You, Him, and Money

[deathbydalbhat 0]

so we all have our opinions on the couple in the article but what do you people think about the ideas that are given about how to deal with money issues in a relationship??

I agreed with many of the ideas given. I think it would be interesting to discuss the issue further here, especially how do you deal with money issues when your foreign fiance/spouse comes from a much poorer country - I am trying to anticipate some of the issues that will come up. I think we will be having a lot of difficulties at the beginning especially, while K is going through AOS, and I hope he will understand that yes, I make a lot of money by Nepali standards (you can stay in the fanciest hotel in Kathmandu for what it costs to stay in a minimal hotel in Manhattan) but here we will really have to watch what we spend especially since fees and wedding expenses will be eating up so much money(and no we will definitely NOT have a $12K wedding, more likely $1K!). I intend on adding him to my checking account as soon as we get married (I agree on the 'us' mentality mentioned in the article) and involving him in the financial decisions even though I will be the sole breadwinner at the beginning.

[mawilson 2,133]

They're probably the type who never set foot in the dollar store, 'have to' live in Manhattan or the hip areas of Brooklyn, wear designer clothes, take taxis all the time, etc.

Naturally!

[deathbydalbhat 0]

they have everything in vegas

http://www.hindutemplelv.org/

Cool, thanks!! I'll keep it in mind.

[Cali Gal CPA 0]

I have a natural fear of debt. I saw my dad buried in it.

My husband and I have 6 credit cards between us, but we ony use 2. We're what they call credit card deadbeats.

The basic rules to stay free from debt are the hardest to follow, live within your means, if you can't pay for it in cash, don't buy it. This couple who found themselves in debt up to their eyeballs, chose that position. They simply choose not to save.

[Caladan 19]

Eh, some would say if you're living paycheck to paycheck, you shouldn't be going to visit a foreign lover. I'm not saying the NYC couple doesn't have money management issues, just that they're really not all that uncommon, and they're common in places with low rent and low costs of living.

I'm not sure who this was directed at, but since I'm the one who made the paycheck to paycheck comment, let me just say that I've only been to visit Javier 3 times over a period of a year and a half. All of those times have been a week or less. One of those times I didn't even pay for my own plane ticket. None of those times have I paid for the hotel. So...yeah I really meant it when I said paycheck to paycheck...it's not like I'm spending all this crazy money on going to visit Javier then coming back and starving. I would be starving anyway, lol. What really got us, as a matter of fact, was the attorney and wasted immigration fees from our K-1.

All I meant was nothing directed at you, just that it's very easy to judge someone's financial situation negatively from the outside ('A grad student can't have enough money to get married' 'People shouldn't have kids if they're not making $100K', etc) when chances are they'd think we're all crazy for paying money to date someone abroad and would think 'gee, shouldn't they be more careful about their money?'

The couple may have just overspent; plenty of Americans do. But they may be coming off a period of unemployment, or a medical expense, or had their own legal troubles. $12K is less than average for a wedding, so sad as it sounds, that couple is probably more fiscally responsible than a lot of couples.

[KarenCee 3]

A lot less than average? I've read about a lot of shoestring weddings that cost a heck of a lot less than this and were very very nice! As for overspending, sure...we all do I'm sure. But to the tune of 30K in credit card debt? That's a tad bit more than simple overspending. I don't doubt it is expensive to live in NYC but I'm sure even places like NYC have discount stores and dollar stores to shop in. It's all about how you want to live. Living extravagantly takes money and it sounds like to me that some people can't handle living frugally. Just MHO of course.

[Caladan 19]

Average is $20K. All that means is that we all overspend on weddings, but that's the American average according to most bridal nonsense.

[Traviesa 0]

Eh, some would say if you're living paycheck to paycheck, you shouldn't be going to visit a foreign lover. I'm not saying the NYC couple doesn't have money management issues, just that they're really not all that uncommon, and they're common in places with low rent and low costs of living.

I'm not sure who this was directed at, but since I'm the one who made the paycheck to paycheck comment, let me just say that I've only been to visit Javier 3 times over a period of a year and a half. All of those times have been a week or less. One of those times I didn't even pay for my own plane ticket. None of those times have I paid for the hotel. So...yeah I really meant it when I said paycheck to paycheck...it's not like I'm spending all this crazy money on going to visit Javier then coming back and starving. I would be starving anyway, lol. What really got us, as a matter of fact, was the attorney and wasted immigration fees from our K-1.

All I meant was nothing directed at you, just that it's very easy to judge someone's financial situation negatively from the outside ('A grad student can't have enough money to get married' 'People shouldn't have kids if they're not making $100K', etc) when chances are they'd think we're all crazy for paying money to date someone abroad and would think 'gee, shouldn't they be more careful about their money?'

The couple may have just overspent; plenty of Americans do. But they may be coming off a period of unemployment, or a medical expense, or had their own legal troubles. $12K is less than average for a wedding, so sad as it sounds, that couple is probably more fiscally responsible than a lot of couples.

