The Cairo Club

[doodlebugg 10]

Remember it's not a puppy you can return to the pound if he pees or poopoos on the floor.

would be awesome if we could crate them for the first few months though so they don't get into all that much trouble like washing dishes with Bath and Body works shower gel, squeeging the bathroom floor, kissing babies that they don't know, ....oh i could go on. lol

[sassysis 0]

Before making my first trip to Egypt, a couple of friends of mine were very concerned that I might not know my then fiance (now husband) well enough and one of them, who has family here in Egypt, wanted to check up on him.

I didn't feel that great about doing it, but I let her have his address and a friend of her brothers went to my fiance's apartment and asked around (neighbors) about the family to find out about them in general.

I guess the answer that she got was satisfactory. lol

Unless you know someone who can corroborate information or do some general checking here, I'm not sure how you could find out.

I wouldn't bother wasting any money on a private investigator without knowing the investigator personally.

You think your friend whats to investigate for me? He is in Cairo. LOL

Remember it's not a puppy you can return to the pound if he pees or poopoos on the floor.

would be awesome if we could crate them for the first few months though so they don't get into all that much trouble like washing dishes with Bath and Body works shower gel, squeeging the bathroom floor, kissing babies that they don't know, ....oh i could go on. lol

OMG, too funny!!!!!!

[sassysis 0]

Look don't let the fraud thing get you upset. It's just a heads up to let you know it's out there and it happens quite a bit. Not to scare you but if you go back and read old posts on the mid east forum and the effects forum you will see some horrific stuff. It's good to be aware though. It's always a good idea to check things out as much as possible. Maybe it's not so easy to find out things about a man who lives half the world away but there are questions you can ask. Do you know where he lives exactly? Do you know about his family...names, certain details, etc. Is he elusive at all..meaning does he tell you not to call him or has he kept you a secret? If you go to Egypt, will he intro you to his family or will you be staying in a flat/hotel away from them? How soon did he talk about marriage? How much does he know about the visa process? Does he have lots of friends who have gotten or have filed for a visa? Do his stories add up? Does anything seem off? Anything? Does he have family in the states (not necessarily a red flag though)? Does he ever ask for money or even hint at needing money? You get the picture. Just be really cautious. Take your time and be really sure about why you want to marry him? Ask yourself, is this infatuation? is this a sexual thing? Do you really picture yourself being with him long term? We all get caught up in emotions and infatuation...just be sure you really want to do this. It's a long, difficult, painful process esp. with Egypt. Do you have the fortitude to handle it? Does he? Just be really sure. I know so many ppl who go through this then the guy gets here and things aren't like the dream and it's hard adjusting for both parties. Remember it's not a puppy you can return to the pound if he pees or poopoos on the floor. You know what I mean. Not trying to compare the man with a dog but you get the point, right?

Thank you for the info! I will go back and read those threads.

OK, this check list is more for me, but here goes.

I do know exactly where he lives, we exchange mail, pictures and cards. I know his family is in Alexandria, I know what they do for a living, I know his brother and sisters names, dont remember his mom and dad name. No, he does not seem elusive, I call him at all times day and night as well he calls me. Yes, he wants me to meet his family when I come there. He was at his families home yesterday and they all said hi to me over the phone, so I dont think I am a secret. He does not know squat about the visa process, is this good or bad? He did have one friend who married and American woman and moved here. No family in USA. He has never asked me for money, he said we would buy my plane ticket he does not want me to spend any money. And yes, I see myself with him for a very very long time, I know it sounds crazy since we have never met, but I have feelings for him I never even had for my husband.

[ya falaha! 0]

LOL Bridget!

