Tips and Techniques for Handling "The Wait"

[amal 4]

It has been over a year since this topic has been brought up (at least I haven't seen it). I thought that since we have a few newer members this topic may be helpful to them.

I'll start...

We had a designated time each day that we would talk. I spent a LOT of time with my family. Planned home assignments to finnish before he came. Tried to finnish the home assignments before he came. Slept a lot. Worked a lot. Read a lot....... I'm sure there are more....lets see what everyone else did.....

amal

[lilofdevine 0]

Nice topic, I basically did the same. We would meet online everyday for over a year. It was rough for him because of the difference in time. So he would be at the internet cafe until 2 or 3 am. Then I would buy calling cards by the dozen so that we can talk everyday before we went to bed. Extremely costly but all worth it now. I kept myself busy with church & moving and work. For the most part, now that I look back, it was hard but smooth.

[Aymerlu 3]

We would meet online and talk WAY too much on the phone. I tease him because I told him I had a pay raise when he got here because I wasn't spending all that money on calls. I would write him letters or get him cards or my kids would make him pictures and sent 1-2 weeks of them at once so he'd have something to looking forward to. I also bought little things for him like razors, winter things for him to survive the cold weather, and lots of clothes. I'm a sucker for a good sale. When he finally got his visa, he left all his old clothes behind because he knew how much I had here for him here. Oh yeah, and I admit, there were days when I just cried....kinda makes ya feel better sometimes.

[Together4ever 1]

We had a very long wait. There were times I handled it and times I couldn't handle it. It's quite a roller coaster ride. We discovered what really helped us was having one thing we could count on every day. That was our time together. Our rock. Most of the months we chatted 2 hours every evening. But chat became very cold. The little words on the screen weren't holding enough warmth to give the comfort we needed from our interactions so we moved to phone calling and left chat altogether.

As far as how I handled my emotions during this time... ugh. I buried myself in my job and my conversations with Mohammed. That's all I really left myself time for. The weekends were difficult because I had too much "think time". I found it best to keep myself busy with things I enjoyed so my own thoughts/fears didn't consume me, but like Amy said, I cried a lot too.

I think hobbies, crafts, enjoyable busywork are a necessity. If you can manage to keep yourself in a somewhat comfortable place with your activities it will make the waiting much easier.

I'm actually a bit stunned, now that he is here with me and we are making our life, at what this process did to me. You know how you can suddenly find yourself staring at yourself in a moment of clarity? Happened to me yesterday. I was like, "whoa... my god... who AM I?" I've become so twisted up in worrying and obsessing over details that I can't let go this ridiculous illusion of control I must carry with me every waking moment. I've always been a bit of a control freak, but all these months alone plowing through this process with so much determination has turned me into a woman who is afraid to just LET GO now and enjoy. If I let go, all I've worked so damn hard for may come crashing down and I do not want to lose this life with my husband. So there you go. "My Sickness" by Jean A gratis the immigration process. Hopefully I can learn to relax again.

My advice to get through this wait: NURTURE YOURSELF and let the power of the love behind the reason you embarked on the journey in the first place burn away the bad stuff.

[MissStacey 1]

Plenty of Alcohol!

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Well last year I was going crazy. My husband and I have been in a long distance relation ship since we met online in 2003. I have been on the verge of ending up in the loony toon home many times. Even with all the calling and web camming and letter and swapping, and care packages it gets hard no matter what you do. I think that after we got married it got even harder because prior to our marriage we were able to visit each other and now I’m the only one that can go to London to visit him, due to the fact that he got denied entry when he was coming to visit me after we got married. I’m sure you are all in my position and its ridiculously hard when only one person is allowed to travel especially because out of the year you only get 2 week vacation time TOPS. Since we were ignorant to the immigration rules we did not file for the K3 right after we got married. We wasted a year thinking that because he was British we would be able to visit each other during the visa process when we were ready to begin the process. We also procrastinated because a few lawyers kept telling us that it takes 6-8 months to get a visa. Well we learned the hard way. 2006 was a complete and total hell for me. This year I have been trying to keep my self busy by learning to cook different types of foods. It’s something that I enjoy doing and God willing my husband and I will re reunited some time this year. So I’m hoping to expand my cooking abilities in food other than just Mexican. My hubby is a great cook so we have this cooking war going on. When we are together we have our iron chef cooks outs LOL. Honestly I’m trying to keep my self busy so as not to have a break down of frustration. Last year I did not do a thing but spend the whole year on the computers compulsively checking the USCIS for updates. I made my self sick. So this year I had to do something for my own sanity. I keep baking allot and my little brother says are you going to be baking and cooking all year round? You’re going to get us all fat. Every day I check the USCIS for an update 1 time and I see no change....then I get a surge of frustration and it makes me just cry and I run to the kitchen and I start baking and cooking like a mad women all frustrated and upset and somewhere in the middle of all that the kitchen helps me relax. The only thing I hate is all the cleaning and pot washing afterwards LOL. I guess what I’m trying to say is try enlisting in a class or pick up a hobby that you enjoy doing to pass time. It wont solve the problem hut it helps to get your mind off things at list for a little while. I have been thinking about taking some Urdu classes so that I won’t feel left out during his family functions. His family chat to him online and they just don’t understand that my native language is Spanish. They know I’m American but they did not even know what Mexico was until they saw the Cartoons Dora the explorer LOL. Even if they do speak English I would like to be able to understand what people around me are saying when they switch to Urdu. I know they would not do it to be rude I guess it’s just a habit. I for one have the bad habit of speaking in English and switch to Spanish in the middle of the conversation just because I’m used to it more. I guess this was my daily rant. jeje Oh yea and crying is a must sometines we girls just have to let it out. sigh. I cry lots its just hard to keep it all bottled in.

