Husband hates texas

[tonyb919 107]

Instead of giving him reasons for his immature and ignorant behavior....ask him what is really going on, your speculating, other poster are speculating and still the problem exist.

How bout this GET ANOTHER JOB! Not to say it like that or attack his profession but a short order cook is not a tight profession to move around in.

The beauty of this country is we have choices and options. If he is so unhappy at his job, his neighborhood, his state or this country.....HE HAS OPTIONS

[janet&adonis 57]

I love my husband, and divorce is not an option for me. I think that is the easy way out. Im going to monitor his behavior, try to help him look for a different job and see what happens. I think he needs more time to adjust

[Sandra G. 5,054]

Sorry to say that but just love is not enough, he should respect you and cherish your presence,considering what you said I don't see a man that loves you,he talks about divorce,leaving you...love from his side? where? . I believe he is taking you for a ride ,watch out when he gets his permanent green card.I really hope I am wrong,otherwise you will be heartbroken.

Edited March 13, 2015 by sandranj

[Kiv 32]

I love my husband, and divorce is not an option for me. I think that is the easy way out. Im going to monitor his behavior, try to help him look for a different job and see what happens. I think he needs more time to adjust

As said before he has options he does not have to endure something if he does not like it.

Patience and tolerance can help him a lot to adjust. he is hardly going to have exactly what had back at home.

[Marco&Bettina 502]

Don't move anywhere.

Is it possible that he's the victim of discrimination, or is being shunned, by his Mexican coworkers? I'm betting on this. If it's true, this would add massive stress to that of uprooting his life to move here.

I highly recommend that you seek out the Dominican organizations in Houston -- and do it "yesterday."

Although Mrs. T-B. had been to the U.S. before, she was homesick and felt like a fish out of water upon moving here "for real." On perhaps her second weekend here, I dropped her at a Spanish church service and picked her up afterwards. She came out late, chatting merrily with new acquaintances, and she introduced them to me in bubbling fashion. We repeated this for 2 weeks. She felt much more connected.

None of those direct contacts have endured, but she met others through their networks and then continued on her own. Of note, Mrs. T-B. was never particularly religious.

Church-goers are typically decent people, so you wouldn't have to worry about his falling into a wrong crowd. There are also support groups available at or through these churches. Strongly consider the potential benefits of this path.

Along these lines, though my wife has only been in America since her Dec 31, 2014 POE, she made very fast contact with a group of German wives who also came over in similar fashion. She was already in contact with the group through Facebook before she even came over. They speak German in the group. She was asking them many questions, typical things someone coming over might wanna know. She has now met many in the Facebook group numerous times in person. They will hang out at Starbucks or one of their houses. Having this group of women has made her feel much more settled, adjusted, & at ease. It also allows her to make personal connections outside of my family & friend's network. That is way more important than some people seem to understand. We also get space that way. Space that sometimes you both need. Personal networking is very important & not to be underestimated.

[AmyWrites 593]

Your husband will have a very hard time anywhere in the US, where most people lump all Latin Americans in one group. Outside the US, he is Dominican. In the US, he is Latino or "Spanish". As this thread shows, people generally don't understand the pervasive racism/xenophobia between people Latin American countries. Dominicans famously dislike Haitians (given history, it should be the other way around!), Puerto Ricans look down on Dominicans, etc. It's like that.

Regardless, the fact that he takes this out on you the way he does makes it look like he's most certainly using you for a green card.

[blest.but.strest 50]

When he first started there they would call him "moreno" and some still do. He says his boss is racist towards black people, and when he got here he was pretty dark. He used to be a moto taxi person in the dr. He left suddenly that he didnt have time to sell his motorcycles. So i think he just hates his job because they "use" him. He has been very sick with fever, sore throat, body aches etc. he called into work but the boss told him he needed to come in and work half a day, even though his boss is capable of doing everything. My thing is that my husband is a cook, he should not be touching or cooking other peoples food if he is sick. But the boss dont care. And no one asked if he was feeling better, or acted like they cared. Husband wants to find another job. Maybe working in the chemical plants.

Im going to try to find dominican social groups or churches near Houston. I think it might be helpful, but im pretty sure he will find something wrong with that too

There are a few Dominican restaurants in Houston, maybe he should apply for work at one of them.

I feel like you really want to save your marriage and that is respectable, but if he finds something wrong with any solution or option you propose, then saving your marriage might be impossible.

[rlogan 2,036]

He does not have a gf that i know of. I would have been told this. He left kind of suddenly so he still has some unfinished business

Having to guess why he is back in his country sounds like a person who doesn't know him at all, not a wife.

In another post he supposedly left so suddenly for the USA he didn't have time to sell his moto taxis. As if he woke up on the day of his flight to discover he had a wife in the USA.

The statement about divorce being the easy way out is called shaming. Shame on anyone who leaves an abusive con man who married under false pretenses. It turns the whole purpose of marriage on its head. Marriage is supposed to make your life easier, not harder. When it makes your life miserable instead it is by definition the easy way out to leave them. But that is hardly something to shame a person for. It is common sense and self preservation.

The persecution complex sure brought out the sympathy. That's why they do it. Everyone is against me. My family, my boss, my co-workers, my wife; not one person in the whole world on my side.

[Jawaree 718]

Your husband will have a very hard time anywhere in the US, where most people lump all Latin Americans in one group. Outside the US, he is Dominican. In the US, he is Latino or "Spanish". As this thread shows, people generally don't understand the pervasive racism/xenophobia between people Latin American countries. Dominicans famously dislike Haitians (given history, it should be the other way around!), Puerto Ricans look down on Dominicans, etc. It's like that.

