My USC Husband Does Not Want to Sign I-864

[JohnR! 5,495]

You're correct. His behavior might be considered borderline abusive...

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=39#1

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating partner. To better understand all of the ways that an abuser can use power and control over a victim, you can check out what is called the "Power and Control Wheel."

Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. A person's gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation does not determine whether s/he can be a victim of domestic violence or an abuser. Economic or professional status does not affect whether someone can commit domestic violence or be the victim of domestic violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, teachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest neighborhoods, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.

He is if he refuses to sign a document that in not doing so, will cause her and her child to be out of status -- especially if he believes it to be perfectly acceptable for her to be here illegally. He is basically twisting her arm here: ''no I won't sign X'' and I suspect if she obviously loves her husband is very well toying with her feelings here. He's making her choose between 'loving him' and doing as he wants her to (which will break the law) or leaving her in a complicated divorce situation. It's a little like emotional blackmail. Novedsac already explained why divorce would also be complicated for her too.

Edited April 16, 2015 by JohnR!

[McBy 1]

Oh ok. Thank you

Boiler means that if your husband files for divorce in the US, then the PI will recognize the divorce and you will be able to receive a certificate of no marriage (or whatever it's called in PI) and marry again, especially if you return to PI.

However, if you file the divorce (ie, are the plaintiff in the divorce action), then PI will NOT recognize the divorce and you will then be left with chasing an annulment in PI in order to prove eligibility to marry.

Remaining in the US, divorced or otherwise, is not a wise choice because you will never be able to adjust your status with anyone other than the petitioner of the K1 with which you entered. This puts your young son in a predicament as well.

[Boiler 45,769]

You're correct. His behavior might be considered borderline abusive...

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=39#1

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating partner. To better understand all of the ways that an abuser can use power and control over a victim, you can check out what is called the "Power and Control Wheel."

Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. A person's gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation does not determine whether s/he can be a victim of domestic violence or an abuser. Economic or professional status does not affect whether someone can commit domestic violence or be the victim of domestic violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, teachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest neighborhoods, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.

We get that you do not know about VAWA.

So why post and confuse the OP?

That is what gets me.

You're correct. His behavior might be considered borderline abusive...

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=39#1

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating partner. To better understand all of the ways that an abuser can use power and control over a victim, you can check out what is called the "Power and Control Wheel."

Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. A person's gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation does not determine whether s/he can be a victim of domestic violence or an abuser. Economic or professional status does not affect whether someone can commit domestic violence or be the victim of domestic violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, teachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest neighborhoods, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.

We get that you do not know about VAWA.

So why post and confuse the OP?

That is what gets me.

You're correct. His behavior might be considered borderline abusive...

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=39#1

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating partner. To better understand all of the ways that an abuser can use power and control over a victim, you can check out what is called the "Power and Control Wheel."

Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. A person's gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation does not determine whether s/he can be a victim of domestic violence or an abuser. Economic or professional status does not affect whether someone can commit domestic violence or be the victim of domestic violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, teachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest neighborhoods, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.

We get that you do not know about VAWA.

So why post and confuse the OP?

That is what gets me.

[madtownguy 164]

Makes a lot of sense, thank you. It's really weird. He seems to have a different mindset about it. Hoping that there is a way for us to stay after divorce, but I do not exactly know what to do. Might get harder for me and my son. So first option is to go back to our home country.

I didn't want to sign it either, it is crazy to have to sign to support an adult. At the end of the day it is up to him, but if your relationship is fine except for that I'm sure you will figure something out. My wife and I would adopt a son, I don't think it would be hard to find someone your son could stay with in the US if it came to that and you really wanted to do that. Hope you guys work things out, don't stress out about it all will work itself out.

[McBy 1]

Yeah, and thinking that we would be filing for conditional residency at this time makes it more irrational for me that he does not want to sign the i-864. I understand that he went through the pain of divorce before but what do I have to do with it. If he does not have faith in or marriage too then what is the sense of keeping it and stay illegal here? It's like I am in a beautiful prison, not detained but just can't leave coz I would not be able to come back and might even be banned. So unfair for my son too.

