I can't believe her nerve!

[bebop + rocksteady 0]

I had something similar to that. My college graduation. My sister decided 10am was too early for her, so she slept in and skipped the ceremony, and then came to the after party. Shady.

Cass (bebop the great)

We chose a date that was close to a holiday weekend in Canada so my family could attend. I knew there were a few family members that wouldn't be able to come because of finances and that was fine.

What bothered me the most was when I found out my youngest brother ( who is wealthy) couldn't make the wedding because he decided that going camping was more important. What hurt even more was that that he was camping in Idaho which is one state above me.

[TracyTN 237]

I can sort of see what Lisa is saying. I plan to run our proposed wedding date by both his mom and his best man before I put down any deposits on venues, etc. I know that things can still come up beyond that, but we would cross that bridge if we came to it.

That may have been exactly what the OP did, though, and we just don't know it.

[WifeOHunkyJohn 2]

My brother couldn't attend our wedding because he was working overseas. He misses many family events because of work but thankfully we got to spend a wonderful time together at Christmas time, and my hubby and I, along with my brother and his beau went off for a day's sightseeing in Ireland, just us. It was totally awesome.

You learn that you can't please all of the people all of the time but you can do special things just for them; it might not be the same as having them at your wedding, but the moments are none-the-less very special and memorable, and that's what counts.

Best wishes

Annie

[Fandango 1,440]

I can sort of see what Lisa is saying. I plan to run our proposed wedding date by both his mom and his best man before I put down any deposits on venues, etc. I know that things can still come up beyond that, but we would cross that bridge if we came to it.

That may have been exactly what the OP did, though, and we just don't know it.

zactly, would love to hear more of the story

I do find that sometimes the most innocent things can be blown into mountains and cause chew for years to come. Whatever the response is...and again, we don't even know if SIL is requesting a change or just saying she can't come.....the best thing to do is not worry about who's 'right' and who's 'wrong' cos with in-laws, the story is going to get convoluted anyways. So speak with hubby and have him make the decision that way it's not your face on a dartboard in their local

Of course, that's just me being paranoid cos I used to have the most awful human beings on the planet as in-laws...tbh, I couldn't see my real in-laws having a problem with anything cos D's family is simply wonderful. I guess I'm just still shell-shot, lol.

[almaty 19]

f##k her..stick to the date

[munchkins 1]

You should tell her that she doesn't have to attend if it will cut into her schedule.

Exactly! I had a lot of family that did that to me. I just said "ok....we'll see you at Thanksgiving!"

Sounds a good response to me

[Sinergy 3]

Little advice, This is HIS sister, the blood relative he grew up with. You need to remember you are coming into the family. Try getting with all family and coming up with a good day for the wedding. if you want to feel that way about your inlaws, who are your fiance's FAMILY then have a small wedding and invite no one. This IS your wedding day, but remember, if you dont work with the other family members, you may not have guests at your wedding.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I wonder if it is how she phrased her comment that might be the real problem here. If she had been understanding and said she would really want to be there but had another commitment that day that couldn't be changed, is there any way you would be able to choose another day? and made it like a big request because she knew it was an imposition, it might be easier to comply and not feel put upon. If she made it like your wedding date is no big deal but her date was important and obviously you should change to accommodate her then yes, I can see that being offensive. Discuss this with your fiance and maybe discuss it with your future mother in law - it is her family. She may be able to advise you that her daughter always takes this approach and it isn't personal, etc. or she may may be able to suggest to her daughter that her plans can be changed after all and that the wedding is a priority. Good luck on working this out - although you don't really need the added stress this is a good opportunity to set up a good working relationship with your inlaws.

btw none of my husband's family were able to make our wedding and only my father was able to attend. While it would have been nice to have them there to participate, the important people were there- the two of us and the judge:-).

Good luck.

[mmb 0]

OK, whole story, my future sister in law lives about 2 hours away from the rest of the family.

If she bothers to show up and visit, it's never for more than an hour as she is a busy professional, her schedule is more important than anyone else.

She stated that the day of the wedding was not good for her and told, not asked, us to change it to a day that was better for her.

She is a control freak who has POA over my future mother in law and brother in law and did this by telling them the lawyer's office was a doctors office.

Her next move is likely to say that Richard's mother and brother are too frail to attend the wedding and as they are both afraid to upset her, if she says they can't attend, they will stay home.

