32 year age gap - older American woman

[jessiepatt 7]

Aha! Alas, no lawyer. Don't have those kind of funds. ? thus the seeking out of direction of this website! I respect your suggestion and only wish we could afford that luxury. Thanks for asking.

[jessiepatt 7]

Ebunoluwa - again, such wise and potent council. Thank you.

[Matt and Ângela 5]

Also, do the embassies really give higher scrutiny to a woman-older relationship than a man-older relationship with the same age gap? Even if those are in fact less common, doing so seems like it would be blatant gender discrimination, and banned by US federal law.

That being said, I am male and 20 years older than my Brazilian fiancée. I asked our very experienced immigration lawyer about that, she said it would be a non-issue. BUT, she did actually say that if the gap was really big -- and she gave 30 years as an example -- then it could be problematic. That is why in my opinion it would be worth the investment to hire a lawyer.

[Fuji1978 33]

1. No immigration lawyer can help with the issues she will face. If she has money for lawyer, another visit would be much more beneficial in lieu of the attorney fees.

You really need more face time to get approval for K1 at this embassy

Like stated above, not the age gap that will raise concern.....rather the lack of face time and the quick engagement.

I have the same problem......met online, spoke daily, visited after four months of communicating. Visit was for one week....filed K-1.....visited again just before NOA2 for another week. A/P at visa interview........came for third visit for one week to attend the follow up interview...and we were denied. By this time, we were dating for 1.5 years, engaged for one full year. Talk everyday, had three visits, with over 100 photos, receipts, evidence of meeting extended family. This consulate is big on face to face visits and time in the relationship.

There is always a chance of approval because there is honestly some luck involved.......what CO do you get in front of?....how is his or her day going? Did they have a good night's sleep? Do they "like" you? There is so many variables that nobody can say anything for sure, but this is definitely not going to be an easy one.

[Mewbear 20]

The age gap might not be a red flag, but you only spending 3 days with him back in September will definitely be. Mind that Africa is also under scrutiny for immigration fraud, so your case is far from being an easy one.

I would say put more "physical work" in your relationship, having him come and visit you and meet your daughter, and go back to visit him. Several times if possible, or for longer stay (definitely more than a week).

It might be harsh to hear, but the age difference + the country situation + the lack of physical evidences of your relationship will definitely fail your case.

Best of luck.

[jessiepatt 7]

Thanks Matt. That's some good, free legal info there. Just not good news! 30 years would be problematic. Yikes! Can expensive legal help illuminate such a problem, after all? Just don't have those funds, anyway. I love your concept of gender discrimination - also age discrimination comes to mind. Definitely not wealthy enough to pursue suing the USCIS though. ?

[dwheels76 5,468]

Also, do the embassies really give higher scrutiny to a woman-older relationship than a man-older relationship with the same age gap? Even if those are in fact less common, doing so seems like it would be blatant gender discrimination, and banned by US federal law.

That being said, I am male and 20 years older than my Brazilian fiancée. I asked our very experienced immigration lawyer about that, she said it would be a non-issue. BUT, she did actually say that if the gap was really big -- and she gave 30 years as an example -- then it could be problematic. That is why in my opinion it would be worth the investment to hire a lawyer.

Its not about the age that is the scrutiny even though so many think they are denied because of it (That's discrimination). With what OP has the BIG glaring issue is a very short visit. So to embassy may look like for immigration purposes. To just fulfill a requirement is not good enough. Facetime Facetime Facetime is what the CO's want to see. Not Skype, phonelogs millions of miles of texting and sexting. Actually in your face been there seen you know your people and your country. Nothing else trumps Facetime.

OP you are asking the US government to bring some one over here you spent 3 days with. That will not fly out of Ghana. You need to visit. Go to an alternate country (Mexico, Dubai, wherever) there are 90 countries he can go to without needing a Visa. These LDR are not for the weak and its a long term hard course in life. And no not cheap whether you pay it all he does or you spent. You still have a few thousand to spend just for the process even if you never took another trip. Are you ready for that.

