For the parents in da house

[doodlebug 3]

I have a question for those of you who already had kids before getting married to your loved one. I had been divorced for about 8 years before getting married this second time around. When my husband left me for the woman he's married to today, my kids were 1 and 2 years old. Since he was with her from the get-go, they are used to having daddy be in a bed with a woman, but for 8 years, they are used to mommy's bedroom door being open and only mommy and the cat being in her bed. lol.

So.................my big question is.....when you want to get intimate with your spouse, do you close and lock the door? I'm so afraid that my kids are going to take that as a bad sign and then resent my husband for it. Like now mommy's husband moved in and all of a sudden mommy's door is closed.

How do you make that transition?

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Hmmm...it has been tough for us. It never bothered me before when I was still with their father maybe because we just adjusted as we went through the years. For the two years that I lived alone, I was like you with the door always open and the kids coming and going as they wanted.

Now that Tim is here, he insists that the door is closed and I feel bad that the kids are shut out even though they are all teenagers. I think it is strange for my husband because my children are older than his. Smaller children don't seem to notice as much as older ones . Personally I can't get comfortable with intimacy despite the door being locked, it is just the idea they are out there and perhaps not asleep yet.

I don't really have suggestions for you because I am still not over that strange feeling even after five months of him being here. Maybe your situation will be fine since you have younger children, they at least tend to go to bed earlier than teens.

Mind you the first month or two the newness is still there and the kids wont leave you alone anyways lmao! My youngest being 13 would come and climb in the middle of the bed between us. That doesn't really set the mood for later if you know what I mean.

[Thingee 0]

Well this is a toughie. When SO was here last time we shut and locked the door when being intimate. When not being intimate the door was left open a crack. The kids came and went at pretty much the same rate.

The dog was the one that was really upset...he was in her normal spot.

[doodlebug 3]

The dog was the one that was really upset...he was in her normal spot.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

When the door is shut, the knock before you enter rule.

[doodlebug 3]

When the door is shut, the knock before you enter rule.

well yeah, i mean i know what the rules should be. I'm trying to find out how to deal with two very very sensitive little girls who all of a sudden will see mommy's door shut. Just thinking about it makes ME sad toooooo!!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Lots of Late Nights then

[sophyie 0]

Maybe it wouldn't have to be all of the sudden... maybe there are ways to get them used to the door being closed sometimes already?

So they are already used to it when your husband comes home?

[Lurker 0]

I have a question for those of you who already had kids before getting married to your loved one. I had been divorced for about 8 years before getting married this second time around. When my husband left me for the woman he's married to today, my kids were 1 and 2 years old. Since he was with her from the get-go, they are used to having daddy be in a bed with a woman, but for 8 years, they are used to mommy's bedroom door being open and only mommy and the cat being in her bed. lol.

So.................my big question is.....when you want to get intimate with your spouse, do you close and lock the door? I'm so afraid that my kids are going to take that as a bad sign and then resent my husband for it. Like now mommy's husband moved in and all of a sudden mommy's door is closed.

How do you make that transition?

Kindly sit down and explain to your children that when the door is closed that he is changing his clothes and wants a bit of privacy. Let them know that when it is not closed, that they can come in anytime. It is all a matter of setting the stage.

What usually gets children confused or feeling left out, is when parents just do something different and don't inform the children of what is happening, leaving them left to ponder on what has occured on thier own.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Lots of Late Nights then

LOTTTTTTS OF LATE NIGHTS!

[ya falaha! 0]

Hahahaha...I think that's what will happen when Moh gets here. He'll be sleeping on the cat's side.

Great question, doodle! Something I've been thinking about lately too. My sons are 9 and 10.5 and still want to sleep with their old mom. They have bunk beds that have been slept in a hand full of times. I'm wondering how they're gonna take having a man other than their father sleep with their mother.

The dog was the one that was really upset...he was in her normal spot.

[cbd2cai 0]

I will have more problems with the cat that has learned how to open the bedroom door by pulling on the door handle . . . . I don't have a lock on the door but I do have a doorstop!! LOL, but I need to figure out more about how to deal with the howling cat when the doorstop doesn't let him in! Sheeeshhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . earplugs?

[*julez* 124]

I had a similar situation, although my fiance is not here to stay permanently, YET. However, he has stayed with us for 6 of the last 8 months. My kids are 11, 9 and 7 and we have since trained them to knock before entering. It was a bit rough in the beginning, but they have adjusted very nicely to the new house rule. It will take some time for your kids too, but as long as you keep a positive attitude and make it clear that this is not a pusnishment for them, they will be fine! Good luck!!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

They are old enough, just explain the "knock on the door" is manners, just as you would tell them, "dont interupt grown ups when talking", this would apply to anytime the door is shut because its MANNERS not to just walk in when someone might be changing etc

[Lizzy 0]

I lived with my daughters daddy for 3 years then we split.. the door was always open... i keep it open here too because i feel bad that she will feel left out... when she is put to bed, i guess i am lucky as she NEVER wakes up in the night.. so we close it then. I open it when i wake up in the morning before her:)