The issues will start before college ... most states do not allow one to obtain a driver's license without legal residence. He won't have a SSN which allows work, so forget about the summer job. Without a legal, state-issued ID the boy won't even be able to sit for the SAT in many locales. Travel internationally won't be possible and travelling anywhere near the border could be trouble too.

I agree ... whilst the I864 language may seem harsh, it's really not much to worry about. If a couple were to stay married for, for example, five years or more, then there's far more to worry about a judge granting spousal support based on the marriage and other factors rather than the I864. And if the husband is concerned about the government coming after him for reimbursement of means-tested benefits, then he should provide what he needs to keep his wife and step-son fed, housed, healthy and educated.

[McBy 1]

Thank you for this.

You're correct. His behavior might be considered borderline abusive...

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=39#1

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating partner. To better understand all of the ways that an abuser can use power and control over a victim, you can check out what is called the "Power and Control Wheel."

Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. A person's gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation does not determine whether s/he can be a victim of domestic violence or an abuser. Economic or professional status does not affect whether someone can commit domestic violence or be the victim of domestic violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, teachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest neighborhoods, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.

[madtownguy 164]

You're correct. His behavior might be considered borderline abusive...

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=39#1

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating partner. To better understand all of the ways that an abuser can use power and control over a victim, you can check out what is called the "Power and Control Wheel."

Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. A person's gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation does not determine whether s/he can be a victim of domestic violence or an abuser. Economic or professional status does not affect whether someone can commit domestic violence or be the victim of domestic violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, teachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest neighborhoods, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.

That's some bleeding heart liberal ####### there, at one time nearly every relationship was abusive by this definition. Having power over someone could be as simple as being the person who is the money earner in the family. Domestic violence is physical abuse or verbal threats, liberals have sprinkled fairy dust and turned it into something else. I've had a sugar momma and I've been a sugar Daddy, they both have their ups and downs. If you're letting someone control you it's just as much your fault as it is theirs. There's plenty of people living a fancy life on government money, no reason to think you need someone to survive. Keep someone from leaving, now that is domestic violence.

[JohnR! 5,495]

You're welcome. Before you do anything, just make sure you speak to a lawyer who is the only person who can really present you with options based on your particular situation.

Thank you for this.

[McBy 1]

He's not keeping me from leaving but keeping me from having that green card. Me and my son. Even says that it may take 1 or 2 years to sign it. I'm shocked with his thinking and still figuring out what to exactly do. Last night he even said that he believes it is not his responsibility to sign it. I don't know how he could come up with such thoughts, just supports what's been boiling in my mind. To just go for divorce and either go for self petition if proven that I could be granted and/or then go back home. I don't want to be banned in the USA too. But anyway, i am still thinking about everything.

That's some bleeding heart liberal ####### there, at one time nearly every relationship was abusive by this definition. Having power over someone could be as simple as being the person who is the money earner in the family. Domestic violence is physical abuse or verbal threats, liberals have sprinkled fairy dust and turned it into something else. I've had a sugar momma and I've been a sugar Daddy, they both have their ups and downs. If you're letting someone control you it's just as much your fault as it is theirs. There's plenty of people living a fancy life on government money, no reason to think you need someone to survive. Keep someone from leaving, now that is domestic violence.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

We get that you do not know about VAWA.

So why post and confuse the OP?

That is what gets me.

People like to throw the VAWA route in just because USC solely refused to file AOS.

Here is good post from the past VAWA thread:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/435545-vawa-part-4/page-174

John F, simply refusing to file the AoS is not considered abuse. To be considered abuse, this has to be tied to other factors of abuse, for example a well-documented and credible pattern of what USCIS understands as legitimate abuse. Similarly, if your spouse cheated on you, this is not considered abuse either, even if she got pregnant by another man. Some things are defined by the law as abuse and others are not. Refusing to sponsor for AoS on its own is not. For the USCIS legitimate abuse has to go beyond a certain threshold, which, in fact, is not easy to define, especially in cases of psychological abuse. You have to prove that you were the victim of extreme cruelty. These are subjective interpretations, especially when you are involved emotionally with someone and especially when the prize is permanent residency. For this reason, the USCIS relies on a professional evaluation. A psychologist that has experience with victims of abuse can provide such an evaluation. Your subjective emotions are something that can't convince the USCIS easily. A

