My USC Husband Does Not Want to Sign I-864

[Boiler 45,442]

If it is just a question of time then IR1 option would be open in the future.

[lost_at_sea 995]

When we talked about it he said that he just doesn't believe that the affidavit is a way to go. Like what happened lately with the immigrants granted residency he said something like it may happen to us too, and he would not need to sign that doc.

He also said that our marriage has been stressful to him. So he thinks that just in case we would go for divorce after the AOS he would be in huge trouble.

Lately, he said that he just does not think that it is his responsibility to sign it. He heard of the self petition and even recommended it. He is willing to give me some funds to start a new life again but he also says that he does not want me to go but i just have to wait perhaps a year or two before he may think of signing.

"he just doesn't believe that the affidavit is a way to go". That's really not his call to make. The law is quite clear right now and him following the correct procedure is the safest, guaranteed way for him to keep his wife and step-son with him. How he would rather take a risk, if he does want you there, is beyond me.

"but he also says that he does not want me to go but i just have to wait perhaps a year or two before he may think of signing." this is just garbage. By then, you'll be well into an overstay and he'll have even more leverage over your situation.

It sounds like he's expecting you to divorce and doesn't want the liability, in which case, you should just cut to the chase and give him what he wants (divorce, leave).

If it is just a question of time then IR1 option would be open in the future.

That's a great point.

OP, if you were to leave and go home and stay married to him, you'd be married and he could later file the I-130 for the IR-1 when and if he ever feels like signing an I-864.

He'll have to continue to have a long-distance wife.

[Umka36 781]

When we talked about it he said that he just doesn't believe that the affidavit is a way to go. Like what happened lately with the immigrants granted residency he said something like it may happen to us too, and he would not need to sign that doc.

He also said that our marriage has been stressful to him. So he thinks that just in case we would go for divorce after the AOS he would be in huge trouble.

Lately, he said that he just does not think that it is his responsibility to sign it. He heard of the self petition and even recommended it. He is willing to give me some funds to start a new life again but he also says that he does not want me to go but i just have to wait perhaps a year or two before he may think of signing.

Unless there something missing to the story, I can't understand his logic. Who in their right mind would leave their spouse in limbo status? Based on what you wrote, I think he is not ready for marriage life.

I personally took the responsibility of filing my wife's AOS and ROC (she just reviewed and signed the documents), and never blink about the I-864 financial obligation. What does waiting a year or two provide him (no one can guarantee a lasting marriage)? If you were to agree with this, I would have to call you a fool because he isn't going to change.

[Unshakable Faith 493]

That's some bleeding heart liberal ####### there, at one time nearly every relationship was abusive by this definition. Having power over someone could be as simple as being the person who is the money earner in the family. Domestic violence is physical abuse or verbal threats, liberals have sprinkled fairy dust and turned it into something else. I've had a sugar momma and I've been a sugar Daddy, they both have their ups and downs. If you're letting someone control you it's just as much your fault as it is theirs. There's plenty of people living a fancy life on government money, no reason to think you need someone to survive. Keep someone from leaving, now that is domestic violence.

Just to clarify (in general, I'm not commenting anything about this particular case): abuse isn't having power over somebody, it's USING the power against the other person that makes it abuse.

Edited April 16, 2015 by DpdNKerosene

[Adrian-Gloria 43]

What if he signs the I-864 and then ya'll sign a document between each other that states if anything happens and it doesn't work for you guys, he won't be under any obligation. . bla bla...

Or am I totally wrong here?

Edited April 16, 2015 by Adrian-Gloria

[McBy 1]

About the IR1, i told him about it just so that he can think things over and see what really bothers him and then decide if he would petition us again or finally divorce me.

He doesn't like it because he would be liable to support me anyway and then I would be sobfar from him to be a wife to him. He wouldn't go with me in the Philippines too.

So in all the feedback that I got the best solution seems to be the divorce then going home. It's heartbreaking but with his reasons I have very little options. There are people we know who even take his side, telling me that I should just wait and questioning my love for him. It's so hard.

I am thinking that they just don't understand my situation. They are all USC. It's just so hard for me.

"he just doesn't believe that the affidavit is a way to go". That's really not his call to make. The law is quite clear right now and him following the correct procedure is the safest, guaranteed way for him to keep his wife and step-son with him. How he would rather take a risk, if he does want you there, is beyond me.

"but he also says that he does not want me to go but i just have to wait perhaps a year or two before he may think of signing." this is just garbage. By then, you'll be well into an overstay and he'll have even more leverage over your situation.

It sounds like he's expecting you to divorce and doesn't want the liability, in which case, you should just cut to the chase and give him what he wants (divorce, leave).

That's a great point.

OP, if you were to leave and go home and stay married to him, you'd be married and he could later file the I-130 for the IR-1 when and if he ever feels like signing an I-864.

He'll have to continue to have a long-distance wife.

No matter how much it hurts, i think that you are right.

Unless there something missing to the story, I can't understand his logic. Who in their right mind would leave their spouse in limbo status? Based on what you wrote, I think he is not ready for marriage life.

I personally took the responsibility of filing my wife's AOS and ROC (she just reviewed and signed the documents), and never blink about the I-864 financial obligation. What does waiting a year or two provide him (no one can guarantee a lasting marriage)? If you were to agree with this, I would have to call you a fool because he isn't going to change.

[novedsac 355]

What if he signs the I-864 and then ya'll sign a document between each other that states if anything happens and it doesn't work for you guys, he won't be under any obligation. . bla bla...

Or am I totally wrong here?

Yeah, the I864 is a contract between the sponsor and the US Government, so the US Government would have to agree to any deviation of that obligation - good luck obtaining that.

