Feeling extremely homesick and lonely...

[Lilay 87]

Dear VJ friends, you've always been very helpful and great at giving advice. And now I'm not asking advice for anything about the visa process, but about how to deal with getting adjusted to my new life.

When I was in my country, I was waiting impatiently to come be with my love. I thought I would be happy forever and ever without any problems. But now I find myself crying and getting really emotional, only with the thought of my mom's hugs or the days I used to spend with my friends. I'd never lived away from my parents until now, and it seems so hard to think that I will someday get used to being without them. I feel so lonely here, my husband's family is very supportive and I never regret marrying my husband, I'm very happy with my marriage (married for 2 weeks now). But one side of me, which is always homesick, makes me want to cry all the time because I can't fully enjoy the happiness my marriage has brought to me.

I've read some people talking about the homesickness that you will feel for the first few months and that it's normal. That's what I'd like to think. I'm trying to be patient and give some time to myself, and my husband is extremely supportive. But sitting at home all day while he's at work, without a job and a car, is making me depressed. And he has work trips every month for two weeks. I know that this is only temporary, and I'm sorry if I sound like I'm not patient enough, but I just need some advice or experience from those of you who have been through this.

Thank you!

[Ontarkie 14,227]

It took me two almost 3 yrs to feel like this was home. Being homesick doesn't mean you don't want to be here it's just missing the things and ppl you know and love, it really does take time so you need to keep busy. I have kids that moved with me so that help keep me busy. Then when they started making friends it relived some stress. See if you can get to the library or some place to spend the day. A lot of ppl volunteer and it helps make friends and connections for later.

I called home a lot, and used fb to keep my family updated on stuff. Skype is great too.

Try and make plans to do something when your husband is off to see the sites.

[leesa1972 2]

Hi Lilay,

I can understand how you feel though I've never lived that far away from my family. My fiance is gettting ready to move here from Istanbul and I wonder to how he will adjust. We are both super excited and so happy to finally have this Visa process almost over, but we have talked about how he will miss his family and his country. Maybe things will get easier for you once you can work. Having so much time to sit around alone has to be the worst, you have all that time to miss your family and friends. I feel for you. I would miss my mom so much.

Good luck. I hope you can adjust and enjoy your new life.

[mohdirfan08787 16]

People come to America for various reasons, Some want to have a better life. Think why did you come to America. Your goals, your dreams, ask yourself this question. Your hasband went though so much to bring you here in Untied States, He must love you very much and you are so lucky to marry him.

When you got married, you took this oath that, you will faithful and he is your top of anything in your life. You must learn to stay strong for him, he is your everything. I am sure you have seperation from your parents and homesickness. Trust me you will get use to it pretty soon. United States is ideal place to live, work and grow.

Eventually you will get your driving licence, start working and make some new friends. So do not panic. Keep good envoriment at home learn about united states or make a goals for next coming years what you going to do? Maybe study, Work? or something you dreamed of.

[ExPatty 502]

Are you going to start work or something similar to fill your time? The stress of moving to the US initially by myself was palpable. Much of this will dissipate over months, but it could take years before the US truly feels like your "home". Hopefully you can start work soon because sitting at home in a new environment is particularly troublesome to one's health after moving, I think.

[Lilay 87]

Are you going to start work or something similar to fill your time? The stress of moving to the US initially by myself was palpable. Much of this will dissipate over months, but it could take years before the US truly feels like your "home". Hopefully you can start work soon because sitting at home in a new environment is particularly troublesome to one's health after moving, I think.

Thank you everyone for your replies. It means a lot..

Yes, I'm planning on working as soon as I get my work permit. We are planning on applying for AOS in a week or two.

[Illiria 980]

I find that when I feel really homesick buying a few sweets and foods from home that I can't get here on amazon or having my family send them over can really cheer me up.

[Yabancibride 5]

Give it some time and try to stay in contact with your family. Once you start to work you will have things of your own going and it will start to feel like you're building your life with your husband in your new home.

Maybe you can find some volunteer work with someone in your husband's family until that point. This way, maybe, you would meet a few new girl friends and you would have people to go have coffee with and they can visit while your husband is away.

It's wonderful that he and his family is supportive, but you need to maintain things that are important to you.