I wanted to add something about my own personal feelings/experience. I love my husband but I wish I didn't. I honestly regret meeting him, going to Egypt, marrying him and bringing him here. He's not a terrible guy but he has complicated my life a lot. I hate saying this about a person but he's been more trouble than he's worth. I know it sounds awful but I like honesty and I'm quite certain there are a few ladies here who feel the same but don't want to publicly admit it or even admit it to themselves. It doesn't necessarily have to do with him being Egyptian or Arab or whatever though that does play a small part. The ideals and IMO "old fashioned" or "traditional" ideas bug me at times. I can't describe it. It's not the religion either because neither of us practice a religion. He's Muslim but he doesn't practice. He doesn't pray or fast or any of it. Neither do I. But it's always there, yanno? His family is religious so he feels obligated to call himself a Muslim. And I feel he fears eternal damnation if he doesn't. I no longer have that fear. Anyhoo, the past two years haven't been easy...at all. He's been here two years. I've known him nearly five years. The visa process took one year total. Like I said, he's not horrible, he's not even bad but I kinda feel stuck. You don't marry someone, make him move to foreign country and then just say, meh I change my mind. You gotta follow through, right? I'm not unhappy. I'm not thrilled but I'm not unhappy. I make my own happiness though. I don't expect him to make me happy. Anyways, the visa process, the uncertainty, the adjustment, the finding a job, the culture clashes, the miscommunication/misunderstanding, the wanting to live up your #######, the (at times) controlling nature...it's all a bit much. Too much breaking in, too much hand holding (not literal holding of hands)...a child doesn't even require that much hand holding. Basically, as a wise woman told me, importing a husband is the same as adopting a retarded toddler. It's exhausting. So that's my story. It probably sounds worse than it really is.

I know the sappy, lovey dovey stories will follow and make me look like a chump. That's cool but I know it's not all a bed of roses. Just different levels of frustration.

[sassysis 0]

LOL Bridget!

I wanted to add something about my own personal feelings/experience. I love my husband but I wish I didn't. I honestly regret meeting him, going to Egypt, marrying him and bringing him here. He's not a terrible guy but he has complicated my life a lot. I hate saying this about a person but he's been more trouble than he's worth. I know it sounds awful but I like honesty and I'm quite certain there are a few ladies here who feel the same but don't want to publicly admit it or even admit it to themselves. It doesn't necessarily have to do with him being Egyptian or Arab or whatever though that does play a small part. The ideals and IMO "old fashioned" or "traditional" ideas bug me at times. I can't describe it. It's not the religion either because neither of us practice a religion. He's Muslim but he doesn't practice. He doesn't pray or fast or any of it. Neither do I. But it's always there, yanno? His family is religious so he feels obligated to call himself a Muslim. And I feel he fears eternal damnation if he doesn't. I no longer have that fear. Anyhoo, the past two years haven't been easy...at all. He's been here two years. I've known him nearly five years. The visa process took one year total. Like I said, he's not horrible, he's not even bad but I kinda feel stuck. You don't marry someone, make him move to foreign country and then just say, meh I change my mind. You gotta follow through, right? I'm not unhappy. I'm not thrilled but I'm not unhappy. I make my own happiness though. I don't expect him to make me happy. Anyways, the visa process, the uncertainty, the adjustment, the finding a job, the culture clashes, the miscommunication/misunderstanding, the wanting to live up your #######, the (at times) controlling nature...it's all a bit much. Too much breaking in, too much hand holding (not literal holding of hands)...a child doesn't even require that much hand holding. Basically, as a wise woman told me, importing a husband is the same as adopting a retarded toddler. It's exhausting. So that's my story. It probably sounds worse than it really is.

I know the sappy, lovey dovey stories will follow and make me look like a chump. That's cool but I know it's not all a bed of roses. Just different levels of frustration.

I have thought about all of that, and I am sure it is tough. Thanks for your honesty.

[ya falaha! 0]

I wish you luck, skerber.

You're in the right place to find really good info about the visa process and Egypt in general. Just take this last piece of advice, don't compare your case or relationship with the ones on the forum. Don't let what others post mess with your head.

Again, good luck.

[Melly 2 0]

I appreciate your honesty about this. I always get the feeling that many women here are in a similar situation and just don't want to say anything.

Not that anyone has the perfect life, with an "imported" spouse or not.

