your fiance/husband's first night in america...

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Green you know what im getting at, im supposed to get new rings also, but who knows. These are to big and cant be sized without damaging. I dont profess to be anything ha maybe gross and abnormal i dont even like baking the cookies ha now back to the satin sheets

[ya falaha! 0]

Making jokes about sex toys isn't discussing one's sex life. No one described how and when they use these items. Nor has anyone been descriptive of their personal sex lives.

[peezey 0]

You know I was going refrain from posting but I think many people are wondering...

Green-Eyed...based on the advice you gave Rahma the other day on proper adab, do you think you are following the same right now when continuing to discuss your sex toys? I would say that is very high on the list of lack of adab. I realize you have stated earlier that just because you have one doesn't mean you use it, but I would like to remind you that there is only one use for such a thing. There is no alternative use for it, therefore discussing it in a public forum is a lack of adab. If you want to talk about it then please by all means continue, but don't call others out about adab when you can practice what you preach I just want to add I don't really have a problem with anyone here discussing it even though I think its too personal, my problem is with those who discuss such things and then call others out for being disrespectful.

hmmmmmm....I remember saying that earlier!!!

I know you want to fit in with the cabal, doodle, but you don't have the grounds on which to stand.

Double standards are the norm on this board. Objections are not to what is said, but to whom is saying it. As I said before, people jump on whom they want to. Discussions of sex on this board are common, though veiled. When the "rigt" people are in the nix, nothing is said. When the "wrong" people are in the mix, that's whan it's all wrong.

I'm sorry, but some of the Muslimas here consider Islam a joke until they have someone to pick at to divert from what they thmeselves do and say. Then, they side with the pro-fornicators. They resent me for speaking out against fornication, and will use anything I say to try to deflect from themselves. That is clear to more and more too. You are losing your credibility as critics because of your own hypocrisy and failure to practice what you preach and not apply your finger pointing objectively.

I could give a rat's azz if I fit in or not. I think I've proven that quite a few times. What I do care about though is when someone calls another sister out for committing fornication, when she clearly hasn't. If you were half the person Rahma is, I would actually listen to your arguments but you've proven in this and other threads by waving your vibrator and ####### talk that you are not one to be spouting off any right/wrong speeches. You say that you don't use it for masturbation ..... do you hang it from a mantle then and use it for decoration??????

If you want to be taken seriously when you give out Islamic advice, I think perhaps you might wanna clean up your act.

I agree with JP that I don't mind the talk but when someone is being hypocritical and has hurt a dear friend, then I have to speak out as well. Obviously you've used this thread as you have others recently to try to scratch the surface and cause a fight. Do you think this is beneficial to your cause of peace on these boards? I think not, but then that's just me.

I am so upset I was not on here for this trend, but I will have to say that nobody is perfect. We are not perfect muslims and will never be, if one person does something but does not do another thing than so what. I have noticed in myself that sometimes we carry around a Christian mentality. We do not have hypocritics in Islam, we are all growing as muslims. Maybe you are doing something that I am not doing. I know people that drink and i think it is wrong but I do things that some may consider incorrect behavior. I think we should stop with the judging. Some people ask questions yes I know the knowledge does that mean I apply it all the time. I try my best but I do not. There are a lot of things that we have to consider as muslims and we never stop learning and growing. So what you think is not appropriate could be just that person growing out of a phrase. I am not sure what is going on but these trends of entertaining and we learn alot. I think I have learned the most hadith from this group then anybody. Personalities are different and yes they will clash. however when you are on a public board it is a free for all. I have learned this and I have learn the PM option.

Doodle, welcome to the "anyone who disagrees with Green-Eyed Girl" clique.

Which apparently includes just about everyone on this board

I am a Green-eyed girl FAN. I was waiting for the new album!!!

If you're a fan, you should know judging is her god-given responsibility, so you need to work that out.

[peezey 0]

That's cool! Just remember this post when she calls you out as a ####### because you didn't get married the way she deems necessary.

I haven't called anyone a #######, but I have seen others call themselves and their friends whores.

Doodle, when the other women here attacked you for your hijab, I pmed you to offer you comfort. You could have taken that opportunity to tell me how bad you thought I was for my views then, but you didn't. You accepted my alms. None of the complainers has EVER tried to discuss this with me in private. You actually INSIST that all debate be public.

Part of the viciousness that keeps popping up here is a clear attempt on the part of some to lie to commit character assassination against me. Those of you who have or had paper marriages can feel however you want about it. You are the ones who believe yourself to know more about what Islam requires than those scholars who decided the rules for where you married. If you choose to feel bad because of what I say, then you obviously have lingering doubts about what you did or about the kind of man you will marry or married. Otherwise, this would not be such an issue for so long and would not require so many lies against me.

That the insults and lies keep coming from one "side" says more about you than it does about me. I am at peace.

