research. Right now you have a week to "think about it" and she probably doesn't suspect you have already started working on legal advice. She lives really close to you, start doing some lowkey (non illegal) digging and see you can find out who unfortunate sperm donor is- you might need him in the future.If she has pics of her and him on social media add them to your file. And record every interaction you have with her. Every text, email, voicenote, voice message, everything.

[nyk349 9]

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to record a conversation on a smartphone. Every single app is worthless.

[Jawaree 718]

Current wife arrived here on a K1 visa 12/2013, we got married, and she received two-year conditional green card expiring 9/2016.

11/2014 she runs off and cuts off all communication with me. She mails divorce papers to me -- twice -- which I promptly sign and mail back. I figure she ran off, let her pay for it. Big mistake. Months go by and I hear nothing. I have no proof of divorce but I do have a dramatic voice mail around January saying she's going back to China. I think she's gone.

Two weeks ago she calls me saying she wants to be "friends" because, after a four-year relationship, I am like her "family." But her language is highly suspicious. Keeps making allusions to "problems" she is having, "issues" she has, and how it's "pretty bad, I'd rather not tell you."

Long story short.

She is five months pregnant. It's not mine. She left 11/20 and told me she discovered her pregnancy on 12/25. Is due 8/16.

She wants me to remain married to her in order for her to get the 10-year green card (as if that would help). Wait, it gets better. She also wants to put my name down on the birth certificate. "I can do a DNA test later and show you're not the dad," but in the meanwhile she wants my help so she can lie to immigration. Again, as if that would help.

I become predictably furious and refuse. She tries to threaten me. "I can still say it's yours and, until there's a DNA test, you'll be paying all the lawyer fees." There's more. "I could take you to court and take half your money but I'm nice."

I begin a lucrative career in a matter of months once I am done with a series of rigorous examinations (finance-related) and she knows it. Before I coaxed the truth out of her, she kept saying, "Don't worry about it. I'm doing well. I'll take care of it. You just concentrate on your third exam." "Don't worry about me, just focus on your third exam." "When will you take the third exam?" "I'll tell you what's wrong after you're done with your third exam."

Sounds to me like she not only wants to make me the official father of her spawn, but is possibly planning on cashing in on me as well. She seems to be disregarding the fact that we could easily have a DNA test right away, show she committed adultery, that she abandoned the marriage, and that she is practically blackmailing me--or, at least, attempting to intimidate me--into helping her commit immigration fraud.

Lastly, I'll point out the obvious: even if, in some fictional universe, I were to agree to remain married and pretend this unfortunate child is mine, immigration would just swallow it? As usual, she has no idea what she's doing and has no real plan.

I'm having a lawyer consultation this week but I would also like the feedback of the VJ members.

What should be my next step?

More importantly, if she did decide to get nasty, could she do anything to hurt me? The lawyer says I need to divorce before the child is out or my name could end up on the birth certificate.

Another question: is what she is doing immigration fraud at this moment? I should point out that I do not believe she married me for the green card, even if everyone I know says she does. We were together FOUR YEARS. I just find it hard to believe. What I think happened is, after she left me, she figured, "I'm already here. Citizenship is valuable, after all. I might as well fight for it now that I'm here." Is this technically fraud? Should I report it to USCIS and, if so, what PROOF would I give them that it's fraud?

Thanks for any feedback.

Tape coversations , you will pay for that baby dude no joke

get a quick divorce no property or kid together, and move

away if you have to another apt

[Vette 116]

In the United States (all 50 states and territories), if you are married to a woman and she has a child while still married to you, legally, that is YOUR CHILD. The law assumes you are the father, regardless of any other situation you have going on. Whether you sign a birth certificate or not, you will be financially responsible for the child.

You need a lawyer - ASAP.

[Sharon&josh 6]

What i would do is get a Dictaphone separate of your phone and have all conversations if possible on loud speaker. There are also other handy things you can get to do it. In fairness a little money spent now will be much better than a lot later on.

[Amhara 460]

Green card scammers don't devote nearly half a decade of their life. They are in a hurry to find someone, "fall in love," make it move fast. They put out feelers via internet dating sites and other avenues through which they can meet foreigners. When I met her, she was just a simple, naive girl living her life. The thought of marrying some guy and leaving everything she'd ever known was not a thought in her mind.

No. She came here under honest intentions. It wasn't until after things went sour that she decided to stick it out for the green card. Her actions have arisen out of opportunity, not premeditation. And her little bundle has completely changed her perspective: if it were merely advantageous to have citizenship before, now she absolutely wants it "for the child."

It sure took her a short time to find the address down the street, didn't it? Dang, things must have gotten really, really sour for her to leave a 4 year relationship for who-knows-what! Couldn't try to work it out? Dang. Well, at least you two are moving to the point where you don't owe each other anything. May you both have a good ending to this bad situation. Sorry to hear about this.

[Angie Y Shane 2]

I would contact immigration and let them know whats happening. To protect you from any wrong doing. let them know you feel she fraudulently married you and split once she got here. They will put that in the system and she will have to face up to it regardless. You are her sponsor I take it?