Richard has never been close to her, he only contacts her when he must as he doesn't want to make life difficult for his mother and brother.

Frankly all the wedding guests who know her would rather she doesn't attend, she was invited because she is family.

I'm the non USC here and none of my family are going to be able to make it over to the wedding. Those who can have decided to visit us later.

I'm just fed up here as I know I'll be the one who ends up caring for my mother in law and brother in law while she is busy being professional.

Not quite whole story, facts missing to protect my future sister in law's professional reputation.

Edited February 12, 2007 by mmb

[Fandango 1,440]

OK, whole story, my future sister in law lives about 2 hours away from the rest of the family.

If she bothers to show up and visit, it's never for more than an hour as she is a busy professional, her schedule is more important than anyone else.

She stated that the day of the wedding was not good for her and told, not asked, us to change it to a day that was better for her.

She is a control freak who has POA over my future mother in law and brother in law and did this by telling them the lawyer's office was a doctors office.

Her next move is likely to say that Richard's mother and brother are too frail to attend the wedding and as they are both afraid to upset her, if she says they can't attend, they will stay home.

Richard has never been close to her, he only contacts her when he must as he doesn't want to make life difficult for his mother and brother.

Frankly all the wedding guests who know her would rather she doesn't attend, she was invited because she is family.

I'm the non USC here and none of my family are going to be able to make it over to the wedding. Those who can have decided to visit us later.

I'm just fed up here as I know I'll be the one who ends up caring for my mother in law and brother in law while she is busy being professional.

oh dear God!

you have your hands full with that one...thx for sharing.

I'd say 'too bad so sad' in your instance!!!!

[Sinergy 3]

OK, whole story, my future sister in law lives about 2 hours away from the rest of the family.

If she bothers to show up and visit, it's never for more than an hour as she is a busy professional, her schedule is more important than anyone else.

She stated that the day of the wedding was not good for her and told, not asked, us to change it to a day that was better for her.

She is a control freak who has POA over my future mother in law and brother in law and did this by telling them the lawyer's office was a doctors office.

Her next move is likely to say that Richard's mother and brother are too frail to attend the wedding and as they are both afraid to upset her, if she says they can't attend, they will stay home.

Richard has never been close to her, he only contacts her when he must as he doesn't want to make life difficult for his mother and brother.

Frankly all the wedding guests who know her would rather she doesn't attend, she was invited because she is family.

I'm the non USC here and none of my family are going to be able to make it over to the wedding. Those who can have decided to visit us later.

I'm just fed up here as I know I'll be the one who ends up caring for my mother in law and brother in law while she is busy being professional.

Not quite whole story, facts missing to protect my future sister in law's professional reputation.

Then screw her, have the wedding without the wench, invite mom and brother, dont tell sister when it is and have a glorious day!!

she would only be a stain on your day if shes the way you just described.

[Robor007 0]

OK, whole story, my future sister in law lives about 2 hours away from the rest of the family.

If she bothers to show up and visit, it's never for more than an hour as she is a busy professional, her schedule is more important than anyone else.

She stated that the day of the wedding was not good for her and told, not asked, us to change it to a day that was better for her.

She is a control freak who has POA over my future mother in law and brother in law and did this by telling them the lawyer's office was a doctors office.

Her next move is likely to say that Richard's mother and brother are too frail to attend the wedding and as they are both afraid to upset her, if she says they can't attend, they will stay home.

Richard has never been close to her, he only contacts her when he must as he doesn't want to make life difficult for his mother and brother.

Frankly all the wedding guests who know her would rather she doesn't attend, she was invited because she is family.

I'm the non USC here and none of my family are going to be able to make it over to the wedding. Those who can have decided to visit us later.

I'm just fed up here as I know I'll be the one who ends up caring for my mother in law and brother in law while she is busy being professional.

Not quite whole story, facts missing to protect my future sister in law's professional reputation.

She sounds like a b1tch. It's your wedding, not hers. Stick to your date.

[mmb 0]

We don't plan to change anything, I just couldn't believe she dared send an email telling us to move our wedding.

I'll still make sure she gets an invitation, and leave a place with her name, just to make sure everone knows she was asked.

Revenge can be sweet.

[Mary Lou 682]

I agree with what the others have said, stick to your date and dont let her dictate or ruin your day.