The Cairo Club

[sassysis 0]

I'm a former convert (converted like 15 yrs ago, way before I met my current husband). I got disenchanted with religion in general so now I consider myself agnostic. I believe in a higher power though. Is your man Muslim? Are you interested in Islam? Please, please, please don't convert for a man. PLEASE! Also please don't change and conform yourself into an Arab wannabe. It's so disturbing. I only say this because Arab men tend to dominate and women tend to want to please them and think the only way to please is to be as much like their man as possible.

Here my husband has worked at a gas station, restaurant, carpet cleaning place and now it's food service again. Nothing that pays all that great. He's had a way hard time getting work. Before he came here he worked in IT/Network Admin. His degree isn't worth the paper it's written on here.

There may already be a thread for this, so if so sorry. I am curious, how many of you woman on here converted to Muslim? (I only say woman, cause it seems to the the majority)

Second, what does your SO do for work here? And what did he do before he came here?

No, I will not change for anyone, I am way too old for that. LOL However I have looked into lots of religions in my life and I do agree with a lot of the Muslim ways. A lot of it just makes sense to me. Will I convert? I dont know, I have learned lately never to say never. LOL I have said I would NEVER get married again, I will NEVER have more kids. Now, I want to marry him, the kids are a question. I am getting to old to have more, and if it takes him as long as I am thinking to get here my eggs may all be dried up.

That is very sad about his IT degree, I am afraid what he will have a hard time finding work here.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I'm a convert to Islam (islam is the religion, muslim is a person who follows Islam). And here of course is the obligatory disclaimer that I converted independent of the husband, which should be quite obvious when one views our extremely different takes on the religion. If I converted to please him, I'd be an ibn Hazm loving proto salafi, instead of an al Ghazali loving shafi'i.

If you have any questions about Islam, we have a muslims thread here. Also, I maintaining a list of helpful materials for converts that may also be useful for someone interested in islam.

The husband, aka Abu Squeakster (Abu ____ means father of, Umm ____ means mother of) was an accountant in egypt and alhamdulilah, he's an accountant here. He was very lucky that his accounting program in egypt was taught in english and was basically american accounting. It took him a long time to find an accounting job here, and in the meantime, he did temp work, an accounting internship, volunteered with a few non profits and worked at a check cashing place (major soul suck). He was unfortunately laid off at the end of March, but alhamdulilah, he's had a much easier go in job hunting this time around. He already has a number of interviews lined up and inshaAllah something good will come of one of them.

What really helped him get his first good job here was his internship, because it filled his resume and got him good references that basically landed him his accounting position. From there, he worked his behind off and came away from it with more good references and more good contacts in the non profit community in our area.

There are a few threads hanging around about what to do when they get here. I"ll see if I can dig some up.

[doodlebugg 10]

Astarte I know what you are saying about the hand holding. I might be one of the lovey dovey ones most of the time, and that is real and true. Maybe I'm still in the honeymoon stage but seriously none of the hand holding has bothered me at all. Until NYC. lol. Honestly the second day we were there I thought of this site and the hard times everyone says they have. God bless my husband he has a very high tolerance for bitchiness and he knows that I've been in a flare up and have a cold on top of it so he was mighty patient with me but OMG he bugged the heck out of me. That's when I finally understood what everyone was talking about.

It was a lot of work, that trip. It wasn't like going with a friend where you both are kind of equal in knowledge about the area. Things that pissed me off:

• didn't wait for the sign telling us to walk
• backing up to take a pic of me and the bull near wallstreet and nearly got flattened by a bus. he would have too if I hadn't shouted LOOK OUT!!!!!
• wanting to walk everywhere to save a few bucks in subway tickets. this has been an ongoing thing...complaining about saving money etc so that wasn't new to me but bugged me more than usual for some reason
• me having to be the one to constantly look up where we're going on the map. seriously the man is map challeneged!!!!

Those are just a few but you get my point. Now here at home, we're fine. He's adjusted and can navigate by himself and the only sour point is that he hasn't gone for his license yet so he's still beholding on me to cart him around everywhere. I understand that though since he has been working so much and going to school so no time for driving practice.

These are things you don't encounter with someone born and raised here so yes it is an added burden. I'm just glad it was just that city that set us off and that this stuff doesn't really happen here at home. I definitely wouldn't be able to take it so gracefully!!! I really had to set myself in his shoes to understand where he was coming from. He is very naiive about life here and although it's endearing it can be a pain sometimes. I wouldn't trade a minute of it though. Not one minute. He is everything I ever thought a husband could be. Sure he's not "in charge" like I'd like him to be but he's only been here a year as of april 11 and so far I think he's done pretty good.

[ya falaha! 0]

You've been lucky, Bridget. It's stuff like the I don't want to call this place or that cuz they won't understand me. And yeah it is easier for me to do it but I'd like to feel like I have a man in the house and not an extra child. I find classified ads for jobs and he won't even try, won't even bother. He has this defeatist attitude that makes me insane. He's got this thing where he's convinced that he isn't getting hired because of his name or that he's Arab or Muslim. That may be but at least put forth an effort. I tell him, why don't you study English so you can learn to speak, spell and read better. Meh it won't really help. Defeatist attitude!!!! So it's not so much the country, it's the individual. Sure most Egyptians straight off the banana boat have the same little quirks, habits, accents but some personalities are like day and night. Honestly, I feel like I don't even know the person I once did.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

He was a different person in Egypt where he was "in his element"... here he is like a fish out of water... I knew this would be the case, but he was convinced otherwise... (by his hot-air filled friends who always come here for 6 months and go back to Egypt bragging about how much $$ they made here!!!!!)

