Abusive relationship

[JoyNaomi 0]

Damara,

Thank you for your words. It was a hard move.

I was afraid that if I made he police reports and he wasn't taken away things would become even more dangerous for me. Because he would know that the reports were filed even if there was no arrest, right?

And I hadn't applied for any help with social services but I can try. I was mostly asking around to see what my chances were and everyone told me that, since he makes good money, I'm not eligible. But I can ask them in person.

And asking for the divorce meant I was asking him to file, since he had the money and still lives in our home state. As far as splitting belongings and such, I want nothing, just complete separation.

And yes about the bank, basically it's a joint account and he is the primary. I was told by personal bankers as well as customer service that neither of us can remove our names from the account without the other person also being in the bank. Doesn't have to be the same branch or same state, but we both need to be present.

And about the whole green card situation: I told him that I don't think what he did was okay with regards to his green card and the conditions. And he sent Me this excerpt from fraud on the uscis website Thay I can be punished by going to prison and a $250k fine if I divorce him. So i don't know what is what anymore.

[VOL 425]

You can clean out the bank account or take it down to a few dollars, about the same as closing it out

You misread about the $250K fine if you divorce him, If that is what he implied to you then he a POS, if you mis understood it then it was your fault.

You best bet is to divorce and move on with your life, plenty of place will offer free advice and free law assistance if you are a female and not working or you have llimited funds.

Best of luck.....

[rgarciasantos 17]

Hi, I have a few questions about a situation I'm involved in. I'm American, 21 years old, and I've been married almost 2 years to a foreigner. Recently, I moved across the country to get away from him because it became an enormously abusive relationship. I went to the police and gave them hypothetical situations and they basically told me if I've got no proof I'm screwed. And they kind of dismissed me. So I decided not to report it on several occasions.

Right now, I really want to have a divorce from him because I want to have nothing to do with him anymore. Also, because he worked and I went to school, I am struggling financially to take care of myself. If we divorce, I know I can qualify for food stamps as well as additional benefits because I'm a student who doesn't make much money.

Anyway, the point is that I've asked for a divorce several times and he does nothing but send threatening texts to me, without promise of granting me a divorce. I can't file myself because I have to be a resident of the state I file in for 6 months, but I only just relocated. And if that wasnt enough, our bank won't even let me take my name off our account unless he agrees and is in a branch at the same time as me signing off on it.

I don't know how or what to do or what steps I should take to get this situation solved. I am beyond overwhelmed and I feel like I've gone through 50 years of abuse even though I'm only 21.

Does anyone have any advice? Like anything at all?

Thanks.

if he is threatening you with text messages take the texts to the police and tell them you want a restraining order for him, when the 6 months come and you can file for divorce the restraining order will help a lot. =)

[Lauren and Kevin 55]

Hmmm..on the money side, while I appreciate you cannot close the account, and I'm not an avocate of clearing out the account - that's not an action that fits well with a clean break - plus if he is earning, and you are not, hopefully there will be money going into it every month.

There are certain things you can do to protect yourself. So... a major worry on his side or your side would be debt that would accumulate while waiting for the divorce to go through, and would also be an unwelcome complication. It may be that you have the power to ask them to set the overdraft limit to be zero. i.e. that it cannot go into debt.

I would expect the bank not to allow either of you to have your names taken off the account if you owed money as that is a joint debt.

As you got the i864 originally, then you do have the potential for a reasonable earning job - would it be sensible to put the learning on hold for a while till all is stable and got back to work - your own money would be a wonderful comfort at this time?

[Fan_Dancer 171]

Don't you have family? Friends?

[NikLR 13,232]

Thanks for your advice it's so appreciated ?

And what will filing for divorce do to his status as a resident? Since he has US residence through marriage with me. It won't change my decision to file for divorce, just curious.

It will do nothing. If he uses means tested benefits the US government could sue you or your joint sponsor for the cost but as you said he has a good job, then that's not likely. That's why I said to just move on because there's nothing you can do.

You can clean out the bank account or take it down to a few dollars, about the same as closing it out

You misread about the $250K fine if you divorce him, If that is what he implied to you then he a POS, if you mis understood it then it was your fault.

You best bet is to divorce and move on with your life, plenty of place will offer free advice and free law assistance if you are a female and not working or you have llimited funds.

Best of luck.....

I agree, use the money in the bank account to file for the divorce.

You will not be fined nor will he be fined for getting divorced.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Ok so here we go

Re bank acct-Depending on the bank's policies some banks allow you to simply fill out a form relinquishing your rights. By signing this form, you remove all access and rights to the account and all money in the account. Other banks require both parties close the account to remove a joint holder and reopen the account in the other person's name.

Question:

My husband and I are not divorced yet, but we're well on our way. We have a number of joint accounts, including a joint checking account. The money in the account is mine, but I'm afraid he's going to use it. Yesterday I went to the bank to take him off the account. They said they needed my husband's permission. Maybe I'm volatile these days, but I got upset and stormed out. Now I'm thinking maybe they were right. Any advice?

Answer:

Your bank was probably right. The only way you can take a joint account-holder's name off the account without permission is if your original contract with the bank specifically allows this -- but most contracts don't and yours probably doesn't. The underlying reason is obvious -- you wouldn't have wanted your husband to march into the bank a day before you and take your name off the account.

You may, however, be able to do an end run around this system. Go back to the bank and politely ask to close the joint account. Then transfer the money to another account in your name only. The only catch is that your husband may still claim rights to the money during the divorce proceedings. Be prepared to show that it was really yours and yours alone.

There was also various advice about sending spouse half the money that was in account back via money order/certified check with proof of mailing so if it comes up in the divorce you have proof of it.

-Of course if you file a report he will know about it. Thats why you file for a restraining order if you feel threatened or in danger.

-stop asking 'around' Misinformation is the worst thing to have. Do not make serious life decisions based on anything but the FACTS> And facts come from people in authority. Not friends, not family and yes not even strangers on the internet. Its great to hear opinions and advice but verify everything for yourself. Its your life. No one cares more about you then you.

-Hes lying to you about the fine. Yes there is a fine if you are caught committing fraud. You are doing no such thing. His wording is strange though. You cant divorce me? It seems perhaps maybe since you state youve been married 2 years and the process for AOSing takes about a year that he has held a GC for about a year now correct? He probably needs to remove conditions (ROC) next year some time right? So he may be wanting to remain married thinking it will impact his card. As NLR said it probably wont as you probably had enough joint evidence when you were together.

[Simiyus 6]

Clearly,there is something missing here,we are not getting the whole information.

1.You went to the police and gave "hypothetical situations",sounds like you had nothing to report,that is why the police didn't believe you.

2.You are a student and don't make much money,how did you sponsor him?

Am just asking,otherwise,if the marriage is broken,seek divorce,ask a divorce lawyer,they are likely to listen to your situation considering your financial position.As for the bank account,open yours,withdraw money from the joint one(what you believe is rightfully yours).Once you qualify to file for divorce wherever you are,serve him copies,if he doesn't respond,show proof to judge and you will be granted divorce.

Best of luck