No wonder you are so nasty. You think a frickin' PM is ALMS?!?! I suppose this is why you can use such insulting language about others and then use such hyberbolic language about yourself. Character assassination means someone is doing it to you. Try Character Suicide.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Making jokes about sex toys isn't discussing one's sex life. No one described how and when they use these items. Nor has anyone been descriptive of their personal sex lives.

Right on!

Those of you who have your men with you can be such wet rags sometimes!

Edited February 7, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[ya falaha! 0]

I can't be descriptive of my personal sex life because I currently don't have one

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I can't be descriptive of my personal sex life because I currently don't have one

There, there, moody! I know how you feel!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Join the club

are we allowed to say SEX?

Edited February 7, 2007 by brnidokiegurl

[Nasturtium 500]

by doing this a potentially embarrassing moment is avoided. situations such as: honey I want to buy (maybe groceries)/ do something but I can't afford. can I have some $$ or can you pay for this?

(I'm thinking about their immediately available funds or ability to use their credit card in the US)

I no one elsehas gotten this trick down for a MENA man who has money pride.. you can do everything Matty Bumpo has suggested and then there is one more trick.. I use this when I go and visit him.

I ask him to"hold" my money. At first, he was extremely unwilling to hold my money. Eventually, he understood I was giving it to him, but not really. I also explained about how I had "no idea" about costs and such, could he help me manage my money? And he suddenly felt it was a good job for a husband!

It's untrue, I have every idea in the world about costs LOL but we had to go through an initial pride thing. Now since he trusts me completely, he understands that I am not undermining him! You have to get past this cultural issue but generally those who are Arab or Arabic cultured will settle down and do things jointly or even ignore the fact you are making more just like any general American Gernerally, anyway. One important thing is he needs to know you aren't going to run back to everyone you all know (especially his family!) and tell them how you paid for this and that, you have x ammount of money, you make more money, etc.

If your SO has bought his/her plane ticket, then you can use that as leverage too! Like well, I thought since you bought your ticket, the least I could do was toss in a few bus passes, gift cards, etc. I know it's small, but please accept it! (ignore the whole, i'm supporting you for like EVER and you're in my place! LOL!)

I also completely agree with the space thing! As soon as my Dh got his interview time set (the first one in June not this April one) I started to clean my closet! part of this was because I couldn't even open my door and it's a walk-in, but also I wanted to make space for him. I hate dressers, so I moved mine out from the closet and into a back bedroom (i'm using it for linens at the moment). I bought those canvas storage bins from Bed Bath adn Beyond and labeled some things like "Habibi's socks" etc., and have 2 for him and 4 for me. I gave him the top tier of the double rack side because he's tall. I haven't worked out the shoe thing yet! But we're getting there! He was adament that our stuff be in the same closet and perhaps even touching at all times, so I kinda had to work around that.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I did the same, when i got there he had so much of his own money available, and i had so much. I just gave it to him to have, carry, whatever i had no idea of the prices it worked. THen when it came time to leave, we changed it back, and i got what was left to come home on.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Join the club

are we allowed to say SEX?

We can use the code word "xes".

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Im trying to clense my mind but every time i think of those sheets and low lights xes or is that yes? sorry ill be good

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I also have my husband "hold" our money. He knows I know the conversions and all, but, since a Muslim woman is entitled to keep her money and do as she pleases with it, I had to convince him that I consider it to be OUR money. He's cool with it now.

Edited February 7, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Do this a lot. Men like that.

[natty bumppo 297]

I no one elsehas gotten this trick down for a MENA man who has money pride.. you can do everything Matty Bumpo has suggested and then there is one more trick.. I use this when I go and visit him.

I ask him to"hold" my money. At first, he was extremely unwilling to hold my money. Eventually, he understood I was giving it to him, but not really. I also explained about how I had "no idea" about costs and such, could he help me manage my money? And he suddenly felt it was a good job for a husband!

It's untrue, I have every idea in the world about costs LOL but we had to go through an initial pride thing. Now since he trusts me completely, he understands that I am not undermining him! You have to get past this cultural issue but generally those who are Arab or Arabic cultured will settle down and do things jointly or even ignore the fact you are making more just like any general American Gernerally, anyway. One important thing is he needs to know you aren't going to run back to everyone you all know (especially his family!) and tell them how you paid for this and that, you have x ammount of money, you make more money, etc.

"I ask him to"hold" my money."

I'd forgotten about doing this too. I've visited and done this so many times, it's second nature.

It may be a cultural issue and a personal (pride) issue. I don't think anybody likes to feel they are totally dependant on someone. I'm not Arabic and know if it was me, it would difficult for me to accept and adjust, but I would under the same circumstances. I think this is a universal feeling that crosses cultural and gender (or should I say SEX) boundaries. (couldn't resist using that word )

One important thing is he needs to know you aren't going to run back to everyone you all know (especially his family!) and tell them how you paid for this and that, you have x ammount of money, you make more money, etc.

This is about respect and truly caring about you SO. I feel you will adjust very well.