I'm so broken I don't know what to do

[ana_sophia 0]

hi! I have my prior account here, debeers. i have posted about my aos, getting by it with a breeze. pardon me if i may not be as coherent but i will try my best. the first few months that i came here to live with my husband, was alright, we were so happy or so i thought, until lately he has changed noticeably. he was always on his phone and i can feel that he doesn't want me to know about what he is doing on his phone. he said always playing with his games but the thing is i always hear it vibrate or the fb messenger sound if he forgets to put it in silent mode. he does not bother me with making love anymore, before, he would be so upset if i say no, but recently, its fine by him, which i thought he came to realise that i am tired from working a lot of hours. yes, i am working a lot of hours to cope up with bills, we split half of everything, u just give him cash for my half, we have no joint credit card, he put me in his bank acct but i never used the debit card because it is always out of money. he has a terrible credit he said so we cannot open a credit card together. so what i did is open a secured credit card by just my name on bank of america. now back to the major glitch, i was force to look up our detailed phone usage on at&t since i cannot shake off the feeling that he is doing something. lo and behold, lots of text exchanges with several girls at ungodly hours, most times middle of the night while i was asleep beside him. i went through other statements and it has been going on since we were engaged! i was so oblivious. i never thought he could do this things to me... so i asked him why he is texting people at the middle of the night, at first he said he doesn't know those numbers i am asking him about, so i checked the numbers with people smart, then yeah, those were women's numbers, and some of them are in his Facebook. he denied profusely. when i told him i checked with people smart, he got so angry and said he need not explain himself and just file for divorce. i told him i was just asking him to enlighten me he said he cannot explain because it wasn't happening and he doesn't know the numbers. so i texted 1 girl from the list, and she said she doesn't know what i was talking about but eventually said yes they do text but mostly about football. now, we had a very big confrontation because 2 days ago when i got home from work, he was so busy on his phone so i asked what's up with the phone thing, and he said just watching videos. in silent mode??? so i said can i see your phone and he refused until we got into it, like was trying to get his phone, a fight, i was crying and screaming he won't let go, i grabbed the cable of his charger and whipped him several times because i was so angry and he threw me into the bed and threatened me. we both got bruises from the fight and that's it. he said he is filing for divorce. what am i gonna do, i love him i am so hurt but i just don't know if i can totally forget about what he has done. and the mere fact that he is the one filing for diver e and wouldn't even try to work it out or apologise... i don't know... i don't even know how to go on with my removal of conditions now... pls help me

[RS_0812 12]

I do not know how you would go about your ROC, but you are legally here, can and are working and can fend for yourself without him, even if that is not what you want, it might be best for your safety and to certain extent his.

What he has done to you is not correct at any level. I would usually say go to counseling, but I do not know in your situation. What he has been doing, not wanting to at least explain what he is doing, why and combined with a physical confrontation are signs for major future trouble and again I'd say you should protect yourself, if counseling is not an option. It is not clear why you started to hit him the cable, if he hit you first or you felt unsafe, in fear, but regardless hitting each other is a major problem for me.

I hope it works for you, but think about you, your safety, maybe counseling may help you, but think about this logically not with the heart. I know how hard it can be to ignore the heart, all of the time spent being together, reaching this point, yeah just be careful.

[rlogan 2,036]

it has been going on since we were engaged! i was so oblivious.

He was not who you thought he was.

The combination of terrible credit and lying/cheating on his wife - it just means he is not someone to trust.

The violence that has erupted recently - that has nothing but a bad, bad ending for you. You need to get away from this person. Get the divorce underway. You don't love him - you love someone who does not exist. The real person is the one beating you, cheating on you, and ruining you financially.

You can proceed through citizenship on your own, but self-preservation is the first order of business. Best of luck to you.

[Kiv 32]

OP I can understand you feel bad and angry, he may be just talking to other girls or he may be cheating.

You are not responsible for what he does but you are responsible for what you do.

You cannot force somebody to be how you want them to be, hitting him is wrong. Nothing good can came of it.

[nane1104 146]

When did your AOS get approved, how long until you have to file for removal of conditions?

If you really end up getting divorced, you can still do ROC with a divorce waiver but you need proof that your marriage was bonafide.

That would include evidence that you have bills together, joint bank accounts, a lease with both your names, photos together, insurance with both your names on it,...

I am sorry you have to deal with this situation. Your husband sounds like a real piece of work. Best wishes to you.