No money for parents = divorce and baby to Honduras

[Muralla 0]

Tonight, my wife threatened to divorce me and take our unborn child to her home country of Honduras because we are broke and don't have money to send to her parents. We've already sent them $6,600 in the past two years. I was laid off in September, and my new job doesn't pay well. She doesn't believe me and just calls me cheap. I gave everything I had for her visa, the marriage, greencard, clothing, jewelry and many other things. She's drained me.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

I feel like a complete fool. I didn't think she was just playing me for money when she married me. I've know her and her parents since I stayed with them during training in the Peace Corps.

If we divorce while she's still in the states, might I be able to gain custody by proving she was only playing me? I have records of all the money she's sent home and spent on herself.

[Ontarkie 14,234]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits, from Off Topics - As similar topics are discussed here.~~

[VOL 425]

Call the parents, Talk to the father. Let her go back home for a while, I was assume she going home to poverty since you have sent a large amount back already.

Hopefully the father will take care and punish the daughter how ever he see fits, and this will straighten her out.

Good Luck..........

[aaron2020 11,651]

I completely disagree with Vol.

Seems like you are afraid you will lose your child and a divorce may be looming.

If she leaves and gives birth in Honduras, you will have to fight in Honduras for custody. You will not win.

If she stays in the US and gives birth, she would need your cooperation to get a US passport allowing your child to leave the country. If she sneaks the child out, you can file a international parental kidnapping report which would screw her for stealing your baby. If you fight for custody in the US, you have a good chance for custody.

[Pitaya 2,577]

agree with aaron2020.

Where are you in the immigration process? It may have a bearing on your suitable next course of action.

[Ilovemyman 147]

Just call their parents and tell them that you dont have money.

One thing you got married with her no with her parents.

Why do you have to support her parents?

I gess they are very poor in Honduras because they need your money, so when she tell you about go to Honduras, just relax and tell her go to see what she will do.

Maybe sge says about go to Honduras to manipulate you.

To make you feel bad, i am sure she isnt going to Honduras to a very very poor country.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Tonight, my wife threatened to divorce me and take our unborn child to her home country of Honduras because we are broke and don't have money to send to her parents. We've already sent them $6,600 in the past two years. I was laid off in September, and my new job doesn't pay well. She doesn't believe me and just calls me cheap. I gave everything I had for her visa, the marriage, greencard, clothing, jewelry and many other things. She's drained me.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

I feel like a complete fool. I didn't think she was just playing me for money when she married me. I've know her and her parents since I stayed with them during training in the Peace Corps.

If we divorce while she's still in the states, might I be able to gain custody by proving she was only playing me? I have records of all the money she's sent home and spent on herself.

You are in a tricky situation. Heres how it breaks down-

Your wife being pregnant is free to come and go as she pleases right now. If she chooses to leave the US- she can. You can not stop her because she is pregnant. If she leaves and gives birth in another country you will have a heck of a time sorting out custody and trying to get the child back if things are not amicable between you and your spouse- if she files for divorce overseas.

You appear to be in CA- there is a 6 mo waiting period for divorces to be finalized, regardless they wont finalize them until any children are born if one of the parties are pregnant. So if YOU were to file divorce action NOW against your wife, the court would order her to stay until things were sorted out. (Could she thumb her nose at the divorce order and leave the country? Sure. Would there be penalties? Of course. But then youd be in the same boat as sooo many other dads and moms whos ex's have fled with their child to another country illegally and have little recourse to get them back. Sure they have the law on their side, but its a complex international issue and it depends on the two countries relations, how much money you have etc etc. If the child is born there they will consider him/her a citizen of their country and may not eagerly surrender them back to the US along with the mother for violating a local courts do not leave CA order..) You can google and find both success and horror stories. Perhaps google the region specific to you and see how it plays out.. Consider what your wife might do if YOU filed for divorce on her right now. Where would she go? Is the marriage truly over?

As for in a divorce if you could get custody by proving she was 'playing you for money to send her family'.... I would lol but thats insensitive. Having different concepts of how to spend or save money is a domestic issue. Falls under the category of irreconcilable differences. You simply cant agree on how to manage your funds. You want to spend less, she wants to spend more. The only way that showing someone spends excessive amounts of money can be used to your advantage is if they spend it on 'unclean things' - drugs, alcohol, etc. AND it would impact their ability to care/provide for the child as they put that need above their own.

Basically my spouse spends 2/3 of his check on alcohol, we barely make rent each month, live below our means, never have enough food. I have receipts and credit card statements showing the purchases, photos of our living conditions. If he had custody the child would surely suffer neglect as he is financial irresponsible due to his alcohol consumption.

You cant really replace that sentence with my wife sends money to her poor parents and I believe she will neglect our child in order to do so.. No one will really believe that.. Do you??

Im not sure how old you are or if you know of anybody with current custody arrangements. But its not like it was waaay back then where it always went to the mother. The courts are very updated now. Joint custody is common. I would encourage you to look into common custody arrangements for your area. You can find it on divorce websites, attny website, single dad website/forums (all specific to your area)

[aaron2020 11,651]

You are in a tricky situation. Heres how it breaks down-

Your wife being pregnant is free to come and go as she pleases right now. If she chooses to leave the US- she can. You can not stop her because she is pregnant. If she leaves and gives birth in another country you will have a heck of a time sorting out custody and trying to get the child back if things are not amicable between you and your spouse- if she files for divorce overseas.

