Tips and Techniques for Handling "The Wait"

[Henia 11]

Thank god, sofyan and i were fortunate enough to have things the way they were for us.....i had my job waitin for me whenever i decided to come home, my dad had a job for sofyan the week he got here, i had enough money saved for furniture, a new car, and home furnishings, my family threw us a wedding shower and we recieved ALOT of money, and we rent our house from a family member...so it worked out perfect for us, probably wouldnt be the same for alot of others though

Wow lucky you...

[Henia 11]

here is an idea:

sometimes Javed would send me a text message it would say something like

" honey where are my shoes? "

I would respond with something like

" under the bed dear- doggie chewing on them."

he would send a message like

" shonnie whats for dinner tonight? "

I would say something like

" how about chicken and rice "

he would respond with

" great. I will be home at 5pm " ..ll.

we know we are apart but, its cool to add each other in daily things.

Awww that's nice. I kinda do that when we talk on the phone. But it's more sarcastically funny, like this for us:

Him: My wife, I am hungry... you didn't make any dinner. I have to go out to the resturants again.

Me: O yes, I am a bad wife. Maybe you should find another.

Him: Yes, I should.

Me: So why don't you?

Him: Could you support that?Me: Me? As you like... I am here, you are there. And I know I am not washing your dishes

Him: But no one is like you.

Me: Why? Everyone else would cook you dinner and wash your dishes?

Him: Yes, everyone loves me here...

Me: O really, but I have lived with you...so I know you more. I know all your maboul ways.

<we both laugh and say Nhabek>

[AngelK96 0]

what helped me through the long wait.. work, save, work, build up pay time off, take a trip to Jordan every 6 months. Talk on the net every night after work. Talk on the phone using calling cards from arabcallingcard.com. It wasn't easy sometimes but we both made it through the good and bad times.

[amal 4]

calling cards and text messaging are both life savers

[nouna 0]

Repeat: CALLING CARDS AND TEXT MESSAGES

I can't imagine life without the two. And of course cell phones, because 95% of the time we talk/text from our cell phones...

[lion_lioness 0]

Awww you ladies are so sweet, but you're bringing on the tears I think not having a date is the hardest. I know we have to wait for USCIC here, but at least once Amman has his file in had and we have a date, its something to look forward to. For now, we're just in limbo and it sux big time. I wish to God I could pack up and leave, but I can't.

I'm thankful I'm going gack next month for a week, but right now, I don't know when his interview will be - with Amman we know it could very well be next year. Sighhhh....at least I'm working late tonite to keep my mind of things. In the meantime, we have calls, text message and online chat. He's about to put DSL in the house thank God, so no more cyber cafe's. That should make things easier too I would imagine.

[babybunny 2]

Dont cry.. just plan your reunion 1001 times..think about when you will finally meet..

think about the good times you have shared. each day imagine the day like an OYSTER.. each day look for the PEARL < the visa > one day it will show up!!!

[Henia 11]

Dont cry.. just plan your reunion 1001 times..think about when you will finally meet..

think about the good times you have shared. each day imagine the day like an OYSTER.. each day look for the PEARL < the visa > one day it will show up!!!

Awwwwwwww great way to look at it!

[Henia 11]

i don't know what to do. i'm so lonely and he's completely falling apart. waiting six months seems like an eternity even though it is in reality not very long........ i wish there was a way i could go there to be with him and wait.

Could you ever just move to Morocco for good? I don't know what life is like there and I have only spent a week in Egypt but even though I missed the creature comforts at first, I did get used to the simplicity of the life there and enjoyed the lack of stress that I have here. If that's not an option, is there a friend or close aunt/uncle who would sponsor him? Then you could say save up about two months salary and bank it so that once you do come back you'll have two months to regroup and look for another job.

Just going off and leaving for your SO is nice an dandy but hard. I was there, alone except for my husband...no family or friends to talk to all day while he was off working. And I was lucky, he is the type who likes to be home. What about those whose SOs hang out alot? Also I *really* missed the modern (common to us) amenties like running water .... I mean ye I got alot of upper body strength with pulling up water from the well, but ever since I say 'elhamdullah' each time I pass my kitchen sink or bathroom shower!!!! Also you have to think, when they do get that visa.... with the salaries they get? How to buy the 2 ticket? IN fact, how to pay for the whole visa process(unless you are rich or saved up for it)....

And then when you come back.... you come to what? Not everyone has family to help out.

I was gone 2 months. I quit my work, moved out of my apartment, etc... for 2months in Algerie. I donnot regret it, best 2 months of my life. But believe me when I came back............ boy was I NOT ready for what I got. Right before Christmas, no where hiring (except for Holiday help)....took me few months to get a job... I had to get a place. Really, I had to start all over again. Lucky, I had money put aside.

I mean it sure sounds nice, but unless you have a concrete plan....it is not going to work at all.

And really I should not talk, cos I am leaving soon (again) for DZ

[Henia 11]

i don't know what to do. i'm so lonely and he's completely falling apart. waiting six months seems like an eternity even though it is in reality not very long........ i wish there was a way i could go there to be with him and wait.

