Tips and Techniques for Handling "The Wait"

[doodlebug 3]

I couldnt handle the time apart, so i quit my job, packed my things, and moved to Jordan so we could file from the embassy there, wait a year for the visa, but still be together everyday

honestly, if i didn't have my son, i would have probably moved to jordan also......

omigosh i totally would have packed my bags long ago and moved my whole life to Egypt. Actually I don't even think I would have applied for the visa...I just would have adjusted to living in Egypt and lived happily ever after!!!!

:crying:

[lion_lioness 0]

Well my fiance and I met a year ago, but I was ending a relationship and we stayed 'just friends for a while.' As of the summer, our relationship became 'romantic.' I wanted to give us time to really know each other. So already we have been 'waiting' 10 months. I went for a visit in Sept last year and last month. I plan to go back in March with my son for a week. Then, that will be it until we get an interview. I have to say having an interview date would make things easier. Right now, everythings in the air. We dont even know if our K1 will be approved and if it isn't we're going to marry in Jordan in March/April. But for now, we're just waiting for the next step in the immigration black hole.

My fiance works alot so we meet online twice a week, but that's starting to get old as we've been 'online' for a year now. I usually just call him once or twice a day. Weekends are the hardest now that I am not working a second job and not taking classes this semester. After I come back from Jordan in April, I will be taking classes, working on my own business and working my regular job, so that should help - I hope.

[Nasturtium 500]

If he was making enough money to support us, I would have moved and waited. I'm in school, but I could have switched over to taking thesis hours and jsut doing that. Unfortunately, he lives at home and it just isn't an option. He did have to leave at some point (but was thinking Germany) to finish his PhD.. which he can do here too. Jordan just doesn't have his degree. I kinda screwed up all of his plans

[Aymerlu 3]

I couldnt handle the time apart, so i quit my job, packed my things, and moved to Jordan so we could file from the embassy there, wait a year for the visa, but still be together everyday

honestly, if i didn't have my son, i would have probably moved to jordan also......

omigosh i totally would have packed my bags long ago and moved my whole life to Egypt. Actually I don't even think I would have applied for the visa...I just would have adjusted to living in Egypt and lived happily ever after!!!!

:crying:

Yep, if I didn't have my kids I would've totally moved to Egypt

[sereia 0]

I couldnt handle the time apart, so i quit my job, packed my things, and moved to Jordan so we could file from the embassy there, wait a year for the visa, but still be together everyday

I would totally do this option.... I'd go tomorrow. But what about when you get the visa and are ready to come back? Did you have to get co-sponsors in the US for this since you weren't working for the I-134? Where will you move when you return? In with your parents?? These are reasons I didn't do this option. My parents for sure won't cosign so I thought I had to stay here to work. If there's another option someone tell me and I'll leave to Morocco right now!

[Together4ever 1]

I couldnt handle the time apart, so i quit my job, packed my things, and moved to Jordan so we could file from the embassy there, wait a year for the visa, but still be together everyday

I would totally do this option.... I'd go tomorrow. But what about when you get the visa and are ready to come back? Did you have to get co-sponsors in the US for this since you weren't working for the I-134? Where will you move when you return? In with your parents?? These are reasons I didn't do this option. My parents for sure won't cosign so I thought I had to stay here to work. If there's another option someone tell me and I'll leave to Morocco right now!

I did this. Spent almost a year in Egypt and came back with literally nothing but my suitcase, broke and alone. Had to rebuild my whole life. It can be done, and I am thankful for a bit of help from my family. The determination to do what had to be done to get Mohammed back with me again is what kept me going. We have talked about this many times. Realistically, a life for us in Egypt would have been more then difficult and I'm not speaking just on the terms of creature comforts. That's no big deal really. But socially and economically it would have been a miserable existence. We agreed that here in the USA we stood a better chance of "driving our lives" together to get a good foundation built and leave the doors of possibility wide open for our future.

Once he gets here is a whole other kettle of fish... There should be another thread on "Tips and Techniques for Picking Up Dirty Socks and Fighting Gracefully Over Money".

[sereia 0]

i don't know what to do. i'm so lonely and he's completely falling apart. waiting six months seems like an eternity even though it is in reality not very long........ i wish there was a way i could go there to be with him and wait.

[Together4ever 1]

i don't know what to do. i'm so lonely and he's completely falling apart. waiting six months seems like an eternity even though it is in reality not very long........ i wish there was a way i could go there to be with him and wait.

I'm feeling you. We had those times too. I think we're still both bewildered at times that we're actually TOGETHER again. But one thing to hang onto is this is the opportunity to really lay the foundation of your relationship. This journey is a very hard one, and I think many here will agree that the difficulty is what brought them closer together and forged a deeper bond then what a "normal" (cough cough) relationship would have done. It's that ability to "hold hands" no matter what hell storm you're going through or what distance lies between you that will take you far down the road of life together. And its because you choose to do it quite consciously.

I know that's not much consolation when you're lonely though. Just keep a good feeling that this lonely time is a tool the two of you can use to really lay that strong foundation. And this waiting time won't last forever, even though sometimes it sure does feel like it will.

Hugs. If you need to vent, drop me a message...