You appear to be in CA- there is a 6 mo waiting period for divorces to be finalized, regardless they wont finalize them until any children are born if one of the parties are pregnant. So if YOU were to file divorce action NOW against your wife, the court would order her to stay until things were sorted out. (Could she thumb her nose at the divorce order and leave the country? Sure. Would there be penalties? Of course.

The CA court will not order a pregnant woman to stay in the US. There is no authority to keep her a prisoner in the US. She is a free person who can travel internationally. Her pregnancy does not give the judge the right to confine her to the US. Edited February 1, 2015 by aaron2020

[Boiler 45,558]

The CA court will not order a pregnant woman to stay in the US. There is no authority to keep her a prisoner in the US. She is a free person who can travel internationally. Her pregnancy does not give the judge the right to confine her to the US.

I was thinking the same.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Perhaps I mispoke or was misunderstood about 'staying in the US'? the divorce would be filed but it would be finalized until after the baby is born. When a divorce is filed typically 'restraining order' components are put into place. Things like you must move out, you get to keep the car, you have to keep the power on at the home, you cant sell any property- until things are sorted out. People ask for and get all kinds of temp restrictions on, yes, living childrens passports all the time until custody is decided. Slightly different issue, but not really-

" Though a divorce during a pregnancy is allowed in California, some states will not allow a divorce while pregnant at all. And divorcing while pregnant in California is still not without its complications.

We spoke with Kayla Horacek, partner at the Pasadena law offices of Donald P. Schweitzer, a certified family law specialist and accredited minor’s counsel, about this complex issue.

Explained Horacek, “Obtaining a summary dissolution, which is typically less expensive and quicker to process than a regular divorce, is prohibited under California state law. A pregnant woman or father-to-be will have to file a normal divorce and wait until after the baby is born before the divorce can be finalized, even if it goes beyond the typical six-month waiting period, mainly due to paternity concerns.”

Naturally, those paternity concerns and rights will usually become the main focus of the case. If the couple was married at the time of conception, then it is presumed that the husband is the legal father of the baby; but if the couple is divorcing because of an affair, a paternity test will be ordered after the baby is born.

“Let’s assume the husband is the legal father of the baby,” said Horacek. “There are several issues that need to be resolved after the baby is born. For example, child support payments, daycare costs, and visitation schedules.”

But even before the birth of the baby, there is still the matter of the delivery itself. Is the husband welcome? Does he have a right to be there? How can it affect the outcome of the divorce when it comes to trial?

“In the state of California,” explained Horacek, “I think you would be hard pressed to find a hospital that would not honor the mother’s request to not have the biological father in the delivery room. But, while it’s the mother’s right to exercise who can and cannot be part of the delivery process, there are ramifications the mother must consider when excluding the other parent.”

“In fact,” she continued, “I had one client who, at the time of her child’s birth, was separated from the father, and decided against having him in the delivery room because she found his presence to be stressful. The father later used that action against her in the family court proceeding, and attempted to paint her in a negative light claiming that the mother had alienated him from the child’s life immediately upon birth.”

So what are the rights of the father in the delivery room and immediately after?

For the father, there is a way to combat being legally excluded from the delivery process. A family law attorney can request custodial orders immediately upon birth, which would include labor and delivery. While the mother will most likely be given immediate rights to the “Golden Hour, “the first few minutes after delivery when the mother and newborn bond through skin-to-skin contact, the father can also request bonding time after delivery through this custodial order.

After the child is discharged from the hospital, the father must keep in mind that the court will side with what is in the best interest of the child, and since infants need time to bond with a primary caregiver and won’t react well to sudden change, visitation for fathers can be tricky for the first several weeks or even months, especially if the mother is breastfeeding.

For example, overnight visits will not be immediately possible for the father, but he will be granted shorter daytime visits with the mother nearby for nursing, as needed. Ideally, the child custody goal would be to foster a relationship with the father so the child feels comfortable going on longer visits, once breastfeeding has stopped or the baby is able to take a bottle.

Divorcing while pregnant is a messy, complicated issue, but like so many matters of family and the law, a cool head and a little common sense can ease the stress level for everyone involved.

I know the OP is tight on funds but he can surely find some free consults with family law attnys to see what options they can lay out for him. And I do hope he posts back here what they tell him.

[coniefl 28]

Does she have a job?

My brother married a woman from Brazil, but not with a fiance visa. His wife works and sends some of the money back to Brazil to her poor mother, so I think sending money to parents for support maybe normal for some countries. But the key thing here is that she has a job and uses the money that she makes to send to her mother. So if your wife does not have a job and is so concerned about sending money to her parents, she should get a job and not demand it from you.

[coniefl 28]

Is going back to Honduras really a smart move for her, wouldn't she and a child cause a bigger financial burden on her parents than there already is?

[Rae_lynn 0]

Oh my goodness I am in the same in similar situation as yours and my heart goes out to you completely. I am an American and my husband continue to send money to his family which I don’t mind and we agreed on sending only so much for his daughters but he wants to help his entire family and we have dreams and goals for our future buying a home owning a better vehicle for him we just had a new baby there are so many things and he put them above our family and we talk about money every single day and it’s getting to the point where I don’t even know what to do anymore. 

[TBoneTX 45,329]

Thread from 2015 is now closed to further comment.