I like it better when we are there and he's the CAPABLE one and I'm the "dependent"... like Astarte said, I don't like it when I feel like I've got another kid in the house... my 21 year old just left! He's really down today because he is beginning to realize that now that he's working (a job where he has odd hours that include nights and weekends) we can't have the flexibility and fun we at least POTENTIALLY could have when he wasn't... Wait till he gets his pay check and sees how much all of this actually NETS for him...

When he had to fill out the form where he puts down how many deductions he claims, he couldn't understand why I told him he should claim zero so he wouldn't owe any taxes next April 15th... He simply cannot comprehend why he should be taxed at our JOINT rate rather than at the rate his low paying job would put him in... He was also thinking he should be able to claim me as a dependent.. Egyptian Logic...

I swear the Visa process is the easy part... you have little control and plenty of OTHER PEOPLE to blame... once that part is over... it's just the two of you... sink or swim!

Sometimes I think we should go back to Egypt... at least there we both know our roles and are comfortable in them... I appreciate the sacrifice he made to come here.... but I didn't force him... AND he would never listen to me, or believe me when I told him how hard it would be here....

Life is tough... and these days it seems to be even more so....

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I swear the Visa process is the easy part... you have little control and plenty of OTHER PEOPLE to blame... once that part is over... it's just the two of you... sink or swim!

Sing it girl! My favorite catch phrase since AbuS arrived has been "there's no such thing as a happy ending." The patience you should (hopefully) learn in the visa process is tried and tested and stretched beyond belief once you're reunited in the US.

[doodlebugg 10]

My husband is reluctant to call places as well but slowly he's doing it. I also feel like I have another child in the house but here's my theory........I'm a control freak I think so I kind of like it. I like telling him, do this, then do that. It's what I'm used to after all these years of being the boss in the house with just me and the kiddos. I think it would bother me more if the conversion from kiddo to man in the bedroom didn't happen but it does so it's all good. lol. I think it's just different personalities. If I really had my mind set on a man who would take charge I'd be in deep doo doo, but again that's just my own personality and it's how I've always been. Dominant in the real world and submissive in the bedroom.

[sassysis 0]

My husband is reluctant to call places as well but slowly he's doing it. I also feel like I have another child in the house but here's my theory........I'm a control freak I think so I kind of like it. I like telling him, do this, then do that. It's what I'm used to after all these years of being the boss in the house with just me and the kiddos. I think it would bother me more if the conversion from kiddo to man in the bedroom didn't happen but it does so it's all good. lol. I think it's just different personalities. If I really had my mind set on a man who would take charge I'd be in deep doo doo, but again that's just my own personality and it's how I've always been. Dominant in the real world and submissive in the bedroom.

HEHEHE too funny! I used to say that all the time! Of course, that is when I was married and had something going on in the bedroom, (the 1st year of marriage). OK, prolly TMI here, sorry.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Your comments are unnecessary.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Offensive Posts removed

[Nothing1234 2]

LOL Bridget!

I wanted to add something about my own personal feelings/experience. I love my husband but I wish I didn't. I honestly regret meeting him, going to Egypt, marrying him and bringing him here. He's not a terrible guy but he has complicated my life a lot. I hate saying this about a person but he's been more trouble than he's worth. I know it sounds awful but I like honesty and I'm quite certain there are a few ladies here who feel the same but don't want to publicly admit it or even admit it to themselves. It doesn't necessarily have to do with him being Egyptian or Arab or whatever though that does play a small part. The ideals and IMO "old fashioned" or "traditional" ideas bug me at times. I can't describe it. It's not the religion either because neither of us practice a religion. He's Muslim but he doesn't practice. He doesn't pray or fast or any of it. Neither do I. But it's always there, yanno? His family is religious so he feels obligated to call himself a Muslim. And I feel he fears eternal damnation if he doesn't. I no longer have that fear. Anyhoo, the past two years haven't been easy...at all. He's been here two years. I've known him nearly five years. The visa process took one year total. Like I said, he's not horrible, he's not even bad but I kinda feel stuck. You don't marry someone, make him move to foreign country and then just say, meh I change my mind. You gotta follow through, right? I'm not unhappy. I'm not thrilled but I'm not unhappy. I make my own happiness though. I don't expect him to make me happy. Anyways, the visa process, the uncertainty, the adjustment, the finding a job, the culture clashes, the miscommunication/misunderstanding, the wanting to live up your #######, the (at times) controlling nature...it's all a bit much. Too much breaking in, too much hand holding (not literal holding of hands)...a child doesn't even require that much hand holding. Basically, as a wise woman told me, importing a husband is the same as adopting a retarded toddler. It's exhausting. So that's my story. It probably sounds worse than it really is.

I know the sappy, lovey dovey stories will follow and make me look like a chump. That's cool but I know it's not all a bed of roses. Just different levels of frustration.

Thank you for your honesty. I totally agree that there are different levels of frustration and its no easy road no matter what the lovey dovey stories are. People can paint them all they want but typically we can all see through those stories. As you stated, we have to make our own happiness...if we don't do it...who will? I truly wish everyone one of us happiness and blessings no matter how our stories end.

[sassysis 0]

sorry if I offended anyone, I was just being silly.