[Sofiyya 1,687]

My husband has a much worse time with the separation than do I, but I have many more distractions.

[doodlebug 3]

i don't know what to do. i'm so lonely and he's completely falling apart. waiting six months seems like an eternity even though it is in reality not very long........ i wish there was a way i could go there to be with him and wait.

Could you ever just move to Morocco for good? I don't know what life is like there and I have only spent a week in Egypt but even though I missed the creature comforts at first, I did get used to the simplicity of the life there and enjoyed the lack of stress that I have here. If that's not an option, is there a friend or close aunt/uncle who would sponsor him? Then you could say save up about two months salary and bank it so that once you do come back you'll have two months to regroup and look for another job.

[wildroze22 0]

my SO and i met in person, but have been long distance for over a year now... it is so true that having a next visit in mind helps. we are averaging seeing each other every 4 months or so, which really isnt bad considering the distance.

we talk twice a day, except for on shabbat (which is the most annoying 34 hours EVER when we are apart). we use ICQ so i can SMS him phone from my computer, and bother him all day! im at my computer as much as he is with his phone so it works. im writing my thesis papers and working and planning a wedding... stay busy!

we are planning to only stay here for a little while, until i finish my degree and such. then back to israel we go! we both know thats where we want to end up, for lots of reasons. but for now, the USA makes sense... problem is that i miss israel just as much as he does~

[Sofiyya 1,687]

We plan to return to Morocco later, too. After so many years doing this, I've become a bit numb to the separation. I want it to be over, but it's not the same level of frustration as it was the first year after we married. Our second anniversary is in four days. You just have to take it or turn it into something you can handle by moving to him.

[Nasturtium 500]

i don't know what to do. i'm so lonely and he's completely falling apart. waiting six months seems like an eternity even though it is in reality not very long........ i wish there was a way i could go there to be with him and wait.

Is this your first 6 months you'll be apart? Like as in the longest time you've ever been apart?

My first 6 months I had NO DATE to go see him and it was the most EXRUCIATING 6 months of my life. I was newly divorced, newly remarried, and financially under the water. I had to sell my house (my parents bought it which made a world of difference to me) and I felt like such a failure. I didn't finish my thesis, I had to take a second full-time job, and I wanted to just die. Really.

It gets better. I went there for 7 weeks and wow. You have no idea the difference it made. When I came back I had $7 and a debt of tens of thousands, but I had him still. The next time (this past time) we set a date and I had a ten day visit, and we had a plan. You would not believe how fast those 6 months went.. It made such a difference. It felt like 2 months not 6.

If everything goes perectly (ha!) this seperation will be just over 5 months. I realized a huge coping mechanism is just to not look at the overall picture, but to just look short term. If I thought about how this could take 5 years and then be denied in the end? OMG. But if I just view it as "just 6 months. Just 5 months. etc." then it gets so much easier.

I reccomend NO alone time. Find people who you can chat away with, get another job, etc but do something to distract yourself because it will kill you to just sit and think about it. If you exhaust yourself to the correct level, you'll fall asleep so fast and you won't get sick. I made the mistake of geting a bit too exhausted and I caught pneumonia. I wouldn't reccomend that as part of your plan.

Another trick.. does he have a camera? If not, splurge and buy him one. I bought one for my Dh and he has been sending me pictures every day! Not of himself, but things like his village, olive trees, etc.. it's weird but it's like you're there with him, just kind of living life. I have a picture of a dust bunny he found. For real. But you know it's actually funny and it helps. you have no idea. I have started to send him photos every day instead of once a week because I saw how much better it makes things.

Edited February 11, 2007 by julianna

[Nasturtium 500]

my SO and i met in person, but have been long distance for over a year now... it is so true that having a next visit in mind helps. we are averaging seeing each other every 4 months or so, which really isnt bad considering the distance.

we talk twice a day, except for on shabbat (which is the most annoying 34 hours EVER when we are apart). we use ICQ so i can SMS him phone from my computer, and bother him all day! im at my computer as much as he is with his phone so it works. im writing my thesis papers and working and planning a wedding... stay busy!

we are planning to only stay here for a little while, until i finish my degree and such. then back to israel we go! we both know thats where we want to end up, for lots of reasons. but for now, the USA makes sense... problem is that i miss israel just as much as he does~

We have the exact same plan. I am not sure if he will try for citizenship here at all. The more I think about it though, the more I am thinking I don't ever want to have to do this again-- so I may ask him to go ahead and try for it in case he ever wants to come back.

[patiently_waiting 0]

Some days are easier than others. Most of all we talk 5 days a week. We call each other through Yahoo Messenger and use the web cams. Also, he uses www.freecall.com. The calls from freecall can be a little annoying. It allows for 5 minutes free. However, if you hang up before the 5 minutes, you call call right back. So we do a lot of hanging up and calling right back. If you go over the 5 minutes, you need to uninstall it and reinstall. It's worth it to keep the phone bills down. We can't use it here from the states, but they can use it in NA.(Morocco) Not sure what all countries can use it. We also e-mail regularly. But the phone and the YM calls are the best because you can hear each other and with a web cam, you can see each other.