OP has he tried to get a visitor Visa to you? Why not try cost him $160 worth a shot you never know.

[Matt and Ângela 5]

I do not think he will be able to get a visitor visa at this point if he has K-1 pending. They will think he is planning on marrying you and staying. Of course I am not a lawyer -- just a random dude on the internet spouting off.

It might be worth calling an immigration lawyer and discussing your case briefly. You will get at least some free advice on the phone, and perhaps you could just hire them for a 30 minute consultation or something.

Of course if you do that, in all likelihood you will hear exactly the same things people are saying here. Still, if I was in your position, I would do it.

[dwheels76 5,468]

Also, do the embassies really give higher scrutiny to a woman-older relationship than a man-older relationship with the same age gap? Even if those are in fact less common, doing so seems like it would be blatant gender discrimination, and banned by US federal law.

That being said, I am male and 20 years older than my Brazilian fiancée. I asked our very experienced immigration lawyer about that, she said it would be a non-issue. BUT, she did actually say that if the gap was really big -- and she gave 30 years as an example -- then it could be problematic. That is why in my opinion it would be worth the investment to hire a lawyer.

It's not about gender bias its about cultural norms. CO's are schooled in what is acceptable and normal traditions for that country. Just like in US its not normal for women to be 20, 30, 40 years older. Some are but its not the norm. Does it mean they don;t love each other no. But when you throw in met online, quick romance, seen each other 3 days especially in a African nation like Ghana and Nigeria where men hide wives in village they have whole families on the side waiting for American woman to come along and scoop them uo they get green card, divorce America and bring the real family over. Happens a lot. And the embassy knows it.

How to get rid of red flags is not make it look like a setup. You visit each other you spend time with each other. You vacation together. I have many friends who just packed up and moved over to their beloved in Africa. That's what real love does. It makes you do things you may not want to do but no matter how hard just so you can be together. Not for immigration purposes but because you can't stand to be apart.

A lawyer can't do anything this isn't a legal matter and most lawyers in this world aren't even versed enough to even go against a embassy like Ghana or Lagos. No way no how. A immigration lawyer is just that they do immigration legal matters not feelings and emotions of a CO they are clueless.

[Boiler 45,693]

Sounds like she is not well off and has a daughter to support, time for her fiancee to man up.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

A lawyer is useless in this case, studying the regional process here is much better. If I had a dollar for every lawyer that made the process

worse for someone ! It is not a complicated legal matter, it is a face time issue.

As far as a large age gap being discrimination for our government and the gender issue an older man being with a younger female

and vice versa, I just ask you this : Are females not being paid less than males in this country ? I can come up with several kinds of discrimination.

It is a cultural issue, an issue of society's norm. There is rarely an "out of the box" thinking of CO's with their outdated field manuals and views of

a country.

Yes, yes, yes, a big age gap is a fraud indicator and those who keep saying it isn't just have not gone through it or don't know someone that did.

Specific age related questions are asked by CO's with a big age gap AND it is a typed indicator on the standard fraud referral sheet which many

don't even know exists. I have a copy of it and I will leave it at that.

Lots of face time can overcome it !

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

A visitor visa for him will be throwing money away, he won't get it. It is better saved for another trip to Ghana.

He is most likely not well off, may not have a job or gets paid very little so he can't contribute.

It is not easy getting a decent paying job there, therefore the motivation by many to leave the country for greener pastures.

Maybe you can move there for a year and see what he says to that. Really get to know each other.

[jessiepatt 7]

Yes, Ebunoluwa. Just this morning we spoke about the means and reality of a year's stay for me in Accra. The biggest concern he raised was the rough conditions in elementary school with bullying and teasing from kids. My daughter is African American, so she could find some enjoyment from being in a school with African kids, but she's also super sensitive and gentle. We also spoke of the cost of rental housing at present. But we are giving that idea some serious thought.

[jessiepatt 7]

Efia - girl, your story made me scream out loud! Not denied after ALL THAT???? Whoa, I feel your pain. So sorry. If I might ask, what is your situation at present?

[lost_at_sea 995]

The financial burden is on me.

Why is this the case?