Edited February 10, 2007 by The_dip_sticks

[Nasturtium 500]

I have found it seems really important to have a date... on the calendar... to look for. So this is either a trip you will take, or an interview date.. something like this.

After we got married, I left that time not having a clue when I would ever go back. Which led to thinking I would never see him again, which led to panic and whatnot, and it was HORRIBLE. WHen i went this past summer, we decided I would come back at Christmas. This could change if he had gotten an interview date, etc. but we set a date and we talked about it, etc like it was real. I did go in the beginning of January. So? It really helped. And when I went this time, we had another date-- the interview in june (now April). So really it helped.

I have found my ability to concentrate on ANYTHING is shot. This is why I haven't finished my thesis. I work a lot, and I don't spend any time with friends or family since all my friends moved this year LOL! and my family all lives a minimum of 12 hours away... I have work friends and i spend a lot of time on the phone, and so I do actually socialize... I feel like when he's here and I'm not having to make the financial difference of being 2 people, then I will get a social life back!

[sophyie 0]

I have found it seems really important to have a date... on the calendar... to look for. So this is either a trip you will take, or an interview date.. something like this.

Very very true.

One other thing that helps me a lot is working out and practising yoga. It clears my mind.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

I have found it seems really important to have a date... on the calendar... to look for. So this is either a trip you will take, or an interview date.. something like this.

Very very true.

One other thing that helps me a lot is working out and practising yoga. It clears my mind.

I’m glad some one mentioned it. I’m really not an exercise person and I have been thinking of yoga. My husband suggested it to me a few times for the same reason you do it. He said it would help me relax because I’m always thinking and thinking and pondering why why why...... My hubby loves martial arts he used to practice Thai boxing back in the days. Now he just does Thai chi to help him relax. I know that there are different types of yoga practices, what kind of yoga do you suggest for a beginner? I guess it would be a great idea to clear the mind and stay in shape at the same time. People have told me that yoga is great to stay fit and trust me I really need to get rid of 10 pounds.

[sophyie 0]

I have found it seems really important to have a date... on the calendar... to look for. So this is either a trip you will take, or an interview date.. something like this.

Very very true.

One other thing that helps me a lot is working out and practising yoga. It clears my mind.

I’m glad some one mentioned it. I’m really not an exercise person and I have been thinking of yoga. My husband suggested it to me a few times for the same reason you do it. He said it would help me relax because I’m always thinking and thinking and pondering why why why...... My hubby loves martial arts he used to practice Thai boxing back in the days. Now he just does Thai chi to help him relax. I know that there are different types of yoga practices, what kind of yoga do you suggest for a beginner? I guess it would be a great idea to clear the mind and stay in shape at the same time. People have told me that yoga is great to stay fit and trust me I really need to get rid of 10 pounds.

There are many different kinds of yoga practices, a couple of names that come to my mind are Hatha, Kundalini, Ashtanga, Vinyasa... some are more "workout- like", some concentrate on the mind and meditation.

If there's a yoga school or a gym that offers yoga classes somewhere close, you should just go and try a couple of different styles to find one that suits you.

A very popular kind of yoga you will find in most gyms is "power yoga", it's based on the old yoga schools but focuses a little more on work out. That might also be a good start.

My favorite is Ashtanga- yoga, a series of postures combined with faster movements, it's nearly a little acrobatic.

[dollface41601 0]

I couldnt handle the time apart, so i quit my job, packed my things, and moved to Jordan so we could file from the embassy there, wait a year for the visa, but still be together everyday

[amal 4]

I couldnt handle the time apart, so i quit my job, packed my things, and moved to Jordan so we could file from the embassy there, wait a year for the visa, but still be together everyday

honestly, if i didn't have my son, i would have probably moved to jordan also......

[~Jackie~ 30]

I would have moved also rather than wait 2 years, but I had to keep my job. I am Mohammed's sponser.

J

[babybunny 2]

It has been over a year since this topic has been brought up (at least I haven't seen it). I thought that since we have a few newer members this topic may be helpful to them.

I'll start...

We had a designated time each day that we would talk. I spent a LOT of time with my family. Planned home assignments to finnish before he came. Tried to finnish the home assignments before he came. Slept a lot. Worked a lot. Read a lot....... I'm sure there are more....lets see what everyone else did.....

amal

the best way to get through this hellish process is not look at the time apart. but live each day for the next PHONE call . for the next E mail for the next chat. this is what got me through. I am also in school - so my studies keep me going. I also work a demanding job so that kept me pretty busy. no real shonnie time. now I am working on my body getting it tight for when hubby comes. I lost like 38 lbs..I am now a size 14. size 8 here i come!

[babybunny 2]

I have found it seems really important to have a date... on the calendar... to look for. So this is either a trip you will take, or an interview date.. something like this.

Very very true.

One other thing that helps me a lot is working out and practising yoga. It clears my mind.

I’m glad some one mentioned it. I’m really not an exercise person and I have been thinking of yoga. My husband suggested it to me a few times for the same reason you do it. He said it would help me relax because I’m always thinking and thinking and pondering why why why...... My hubby loves martial arts he used to practice Thai boxing back in the days. Now he just does Thai chi to help him relax. I know that there are different types of yoga practices, what kind of yoga do you suggest for a beginner? I guess it would be a great idea to clear the mind and stay in shape at the same time. People have told me that yoga is great to stay fit and trust me I really need to get rid of 10 pounds.

come to work with me on the RAMP. I will help you rid them little 10lbs in a few days!