I get your point, and normally I agree with you, but this couple specifically stated that it's all about "a pair of shoes" or "fantasy football" and then proceeded to complain about living paycheck to paycheck. All I'm saying is that there's plenty there to give up/cut back on and having that much discretionary income is not living paycheck to paycheck. For that reason I don't have the slightest bit of sympathy for this couple-I think they should see what it's really like living paycheck to paycheck before they go making a statement like that. When you may only be able to afford one pair of shoes a year (on credit) and only able to get new clothes when they're purchased for you (gift cards).

[ChristinaM 0]

Man, that's crazy talkin'!!

I have no sympathy either; our combined household income was less than a third of theirs, and our credit card debt is more than a third of theirs. Discretionary income, what's that?! Somehow we manage to get by - and I assure you we don't live in a low-rent city!

All I have left to say is WOW!

[Anna C. 4]

I lived in Queens and I survived perfectly with $1500 a month (worked as a trainee, so no 401k or any other benefits), including health plan, food, rent, internet, electricity. I got my furniture through Craigslist and it was still pretty and not old. I ate out about once a week and instead of spending all the time I checked what was left over at the end of the month and then allowed myself clothes/shoes for $50. I didn't go to bars or clubs which must be expensive.

It all depends on you lifestyle: if you wanna go out much and need new designer clothes each day, bills are going to pile up. Plus people should seriously check their credit cards - paying the minimum balance might not be the best solution.

What I find very weird is how the split each bill in half - for me being married means no matter who brings the paycheck home and how much is on there, it is OURS. And every spending above $50 should be talked about before (e.g. I wanna have an expensive moisturizer, he wants to have some electric device....).

[mawilson 2,133]

Well...... it's New York.

A good 2-bedroom apartment in Manhattan costs $800,000+.

$200,000 down, $600,000 mortgaged -- to pay it back in 5 years, you need

to make payments of at least $10,000 each month - that's $120,000 / year

just in mortgage payments.

[rob&ana 0]

Financial Advice to couples??

Communication, communication, communication…

For major expenses, I recommend to sit down together, draw your budget (as in monthly income and expenses). Figure out what you want to spend in (car, home improvements, etc.). Figure out how much you can spend, and how are you going it pay it. Draw a pay-back plan. All this, trying to make both parties comfortable. I don’t know… I have to confess that I am the big spender at home. If we’re going to do floors, I always fall in love with the most expensive one. When we were buying furniture, I didn’t want the cheaper kind. We both had to learn how to compromise, and thank God for lay away plans, cause that was the only way we could afford nicer living room furniture.

Another thing we do, is that we have a ‘home expenses account’. Each paycheck we put money into this account (approximately 50% of our paycheck), and this money covers all utilities, mortgage, car and credit card payments (we try to pay cash for everything, so they are usually very low). That allows some funds our own expenditures (gives a lil’ independence too). At the end of each pay term, whatever is left (if any) of those private funds, is put into a savings accounts. That gives us a nice little cushion there. Also we are both involved in our company’s benefit plans, which like I said before, is money that you don’t see, but it’s piling up nicely for you.

My two cents…

[ELW 5]

so we all have our opinions on the couple in the article but what do you people think about the ideas that are given about how to deal with money issues in a relationship??

I agreed with many of the ideas given.

I agree with most of the ideas given, too. There needs to be communication between couples – especially when they are sharing a credit history! But I also think there should be independence too – like separate checking/savings accounts.

Once I read something in some advice column that stuck – that the paychecks of both husband & wife should go into one joint checking account. All household/shared bills should be paid from that account (housing, utilities, repairs, shared phone & credit cards etc). Whatever is leftover, is divided in half and put into each of the couple’s independent checking/savings account.

I like the idea and think it would be great to implement. That way, the couple both know where the monthly expenses stands, contributes equally, and still has the satisfaction and independence of their own money to spend as they like.

As for the beginning as mentioned by deathbydalbhat, I say we involve our fiancés 100% in financial discussions and they will completely understand the sacrifices both of us will have to make, due to living on one small salary in the US.

[dalegg 143]

Mo money, mo problems

[Henia 11]

Financial Advice to couples??

Communication, communication, communication…

For major expenses, I recommend to sit down together, draw your budget (as in monthly income and expenses). Figure out what you want to spend in (car, home improvements, etc.). Figure out how much you can spend, and how are you going it pay it. Draw a pay-back plan. All this, trying to make both parties comfortable. I don't know… I have to confess that I am the big spender at home. If we're going to do floors, I always fall in love with the most expensive one. When we were buying furniture, I didn't want the cheaper kind. We both had to learn how to compromise, and thank God for lay away plans, cause that was the only way we could afford nicer living room furniture.

Another thing we do, is that we have a 'home expenses account'. Each paycheck we put money into this account (approximately 50% of our paycheck), and this money covers all utilities, mortgage, car and credit card payments (we try to pay cash for everything, so they are usually very low). That allows some funds our own expenditures (gives a lil' independence too). At the end of each pay term, whatever is left (if any) of those private funds, is put into a savings accounts. That gives us a nice little cushion there. Also we are both involved in our company's benefit plans, which like I said before, is money that you don't see, but it's piling up nicely for you.

My two cents…

Good advice