I think all the stuff you mentioned helped me to decide that it would just be easier for me to move to Egypt. That wasn't the only reason, but I really didn't know how we'd handle the adjustment, and I like it here in Egypt so why not? It's a chance to do something most people don't get to do, and I'm grateful for that!

I wanted to add something about my own personal feelings/experience. I love my husband but I wish I didn't. I honestly regret meeting him, going to Egypt, marrying him and bringing him here. He's not a terrible guy but he has complicated my life a lot. I hate saying this about a person but he's been more trouble than he's worth. I know it sounds awful but I like honesty and I'm quite certain there are a few ladies here who feel the same but don't want to publicly admit it or even admit it to themselves. It doesn't necessarily have to do with him being Egyptian or Arab or whatever though that does play a small part. The ideals and IMO "old fashioned" or "traditional" ideas bug me at times. I can't describe it. It's not the religion either because neither of us practice a religion. He's Muslim but he doesn't practice. He doesn't pray or fast or any of it. Neither do I. But it's always there, yanno? His family is religious so he feels obligated to call himself a Muslim. And I feel he fears eternal damnation if he doesn't. I no longer have that fear. Anyhoo, the past two years haven't been easy...at all. He's been here two years. I've known him nearly five years. The visa process took one year total. Like I said, he's not horrible, he's not even bad but I kinda feel stuck. You don't marry someone, make him move to foreign country and then just say, meh I change my mind. You gotta follow through, right? I'm not unhappy. I'm not thrilled but I'm not unhappy. I make my own happiness though. I don't expect him to make me happy. Anyways, the visa process, the uncertainty, the adjustment, the finding a job, the culture clashes, the miscommunication/misunderstanding, the wanting to live up your #######, the (at times) controlling nature...it's all a bit much. Too much breaking in, too much hand holding (not literal holding of hands)...a child doesn't even require that much hand holding. Basically, as a wise woman told me, importing a husband is the same as adopting a retarded toddler. It's exhausting. So that's my story. It probably sounds worse than it really is.

I know the sappy, lovey dovey stories will follow and make me look like a chump. That's cool but I know it's not all a bed of roses. Just different levels of frustration.

[ya falaha! 0]

I can tell you're happy in Egypt and I'm happy for you, Melly. Life's too short to not pursue happiness no matter where it takes you.

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

LOL Bridget!

I wanted to add something about my own personal feelings/experience. I love my husband but I wish I didn't. I honestly regret meeting him, going to Egypt, marrying him and bringing him here. He's not a terrible guy but he has complicated my life a lot. I hate saying this about a person but he's been more trouble than he's worth. I know it sounds awful but I like honesty and I'm quite certain there are a few ladies here who feel the same but don't want to publicly admit it or even admit it to themselves. It doesn't necessarily have to do with him being Egyptian or Arab or whatever though that does play a small part. The ideals and IMO "old fashioned" or "traditional" ideas bug me at times. I can't describe it. It's not the religion either because neither of us practice a religion. He's Muslim but he doesn't practice. He doesn't pray or fast or any of it. Neither do I. But it's always there, yanno? His family is religious so he feels obligated to call himself a Muslim. And I feel he fears eternal damnation if he doesn't. I no longer have that fear. Anyhoo, the past two years haven't been easy...at all. He's been here two years. I've known him nearly five years. The visa process took one year total. Like I said, he's not horrible, he's not even bad but I kinda feel stuck. You don't marry someone, make him move to foreign country and then just say, meh I change my mind. You gotta follow through, right? I'm not unhappy. I'm not thrilled but I'm not unhappy. I make my own happiness though. I don't expect him to make me happy. Anyways, the visa process, the uncertainty, the adjustment, the finding a job, the culture clashes, the miscommunication/misunderstanding, the wanting to live up your #######, the (at times) controlling nature...it's all a bit much. Too much breaking in, too much hand holding (not literal holding of hands)...a child doesn't even require that much hand holding. Basically, as a wise woman told me, importing a husband is the same as adopting a retarded toddler. It's exhausting. So that's my story. It probably sounds worse than it really is.

