Immigration and Sacrifices...

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

This thread is about sacrifices you gave to move here (US).

Just to give equal time ... what did your SO (USC) sacrifice to bring you here (US)

I believe this type of relationship … our type … is a two-way street.

this usc gave up lots of money thanks to the uscis requirements

[bostonparis 0]

Well, he's not here yet, but the only thing I can imagine that I'll be giving up is closet space, and half (maybe less than half) the drawers in the dresser.

What else am I giving up? Lonely nights in bed alone. Valentine's Day alone. Holidays alone. Lonely evenings on the couch watching tv alone... Yeah, I think I'm ready to give it AALLLLLL up!!

[Autumnchik 6]

This thread is about sacrifices you gave to move here (US).

Just to give equal time ... what did your SO (USC) sacrifice to bring you here (US)

I believe this type of relationship … our type … is a two-way street.

this usc gave up lots of money thanks to the uscis requirements

AMEN brother!!!! But it is all worth it

[no one 0]

This thread is about sacrifices you gave to move here (US).

Just to give equal time ... what did your SO (USC) sacrifice to bring you here (US)

I believe this type of relationship … our type … is a two-way street.

My husband sacrificed a lot of his time, money, and personal space... and he had to lend an open ear to all my worries over this long K1 and adjusting-to-a-new-environment process

I think this last part is the most important (since if we'd been in a "regular" relationahip -- ie, no one needs to move to a new country -- he would've had to sacrifice some money, time, and personal space anyway).

[wong_watkins 1]

Same with many posters here, if it wasn't for LOVE, I WOULD NOT MOVE HERE.

I'm from Hong Kong and it's the most wonderful place I've ever been. I grew up there, my friends are there, my family are there, my everything is there. If it wasn't for my husband I would not have gave up everything to move here. I've always thought that IF anything happened to my husband one day I will definitely move back there.

[Identity 0]

I sacrificed one way of life for another. With no beaches in the U.S. midwest, I had to have new coping mechanisms. I'm no beach-bum anyway, so I dealt with it rather well.

There were positives and negatives. Without the rights of a citizen, the right to work, the freedom to do what I wanted - these are huge sacrifices. I know many here have dealt with the paranoia of Americans i.e., "He/she married her/him for the greencard." For this reason, many that move to the U.S. do feel isolated. I've returned to Australia, and I can say that I'm a lot happier. No longer do I have to deal with the paranoid relatives of my spouse, or friends requesting FBI background checks, the lies, or having my every move closely scrutinised and reported back to my spouse by a group of arrogant, simple, unsophisticates.

Edited February 11, 2007 by Identity

[antda 13]

Hi Everyone,

Good luck on your immigration journeys! My, how fast this message thread has grown, indeed!

In reversal of the original post, my answer to the "What did the USC (my husband) have to sacrifice with me being here in the USA?" is:

Each side has to give and recieve in return, whether it is in big things (for example major life changes) or in little things (for example in day to day living). For in any relationships (especially marriage), it is a two-way compromising street, that needs to be worked on every day in order for it to last forever.

"Yes honey, for all your lifetime investment in time, money, and many other things in our relationship, you get....a loving, caring, and supporting wife, who will always be there for you no matter what (which is, in the end, priceless).", I say to my husband, which he totally agrees with this statement.

Ant

This thread is about sacrifices you gave to move here (US).

Just to give equal time ... what did your SO (USC) sacrifice to bring you here (US)

I believe this type of relationship … our type … is a two-way street.

Edited February 12, 2007 by antocru

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

I can;t really speak for Veronica..But I can guess on somethings..

She gives up:

Friends.. and family being close

Her students she teaches english to..

In her smal town She is known as being a good teacher..

and I'm sure there is more...

What I give up..

Mainly nothing... I gave up months being alone..so that I can spend a lifetime with her...

Money... I'm sure dating would of cost me as much.. in one way or another..for the two years we talked..

What we both gain...

No more lonely nights..

No more watching TV alone...

No more shopping alone..

Eating alone...

sleeping alone..

Making decisions alone..

Finally being with the right person...that makes each others life complete..

Whats it all worth... It's Priceless..

So I guess the bottom line is this... What we gave up..isnt really the question that matters...It's what we gained..that will stay with us forever..