Is this your first 6 months you'll be apart? Like as in the longest time you've ever been apart?

My first 6 months I had NO DATE to go see him and it was the most EXRUCIATING 6 months of my life. I was newly divorced, newly remarried, and financially under the water. I had to sell my house (my parents bought it which made a world of difference to me) and I felt like such a failure. I didn't finish my thesis, I had to take a second full-time job, and I wanted to just die. Really.

It gets better. I went there for 7 weeks and wow. You have no idea the difference it made. When I came back I had $7 and a debt of tens of thousands, but I had him still. The next time (this past time) we set a date and I had a ten day visit, and we had a plan. You would not believe how fast those 6 months went.. It made such a difference. It felt like 2 months not 6.

If everything goes perectly (ha!) this seperation will be just over 5 months. I realized a huge coping mechanism is just to not look at the overall picture, but to just look short term. If I thought about how this could take 5 years and then be denied in the end? OMG. But if I just view it as "just 6 months. Just 5 months. etc." then it gets so much easier.

I reccomend NO alone time. Find people who you can chat away with, get another job, etc but do something to distract yourself because it will kill you to just sit and think about it. If you exhaust yourself to the correct level, you'll fall asleep so fast and you won't get sick. I made the mistake of geting a bit too exhausted and I caught pneumonia. I wouldn't reccomend that as part of your plan.

Another trick.. does he have a camera? If not, splurge and buy him one. I bought one for my Dh and he has been sending me pictures every day! Not of himself, but things like his village, olive trees, etc.. it's weird but it's like you're there with him, just kind of living life. I have a picture of a dust bunny he found. For real. But you know it's actually funny and it helps. you have no idea. I have started to send him photos every day instead of once a week because I saw how much better it makes things.

O I am so sorry for you. I pray you are able to get throu this. Amin.

I agree no alone time. I am one of those people who likes solitude but after going throu all this, I cannot imagine even a second being alone. I try my best to not be alone now. I would think and stress too much.

LOL my husband and I do the camera thing too... just to pass the time... He sends me pictures of various flowers and animals he sees. And I love to send him typical stupid ppl (and animal) behaviour pictures (like men sagging their trousers LOL, ppl flicking you off while driving, and squirrels fighting over some acorns LOL) We just love this kind of stuff. It passes the time and is our little hobby now.

We also like to play the mix and match language game where we talk in our conversations all this various languages we know. Might sound lame, buuuuuuuut after 4years there is really nothing we donnot know about each other. We need not even speak, just see each other's facial gestures or hear the breathing....

We also plan businesses, trips and ways to improve the over-all condition of both our countries and lives. We have played all the online games, we could. ANd I still suck at games We also try to find topics to shock each other with. 21 questions is another favourite but something is at this point so hard to play...nothing more to ask:lol:Alot make believe you could say....buuuuuuut passes the time and brings us closer

Edited February 13, 2007 by Henia

[Nasturtium 500]

Thanks. The hardest part has been the fact that all of my friends moved LOL! So then I was stuck with not attending physical classes and not having any friends here. Since I'm not from ehre, I don't have family either.

He sends me a lot of plant and architecture pictures, and then common things, like the floor of his house, etc LOL!

[Henia 11]

Thanks. The hardest part has been the fact that all of my friends moved LOL! So then I was stuck with not attending physical classes and not having any friends here. Since I'm not from ehre, I don't have family either.

He sends me a lot of plant and architecture pictures, and then common things, like the floor of his house, etc LOL!

Awwwwwww....but it is comforting )even thou he is miles away) you are not alone...

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

Thanks. The hardest part has been the fact that all of my friends moved LOL! So then I was stuck with not attending physical classes and not having any friends here. Since I'm not from ehre, I don't have family either.

He sends me a lot of plant and architecture pictures, and then common things, like the floor of his house, etc LOL!

you're in nw arkansas? around bentonville by any chance?

[Nasturtium 500]

Thanks. The hardest part has been the fact that all of my friends moved LOL! So then I was stuck with not attending physical classes and not having any friends here. Since I'm not from ehre, I don't have family either.

He sends me a lot of plant and architecture pictures, and then common things, like the floor of his house, etc LOL!

Awwwwwww....but it is comforting )even thou he is miles away) you are not alone...

That's what he tells me. he told me I was not alone and he was always with me. I asked him if that included the bathroom too, and he said yes. LOL!

Thanks. The hardest part has been the fact that all of my friends moved LOL! So then I was stuck with not attending physical classes and not having any friends here. Since I'm not from ehre, I don't have family either.

He sends me a lot of plant and architecture pictures, and then common things, like the floor of his house, etc LOL!

you're in nw arkansas? around bentonville by any chance?

Yep!

[Henia 11]

Thanks. The hardest part has been the fact that all of my friends moved LOL! So then I was stuck with not attending physical classes and not having any friends here. Since I'm not from ehre, I don't have family either.

He sends me a lot of plant and architecture pictures, and then common things, like the floor of his house, etc LOL!

Awwwwwww....but it is comforting )even thou he is miles away) you are not alone...

That's what he tells me. he told me I was not alone and he was always with me. I asked him if that included the bathroom too, and he said yes. LOL!