I know the sappy, lovey dovey stories will follow and make me look like a chump. That's cool but I know it's not all a bed of roses. Just different levels of frustration.

Hey Kara,

I'm not a part of the cairo club - sorry for the intrusion but I applaud your for speaking out when so many of us choose to keep quiet. I appreciate your honesty and just want to tell you that I can relate to some of what you have written. It's a hard road for some of us and I question everyday if it's all worth the sacrifice and the headache...

D.

[ya falaha! 0]

No need to apologize, Dorothy. You're a member of this forum, you can share your opinion anytime.

I don't feel that ppl necessarily have to share their misfortunes but at least admit it to yourself. And don't come on here giving us a song and dance about how great your marriage is and how wonderful your husband is then turn around and tell ppl the opposite in private. If you don't want to share your woes at least don't fake bliss, yanno? Don't lie to ppl to convince yourself that things are great. Own what you have.

Not saying everyone who shares a nice story is lying. I think you know what I mean. And I think you know the ones I'm talking about.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

It *is* hard after they get here. We've never had a happily ever after moment, and we struggle each day to keep going. Just when everything seemed to fall into place for us, Abu Squeakster was laid off. Those of you who've been around for awhile know how long it took him to get a good job, at least in part due to his own stubborness. And I think I've often said that things are hard when they get here. very very hard.

We often had the discussion re: staying or going. He wanted to go home after the second week here, and used to remind me often about how he could have had a life in egypt if he went back then, but now he's stuck here. Alhamdulilah we've moved beyond that, and part of it was just making a concious effort to be happy with each other and work towards a future together. We've made our bed, now we lie in it and do the best we can to make it work.

For us at least, our faith provides some solace, and when we practice together, things improve. We've been doing that a lot lately, and our discussions don't turn into fights as often, and things in general are easier, even in difficult financial times.

Edited April 22, 2009 by UmmSqueakster

[ya falaha! 0]

That's exactly how I feel...you made your bed now lie in it. And I also know the stubborness of "this job doesn't pay enough", etc. This after getting the "any job will do". Easier said than done. Guess what, any job is better than no job and sitting your azz on the couch is getting you no where. Yep been there. Before he got here right up to when he lost his first good job..."I'll work any job". That is unless they don't pay X amount. Reminds me of the supermodel that said she wouldn't get out of bed for less than x amount of dollars.

Edited April 22, 2009 by Astarte

[sassysis 0]

There may already be a thread for this, so if so sorry. I am curious, how many of you woman on here converted to Muslim? (I only say woman, cause it seems to the the majority)

Second, what does your SO do for work here? And what did he do before he came here?

[ya falaha! 0]

I'm a former convert (converted like 15 yrs ago, way before I met my current husband). I got disenchanted with religion in general so now I consider myself agnostic. I believe in a higher power though. Is your man Muslim? Are you interested in Islam? Please, please, please don't convert for a man. PLEASE! Also please don't change and conform yourself into an Arab wannabe. It's so disturbing. I only say this because Arab men tend to dominate and women tend to want to please them and think the only way to please is to be as much like their man as possible.

Here my husband has worked at a gas station, restaurant, carpet cleaning place and now it's food service again. Nothing that pays all that great. He's had a way hard time getting work. Before he came here he worked in IT/Network Admin. His degree isn't worth the paper it's written on here.

There may already be a thread for this, so if so sorry. I am curious, how many of you woman on here converted to Muslim? (I only say woman, cause it seems to the the majority)

Second, what does your SO do for work here? And what did he do before he came here?

[Nagishkaw 510]

There may already be a thread for this, so if so sorry. I am curious, how many of you woman on here converted to Muslim? (I only say woman, cause it seems to the the majority)

Second, what does your SO do for work here? And what did he do before he came here?

I would never convert. Im a free thinker and a free spirit so converting just to keep a man or changing what I know in my heart is right would never happen.

My husband worked as an engineer for a petroleum company. Here he is an IT tech and a security system installer, quite a step down however he was able to land the job 3 weeks after being in America and he does enjoy what he is doing.