Edited February 12, 2007 by Chris-n-Veronica

[SoL. 0]

Mi fiancé will be giving up:

His family being close and friends

A really nice job

Money

A nice house

The things he's use to have @ the Netherlands

And I am sure a lot more....

But he's pretty excited to move here because he likes new things, cultures and learning. He's up for the change

What I am giving up?

Half closet

Half bed

Boredom

We are gaining more than what we are giving up so, I'm pretty happy about that!

Edited February 12, 2007 by Sol-de-Verano

[santand 0]

I gave up more or less everything that I love and everything that I worked for. My family, my friends, my city, my career. I miss being just myself, here I am J's wife.

But then I gained a loving husband so I'll do it again

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I gave up more or less everything that I love and everything that I worked for. My family, my friends, my city, my career. I miss being just myself, here I am J's wife.

But then I gained a loving husband so I'll do it again

That is one reason I chose to keep my own name rather than take my husbands - it was one more thing I would be giving up and it felt so much like loosing my identity. I didn't want that to happen. I was well-known and well-respected - and generally well-liked- in my community; I have professional works published and my opinion was sought in my areas of expertise. Here, I am an unknown - but at least I am still me.

[MariaEric 0]

I dont have any regrets, but if soemthing werer to happen (divorce death) I would be out of here the next day and back to Canada.

Exactly my thoughts...except i would be back to Spain

No matter what we left behind, if we are all here it is because it was worth it. It is hard, but so was being apart, i guess none of us made this choice blindly.

But yeah, it pisses me off when people think this is the land of opportunities and the rest of countries are inferior, the US as any other country has a lot of both good and bad things, for me, the best one and reason why i am here: my husband

Edited February 21, 2007 by MariaEric

[daphne2109 0]

I gave up everything for my husband, my family, my niece and nephew, friends, habits, the best food in the world the "italian"one (here I'm sick of eating not proper food), and if it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't ever have left my country, NO WAY!!!! US long time ago was probably a country with good opportunity in any field, now it is sucks, and I cant stand anymore this "irritating" burocracy. Since I've been here I've constatly the feeling that I've been controlled by any kind of their rules or laws, documents that we have to filled out either for immigration, for taxes, for looking for a job and so on........I've been here for 5 months, and unfortunately to me it will take long time to forget my previous life, although I love my husband and I know he's my soulmate. Not to mention about the health care here in US, it is terrible!!!! Here if you are not covered forget it, that's what US should learn from Europe and Canada, a better health care for everybody!!!!!

[JenT 0]

So I guess the bottom line is this... What we gave up..isnt really the question that matters...It's what we gained..that will stay with us forever..

That pretty much sums it up IMHO. Well said.

Jen

[Anna C. 4]

Hm, that's an interesting thread. First of all, I must say I would have never left my country if it weren't for my husband, because I had a wonderful life there. Everything was set: friends, family, career, apartment, insurances, hobbies. The good thing I got in the US apart from my hubbie is our cat, but that is it so far.

Luckily I could convince my husband to move to San Francisco where his family lives and most important where are job opportunities for both of us. He had that idea that he wanted to be far away from his family, not thinking of what it meant to me (I left my family in Europe, so at least his should be there). So we moved to a city where we had no relatives and no friends, following his dream. Now he sees that this was a mistake and that gives me a big sigh because things will be better as soon as we move.

Where we live now we have no social life, bad earnings, I have to work in a clothing store because they have no jobs here for college graduates, no going out because of the bad salaries, etc etc.

I know that things will improve tremendously in CA: friends, family, a good job, an international community, only flight tickets to Europe will be more expensive

I strongly advise the following:

- Stay if possible close to the family of your USC spouse, they give you emotional support, warmth and have a great social network to get a job

- If you have a college education: stay close to the tri-state-area, bay area and other major metro areas if you don't want to work at Walmart

- The USC doesn't really know what you give up - he/she can just imagine. Talk a lot and explain things to each other, just because you left your country doesn't mean you can still move within the US or even back to your country (we consider this in case that things go wrong in CA).

I'm a little bit glad that other people feel the same way as I do - the US is nice, but it is not the Golden Country. I think esp people from Canada, Australia, Europe and probably Japan have the same experience. I would move again to the US, but with my experience now, I would move directly to my hubbie's family.