For the parents in da house

[Jamaica to CT 0]

Maybe it wouldn't have to be all of the sudden... maybe there are ways to get them used to the door being closed sometimes already?

So they are already used to it when your husband comes home?

Yes, maybe you can start with a couple hours one night a week or something along those lines so they can get used to seeing your door closed; then build up from there.

[KarenCee 3]

I have a question for those of you who already had kids before getting married to your loved one. I had been divorced for about 8 years before getting married this second time around. When my husband left me for the woman he's married to today, my kids were 1 and 2 years old. Since he was with her from the get-go, they are used to having daddy be in a bed with a woman, but for 8 years, they are used to mommy's bedroom door being open and only mommy and the cat being in her bed. lol.

So.................my big question is.....when you want to get intimate with your spouse, do you close and lock the door? I'm so afraid that my kids are going to take that as a bad sign and then resent my husband for it. Like now mommy's husband moved in and all of a sudden mommy's door is closed.

How do you make that transition?

My daughter had a bit of transition since she was free to climb in bed after a bad dream or whatever. Now she has to knock because the door is closed and locked. Of course, I explained that mommies and daddies needed time alone and that was why the door is closed sometimes. If she really needs us then of course we open up. She seems to be great with it now.

The next hurdle? How to answer that dreaded question...."What are you guys doing in there Mom?"

[doodlebug 3]

I have a question for those of you who already had kids before getting married to your loved one. I had been divorced for about 8 years before getting married this second time around. When my husband left me for the woman he's married to today, my kids were 1 and 2 years old. Since he was with her from the get-go, they are used to having daddy be in a bed with a woman, but for 8 years, they are used to mommy's bedroom door being open and only mommy and the cat being in her bed. lol.

So.................my big question is.....when you want to get intimate with your spouse, do you close and lock the door? I'm so afraid that my kids are going to take that as a bad sign and then resent my husband for it. Like now mommy's husband moved in and all of a sudden mommy's door is closed.

How do you make that transition?

My daughter had a bit of transition since she was free to climb in bed after a bad dream or whatever. Now she has to knock because the door is closed and locked. Of course, I explained that mommies and daddies needed time alone and that was why the door is closed sometimes. If she really needs us then of course we open up. She seems to be great with it now.

The next hurdle? How to answer that dreaded question...."What are you guys doing in there Mom?"

That was my next question! lol. Right now I have hardwood floors and no rug in the bedroom and I think I'm gonna have to either get wall to wall carpeting or one big carpet under the bed so the noise doesn't arouse any inquisitive minds.

If I close the door now, what the heck excuse am I giving them? lol.

Anyway I tried it out tonight with the bathroom and guess what.........................the cat freaked out and scratched at the door the entire time. I can just see it now, he's here, we close the door and lock it when the kids are asleep and the cat wakes the kids up with her scratching at the door. I guess we could just wait for every wed night and every other weekend when they're at their dad's house.

[Henia 11]

I have a question for those of you who already had kids before getting married to your loved one. I had been divorced for about 8 years before getting married this second time around. When my husband left me for the woman he's married to today, my kids were 1 and 2 years old. Since he was with her from the get-go, they are used to having daddy be in a bed with a woman, but for 8 years, they are used to mommy's bedroom door being open and only mommy and the cat being in her bed. lol.

So.................my big question is.....when you want to get intimate with your spouse, do you close and lock the door? I'm so afraid that my kids are going to take that as a bad sign and then resent my husband for it. Like now mommy's husband moved in and all of a sudden mommy's door is closed.

How do you make that transition?

Religious the time around asr is reserved for the 'parents' and children know now to enter. But I personally am adopting the knock before you enter policy and have both adults fully clothed all times (even though some people like to sleep with *less* clothes on) And I think as long as you all communicate, there should be no problem.

[doodlebug 3]

I have a question for those of you who already had kids before getting married to your loved one. I had been divorced for about 8 years before getting married this second time around. When my husband left me for the woman he's married to today, my kids were 1 and 2 years old. Since he was with her from the get-go, they are used to having daddy be in a bed with a woman, but for 8 years, they are used to mommy's bedroom door being open and only mommy and the cat being in her bed. lol.

So.................my big question is.....when you want to get intimate with your spouse, do you close and lock the door? I'm so afraid that my kids are going to take that as a bad sign and then resent my husband for it. Like now mommy's husband moved in and all of a sudden mommy's door is closed.

How do you make that transition?

Religious the time around asr is reserved for the 'parents' and children know now to enter. But I personally am adopting the knock before you enter policy and have both adults fully clothed all times (even though some people like to sleep with *less* clothes on) And I think as long as you all communicate, there should be no problem.

Well I'm still at work during asr so that's not an option. As for the fully clothed at all times..................how do you. ......................never mind.

[Fandango 1,439]

I think its great to have a good balance...I understand that mommy may have x kids, but adjusting to a new country, new everything, and then for a non-parent or a parent with children left behind, it would prolly seem overwhelming if the kids are catered way too much.

That's just the other side of the coin tho, food for thought.

Edited February 6, 2007 by LisaD

[Thingee 0]

Excellent point LisaD.

It's a given that during intimate moments it should be locked. For those with younger children locking it over night isn't always a viable option. Best thing to do really is ask the SO what he/she would like to do in regards to the bedroom door over night.