I moved to Turkey to be with my husband while we wait his visa approval. After a year, I still feel homesick sometimes, but I feel like I have built my life here and it's where I'm suppose to be. It took time and many tears, but you will get there!

Are there any people from Turkey in your area? or restaurants that feature ameri-turk food? Speaking a little turkish to someone in person or eating something from home may help. (Although turkish food is not nearly as good in America!)

Tebrikler. Dünyadaki tüm mutluluklar üzerinizde olsun.

[mrs thb 331]

I find that when I feel really homesick buying a few sweets and foods from home that I can't get here on amazon or having my family send them over can really cheer me up.

what an awesome idea! be sure to save some for the hubby and his family the next time you are all together. what a fantastic way of bridging your (former) life with your new!!!

[Sarahnick 19]

You need to give it time, it does take a longer time to adjust and get used to everything. When I first moved to America to be an au pair I never felt homesick but I had friends who really did struggle and all I can say is that you need to keep busy and try not to think about "home", try see this new life as your home and try make plans for the future. And remember it is okay to feel homesick, and it is okay to be sad and miss the "old" life but try remember why you "left" it

[allimilla 2]

Hi Lilay

I had very similar circumstances! The Visa process excitement is over. The wedding plans are over. Time to settle in your new life............... It takes a lot of effort to make contact with people and allow them to befriend you. Accept any invitations to coffee or lunch. Ask if you can ride along with someone to go places. It took me a long time but it is worth the effort. I retired from a job I loved to come here, so I had to cope with that change too. You need to see your changes as positive ones, and look to the future. Being at home with no job and no car, I also turned to the internet! (What else?) I encouraged my family and friends to Skype, e-mail and use facebook. This way I could keep up with all the news from 'home" They loved seeing photos of my life here too and hearing about all the 'differences' and my projects.

I crochet and knit and ravelry.com has groups of women who are eager to chat (not just about knitting) I found myself talking about Scotland, and people loved to hear the stories (as well as enjoying my accent).

Some days I do still get homesick for the homeland, and want to see my family and friends, so then I plan a trip to see them, or encourage them to visit me for a vacation.

Enjoy Nashville with all the delights it holds!

Good luck!

[CowBoE 429]

Sounds normal for newcomers.

Things will improve when you drive and work.

My wife was in same situation for first several months,

but now she copes with it by working to improve her graphic design skills

and by learning new 3D graphic design program.

She is very focused in getting a job in this field,

so it keeps her quite occupied now.

You might want to look into how best to utilize your time at home..

perhaps you can work on things to improve your job skills???

[clairegie 265]

I went through this too and came close to coming home twice. I've been here a little over a year and it's starting to feel like home. I know you really miss your family. The only thing that kept me strong was my love for my husband. It is normal for us to find comfort in the familiar. Just keep reminding yourself that you love him and would do anything for him. Find things to do. In my case, I learned how to cook, I learned how to fish, and I learned how to shoot guns (lol)... Do you have any relatives or friends in the US? Visit them. It will make you feel loads better. You will eventually get over the depression, just stay strong.

[jay babe 4]

My dear Lilay, u r not alone. I also moved to the USA about 2 1/2months ago.

It has not been easy my dear. I have to stay home esp because it's winter ( almost over now) and also because I did not have a Driver's license.

My husband has been very supportive but he doesn't seem to fully understand my home sickness and loneliness. Currently, I have obtained my driver's license and plan on going back to school to further my career.

I feel better now than when I moved initially.

I also try to keep in touch with my family and friends back home.

It will get better my dear; it's just a matter of time.

[jens_prodigy 13]

I'm experiencing the same thing. My wife is always working and traveling. In fact, right now she's in Belize for her job. Next month she'll be gone again on another trip. It's really tough. I feel very isolated and lonely but I'm a writer so I've been trying to keep busy writing and just making the most of any minute I do get with my wife. At least for me, I do drive and have access to a vehicle most days so I go out to coffee shops or thrift shopping or the movies ...but it just sucks that it's by myself. I discovered that a college aquaintance lives pretty close so we've been hanging out a little but she was never really a close friend plus she has a kid so it's a little different hanging out with them together all the time. I just can't wait to start working , I feel like I'll make friends that way and get to be social again! But, for me that will be another couple of months away so I just have to be patient. Hang in there!