screw it, we're going to the courthouse

[Fandango 1,439]

I'm not sure the crazy church will allow us to get married civilly and then get married churchily.

Grrr.

They will, they just won't consider you married, and you have to do all the precana stuff before the Church wedding.

My last wedding, well the priest turned out NOT to be a priest...long story there but we were in a small little church and the priest had been excommunicated or something from the Diocese. Anyways, when we found that out, going back to my home church, they made us do all the precana stuff and the meetings with a 'married couple' for 8 weeks and all the compatibility tests (I guess they didn't work, lol) and whatnot even though we were already married....but according to the church, it was a 'civil' marriage only.

Really quite silly that we had to go every Monday night to this couple's house to discuss 'issues' that come up in a marriage....they would say 'you will encounter.....' and we're like 'duh'.

Three words: call the bishop.

Three more words: call the cardinal.

The most powerful three words of all: call the Catholic media. I'd give you the name of the newspaper, but I've forgotten. (actually, I've blocked it. ) The Catholic church is well aware of its bad PR lately. Your local priest will be in deep doodoo when it becomes public knowledge that he is blocking the marriage of two faithful people (translated: the dwindling Catholic presence is actually going to gain warm bodies).

Don't sit and grrrrrrrrrrrr to yourself. Make some noise!

Seriously, you think blackmailing them with threat of PR is going to be effective?

Oh and that was 4 words :P

[Caladan 19]

No, it won't be effective to blackmail them. What the heck would they care? Easy enough to smear me anyway, as I'm a bad girl for dating a foreigner and marrying a non-Catholic anyway.

Oh, and my maid of honor has backed out of the wedding because if I'm not getting married in the church, it's against her conscience to come to a civil ceremony.

Aren't little sisters great?

[Alex+R 0]

Your LITTLE SISTER is backing out? She should know that the wedding is about you, not her.

[gwenneh 7]

We got married civilly first and had a Catholic wedding four months later.

[Caladan 19]

At this point, I'm so bummed by this whole thing I think my stress level would go down if he go denied the visa.

[sophyie 0]

At this point, I'm so bummed by this whole thing I think my stress level would go down if he go denied the visa.

NOoooooooOOOooooo!

I think maybe it would do you good to step back from this whole wedding garble and keep reminding yourself:

This day is supposed to be about the two of you! It's not about what the family thinks, it's not about what anyone expects.

Try and figure out the best solution for you and your SO and go for it!

If they won't let you have the wedding in the church you want, go find another one. Or go to the courthouse- and get the marriage "catholicised" later (sorry, can't remember the real word).

This is supposed to be the start into a "new" life for the two of you- not a major stress...

And besides- what would you do IF the visa was denied?

[Autumnchik 6]

Wow, I am sorry to hear that it keeps getting more stressful for you .... The sad thing is that this is the point that it should be a little easier for you, you have the interview date and are not stuck in that horrible waiting period for Packets 3 and 4. Like Sophyie said, remember that this is about you and your fiance. Everyone will have their ideas about how your wedding shoud go, but in the end, it is YOUR wedding and more importantly, your MARRIAGE. Sometimes you have to keep refocusing that you are doing what is right for you

[rebeccajo 14]

I dunno what your Catholic priest would say about the 'cohabiting' thing, but I can relate a funny story to you....

We were married by a fundamentalist Baptist preacher. He wanted a consult or two with us prior to the wedding. He stated during the interview - 'normally I wouldn't be inclined to marry a couple who have been living together, but seeing as how you (to Wes) just moved 5000 miles, I think it'd be a little impractical for you two to be living apart'......

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I dunno what your Catholic priest would say about the 'cohabiting' thing, but I can relate a funny story to you....

We were married by a fundamentalist Baptist preacher. He wanted a consult or two with us prior to the wedding. He stated during the interview - 'normally I wouldn't be inclined to marry a couple who have been living together, but seeing as how you (to Wes) just moved 5000 miles, I think it'd be a little impractical for you two to be living apart'......

A right thinking man, as bro Dean would say.

Caladan, I'm PM'ing you my father's phone number - he lives in Arizona. Please give him a call - he's been a Deacon for over 30 years and has married hundreds of couples.

[zyggy 9]

Have you considered having him come visit you to meet with the priest, etc. and ask the consulate to reschedule his interview to a later date?

Here's the beauty of it. We can't set a date without the visa, because the priest doesn't want to bother unless he knows we're going to get married. (I think the priest thinks I just bought a groom on eBay.)

zyggy, did they make a mess about you 'cohabiting' after the civil ceremony but before the sacramental one? I'd really like for us to do it all properly, but doing a Catholic wedding all at once now seems to involve defying the laws of physics and the department of state, and skimping on the pre-Cana stuff.... if we can do civil in July and a convalidation in October, that would be okay with me.

No problem at all.. they had no problem with it.. we weren't cohabitating because we were married... the only difference was that our ceremony wasn't witnessed by Catholic clergy... they call it "not in the proper canonical form".... If I were to have been married previously, even if it was a civil wedding, I would have still had to gotten an annulment becuase the church still considers the marriage valid and binding, just as it consdiers any christian baptism as valid and binding. It just would have been an easy anullment because the marriage ceremony wasn't in the proper canonical form.

Having a convalidation doesn't mean that they consider your original marriage invalid... because it isn't... all a convalidation is a do over in a way so that the Catholic church can witness your marriage ceremony and verify that the sacrement was performed in the proper way.

People need to remember that the minister of the sacrament of matrimony isn't a priest... it's the couple themselves when they pledge their vows to each other. All the priest is there for is to witness the vows...

My last wedding, well the priest turned out NOT to be a priest...long story there but we were in a small little church and the priest had been excommunicated or something from the Diocese. Anyways, when we found that out, going back to my home church, they made us do all the precana stuff and the meetings with a 'married couple' for 8 weeks and all the compatibility tests (I guess they didn't work, lol) and whatnot even though we were already married....but according to the church, it was a 'civil' marriage only.

Really quite silly that we had to go every Monday night to this couple's house to discuss 'issues' that come up in a marriage....they would say 'you will encounter.....' and we're like 'duh'.

Actually when you do a convalidation, you not supposed to have to do Pre-Cana because you're already married... but most places make you do it anyways because they feel it's a good thing to do... and in reality it is... We actually did pick up a few things in Pre-Cana that were pretty helpful...but if push came to shove, if you were married for a pretty good length of time, you could probably make a call to your bishop and have him tell the parish to not do pre-Cana

Not sure. I think so. The church you get married in is usually the one you're a member of, and if my priest isn't willing to help us out, a priest at a different parish has even less reason to do so.

THis isn't exactly the case... My cousin had a baby with a girl and he wanted to get subsequently married to her... The priest at their parish gave them an extremely hard time... so he shopped around.. found a Marist priest at the local Marist high school who was more than happy to marry them. They got married in a local church that had an empty weekend that wasn't the church that his family belonged to... and it was fine... all good in the eyes of the church...

You can find a priest that will listen... you just have to find out who that priest is.. There are priests in your diocese that are known as liberal and those who are known as conservative. Believe it or not, your bishop tries to fit the right priest with the right parish when they make their assignments. You just need to find out which parishes in your area are known as being more liberal and accomodating...

Edited February 5, 2007 by zyggy