However, along the line you mention, could be a post-nuptial agreement that spells out the conditions of a potential divorce. It could structure things like who has to leave, who gets what, spousal support - pretty much everything except child custody/support, but since we are talking about a step-child here then custody/support of the child is not an issue. Such a post-nuptial agreement would not (indeed, could not) remove the obligation the sponsor has with the US Government, but it could limit the outlay of funds to the wife should the marriage break down … and, since the husband doesn't seem to bright as it is, it would probably give him a greater sense of relief than it really does … perhaps encouraging him to sign the I864 which is necessary for AOS.

Waiting for some sort of amnesty … remember, OP has a son who will turn 18yo some day and desire a life of his own. Incidentally, there is no ban on entry for the son as long as he leaves/or is given legal residence prior to his 18th birthday. The ban will affect the OP. Also, the requirement is to leave the US … not necessarily return to the PI. Canada? Mexico?

Edited April 16, 2015 by novedsac

[McBy 1]

I am not sure how possible this is but i can perhaps research on it.

What if he signs the I-864 and then ya'll sign a document between each other that states if anything happens and it doesn't work for you guys, he won't be under any obligation. . bla bla...

Or am I totally wrong here?

[McBy 1]

If it will somehow "save" the marriage, perhaps I will talk to him about it.

Yeah, the I864 is a contract between the sponsor and the US Government, so the US Government would have to agree to any deviation of that obligation - good luck obtaining that.

However, along the line you mention, could be a post-nuptial agreement that spells out the conditions of a potential divorce. It could structure things like who has to leave, who gets what, spousal support - pretty much everything except child custody/support, but since we are talking about a step-child here then custody/support of the child is not an issue. Such a post-nuptial agreement would not (indeed, could not) remove the obligation the sponsor has with the US Government, but it could limit the outlay of funds to the wife should the marriage break down and, since the husband doesn't seem to bright as it is, it would probably give him a greater sense of relief than it really does perhaps encouraging him to sign the I864 which is necessary for AOS.

Waiting for some sort of amnesty remember, OP has a son who will turn 18yo some day and desire a life of his own. Incidentally, there is no ban on entry for the son as long as he leaves/or is given legal residence prior to his 18th birthday. The ban will affect the OP. Also, the requirement is to leave the US not necessarily return to the PI. Canada? Mexico?

[Jay & Cici 3]

Even if you convinced him that the I-864 liability is less than the potential divorce liability;

You would always have a CLOUD OVER THE MARRIAGE because he valued this liability above continuity of a critical relationship and

was utterly apathetic as regards your child.

Many states (like NY) will not even use I-864 recourse on the sponsor for medicaid (as an example).

3 IDEAS:

a. He thinks you'll run off and recourse public funds he'll be billed for. Any reason he might think that?

b. He decided the love isn't there and sees this as his way out. Why add liability he thinks, when this can pressure her out.

c. He wants to lock you in a closet out-of-status and pressure you into his bidding with fear of deportation and separation from your child.

Call him out on the A vs B vs C with a camera in the corner......... alas a door might open.

I am sorry that you are going through this. From what I have understood not unless I am missing out a part of the story, he is a total sc#m bag. I quoted asisflyer on this as I totally agree on the 3. I have been married to my man for 4 years now and believe my we have the craziest roller coaster ride but wow just I-864? I think that guy you married is getting ready for a divorce. I dont think that he doesnt understand what is a form I-864 or what does it bind him into. I dont think he is that dumb but its his way of saying "honey, look I dont think this thing between you and me still gonna work but I dont want to add more things to mind of if ever it didnt". Anyways, do you work? Do you have your own money? I know these are crazy things to ask but worst comes to worst who knows? He may even stop providing for you and your son. I have an 8 year old daughter who came here as K2 when she was 3. I tell you just like you, I get so defensive and over protective when it comes to her.

[MissPearls 38]

If it is going to the extreme of prenups and VAWA, I can only assume you don't care as much as you are letting on, and he cares even less. Get the divorce and go home. Easy.

[Kiv 32]

IMO the best he can do is let you and your son go back to your country.

When he is ready to act like a responsible husband and stepfather he may try filing again and then deal with the consequences of his previous actions for being selfish or silly.

I am sorry that you are in this situation, I wish the best happens for you and your son.

As some said before look for legal help to know all your options.

[Pianist27 31]

The affidavit can, and has been, used to extract alimony from the US citizen spouse after a divorce. That's likely one of his fears, and it's a legitimate one. As someone else mentioned above, he can't force you to take US citizenship, and he can't force you to work and earn the social security credits. You also can't do a post nuptual agreement waiving any claim on that basis, because even the least competent lawyer you'd find would be able to cite duress as your reason for signing the agreement.

In short, the affidavit is a bad move for any US citizen financially. Most of us accept this (although many are not aware just how bad it is), and move on. He's chosen not to, so your only option is to leave the country.

[ohmymy 2]

Hi sis. You seem to be an educated woman and you already know the answer to this. My fair advice is give it some more time for you to gain his trust. I cant blame him as there are many cases where in men were used as "ticket" to enter the US. If after sometime you don't have "luck," then go back home. Life is short. Live it with someone you can be happy with.

[Boiler 45,442]

Hi sis. You seem to be an educated woman and you already know the answer to this. My fair advice is give it some more time for you to gain his trust. I cant blame him as there are many cases where in men were used as "ticket" to enter the US. If after sometime you don't have "luck," then go back home. Life is short. Live it with someone you can be happy with.

She has been married for 8 months, if he is adamant he will not sponsor her then I doubt it is going to change.