According to immigration laws, the US citizen spouse is not obliged to sponsor anyone for a green card. If you read up more broadly on marriage and green card, you will discover that the refusal to sponsor for AoS alone is simply not considered abuse. It is much more complex than that. This is the reason there is a special service center in Vermont, where adjudicators trained in this matter make decisions. If in combination with other things, then the refusal to sponsor for AoS can be abusive. But I have to agree with anajnic that this by itself is not grounds to be approved under VAWA.

There is a lot written on VAWA and I'd do some reading if I were you. Your situation might indeed be difficult and you might indeed be a victim of abuse. But you need to inform yourself before you decide what qualifies for abuse and whether you are a victim. I hope you are not simply relying on a forum. This forum can be very helpful, but this is a long and complex process involving a lot of documentation. You need to do your own research. I personally spent months learning about this before submitting my application. Also, there are not silver bullets here. Every situation is unique. If you don't inform yourself and if you don't pay careful attention to the rules and requirements, odds are that your application won't be very successful, especially without a professional psychological evaluation. So you would probably benefit if you took your time and understood what VAWA is, how it works, and whether it can work for you.

[McBy 1]

Yes, thank you. Would be somehow the safest to do. Great to know the options.

You're welcome. Before you do anything, just make sure you speak to a lawyer who is the only person who can really present you with options based on your particular situation.

[McBy 1]

Really great to know. Thank you.

People like to throw the VAWA route in just because USC solely refused to file AOS.

Here is good post from the past VAWA thread:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/435545-vawa-part-4/page-174

[JohnR! 5,495]

Thanks. I think this sums it up perfectly:

...Your situation might indeed be difficult and you might indeed be a victim of abuse. But you need to inform yourself before you decide what qualifies for abuse and whether you are a victim. I hope you are not simply relying on a forum. This forum can be very helpful, but this is a long and complex process involving a lot of documentation. You need to do your own research. I personally spent months learning about this before submitting my application...

People like to throw the VAWA route in just because USC solely refused to file AOS.

Here is good post from the past VAWA thread:

Edited April 16, 2015 by JohnR!

[Ban Hammer 13,445]

Anyone meeting IRS requirements for income taxes must pay income taxes. IRS doesn't really care if you have the legal right to work or not - that's not their jurisdiction - but if you are working then you have an obligation to pay income taxes.

And one's immigration status has absolutely no bearing on whether one is granted custody or not or whether one is ordered to pay child support - or spousal support for that matter. And one's 'llegal alien card' doesn't get one out of meeting that obligation either.

Her husband has every right not to sign the I864. But he's an idiot in thinking that he doesn't need to in order to adjust her status or that keeping her and her son here indefinitely would be okay.

one post removed for not being helpful to the op's situation. save the sarcasm for the appropriate forum.

two posts removed for quoting that removed content.

post above returned to viewing minus the quote.

Edited April 16, 2015 by charles!

[Sandra G. 5,054]

Refusing to sponsor a GC is not base for VAWA,it's not considered EXTREME CRUELTY. For immigration extreme cruety is a pattern of isolation,humiliation,degradation,coercion threats etc..the alien MUST prove that the extreme cruelty he/she was subjected changed who she/he was. The alien needs to have a diagnose of depression, or post traumatic disorder or anxiety due the extreme cruelty suffered.

USCIS made very clear the psycological evaluation should describe in DETAILS all abuse suffered, diagnose,number of therapy sessions,treatment recommended.

Sometimes when a person is married 3/5/10years I mention in some VAWA cases about the husband/wife refusal to file AOS,along with other patterns of abuse, just to show USCIS the deportation threats that the victim was suffering if she/he did not comply with the abuser demands.

In the case here she said "he is a good man,not abusive,very mellow",then there is no extreme cruelty in her case at all. WHat she considers a good man I call a man with his moral compass broken.

Edited April 16, 2015 by sandranj