Regardless, the fact that he takes this out on you the way he does makes it look like he's most certainly using you for a green card.

Well said Amy

[ExPatty 502]

The statement about divorce being the easy way out is called shaming. Shame on anyone who leaves an abusive con man who married under false pretenses. It turns the whole purpose of marriage on its head. Marriage is supposed to make your life easier, not harder. When it makes your life miserable instead it is by definition the easy way out to leave them. But that is hardly something to shame a person for. It is common sense and self preservation.

Agreed. Why ever do something a difficult way if there is an easy way to accomplish something better? Just doesn't make sense.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Having to guess why he is back in his country sounds like a person who doesn't know him at all, not a wife.

In another post he supposedly left so suddenly for the USA he didn't have time to sell his moto taxis. As if he woke up on the day of his flight to discover he had a wife in the USA.

The statement about divorce being the easy way out is called shaming. Shame on anyone who leaves an abusive con man who married under false pretenses. It turns the whole purpose of marriage on its head. Marriage is supposed to make your life easier, not harder. When it makes your life miserable instead it is by definition the easy way out to leave them. But that is hardly something to shame a person for. It is common sense and self preservation.

The persecution complex sure brought out the sympathy. That's why they do it. Everyone is against me. My family, my boss, my co-workers, my wife; not one person in the whole world on my side.

I think you might be in the right church but wrong pew in regards to the shaming. I dont think anybody in her life is shaming her about divorcing- excpet maybe herself.

Some blunt talk here_ She has a teenager. So she was an unwed mother or more likely she was married before. It either ended in divorce (and she doesnt want to repeat that) or shes a widow.

Pride and foolish thinking would be keeping her in the marriage and thinking she can change him. She can not as many have stated.

-

As much as people like to sing about how advanced the world has become- racism is still very much alive in 2015. With out hearing from him its just speculation if it the problem is him against them or them against him or a combination both.

But I find this post on the OPs timeline very informative- describing his port of entry in Miami- "Harassment Level : 5

Comments : My husband said that the immigration officers grilled him for two hours, asking many of the same questions of the interview at the embassy, cracking jokes about him resembling a character in the movie sanky panky, and pulling his ear, basically treating him like dirt...."

You dont find that many severely negative racist toned reviews at port of entrys on here. This was dated a year ago in Miami where 70% are Latin (13% of that are DR)

So while it is just very much speculation- I do think the husband is just not going to fit in anywhere thats not a Dominican based community. Hes closed minded.

I dont know if I would say thats fraud- Im assuming she met him and he was living in the DR and never lived outside it. Its like saying how dare you didnt tell me you dont like living in the cold when youve never lived in a cold climate before. Now that we are married we are living in Alaska so adjust dammit. Maybe an unfair comparison but you get the point. She wouldve had no way of knowing. He maybe had no way of knowing either.

I can appreciate the OP saying I want to give him time to adjust- but seriously now. Hes closed minded. Time by itself is not going to make it open up. Time doesnt change things. It just ticks by. People change things. He wont go to counselling. You dont think churches or social groups will help or hed go to them/find something wrong with them and you are probably correct.A new job isnt the answer, your love and support isnt the answer.

The change has to come from with in him.

So possible choices-

-Do nothing- let it play out. He will continue to be unhappy in Texas and leave you after he gets his status (if hes smart) and move to a Dominican community.

-Give up everything you have and move to a Dominican community and be forced to remain there because of his racist views.

-Force him to get some professional help to address his adjustment issues because you nor he are capable of solving them on your own. Once they are resolved and you guys are free from that burden- decide where is best to live whether it be Texas, Alaska, Florida or Mars. (If he refuses then decide if you want to just wait it out or proactively end it- most here would vote to proactively end it). Its better to say this was mistake and end it quickly and start again with your life then to drag it out wasting more of your life.

[ExPatty 502]

But I find this post on the OPs timeline very informative- describing his port of entry in Miami- "Harassment Level : 5

Comments : My husband said that the immigration officers grilled him for two hours, asking many of the same questions of the interview at the embassy, cracking jokes about him resembling a character in the movie sanky panky, and pulling his ear, basically treating him like dirt...."

Interesting find. Such a comment from an interviewing immigration official does strain credulity with me.

[rlogan 2,036]

I think you might be in the right church but wrong pew in regards to the shaming. I dont think anybody in her life is shaming her about divorcing- excpet maybe herself.

lol. A little obsessed with me, I'm flattered. It was clear enough for the poster above you to confirm it again so you're a little blinded by trying to find things wrong. This is an all-too-common refrain from people who are abused: leaving Ted Bundy would be taking the easy way out. It is shaming acts of self-preservation by anyone at all, including herself.

But that was pretty good work digging up his martyr routine at the port of entry. This is a difficult one because there are wretched people in those positions for sure. But there hasn't been an example yet with this guy where he was happy or treated kindly by others (including the wife). When someone is abused by all people all of the time then we suspect he loves the martyr card.

If the story goes "my husband has always gotten along with everyone, people love him... but these guys at work are different" then you have a lot more credence. Instead we have him saying the same sorts of things about his own wife. So we should be more skeptical.

[TBoneTX 45,663]

Inappropriate post and quoting reply have been removed. Post constructively or don't post.

[Jawaree 718]

Miami POE more often you'll find stubble insults from CBP I must say

most are Latino/Spanish/hispanics (no offense meant) Cubans. I have

ran into a few as far back as in the 80s, it got worst over the yrs & I

can understand a new-comer very intimidated & offended in some

line of questioning, however its no excuse to hate that's wasted energy.

I personally will no longer hub thru Miami I go thru ATL. if going to FL

for a cruise or so I fly into Ft Lauderdale.( a bit better)