Child custody and immigration.

[Thingee 0]

Ok, went to mediation today with my exhusband. Things didn't go quite as he expected and he's hugely upset.

Part of the standard agreement in this state is that the parent is to have no overnight guests of the opposite sex, unless related by blood or marriage. I asked for an exception, explaining the situation (K1 visa..not like we can be engaged for 17 years). Ex has said he'll stake out my house to be sure SO isn't staying here if he needs to.(Put it in an email, not a terribly bright man.)

Anybody have any experience with this at all? Yes, we can just get married immediately with a civil ceremony if needs be, and have a wedding later, but we'd like to wait 2 months and have the whole thing at once.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Ok, went to mediation today with my exhusband. Things didn't go quite as he expected and he's hugely upset.

Part of the standard agreement in this state is that the parent is to have no overnight guests of the opposite sex, unless related by blood or marriage. I asked for an exception, explaining the situation (K1 visa..not like we can be engaged for 17 years). Ex has said he'll stake out my house to be sure SO isn't staying here if he needs to.(Put it in an email, not a terribly bright man.)

Anybody have any experience with this at all? Yes, we can just get married immediately with a civil ceremony if needs be, and have a wedding later, but we'd like to wait 2 months and have the whole thing at once.

You're ex is being an a$$. I had a friend who shared custody of his daughters with his ex-wife. He began dating a neighbor close by and they ended moving in together. From what I recall, the courts did scrutinize him over his living arrangements but no judgment was made against his custody with the children because of it.

I can't believe that your state would have such a provision and even still that you're ex would rub your nose in it. I seriously doubt he'd be able to get any judge to take him seriously should he use it against you in the case of your fiance.

I'd talk to him over the phone calmly about it and if he refuses to cooperate, I'd recommend consulting a family lawyer as to what you should do.

[Sharon 1]

I can't believe that your state would have such a provision and even still that you're ex would rub your nose in it. I seriously doubt he'd be able to get any judge to take him seriously should he use it against you in the case of your fiance.

I'd talk to him over the phone calmly about it and if he refuses to cooperate, I'd recommend consulting a family lawyer as to what you should do.

Virginia has very antiquated divorce and child custody laws.

Hubby got burnt big time in his divorce.

[Thingee 0]

The nasty email count for today now stands at 5. Yes, the Virginia laws are antiquated. My ex is not the most reasonable man. As an example....I've been accepting a very low child support payment. As part of mediation, they computed what he should be paying in accordance with state guidelines. They indicated to him the judge was going to increase it by approximately 50%(I was being really really nice, or trying to be) His response to this was to announce that he's moving in with his girlfriend(60 miles away) as he can't pay the amount the court will require and maintain his own household. He knows this means his children will be unable to stay with him overnight, but he apparently doesn't much care.

Blargh, I'm sorry to vent, but he is seriously ticking me off.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The nasty email count for today now stands at 5. Yes, the Virginia laws are antiquated. My ex is not the most reasonable man. As an example....I've been accepting a very low child support payment. As part of mediation, they computed what he should be paying in accordance with state guidelines. They indicated to him the judge was going to increase it by approximately 50%(I was being really really nice, or trying to be) His response to this was to announce that he's moving in with his girlfriend(60 miles away) as he can't pay the amount the court will require and maintain his own household. He knows this means his children will be unable to stay with him overnight, but he apparently doesn't much care.

Blargh, I'm sorry to vent, but he is seriously ticking me off.

Wait...so he first threatened to stake out your house to ensure your compliance of the agreement but then tells you he's moving in with his girlfriend?? I'd ignore his empty threats. It sounds like you both can modify whatever agreement has been made regarding the kids. If you used a mediator - then have them submit the modification to the court. Unfortunately, you're going to have to deal with him for many years - hopefully you'll find what works better than others.

With my divorce, we used a mediator. We both had to learn to compromise the agreement to make it work for the kids. It's 5 years later and my kids live with me all the time but I never get any money from her (I verbally promised her that I wouldn't require her to support them a long time ago because that was one of her fears and I'd rather have them with me in a stable environment) - their mom drifts from boyfriend to boyfriend and job to job, but I still do my best to let the kids be with her during holidays. My kids are now 15 and 16 so that makes a difference also.

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

Wait...so he first threatened to stake out your house to ensure your compliance of the agreement but then tells you he's moving in with his girlfriend?? I'd ignore his empty threats.

i'd not advise that. i'd suggest that if he is making such statements and she sees him around the area staking her out, to call the police on him. that's stalking on his part.

[Thingee 0]

Sadly his behavior is a result of mediation. I was a wimp for far too long and let him call all the shots as opposed to dealing with this sort of behavior. He didn't get his way 100% in mediation, and is ticked off. *Shrug* He's just giving me enough rope to hang him with.

And yes, if I see him parked in front of my house for no reason I'm calling the police.