[Aymerlu 3]

I just put it to my kiddos like this. "I spend a lot of time with you guys before school and after school doing things with you, right?" (of course they agreed ) Then I told them "Once you two are in bed I need to spend time with Khallid too so my bedroom door will be shut. If you REALLY need me, knock on the door, but if it can wait ask me in the morning." So far so good! My kids have adjusted so well sometimes I get a bit shocked, but I'm so happy.

[MrsBruce5 0]

Hi !

For years it was just me, my son (9yrs old) and our 4 dogs. The door was always open and he would often come into my room during the night (which he was getting a little old for anyway)... But, once Mr Bruce arrived-the little guy didn't come into my bed when we were sleeping-(he felt uncomfortable) but we always invited him in (and still do) to watch Animal Planet or MythBusters with us. It's important for us to prevent him from feeling left out, as he is an only child.

I never close the door unless we're "busy"-and we have always agreed to wait until he is alseep for that-and then I lock the door.

It's a HUGE adjustment for kids to have someone new in the space they've only had to share with their mom, and I can appreciate that coming from a home where it was only me and my dad for years. Once my step mother came on the scene, the door was closed and it made me feel shut out. That shut door policy forever changed the relationship I had with my dad, and the closeness I once felt with him was gone. I have always been close with my son-and although it's important to have time alone with my husband- we are both OK with waiting it out til he's fast asleep. The way I see it is, we are adults-our son is only 9 years old- his feeling secure and welcome comes first, and always will. It's a balancing act of sorts...but in my opinion, a necessary one due to the circumstances, and his age.

[doodlebug 3]

Hi !

For years it was just me, my son (9yrs old) and our 4 dogs. The door was always open and he would often come into my room during the night (which he was getting a little old for anyway)... But, once Mr Bruce arrived-the little guy didn't come into my bed when we were sleeping-(he felt uncomfortable) but we always invited him in (and still do) to watch Animal Planet or MythBusters with us. It's important for us to prevent him from feeling left out, as he is an only child.

I never close the door unless we're "busy"-and we have always agreed to wait until he is alseep for that-and then I lock the door.

It's a HUGE adjustment for kids to have someone new in the space they've only had to share with their mom, and I can appreciate that coming from a home where it was only me and my dad for years. Once my step mother came on the scene, the door was closed and it made me feel shut out. That shut door policy forever changed the relationship I had with my dad, and the closeness I once felt with him was gone. I have always been close with my son-and although it's important to have time alone with my husband- we are both OK with waiting it out til he's fast asleep. The way I see it is, we are adults-our son is only 9 years old- his feeling secure and welcome comes first, and always will. It's a balancing act of sorts...but in my opinion, a necessary one due to the circumstances, and his age.

Thank you so much for your input!!! I don't think I could close the door while they were awake and I think as soon as certain "activities" were over with the door would be once again opened.

On a side note I just had a memory of me as a little kid banging on my parents' bedroom door asking why I can't come in!!! Payback's a beeeatch I guess!

Edited February 6, 2007 by doodlebug

[MrsBruce5 0]

Ugh...flashbacks-LOL !

I remember catching my mom & dad when I was 4 yrs old. I thought they were wrestling and tapped my dad on the shoulder asking if I could play too !

[doodlebug 3]

Ugh...flashbacks-LOL !

I remember catching my mom & dad when I was 4 yrs old. I thought they were wrestling and tapped my dad on the shoulder asking if I could play too !

omg!!!!!!!!

[Heartland 0]

My girls do not have contact with their bio dad really. They do not even remember him and I living together, well the oldest does. It was very hard when DH and I married as at the same time their oldest sister moved out, my mom who had lived with me got married and moved out and we moved to another country.

They had always been able to climb into bed with me at any time or to sit on my lap at night ect... When we were in Jordan, DH and I locked the door when we talked or were intimate. We waited till night to get really rowdy.. lol however my daughters told me just recently that they could hear us anyways and it was gross. LOL cant help that! My daughter who is 11 keeps saying she wants life the way it use to be. Where my mom was with us, her sister was here and she had me to herself. I had to explain that things change. You cant change that.

My daughters one day burst into the room while DH and I were...well you know, thank God we were partially clothed. HE WAS PISSED! They didn't knock and were old enough to know better. I think they wanted to disturb us to be honest.

Now we are separated again it will be difficult when he arrives. First of all, we are in the house where the girls have lived for the past three years. They will feel he is an intruder perhaps. His daughter will be with us and it will be hard on her too, as she is only 3.

I plan on getting a lock for our bedroom door as well as one of those noise things that Dr's offices have that insure some privacy to put in the hallway. I hope to move into a neutral home shortly after he arrives. Where it will be OUR house rather then mine.

Wendy

[doodlebug 3]

My daughter who is 11 keeps saying she wants life the way it use to be. Where my mom was with us, her sister was here and she had me to herself.

I think I'm hormonal right now 'cause that made me cry. That is exactly what I know my daughters will say since it has been the "three muskateers" for so long.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I think it will always be a little tough situation, life is changing from the original structure, someone new in the house. This someone is getting alot of attention from mom, you can guarantee they are going to act up in someway, combined families all go thru a certain amount of this. Unfortunately the mom is the one in the middle, hopefully the husbands are good to try and understand what is happening and try to do the best both of you can do to get thru these times. Children have a sense of how and when to push the right buttons.